DISTRESSED NIGERIAN GIRL HANGS HERSELF
(After Boyfriend Dumped Her For Her Best Friend)*
--Attorney Patryk Utulu

A young Nigerian girl hanged herself due to severe distress, sources say, after her boyfriend dumped her for her best friend. I decided to say a few words about this tragedy because it could happen to any family and her death could be a lesson of "teachable moment" for all Nigerians. Under Nigeria's three major religions (Tradition, Christianity and Islam) suicide is both forbidden and taboo. Suicide is forbidden by religion and the shame such death casts upon families imposes a taboo on its discussion. Thus, society ends up losing both the opportunity for honest deliberative self-examination, the prevention of future suicides and proper healing process for the family members of the suicide. [NOTE: Suicide is both a verb and a noun. People commit suicide (verb) and whoever commits suicide is a suicide (noun)]

It is tempting to be dismissive of the life and death of this young girl. Some of us might be tempted to fall back on our fake machismo culture where men hide their fear of discussing uncomfortable topics by "yabbing" the dead or blaming her mother or (without facts) blaming her "upbringing" or (worse) blaming her as sinful/lacking in Godliness. FOR MANY REASONS, PLEASE LET'S NOT BE TOO HARSH OR RASH OR MORALISTIC IN JUDGING HER1) The dead does not hear your outrage so instead of howling at the moon have a frank talk with the young people in your family and ensure they understand that it would be OK for them to speak to you or to any other person instead of taking same exit route as this girl; (2) Traditionalists, Christians and Muslims commit suicide -- and I've seen it all so please put aside any self-serving outrage about which religion is best at preventing this sort of thing; (3) Both young and old people commit suicide so it usually has little or nothing to do with family "upbringing"; (4) Bad things do happen to even good people and "sins" sometimes overcome "saints" because everyone of us have different levels of resistance to pressure under different circumstances; Finally, (5) Nigeria has a shame-avoidance culture and does NOT provide even basic training in how to deal with shame (or, in our "colonial" English parlance, how to "deal with embarrassment".

Nigerian lawyers have been known to "throw-ay" their wigs and publicly engage in career-damaging fist-fights NOT over money or legal theories but "because that guy dey embarrass me now, ah-ah." Police officers have shot citizens to death in cold blood "because I wan show-am say e no go embarrass me like that." Millions of Nigerians instantaneously curse, rage, hate and would even kill simply because someone mentioned their religion or religious leaders in a manner they perceive as "insulting." In the Nigerian culture of shame-avoidance the worst Nigerians are the politicians. Rather than accept the "embarrassment of losing" an election many Nigerian politicians routinely incite thugs to the streets to maim, kill innocent citizens and cause unrest. To avoid an electoral "defeat embarrassment" our politicians routinely continue to pay =N=Millions to lawyers to keep filing frivolous legal challenges in court to enable the politicians run out the clock on their opponents term in office "without ever accepting defeat," as a Nigerian colleague (after much throat-clearing) admitted to me.

The greatest education is the intangible cultural education society teaches each young person. I said "greatest" as in effective. Greatest does not always mean good, bad or the best. Young people tend to be impressionable, have fragile self-esteem and low tolerance for dealing with harsh emotional disappointment and social embarrassment. It takes experience to master the control of social effects of social tragedies. If you were like me, a 15 year old boy who liked to date girls in their 20's you too would have had the rough experience and thick skin that comes from the more than occasional rejection. But not everyone can be so "unluckily lucky" or luckily unlucky. Now the Internet, text-massaging, phone cameras and Facebook ensure that what would've been a very "private" shame just 12 years ago could, in minutes, turn into an overwhelming social crises that cripples a young girl's self-esteem and make her feel like she's drowning. It could so thoroughly destroy her ability to cope that the sense of powerlessness to control her fate can quickly turn into hopelessness. If you've ever mistakenly clicked "reply all" and sent the wrong email to the entire organization in which you work, you would have some sense (5%, perhaps) of the socio-damaging effect of morbid shame on the psyche of a young person.

I am NOT making excuses for suicide. But to pretend that she killed herself only because she was unGodly or "she done spoil" or was uniquely weak plays into the shame-avoidance taboo-culture of societal weakness where adults (men, mostly) routinely do "deadly" things to avoid shame but hypocritically blame young people and women who, faced with the double oppression of silence and selective taboo takes what seems, at the point of psychological suffocation, like the only exit.

As a Nigerian man have you ever asked yourself what you do if you were pinned down, involuntarily castrated (yes, the joy-tool taken away) but you 'survived'.

******
Attorney Patryk A. Utulu
U.S.-based Attorney & Strategic Communications Specialist
Global Defense Analyst and Global Events Commentator
Executive Vice President, Nigerian Diaspora-North America
Executive Director, The Center 4 Community Empowerment & Lifeskills, Inc
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Part of your PDP loot might have helped the unfortunate girl......so be introspective...



As for me n my family we have decided to
March4Change... APC Change!

Never again to 91% recurrent expenditure budget...
9% capital expenditure budget!!! Which invariably brings on the hopelessness that befell the victim here and many others like them!

this pix has generated alot of stories, don't even no what to believe anymore.

all the same sha, noted.

