I'm beginning to be worried about series of hypocrisy going on in marriages of today. Husband and wife eat together in the same plate at once as a sign of togetherness in the presence of their children but their monies are different. Husband has his own, wife has her own, including acquired properties. Wife can not submit in everything likewise the husband. But really how should this play-out.

How should couples show they are one in all dealings just as they eat together in the same plate.

Oya floor don open o

Are you married yet?

@OP:

What do you think should be the ideal?

bukatyne:

@OP:

What do you think should be the ideal?

sharing and openness

samtol4:
sharing and openness

What works in a marriage night not work in another. If sharing and openness works in marriage A, it might be a disaster for marriage B. What is needed is for the parties involved to seat down and find out how to make their marriage work

hmmm .. Sharing and openness is a disaster in marriage ? Sharing with one's neighbour is better I suppose or invite a cuddler in for a 3some.

OP..

We don't eat together in same plate (if you literally meant that ) eww @double dipping Yuckity yuck!

Secondly, keeping a joint account doesn't nessesary depict togetherness. ( what works for blah may not work for blah.. Its not life threatening practice)

Number three as regards to submission, it's an individual conviction, some women relate submission to slavery, some see it through rose coloured glasses.

Bluffly:
How should couples show they are one in all dealings just as they eat together in the same plate.

1. Respect; Is reciprocal, in as much as vows are involved in your Union. You must accord respect to your spouse and vice versa. A respected wife will go an extra mile for her family and same goes for the man.

2. Appreciation; Regardless how token or petty the gesture. Acknowledge ( via text messages, saying thank you, post it, best way you can) .. We have date nights and he usually picks the check ( ofcourse ), but ofcourse I always acknowledged and thank him every time . I thank him when he loads the dishwasher, makes the bed, or mops the floor. Not.. blah blah it's his responsibility. and I see the positive effect.

2. Secrets: Keeping secrets is prohibited; once he/she finds out, hmm the trust is bridged for good. Don't keep secrets from your spouse, the repercussions is nearly irreparable.

3. Friend(s) influence; We all have opinions, likes and dislikes. So as our friends and close relatives. When they express their displeasures and observations regarding your marriage( which is okay ). Use your brain , not your legs. (Calm down). Don't overreact.

4. Learn to Have the calm atmosphere talk: sounds like a chore to most men I know... "Agh what did I do again? " .. Whether it's a candid talk or one about the kids homework struggle, keep your cool. Don't raise your voice like a shrimp hawker .. Else he'll just take a walk and back to where you started.


A home where cordial respect is accorded, void of secrets , external influences are shut out and settled their rift in a calm atmosphere is No doubt A Happy home .



Easier said than done I know but definitely know these things and apply them especially whenever I have re-epiphany of my old folks overflogged advice "bowo fun oko e"

But

#I'm a work in progress myself before anybody comes for my head

my monkey tail don expire...NAFDAC please do something....

I agree with you. Man and woman should share everything.
It is for the woman to submit everything to her husband for the planing of the home.

But men please tell me what happens when you suddenly get tired of the woman? When you throw her out with or without her kids, where does she start from when she has nothing to start with.

How is life for a woman who submits to you and then you do not let her solve her own financial issues, like helping her parents or buying what she wants?

How is life for he when you spend money making yourself comfortable and she and the children hardly get anything.

Would that then be a life free of hypocrisy.

Ewuro4:
hmmm .. Sharing and openness is a disaster in marriage ? Sharing with one's neighbour is better I suppose or invite a cuddler in for a 3some.

OP..

We don't eat together in same plate (if you literally meant that ) eww @double dipping Yuckity yuck!

Secondly, keeping a joint account doesn't nessesary depict togetherness. ( what works for blah may not work for blah.. Its not life threatening practice)

Number three as regards to submission, it's an individual conviction, some women relate submission to slavery, some see it through rose coloured glasses.



1. Respect; Is reciprocal, in as much as vows are involved in your Union. You must accord respect to your spouse and vice versa. A respected wife will go an extra mile for her family and same goes for the man.

2. Appreciation; Regardless how token or petty the gesture. Acknowledge ( via text messages, saying thank you, post it, best way you can) .. We have date nights and he usually picks the check ( ofcourse ), but ofcourse I always acknowledged and thank him every time . I thank him when he loads the dishwasher, makes the bed, or mops the floor. Not.. blah blah it's his responsibility. and I see the positive effect.

2. Secrets: Keeping secrets is prohibited; once he/she finds out, hmm the trust is bridged for good. Don't keep secrets from your spouse, the repercussions is nearly irreparable.

3. Friend(s) influence; We all have opinions, likes and dislikes. So as our friends and close relatives. When they express their displeasures and observations regarding your marriage( which is okay ). Use your brain , not your legs. (Calm down). Don't overreact.

