I realized yesterday that a lot of heartache in relationships come mostly from when a partner is unfaithful or even appears to be unfaithful. Wouldn’t it be nice if having sex with another person you are attracted to was as simple as shaking hands with the person? And you can gist about it with your partner afterwards?

Calm down, let’s think about it.

Tom is in a relationship with Ada. Tom likes all of Ada’s characteristics and thinks she will make a good wife. He of course finds her very sexualy attractive but sex on its own is not a big deal in this imaginary society and so does not play a very important role in the relationship dynamics.

Now there is this hot babe in Tom’s office, let’s call her Bisi. Bisi is extremely beautiful, a real life photoshop, succulent lips, huge bust, and an ikebe that should have its own house address ( it’s so huge). Unfortunately Bisi is very materialistic and shallow. Tom badly wants a fling with her but not anything serious that will lead to a relationship. After thinking about it fora while he calls Ada.

“Hello, Ada, how’s work, I think I would like to sleep with Bisi, she’s so sexy and I’m curious as to how she’ll be in bed.’

Ada : “Oh, okay, make sure you do all the necessary tests first, you know she likes to sleep around. Also ask her to do a pregnancy test first.’

Tom: Pregnancy test? Why so?

Ada: “Well, when I and my friend David were having sex over the weekend, he mentioned she was complaining that she was ovulating at the time and they didn’t use protection.”

Tom: “Oh okay, thanks. Will do so.”

Tom goes ahead and propositions Bisi who accepts. They then go to an ATM type of machine where their blood samples are taken and all the STD tests from HIV to gonorrhea are done. The results come out immediately and they are given the go ahead. Tom and Bisi then fix a convenient time and have sex! He even goes home and talks to Ada about it over dinner. She also relives her sexual escapades. Walla! No worries, no fear of STD, no heartbreak from infidelity!


Think of it. Sex has brought to much strife and hatred and backbiting and treachery to relationships. Wouldn't it be good if it was relegated to the background?

booked!

typing

Make i buy land first.....incase!















This land is not for sale o....beware of my twins jonah nd patience

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5minsmadness:
Think of it. Sex has brought to much strife and hatred and backbiting and treachery to relationships. Wouldn't it be good if it was relegated to the background?

1. Sex brings many things to relationships, but not strife, hating or backbiting - people do that. Sex does not need to be relegated, rather valued and "morally regulated".

2. If sex were relegated to the background what would be the difference between an intimate male/female relationship and any other kind? Even if relegated, sex comes attached with bonding, feelings and outcomes - i.e. consequences which can't be detached from sex.

3. Societies have long learnt that sex has to be ascribed a moral value and regulated to a degree. If sex becomes merely transactional or a consumable, there will be tremendous harm. To male-female relationships and the natural outcome of those relatiosnhips - children.

4. Sex is not the issue here, people are. Inculcate a proper appreciation of sex, it's rightful context and proper expression. Instill Character, values and morals, so that sex - and people - are treated with the due care that they should be.

Or perhaps I should ask how you see this working out - especially in a sense of improving things


TV

Open relationships.... Albeit may sound great and easy to you, but Not Everyone's ideal option.

I mean, why marry atall

Might work for some couples if one person wasn't selfish enough to think he or she has it in their nature to cheat while expecting faithfulness.
The key is to be ready to give what you can take.

If you can eat from the same dish that you serve others, then go ahead.

No worries. no fighting. everyone is 'happy'.

Although they will very soon find out that it doesn't make them any happier.

TV01:

1. Sex brings many things to relationships, but not strife, hating or backbiting - people do that. Sex does not need to be relegated, rather valued and "morally regulated".

2. If sex were relegated to the background what would be the difference between an intimate male/female relationship and any other kind? Even if relegated, sex comes attached with bonding, feelings and outcomes - i.e. consequences which can't be detached from sex.

3. Societies have long learnt that sex has to be ascribed a moral value and regulated to a degree. If sex becomes merely transactional or a consumable, there will be tremendous harm. To male-female relationships and the natural outcome of those relatiosnhips - children.

4. Sex is not the issue here, people are. Inculcate a proper appreciation of sex, it's rightful context and proper expression. Instill Character, values and morals, so that sex - and people - are treated with the due care that they should be.

Or perhaps I should ask how you see this working out - especially in a sense of improving things


TV

1. most of the strife that come up in relationships is usually due to unfaithfulness a.k.a sexual issues. If people stopped viewing sex as such a big deal maybe there wouldnt be so many broken hearts?

2. The difference would be LOVE my dear sir. LOve, which should be the binding factor in all relationships, not material things like sex and money which can depreciate or disappear altogether with time. That's probably why the good book admonished that there should be no sex in a relationship until marriage, because they knew the deletreous effects sex could have in a relationship. why is there so much infidelity in marriage? could part of it be that the partner gets tired of "eating the same egusi soup all the time?"

3. how?