REVEALED: Jonathan Presidency Begged Buhari To Settle Abati “Ungovernable” Slander Libel Suit Out of CourtLike837ShareAug. 4, 2014NewsRescue- Very few Nigerians know that it was a single evil mastermind, Jonathan’s media man,Reuben Abati that concocted the deadly slanderous accusation against the person of ex-head of state, General Muhammadu Buhari, that claimed he made statements of making “Nigeria ungovernable,” in the event he lost the 2011 presidential elections. Abati cooked up the viral lies in a Guardian publication captioned “For the attention of General Buhari”publishedin April of 2011.Related:NewsRescue-EXPOSED: ItWas PDP That Promised To Make Nigeria Ungovernable in 2011, Buhari Never Did!Buhari took him to court and as can be read below, under begging from the Presidency, Buhari agreed to settle out-of-court and Abati and theGuardian he used to be managing editor for published a public apologyto Buhari on 11th July 2013. But truth never spread like the slander; and despite the presidency begging Buhari, the other than Abati, all the other media ‘dogs’ of the presidency continued promoting the same slander. Rather shocking to realize this.NewsRescuehas opened a$1000 challenge for whoever can provide where Buhari ever said anything about making Nigeria ungovernable in 2011, just to dig outthe truth once and for all; because this will be very unfair to the person of Buhari that we continue to peddle this evil slander.An article we missed that was in all major dailies:Presidency begs Buhari to settle slander case out of courtBy Comrade Godwin Ameh;DailyPost on January 13, 2013The presidency has begged former Head of States and national leader of Congress for Progressive Change (CPC), General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd) to settle out of court the libel suit he filed against the Special Adviser to the President on Media and Publicity, Dr Reuben Abati.It would be recalled that Abati had on page 51 of the April 22, 2011, edition of The Guardian newspaper, written an article entitled “For the attention of General Buhari,” where he claimed that Buhari made an unguarded statement which stirred the post-election violence that almost tore the nation apart.The former Military General however, regarded the publication aslibellous, aimed at denting his hard earned name and image.Buhari consequently dragged Abati and The Guardian Newspapers to court via suit no. ID/837/2011, demanding N1billion damages from them.However, in a copy of the Terms of Settlement filed before a Lagos High Court in Ikeja, the ‘warring’ parties have agreed to settle the matter out of court.According to the terms of settlement,dated December 2012 and filed before the administrative judge of Lagos State, Justice Opeyemi Oke, the claimant (Buhari), Mr. Tope Adebayo ( lawyer to Buhari), Abati and Mr. Kunle Sanyaolu (lawyer to The Guardian) signed the terms of settlement. But the lawyer to the firstdefendant (Abati), Dame Carol Ajie, refused to sign the document. The refusal may not be unconnected to the conditions and terms of the agreement.It was gathered that the parties further agreed that Abati and The Guardian should retract and apologise to Buhari in certain form and contents.The terms of settlement reads in part: “The claimant (Buhari) and defendants (Abati and The Guardian) have agreed that the defendants should publish a retraction and an apology to the claimant on the Opinion Page of the newspaper, to be printed in reverse line black (RLB) within seven days ofentering the Consent Terms as the judgment of the court in two editionsof The Guardian.“The claimant and defendants have agreed and resolved that the retraction and apology shall take thefollowing form and contents: ‘Re: Forthe attention of General Buhari’- On April 22, 2011, The Guardian Newspaper published an article on Page 51 titled ‘For the attention of General Buhari’ where certain allegations were made against General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd), GCFR, concerning the 2011 election and General Buhari’s alleged role in the violence emanating from the elections.“The publication was based on information which we believed to be reliable at that time. Since the publication, however, we now have reason to believe that certain parts of the story were not verified to be correct before the publication.“We assure General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd), GCFR, of our highest esteem and regret any distress or embarrassment which the said publication may have caused him.“The claimant and defendants agree that on the execution of these Termsof Settlement, the defendants are discharged from all or any liabilities or obligations arising from the said publication.”http://dailypost.ng/2013/01/13/presidency-begs-buhari-to-settle-slander-case-out-of-court/Buhari obliged: The out ofcourt settlementGUARDIAN Re: For the attention of General BuhariThursday, 11 July 2013 00:00EditorSIR: “On April 22, 2011, The Guardian Newspaper published an article on page 51 titled “For the attention of General Buhari” wherein certain allegations were made against General Muhammadu Buhari’s alleged role in the violence emanating from the elections.The publication was based oninformation which we believed to be reliable at that time. Since the publication, however, we now have reasonto believe that certain parts ofthe story were not verified to be correct before the publication.We assure General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd) GCFR of our highest esteem and regret any distress or embarrassment which the said publication may have caused him.”— Editor http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=126723%3Are-for-the-attention-of-general-buhari-&catid=77%3Aletters&Itemid=613#.Ud6sCDHgyY4.facebookThe Whole Truth about the “Ungovernable” commentIt was aPDPpolitician, Alhaji Lawal Kaitathat said:“The North is determined if it happens, to make Nigeria ‘ungovernable’ for President Jonathan or any other Southerner who finds his wayto the seat of power on the platform of the PDP against the principle of the party’s zoning policy.”“Ungovernable” came within the PDP and was related to PDp zoning issues. Makes sense? Now recollect what NSA Andrew Azazi revealed before he was killed and it all adds up.Related: NewsRescue-EXPOSED: ItWas PDP That Promised To Make Nigeria Ungovernable in 2011, Buhari Never Did!