4. Learn to Have the calm atmosphere talk: sounds like a chore to most men I know... "Agh what did I do again? " .. Whether it's a candid talk or one about the kids homework struggle, keep your cool. Don't raise your voice like a shrimp hawker .. Else he'll just take a walk and back to where you started.


A home where cordial respect is accorded, void of secrets , external influences are shut out and settled their rift in a calm atmosphere is No doubt A Happy home .



Easier said than done I know but definitely know these things and apply them especially whenever I have re-epiphany of my old folks overflogged advice "bowo fun oko e"

But

#I'm a work in progress myself before anybody comes for my head

Aunty ewuro haf say it finish!
Somebody say AMEN!

Bluffly:
I'm beginning to be worried about series of hypocrisy going on in marriages of today. Husband and wife eat together in the same plate at once as a sign of togetherness in the presence of their children but their monies are different. Husband has his own, wife has her own, including acquired properties. Wife can not submit in everything likewise the husband. But really how should this play-out.

How should couples show they are one in all dealings just as they eat together in the same plate.

Oya floor don open o

Someone has said it
What works for A may be different for what works for B
Each to their own, so long as both parties respect & love each other and treat each other as they will like to be treated.
Some people have joint accounts, some dont, some people eat from the same plate, some dont
That is not a yardstick
The yardstick is what happens behind closed doors and how happy they are.

Ewuro4:
hmmm .. Sharing and openness is a disaster in marriage ? Sharing with one's neighbour is better I suppose or invite a cuddler in for a 3some.

OP..

We don't eat together in same plate (if you literally meant that ) eww @double dipping Yuckity yuck!

Secondly, keeping a joint account doesn't nessesary depict togetherness. ( what works for blah may not work for blah.. Its not life threatening practice)

Number three as regards to submission, it's an individual conviction, some women relate submission to slavery, some see it through rose coloured glasses.



1. Respect; Is reciprocal, in as much as vows are involved in your Union. You must accord respect to your spouse and vice versa. A respected wife will go an extra mile for her family and same goes for the man.

2. Appreciation; Regardless how token or petty the gesture. Acknowledge ( via text messages, saying thank you, post it, best way you can) .. We have date nights and he usually picks the check ( ofcourse ), but ofcourse I always acknowledged and thank him every time . I thank him when he loads the dishwasher, makes the bed, or mops the floor. Not.. blah blah it's his responsibility. and I see the positive effect.

2. Secrets: Keeping secrets is prohibited; once he/she finds out, hmm the trust is bridged for good. Don't keep secrets from your spouse, the repercussions is nearly irreparable.

3. Friend(s) influence; We all have opinions, likes and dislikes. So as our friends and close relatives. When they express their displeasures and observations regarding your marriage( which is okay ). Use your brain , not your legs. (Calm down). Don't overreact.

4. Learn to Have the calm atmosphere talk: sounds like a chore to most men I know... "Agh what did I do again? " .. Whether it's a candid talk or one about the kids homework struggle, keep your cool. Don't raise your voice like a shrimp hawker .. Else he'll just take a walk and back to where you started.


A home where cordial respect is accorded, void of secrets , external influences are shut out and settled their rift in a calm atmosphere is No doubt A Happy home .


Easier said than done I know but definitely know these things and apply them especially whenever I have re-epiphany of my old folks overflogged advice "bowo fun oko e"

But

#I'm a work in progress myself before anybody comes for my head

Beautiful
I always say LIFE is as EASY or as HARD as you THINK it is.

samtol4:
sharing and openness

I agree

However some marriages are not ideal and each spouse must find What works with their partners.

bukatyne:


I agree

However some marriages are not ideal and each spouse must find What works with their partners.

Hmm, some marriages are not ideal. Situations like?

veave:
Are you married yet?

Hmmmmmm.....dilly dallying. Kind of, kind yes

bukatyne:

@OP:

What do you think should be the ideal?

Situations, though can be peculiar,

1. Husband earning 5 digits without other allowances, & wife 6 digits with other allowances.

2. Both earning 5 digits

3. Both earning 6 digits

4. Husband earning, wife not earning

5. Wife earning, husband not earning.

What can be done in this situations assuming they are both God fearing.

mutter:
I agree with you. Man and woman should share everything.
It is for the woman to submit everything to her husband for the planing of the home.

But men please tell me what happens when you suddenly get tired of the woman? When you throw her out with or without her kids, where does she start from when she has nothing to start with.

How is life for a woman who submits to you and then you do not let her solve her own financial issues, like helping her parents or buying what she wants?

How is life for he when you spend money making yourself comfortable and she and the children hardly get anything.

