I have been a borderline atheist for a while now and even though my family does not have serious issues with it, I feel they see me as someone who is lost and will soon find myself. Today my sister called me and was begging me to make a change for 2009 and I can see my other sisters and parents want me to change.
The problem takes a twist because my girlfriend does not know about it and I really don't know how to tell her, so guys what do I do, I could go on pretending and its not going to make a difference for me.

Abeg make una no curse me oh.

Jesus is the only way to heaven unless u wanna go heaven then u can cont. hiding
come out and accept Jesus, he is the way, the life and the truth
ur gf will eventually knw. so why out go come now and accept him

Who are you pretending for? For your self or for them?

They have their lives to live and you have yours. This is not a popularity contest. If you move to saudi arabia, there will be more less stress to be inclined to be a christian. If you move to china, there wont be this serious need to have jesus, rather buddah would be knocking on your door. But the bottom line is whether you have lived your own life happily or you lived their own lives to displease yourself because they would never change their beliefs to please you, so why please them?

When they die, you aint going with them to whatever destination they are headed to, so why bother? If you want to follow jesus, do it because you believe he exists and you want to follow his teachings, if you do not believe in it and you see the whole biblical stories as hog wash, you go on your own jejely and ignore their bloviates.

A pretender is worse than a coward to me!

If it was me i would just continue to pretend. Because its not easy telling your people {especially in a country like Nigeria} that your am atheist. My parents bros sistas girlfriend etc don't know that am an atheist and i don't intend to tell them. Telling your girlfriend that your an athiest is just like telling her that your gay! So don't tell her. Unless she suspects herself thru your behaviour

Well thats just my opinion

manmustwac:

If it was me i would just continue to pretend. Because its not easy telling your people {especially in a country like Nigeria} that your am atheist. My parents bros sistas girlfriend etc don't know that am an atheist and i don't intend to tell them. Telling your girlfriend that your an athiest is just like telling her that your gay! So don't tell her. Unless she suspects herself through your behaviour

Well thats just my opinion

I think you understand what I am saying, to me it really does not make any difference unless when I feel like I need to do something else.

scylla, at least tell your gf. she deserves to know the truth, you may be surprised maybe she's no different to you and only goes to church to please her family.

SCYLLA:

I have been a borderline atheist for a while now and even though my family does not have serious issues with it, I feel they see me as someone who is lost and will soon find myself. Today my sister called me and was begging me to make a change for 2009 and I can see my other sisters and parents want me to change.
The problem takes a twist because my girlfriend does not know about it and I really don't know how to tell her, so guys what do I do, I could go on pretending and its not going to make a difference for me.

Abeg make una no curse me oh.

I understand you dilemma, especially living in a predominantly theistic community but this is not an impassable problem. Whatever you family religion is, why don't you sit back and think or write down 10 reasons why you find that this religion is untrue. Also write down why you think the atheist worldview better represents the true state of reality. This, hopefully, should help you gather and collect your thoughts in a way that you could skillfully present to an audience of your family and friends.

Now, the way to "come out", as it were, is by casting doubts of the traditional religious narratives with some members of the family. Typically, there is one or two members of the family who are really HOT about god and religions. Such members would claim to be good bible scholars or interpreters. Approach these members individually with some of the "difficults" questions. Two great questions are the following:

1) Which Ten Commandments. Why are the Commandments given in Exodus 20 different from those in Exodus 34 when Ex34 were suppose to replace those in Ex20?

2) The trial narrative of Jesus. If you were at the trial of Jesus, would you have convicted him or exonerated him?

I have raised threads on this subject here on NL, if you need further details, just ask and I shall bring them up again. Basically, once they see that you are approaching the bible with a rational and scientific mind, thus intellectually mature mind, they will have little ground to stand on to criticise you. This could be a long and drawn out process, each time throwing new questions to them. The more questions they are incapable to satisfactorily answering, the more intellectual distance you put between you and the rest. That way, when you eventually announce that you no longer believe in their god, it will not come as much of a surprise.

Huxley its not that easy, I am trying not to raise spite, I know all the issues well but its not as easy as asking questions and getting off the hook.

