Keys to Family Happiness


Maintaining Commitment in Your Marriage


She says: “I noticed for some time that Michael, my
husband, had been emotionally distant from me and was
treating our children coldly.
* His behavior changed
soon after we were connected to the Internet, and I
suspected that he was viewing pornography on the
computer. One night after the children had gone to bed, I
cornered him, and he confessed that he had been
viewing pornographic Web sites. I was devastated. I
couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. I
completely lost trust in him. To make matters worse, a
workmate had recently started to express a romantic
interest in me.”


He says: “Some time ago my wife, Maria, discovered a
picture stored on our computer and confronted me about
it. When I admitted that I regularly visited pornographic
Web sites, she was livid. I felt horribly embarrassed and
very guilty. I thought it was the end of our marriage.”

WHAT do you think happened to Michael and Maria’s
relationship? You may think that viewing pornography
was Michael’s main problem. But as Michael came to
realize, this vice was really a symptom of a deeper
Issue—a lack of commitment to the marriage.

* When
Michael and Maria were first married, they looked
forward to a life of shared love and enjoyable
experiences. Like many couples, though, their
commitment to the marriage waned over time, and they
seemed to drift apart.

Do you feel that the bond between you and your mate
has weakened as the years have passed? Would you
like to reverse that trend? If so, you need to know the
answers to three questions: What does it mean to be
Committed to your marriage? What challenges can
Undermine such commitment? And what can you do to
Strengthen your commitment to your mate?
What Is Commitment?
How would you define commitment in marriage?

Many
Would say that it springs from a sense of duty. For
example, a couple may remain committed to their
marriage because of their children or because of a duty
they feel toward God, the Originator of marriage.
(
Genesis 2:22-24) Certainly, such motives are
admirable and will help a marriage survive difficult times.
But to be happy, marriage mates need to feel more than
just a sense of obligation to each other.
Jehovah God designed marriage to bring a couple deep-
seated joy and contentment. He intended for a man to
“rejoice with [his] wife” and for a woman to love her
husband and to feel that her husband loves her as he
does his own body. (
Proverbs 5:18; Ephesians 5:28) To
create that sort of bond, a couple must learn to trust
each other. Equally important, they need to develop a
lifelong friendship. When a man and woman earn each
other’s trust and work at becoming the best of friends,
their commitment to the marriage will grow. They will
form a bond the Bible describes as being so close that it
is as if the two people were “one flesh.”—Matthew 19:5.

Commitment, therefore, could be likened to the mortar
that binds the bricks of a sturdy house. Mortar is made
from a combination of ingredients, including sand,
cement, and water. Similarly, commitment is formed
from a combination of such factors as duty, trust, and
Friendship. What may weaken that bond?

What Are the Challenges?

Commitment requires hard work and self-sacrifice. It
demands that you be willing to forgo your own
preferences in order to please your mate. However, the
concept of yielding to someone else’s wishes—of giving
without asking, ‘What’s in it for me?’—has become
Unpopular with many and even offensive to some. But
ask yourself, ‘How many selfish people do I know who
have a happy marriage?’ Likely the answer is, Few if
any. Why? A selfish individual will not likely remain
Committed to a marriage when personal sacrifice is
required, especially when there is no immediate payoff
for the small concessions he or she may make. Without
commitment, a relationship will sour, no matter how
sweet the romantic feelings were when a couple first fell
In love.
The Bible realistically acknowledges that marriage is
hard work. It states that “the married man is anxious for
the things of the world, how he may gain the approval
his wife,” and that “the married woman is anxious for
the things of the world, how she may gain the approval of
of her husband.” (
1 Corinthians 7:33, 34)

Unfortunately,
even marriage mates who normally are unselfish do not
always acknowledge each other’s anxieties or value
their mate’s sacrifices. When a couple fail to show
appreciation for each other, their marriage is bound to
cause them more “tribulation in their flesh” than it would
otherwise.—
1 Corinthians 7:28.

IF your marriage is to survive difficult times and to thrive
during good times, you need to develop a long-term
view of your relationship. How can you develop such an
attitude, and how can you encourage your mate to
remain committed to you?