4. Actually, Sex IS the issue. Its been placed on such a high pedestal that if you err once it can follow you for the rest of your life, meanwhile the appetite for sex is so powerful it can drive someone to madness. Why all the stress? why not "legalise" it like marijuana? At least the ladies wont have much to complain about anymore(i doubt though, they always have something to complain about ) and the guys wont be worried that the gals aint loyal. It might even breed a higher level of commitment because the couple know they can have sex if they want to, but choose not to.

Ewuro4:
Open relationships.... Albeit may sound great and easy to you, but Not Everyone's ideal option.

I mean, why marry at all

1. because you have found something in that person more special than sexual attraction.

2.So as to have children for that special person

3. So as to raise children in a stable environment where they can identify a constant father/mother figure

4. So you can have a constant companion to spend the rest of your days with.

Hahahaha!

There are plenty of people who share your opinion on the matter. Swingers clubs are in good business. I agree that people should be allow to live like Tim and Ada but for some, including myself, the connection that sex develops between two individuals is a major part of the love the two experience. I don't want to separate sex from love, so no thanks.

cococandy:


Although they will very soon find out that it doesn't make them any happier.

And why wont it make them any happier? If sexual infidelity is enough for you to 'divorce' your partner() why won't sexual liberation make your union a happier one, after all, you dont have to have that nagging feeling of "has he been faithful" always at the back of your mind. You won't feel the need to check his phone often or he checking your phone (for example) since everything is out in the open.

Swingers advocate.

What I don't understand is, why be in relationship if you wanna feck around...

We would all live 'happily ever after'

5minsmadness:

And why wont it make them any happier? If sexual infidelity is enough for you to 'divorce' your partner() why won't sexual liberation make your union a happier one, after all, you dont have to have that nagging feeling of "has he been faithful" always at the back of your mind. You won't feel the need to check his phone often or he checking your phone (for example) since everything is out in the open.

If one can divorce because of infidelity, that means sleeping around isn't what they ever wanted for themselves or their marriages.

there's no way that will make such couples happy.

For someone like me,I'm a germophobe. The last thing that will make me happy is to knowingly kiss a lip that has been kissing every other lip.
Or go down on a D that has been recently digging another woman's hole.
#Amsorry. I can't deal.

That's so nasty.

There's no way such an arrangement will make me happier.

But that's just me anyway.

I know some people may like the supposed freedom that comes with being able to have sex with whomever they wish to without guilt, my own is that let them be ready to share selflessly too wih other people.
But humans are selfish so I can say that even those who seem to like it at first will not be fine with it In the long run because they might get angry seeing their partners with someone else.

Khabuqi:
Swingers advocate.

What I don't understand is, why be in relationship if you wanna feck around...

so you are saying the whole reason for being in a relationship is for fecking?

DaGC:
We would all live 'happily ever after'

Or until some new problem crops up

[quote author=cococandy post=31365645]

If one can divorce because of infidelity, that means sleeping around isn't what they ever wanted for themselves or their marriages.

they divorce because their partner has been unfaithful sexually and that is a big deal in society. if it wasn't a big deal then they wouldn't divorce.



[quote]For someone like me,I'm a germophobe. The last thing that will make me happy is to knowingly kiss a lip that has been kissing every other lip.
Or go down on a D that has been recently digging another woman's hole.
#Amsorry. I can't deal.

Didnt you read the part about the STD ATM testing machine? It would be totally germ free . Does that help in making you shift ground?

5minsmadness:
1. most of the strife that come up in relationships is usually due to unfaithfulness a.k.a sexual issues. If people stopped viewing sex as such a big deal maybe there wouldnt be so many broken hearts?

Right off the bat you are twice wrong;
a. Most of the strife in relationships is not due to unfaithfulness, the #1 cause of strife is financial issues
b. Unfaithfulness is a character issue, determine a persons character and desires - i.e. if there is a match - for a relationship before commiting

5minsmadness:
2. The difference would be LOVE my dear sir. LOve, which should be the binding factor in all relationships, not material things like sex and money which can depreciate or disappear altogether with time. That's probably why the good book admonished that there should be no sex in a relationship until marriage, because they knew the deletreous effects sex could have in a relationship. why is there so much infidelity in marriage? could part of it be that the partner gets tired of "eating the same egusi soup all the time?"

Love takes many forms and occurs in many relationships, but erotic love is validated in only one kind. And if you are basing your arguemnt on the scriptures, you have either articulated it incorrectly or failed to rightly apply the scriptures.

Also, the "egusi soup" analogy is very weak !

5minsmadness:
3. how?

It's self-evident, divorce, out of wedlock births, promiscuity etc.

5minsmadness:
4. Actually, Sex IS the issue. Its been placed on such a high pedestal that if you err once it can follow you for the rest of your life, meanwhile the appetite for sex is so powerful it can drive someone to madness. Why all the stress? why not "legalise" it like marijuana? At least the ladies wont have much to complain about anymore(i doubt though, they always have something to complain about ) and the guys wont be worried that the gals aint loyal. It might even breed a higher level of commitment because the couple know they can have sex if they want to, but choose not to.