@davidylan
I feel she will be shattered, she senses it though but I think I will only do it when the time is right, I changed while we were in the relationship not before we started.

manmustwac:

If it was me i would just continue to pretend. Because its not easy telling your people {especially in a country like Nigeria} that your am atheist. My parents bros sistas girlfriend etc don't know that am an atheist and i don't intend to tell them. Telling your girlfriend that your an athiest is just like telling her that your gay! So don't tell her. Unless she suspects herself through your behaviour

Well thats just my opinion

Hello manmustwac,

Must be really hard for you out there having to hide a core part of yourself from you family and friends.   Feel for you, man.   But how long have you been hiding this from your close ones?

I for one, could not hide such a fundamental aspect of my personality for any length of time, especially not to family and friends.  Of course, I don't know your family, so I cannot understand what it must be like for you.

You can get out of this predicament by slowing revealing doubts in the religions of your folks.   See my suggestion to the original poster above.

@ Topic

The real question should be for how long can u pretend. . . . . . .

SCYLLA:

Huxley its not that easy, I am trying not to raise spite, I know all the issues well but its not as easy as asking questions and getting off the hook.

@davidylan
I feel she will be shattered, she senses it though but I think I will only do it when the time is right, I changed while we were in the relationship not before we started.

Hello SCYLLA,

I undertand.  These are delicate things that are capable of have breaking family up and I am not suggestion that you unnecessarily antagonise you family.  But I would really like to know how you think you family would react should you say something like;

Hey, brother (or Dad or Mum), by the way, which commandments are we meant to follow?  Those in Ex20 or those in Ex34?

@Scylla

Your post throws up some questions:

1. What do you mean by "borderline atheist"? is it

a. that you are not really sure if God exists or not?
b. that you have come to the conclusion that the bible is largely untrue but still beleive in the possibility that God exists?

You would need to resolve this within yourself and decide on a course of action. Resolving issues with your family and friends will be much easier after you have broken the ice and everyone understands how you have arrived at such a decision. Some of them would even see reasons with you and share their uncertainty in the truth of the bible with you.

Your girlfriend will only need to understand things from your point of view, a man always has to be able to take responsibility for his decisions. If you love her so much and don't want to lose her, you can for her sake still continue to go to church sporadically but make it clear to her why you choose to do this and if she loves you as much as you seem to love her she will definitely want to put you out of the misery of going against your convictions.

There is a lot of hypocrisy/tolerance I've noticed in many of these so called sisters anyway as I know quite a number who even have muslim boyfriends.

The greatest disservice you could do yourself however is to live a life of deception, you only end up hurting yourself and a lot of others in the process.

NB: You can see the bible as being predominantly a lie yet agree with a lot of its principles and precepts and live by them particularly those taught by Jesus, it is up to you to sift the wheat from the chaff.

@duduspace

I am not sure God exists, plus the bible just seems to be full of irregularities, I also wonder that I would have been a muslim if I was born into the sultan of sokoto's family and I feel it is all relative.
I loved your reply though, I will mull over it.

Thanks.

your girlfriend deserves to know. you can't have a long term relationship keeping such secrets

take huxley's advice since it seems you are not full sure of your atheism. you could just be agnostic or anti-organized religon. personally, i doubt am coming out until am a little more older.

SCYLLA:

@duduspace

I am not sure God exists, plus the bible just seems to be full of irregularities, I also wonder that I would have been a muslim if I was born into the sultan of sokoto's family and I feel it is all relative.
I loved your reply though, I will mull over it.

Thanks.

My pleasure Scylla, I know the situation yu're in very well cos I've been there and possibly still resolving some of the issues you've come up with for example how do I explain to my aged grannie that I'm not sure of God's existence again? the dear old soul would go to an early grave thinking I've gone mad so I just say Amen when she prays for me.

As Bawomolo pointed out, you're not really an Atheist going by the precise definition of the word. Agnostic would more likely define you and I would say that most of us referred to as Atheists on the forum tend more towards an Agnostic view even though we are usually considered to be in cahoots with the Atheists by the theists.