Would that then be a life free of hypocrisy.

Ermmm mutter is this really you or has a feminist hijacked your profile

fem29:


Ermmm mutter is this really you or has a feminist hijacked your profile

Before !!!!
I have joined the ruling party

But only fo a moment

Bluffly:


Hmm, some marriages are not ideal. Situations like?

If my husband is wasteful with resources, I would be foolish to operate a joint account with him; If my wife's demands are directly proportional to my income, I would never let her know How much I earn etc.

mutter:


Before !!!!
I have joined the ruling party

But only fo a moment

Welcome welcome mutter we are very happy to have you

We feminists are a lovely bunch, not lesbians and men haters as some would say, girl power!

Bluffly:


Situations, though can be peculiar,

1. Husband earning 5 digits without other allowances, & wife 6 digits with other allowances.

2. Both earning 5 digits

3. Both earning 6 digits

4. Husband earning, wife not earning

5. Wife earning, husband not earning.

What can be done in this situations assuming they are both God fearing.

IMO,

I believe all resources should be gathered and distributed to meet the needs of the home.

E.g. If a wife earns 200k and a husband earns 200k monthly, the total income monthly is 400k.

They pay tithe of 40k and use the rest to meet their needs and save

There is no my money your money.

fem29:


Welcome welcome mutter we are very happy to have you

We feminists are a lovely bunch, not lesbians and men haters as some would say, girl power!

Lols!

Marriage is so overrated in Nigeria. What works for A might not work for B. It is a continuous effort and improvement for the couples to make marriage work.

alutacontinua:



Aunty ewuro haf say it finish!
Somebody say AMEN!

edwife:

Beautiful
I always say LIFE is as EASY or as HARD as you THINK it is.

Preach sister

fem29:

Ermmm mutter is this really you or has a feminist hijacked your profile

'If you can't beat'em' ... saw that coming already.

Eeshh

Ewuro4:





Preach sister



'If you can't beat'em' ... saw that coming already.

Eeshh

But for a moment. A few smiles from my He ;Dro and I will be all subdued again!

mutter:


But for a moment. A few smiles from my He ;Dro and I will be all subdued again!

Hahaha ain't judging you, do as you feel jare .. But I guess you're right , they need a pat on the head once in a while to diffuse the frigid mood. Hahaha #chrunches celery#

bukatyne:


IMO,

I believe all resources should be gathered and distributed to meet the needs of the home.

E.g. If a wife earns 200k and a husband earns 200k monthly, the total income monthly is 400k.

They pay tithe of 40k and use the rest to meet their needs and save

There is no my money your money.

But someone must preside. And who will that be?

Bluffly:


But someone must preside. And who will that be?

Preside as in?

bukatyne:


Preside as in?

there will be an overseer now. how do you think interests would be harmonized? The truth is one must sacrifice his/her interest in order for an agreement to come to been. So who bows most times.

we don't eat in the same plate....'Yicks' yet u want him to kiss ur gutter equivalent mouth to show affection?......Hypocrisy of the first order...

God bless realism...

Bluffly:


there will be an overseer now. how do you think interests would be harmonized? The truth is one must sacrifice his/her interest in order for an agreement to come to been. So bows most times.

it is difficult to sacrifice for a man swimming in extra-marital affairs and likewise with a wasteful and purpose less woman. I preside with sincerity and openest you know the kind man or woman u marry you will understand how to operate .However for me my woman knows my total income and she has access to my atm(she is my bank manager and chief planner) and I have access to hers also .(That is not issue).When you are honest a good woman surrenders all to you. Unfortunately many men are possessed with the "demon of infidelity" and kept women outside and these women drained the family purse while some women are extremely wasteful ,a woman will want to buy all aso ebi and though she has 30shoes already she want more and she want d lastest Phones not considering the income of the husband, when you marry such lady u need wisdom otherwise you end up in penury

luvablesam:
we don't eat in the same plate....'Yicks' yet u want him to kiss ur gutter equivalent mouth to show affection?......Hypocrisy of the first order...

God bless realism...

Na fight? who died Sam?

most times couples do this because of d interest of dia kids. they dont want any tin botherin d psychological well being of dia kids. like a poster above me said wat works for A maynot work for B. i am not sayin transparency in marriage isnt cool buh den marriage isnt easy. it takes alot to mak it work. so d reason for hypocrisy mayb as a result of chalenges d couples are passin tru but putin up a front instead of letin it affect d lives of loved ones around them. op, if u r married, ul agree wiv me dah privacy is key in wateva goes on btw u n ur spouse. let d world know and it makes ur evry decisn under d scrutiny of outsiders. so makin it work takes a gradual proces which involves a great deal of sacrifice, commitment and patience.
IMO