How to Strengthen Commitment

A key factor is humbly to apply the advice of God’s
Word, the Bible. By doing so you will “benefit yourself”
and your mate. (
Isaiah 48:17) Consider just two
practical steps you can take.
Make time for your mate
1. Make your marriage a priority. “Make sure of the
more important things,” wrote the apostle Paul.
(
Philippians 1:10) In God’s eyes, the way a husband and
wife treat each other is very important. A man who
honors his wife will be honored by God. And a woman
who respects her husband has “great value in the eyes
of God.”—
1 Peter 3:1-4, 7.
How important is your marriage to you?

Usually, the
more important an endeavor, the more time you spend
on it. Ask yourself: ‘Over the past month, how much
time did I set aside just to spend with my mate? What
specific things have I done to reassure my mate that we
are still good friends?’

If you invested little or no time in
maintaining your marriage, your mate may find it difficult
to believe that you are committed to the union.
Does your mate think that you are committed to your
marriage? How can you find out?

TRY THIS: Write on a piece of paper the following five
categories: money, work, marriage, entertainment, and
friends. Now number the list according to what you
believe to be your spouse’s priorities. Ask your mate to
do the same about you. When completed, exchange lists
with your mate. If your mate feels that you are not
investing enough time and energy in the marriage,
discuss what changes you may need to make to
strengthen your commitment to each other.

Also, ask
yourself, ‘What can I do to take more of an interest in
the things that are important to my mate?’

Infidelity begins in the heart


2. Avoid all forms of infidelity. Jesus Christ said:
“Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to
have a passion for her has already committed adultery
with her in his heart.” (
Matthew 5:28) When a person
engages in sexual intercourse outside of marriage, he or
she delivers a devastating blow to the union, one that
the Bible says is grounds for divorce. (
Matthew 5:32)

However, Jesus’ words quoted above show that a wrong
desire can exist in the heart long before a person
actually engages in the physical act of adultery.
Entertaining that wrong desire is in itself a form of
betrayal.

To maintain your commitment to your marriage, make a
solemn pledge not to view pornography. Despite what
many may say, pornography is poison to a marriage.

Note the way one wife expresses her feelings about her
husband’s viewing habits: “My husband says that
watching pornography spices up our love life. But it just
makes me feel that I’m worthless, that I’m not enough
for him. I cry myself to sleep when he watches it.”


Would you say that this man is strengthening his
commitment to his marriage, or is he undermining it?

Do
you think that he is making it easier for his wife to
remain committed to the marriage?

Is he treating her as
his closest friend?

The faithful man Job expressed his commitment to his
marriage and to his God by making ‘a covenant with his
eyes.’ He was determined not to ‘show himself attentive
to a virgin.’ (
Job 31:1) How can you imitate Job?

In addition to avoiding pornography, you need to guard
your heart from forming an inappropriate attachment to a
member of the opposite sex. True, many feel that flirting
with members of the opposite sex does no harm to a
marriage. But God’s Word warns us: “The heart is more
treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who
can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) Has your heart fooled
you? Ask yourself: ‘To whom am I most attentive—my
spouse or some other member of the opposite sex?

With whom do I share good news first—my spouse, or
someone else?

If my spouse asked me to limit my
contact with an associate of the opposite sex, how
would I react? Would I be resentful, or would I happily
make the requested change?’


TRY THIS: If you find yourself attracted to someone
other than your mate, limit your contact with that one to
only what is necessary and keep all encounters on a
purely professional level. Do not focus on ways in
which you think this person is superior to your mate.
Instead, focus on your mate’s positive qualities.
(
Proverbs 31:29) Recall the reasons why you fell in
love with your mate. Ask yourself, ‘Has my mate really
lost these qualities, or have I become blind to them?’

Take the Initiative


Michael and Maria, quoted at the outset, decided to ask
for advice on how to resolve their issues. Of course,
seeking advice is just the first step. But by being willing
to face their problems and seek help, both Michael and
Maria sent a clear message that they are committed to
their marriage, that they are willing to work hard to make
it succeed.

Whether your marriage is stable or strained, your mate
needs to know that you are committed to making the
marriage a success. Take whatever appropriate steps
are necessary to convince your mate of that fact. Are
you willing to do that?
ASK YOURSELF . . .
What activities could I cut back on to allow more time
for my mate?
What could I do to assure my mate that I am
committed to our marriage?

SOURCE: http:// www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20081101/maintaining-commitment-in-your-marriage/#

Maintaining Commitment In Marriage

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