SCYLLA:

@davidylan
I feel she will be shattered, she senses it though but I think I will only do it when the time is right, I changed while we were in the relationship not before we started.

it would be worse should she find out on her own. Explain calmly to her, she may end up deciding to tough it out with you. the bible does not say to dump a man/husband should he decide he no longer prefers to believe. If the wife is willing to stay with the man and he is fine with her then go ahead . . . she can pray you back maybe.

Just live your life, one day you might just spill the beans and when that happens you let the chips fall where they may. As long as you're happy.
I haven't told no family members, but some of my friends know. My nigerian friends don't even know because they are so indoctrinated they'll probably think i'm crazy We really don't talk about religion anyway but if they bring up some god topic around me, I'll tell them how I feel. I remember telling one of them I don't think I'll ever get married and IF i do she doesn't even have to be nigerian and he was like bla bla bla.
Anyway live your life happily and tell them if you can't take pressure of pretending, my mom doesn't know and once in a while i let her talk me to coming to her church, then i sit there trying not to laugh .

@Poster

If I may ask, what is ur reason for being an atheist, just curious

Monica its a long story, but after examining everything, I just cannot say for sure if there is a God.

@poster
Pls im really curious, I really wanna know

Monicaa:

@poster
please I'm really curious, I really want to know

Example, you were probably born into a christian household in Nigeria and bombarded with jesus everyday. If you were born into an household in Saudi Arabia and bombarded with Mohammed everyday, you'll be a muslim and swear up and down that islam is the right path to god. So where and how you grew up is the deciding factor of what religion you adhere to, unless you look at religion objectively.

SCYLLA:

Monica its a long story, but after examining everything, I just cannot say for sure if there is a God.

Although I am an atheist, I do not consider this as an end in itself. Atheism by itself is not a badge of honour. What matter most is the journey and not the destination. The journey is the most illuminating process you will have undergone in your life. On this journey, if done properly, you will learn;

1) Critical thinking skills
2) Philosophy and argumentation
3) Science and scientific rationalism
4) Philosophy of religion and mythology
5) Your local family religion and their holy books
6) History

If you are naturally disposed to learning and are of an intellectual bent, you will find this process stimulating, challenging and liberating. In fact, I consider this journey a journey without destination, for while you still have life in you, you will be going over many of these subjects daily.

At some point during this journey, you will be faced with having to decide whether you think the theistic narrative carries more explanatory power than the atheistic worldview. Whichever way you decide to go, you will have become a much better person.

temptation. double life

@Toyosi20: « #9 on: Today at 01:13:39 AM »

@ Topic

The real question should be for how long can u pretend. . . . . . .

He can pretend as long as he wants. And he will fool almost everyone, too. Except those who can smell a phony from long distance. Afterall, the religion of his girlfriend, and his people is Christianity. In christianity, the pretence is that Jesus is god! Yet he :knew not" the time of the Hour, except that the Knower is the One Who Sent him!

What kinda god, except a make believe god will have such a deficient knowledge of the end time that he is the only one that is supposed to be the beginner, by coming back to rapture, and the only one to judge!

Its interesting that the Bible reports that this make believe god said that he would be back before his audience dies off! This was 2000 years ago. Almost. Is any one from that pool of audience still alive, somewhere? If not, you will see that fake god as spoken fakery, unless he didn't claim to be God. Therefore everything is a sham. Now my man, try Islam. I know its going to hit you hard like a "pizza pie", but thats a process you have to go through, before you become a hardliner atheist like Huxley there!

Huxley is not thinking or he is just too stubborn to want to know the truth, because he can't handle it!

Falling in love is so hard on the knees, like seriously, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I though Love is a matter of the heart, where emotion is felt? What role do "knees" play? Like seriously?

olabowale:

@Toyosi20: « #9 on: Today at 01:13:39 AM »
He can pretend as long as he wants. And he will fool almost everyone, too. Except those who can smell a phony from long distance. Afterall, the religion of his girlfriend, and his people is Christianity. In christianity, the pretence is that Jesus is god! Yet he :knew not" the time of the Hour, except that the Knower is the One Who Sent him!

What kind of god, except a make believe god will have such a deficient knowledge of the end time that he is the only one that is supposed to be the beginner, by coming back to rapture, and the only one to judge!

Its interesting that the Bible reports that this make believe god said that he would be back before his audience dies off! This was 2000 years ago. Almost. Is any one from that pool of audience still alive, somewhere? If not, you will see that fake god as spoken fakery, unless he didn't claim to be God. Therefore everything is a sham. Now my man, try Islam. I know its going to hit you hard like a "pizza pie", but thats a process you have to go through, before you become a hardliner atheist like Huxley there!

Huxley is not thinking or he is just too stubborn to want to know the truth, because he can't handle it!



I though Love is a matter of the heart, where emotion is felt? What role do "knees" play? Like seriously?

What's a pizza pie and why is it hard?
So you think Huxley is too stubborn to want to know the truth, I think you're the bone headed one for not thinking at all and accepting that arab dogsh*t you call a religion.

@olabowale
Thank you for your pitch, I don't think there is an "answer".
@monicaa
I have come to realise that we are a function of our environment, like martian correctly pointed out to you, there are so many religions in this world all laying claim to the divine. They cannot all be right.

@Huxley: « #21 on: Today at 01:34:39 PM »  

Quote from: SCYLLA on Today at 08:47:25 AM
Monica its a long story, but after examining everything, I just cannot say for sure if there is a God.


Although I am an atheist, I do not consider this as an end in itself.  Atheism by itself is not a badge of honour.  What matter most is the journey and not the destination.  The journey is the most illuminating process you will have undergone in your life.  On this journey, if done properly, you will learn;

I think you are a wonderer, man. How can you journey without a destination? Thats a perpetual journey. Even on earth you can do it. Forrrest Gump ran for as long as he can, and suddenly he stop. He uttered out "I think I will go home, now!" He was a retard in the Movie. You Huxley, with all the African in you and your scholarship acquired in England (Note to self: Dont send your child to England, except to Visit, to know those who enslaved his people), you are even worse, because you enbark on a journey without destination! The worst thing you have ever said, yet, even though I find you wierd, many atime. But this is the rockbottom!

I have news for you man. Soon, hopefully this year or next, you will hit 50. At least you know by now that you are no more a teenager, any longer! In another 50 years, death will be knocking at your door. Your journey on earth will be winding down, to a destination; the after this earthly life. I know you will say "grave", but your atheist knowledge does not know what happens, for sure after death.

Your new journey will continue, just like the life of a newly born continues in outside, while it would have been an impossible in his mind, if he were asked, just moment before his mother begins to feel that he must be born and leaves the womb empty.

This is your problem, Huxley. have baked knowledge sometimes is worse than no knowledge at all. You lack "good knowledge; none whatsoever!"

Get a Qur'aan and read ma. Start from the first page and finish the Book! You should dare me on this. And am counting on the African in you. The British part I can't vouch for, because you people are far out, man.


]quote]
1)  Critical thinking skills
2)  Philosophy  and argumentation
3)  Science and scientific rationalism
4)  Philosophy of religion and mythology
5)  Your local family religion and their holy books
6)  History

[/quote]

People who have faith in God do these things, too.


[quote]
If you are naturally disposed to learning and are of an intellectual bent, you will find this process stimulating, challenging and liberating.  In fact, I consider this journey a journey without destination, for while you still have life in you, you will be going over many of these subjects daily.

At some point during this journey, you will be faced with having to decide whether you think the theistic narrative carries more explanatory power than the atheistic worldview.   Whichever way you decide to go, you will have become a much better person.

This is the best thing you have ever said. Man you are weird. In the same post, you went from worst to good. I think there is still belief in your heart. Let me know when you begin to read the Qur'aan. I wanna know your reaction.

@SCYLLA: « #25 on: Today at 02:17:57 PM »

[/quote]
@olabowale
Thank you for your pitch, I don't think there is an "answer".
@monicaa
I have come to realise that we are a function of our environment, like martian correctly pointed out to you, there are so many religions in this world all laying claim to the divine. They cannot all be right.
[quote]

But they can all be wrong. But there is no doubt that if they are not all wrong, and since they can not alll be right, only one must be right. Please, find that one, except that you can proof that they are all wrong! Huxley and company, thats also ajourney that has a destination. Take this journey instead of going about destinationless in a desert, with your mind closed!

Martian:

Example, you were probably born into a christian household in Nigeria and bombarded with jesus everyday. If you were born into an household in Saudi Arabia and bombarded with Mohammed everyday, you'll be a muslim and swear up and down that islam is the right path to god. So where and how you grew up is the deciding factor of what religion you adhere to, unless you look at religion objectively.

I was born a Muslim became a Christain when I was 14 because my mum decided to convert back to her former religion. I was a very good christain I must say, but left the entire religion when i found out that prayers was a farce(I even try to lay hands on sick people before so that they could get healed but nothing happened ). There was a day back in kano during the religious crisis of 2004, I was together with a group of friends(VERY VERY strong christains) when the crisis got to where we were. The crisis began around 2 pm after the slaves of Allah were giving moral and spiritual invigoration after the friday prayers. We(about 15 of us) were in church when the crisis came to where we where. When the rumours started flying that the moslems had come about we all ran away but had to come back into the church when we realised that the church would be safer for us. I told them that i would go out and keep an eye on the moslems because as a an hausa guy(who speaks the language perfectly) who was also a former moslem and could recite the koran very well I had no problem staying outside. My friends strated praying in ernest to God to come and save them. To cut the story short the slaves of Allah came and went into the church, I lied to them that I was a muslim and begged them to spare my friends but they refused. When they got into the church my freinds were so confident that Jesus will save them, they prayed to God to send his angels to come and blind the eyes of the moslem assailants, they were more than confident that it would happen. There had no fear on their faces and prayed in the front of the moslem killers with full confidence since prayer was the only thing they could do. The killer slaves of Allah waited for them to finish praying some of them(killer slaves of Allah) bursted out laughing because they were amazed at the way my freinds were speaking in tongues and praying even in the face of death while the other killers patiently waited. After about 10 minutes one of the killers cut the chase and started slamming my friends with his spear. They killed all the males among them (9) and raped all the females. Since them my belief in the God of the bible dropped 50%. When I went to sweden my belief droped futher to about 70%. After I opened my eyes to the world, did my personal research on how the bible was written, why it was written and all the fallacies that were inside my belief droped futher to about 90%. Now that I am in Nigeria I am confident to say that the God of the bible is a farce, Allah is a farce and all the Gods that Nigerians worship are are a BIG joke. So poster go ahead and tell your girl she deserves to know the truth, as for friends and family pls don't for now until you are completely independent. Nigeria is a place were you could be killed for openly displaying your lack of belief in God.

olabowale:

@SCYLLA: « #25 on: Today at 02:17:57 PM » 
But they can all be wrong. But there is no doubt that if they are not all wrong, and since they can not alll be right, only one must be right. Please, find that one, except that you can proof that they are all wrong! Huxley and company, thats also ajourney that has a destination. Take this journey instead of going about destinationless in a desert, with your mind closed!
 

Ola, go answer these questions first before you come back here.

bindex:

I was born a Muslim became a Christain when I was 14 because my mum decided to convert back to her former religion. I was a very good christain I must say, but left the entire religion when i found out that prayers was a farce(I even try to lay hands on sick people before so that they could get healed but nothing happened ). There was a day back in kano during the religious crisis of 2004, I was together with a group of friends(VERY VERY strong christains) when the crisis got to where we were. The crisis began around 2 pm after the slaves of Allah were giving moral and spiritual invigoration after the friday prayers. We(about 15 of us) were in church when the crisis came to where we where. When the rumours started flying that the moslems had come about we all ran away but had to come back into the church when we realised that the church would be safer for us. I told them that i would go out and keep an eye on the moslems because as a an hausa guy(who speaks the language perfectly) who was also a former moslem and could recite the koran very well I had no problem staying outside. My friends strated praying in ernest to God to come and save them. To cut the story short the slaves of Allah came and went into the church, I lied to them that I was a muslim and begged them to spare my friends but they refused. When they got into the church my freinds were so confident that Jesus will save them, they prayed to God to send his angels to come and blind the eyes of the moslem assailants, they were more than confident that it would happen. There had no fear on their faces and prayed in the front of the moslem killers with full confidence since prayer was the only thing they could do. The killer slaves of Allah waited for them to finish praying some of them(killer slaves of Allah) bursted out laughing because they were amazed at the way my freinds were speaking in tongues and praying even in the face of death while the other killers patiently waited. After about 10 minutes one of the killers cut the chase and started slamming my friends with his spear. They killed all the males among them (9) and raped all the females. Since them my belief in the God of the bible dropped 50%. When I went to sweden my belief droped futher to about 70%. After I opened my eyes to the world, did my personal research on how the bible was written, why it was written and all the fallacies that were inside my belief droped futher to about 90%. Now that I am in Nigeria I am confident to say that the God of the bible is a farce, Allah is a farce and all the Gods that Nigerians worship are are a BIG joke. So poster go ahead and tell your girl she deserves to know the truth, as for friends and family please don't for now until you are completely independent. Nigeria is a place were you could be killed for openly displaying your lack of belief in God.

Interesting account. I think those Christians who were slaughtered and raped by the followers of Allah were not real Christians or they were following the wrong God. That is the only reason I can come up will for the non-intervention of their God. It may even be the case that Allah is the one true God judging by the way he help his followers kill the Christians, who do not believe in him.

Bindex, are you open to you family about you lack of belief in their god(s)?

bindex:

I was born a Muslim became a Christain when I was 14 because my mum decided to convert back to her former religion. I was a very good christain I must say, but left the entire religion when i found out that prayers was a farce(I even try to lay hands on sick people before so that they could get healed but nothing happened  ). There was a day back in kano during the religious crisis of 2004, I was together with a group of friends(VERY VERY strong christains) when the crisis got to where we were. The crisis began around 2 pm after the slaves of Allah were giving moral and spiritual invigoration after the friday prayers. We(about 15 of us) were in church when the crisis came to where we where. When the rumours started flying that the moslems had come about we all ran away but had to come back into the church when we realised that the church would be safer for us. I told them that i would go out and keep an eye on the moslems because as a an hausa guy(who speaks the language perfectly) who was also a former moslem and could recite the koran very well I had no problem staying outside. My friends strated praying in ernest to God to come and save them. To cut the story short the slaves of Allah came and went into the church, I lied to them that I was a muslim and begged them to spare my friends but they refused. When they got into the church my freinds were so confident that Jesus will save them, they prayed to God to send his angels to come and blind the eyes of the moslem assailants,  they were more than confident that it would happen. There had no fear on their faces and prayed in the front of the moslem killers with full confidence since prayer was the only thing they could do. The killer slaves of Allah waited for them to finish praying some of them(killer slaves of Allah) bursted out laughing because they were amazed at the way my freinds were speaking in tongues and praying even in the face of death while the other killers patiently waited. After about 10 minutes one of the killers cut the chase and started slamming my friends with his spear. They killed all the males among them (9) and raped all the females. Since them my belief in the God of the bible dropped 50%. When I went to sweden my belief droped futher to about 70%. After I opened my eyes to the world, did my personal research on how the bible was written, why it was written and all the fallacies that were inside  my belief droped futher to about 90%. Now that I am in Nigeria I am confident to say that the God of the bible is a farce, Allah is a farce and all the Gods that Nigerians worship are are a BIG joke. So poster go ahead and tell your girl she deserves to know the truth, as for friends and family please don't for now until you are completely independent. Nigeria is a place were you could be killed for openly displaying your lack of belief in God.

mmmmmmm i just speechless. this is traumatic. mans inhumanity to man. these people are evil beyond description. they kill and rape in the name of what? these are stuff i normally get at  csw online.  may God help nigeria. what happened in sweden that added another 20%?.