Whatever egregious attitudes people have or actions they commit with regards to sex, is not the fault of sex. It's the fault of people. Sex is good and holy and essential to our flourishing.

You need to re-state and or re-think your premise.


TV

5minsmadness:
..

nope the whatever machine won't make me shift ground.

Besides it is not how people (society) view extramarital affairs that make couples divorce.
It is how they make the other person feel that brings the strife into the marriage and consequent divorce.

IF anything,our society sort of has an unspoken acceptance of extramarital affairs and divorcing your partner (husband in most cases) because of it is like going against society not the other way around.

...apologies Ewuro4, I'm piggybacking - but I'mn sure you'll respond if you care too.

5minsmadness:

1. because you have found something in that person more special than sexual attraction.

2.So as to have children for that special person

3. So as to raise children in a stable environment where they can identify a constant father/mother figure

4. So you can have a constant companion to spend the rest of your days with.

All of which are contradicted by your OP
In which you prescribe legitimising infidelity as the remedy to the pain unfaithfulness causes.

If there is an expectation of faithfulness which is broken, whether unfaithfulness is criminalised, decriminalised, legitimised or even celebrated, the damage it does will not change. Some things are beyond the remit of the law or state. Please re-think and re-state.




TV

cococandy:


If one can divorce because of infidelity, that means sleeping around isn't what they ever wanted for themselves or their marriages.

there's no way that will make such couples happy.

For someone like me,I'm a germophobe. The last thing that will make me happy is to knowingly kiss a lip that has been kissing every other lip.
Or go down on a D that has been recently digging another woman's hole.
#Amsorry. I can't deal.

That's so nasty.

There's no way such an arrangement will make me happier.

But that's just me anyway.

I know some people may like the supposed freedom that comes with being able to have sex with whomever they wish to without guilt, my own is that let them be ready to share selflessly too wih other people.
But humans are selfish so I can say that even those who seem to like it at first will not be fine with it In the long run because they might get angry seeing their partners with someone else.

Gbam!! And you aint alone in your feelings about a man's lip or 'D' being shared with another woman. Infact i would view sucha a man as an ordinary man on the street. I am sure many people feel this way and so open marriage would be disgusting to them. Its sooooo easy advocating for an open marriage but put yourself in that position and see if it would be soooo easy to pat your partner in the back after witnessing another man or woman screw him or her. We are humans. Humans are selfish. Humans are jealous. Lets be realistic. Even the Op himself cant stand it. e just dey make mouth online. Even a cheat's mind will never be at rest when another person is shagging his/her partner. Where is the dignity in such a marriage? The marriage is dead on arrival.

5minsmadness:

so you are saying the whole reason for being in a relationship is for fecking?

No I'm saying it is better just to be single if you wanna feck many puccys. You know what I mean..

Having more choices isn't necessarily a prescription for long term happiness. Instead of relegating sex to the background people whose delight is having multiple sex partners can discuss polygamy,polyandry, open relationships as an option with their partners and if they share the same desires and values they can go ahead there is no need to pretend you can do monogamy if you can't after all no one can force you to be faithful if you don't want to be.

Since its humans that have sex, humans have brought too much strife,hatred,backbiting and treachery to relationships.

No worries TV01 , it's a public forum sir

5minsmadness:

1. because you have found something in that person more special than sexual attraction.

2.So as to have children for that special person

3. So as to raise children in a stable environment where they can identify a constant father/mother figure

4. So you can have a constant companion to spend the rest of your days with.

In other words; A Boredom Reliever? Sounds too good to be true. The two involved adults hearts must've been double dipped and fried in cement batter ( funny but ain't kidding). I mean their marriage is already long gone dead and have no feelings left for each other. They're mainly together for Kids and for old age. That's not Marriage, that's A long term roommate. And who told you the said kids will respect them in a long run??

Have you heard of a saying ; you can't eat your cake and still hold it?

P.S.. I like your blood work ATM machine though... Dream on bro, dream on hehe

Mr. 5minsmadness.

I love the idea but I think that if you consider it fully you would see that it doesn't solve any problems.

The major reason why people don't want their partner to have sex with another is that they believe sex can cause the partner to love them less/get attached to the other. This belief is not unfounded, if you ask me.

Let's assume that after you have sex with Bisi the first time, you find yourself wanting more. Let's say you keep going back for more for a year. Now, can you truthfully say that there is nothing between Bisi and you other than sex? If you can, then how about after Bisi has been fucking you for 5 years? How about after 20 years?

I imagine that you would try to draw a line somewhere and say one shouldn't do a person other than their spouse for such and such length of time. However, this would be your undoing because you would thereby have admitted that having sex with a person does lead to a connection between you two that is not about sex alone. I expect this connection to be an emotional one, which I'm sure you would consider cheating.

Can you therefore correctly claim that your spouse has no reason to be alarmed when you have sex with another person? If you can't, then sex cannot be relegated to the background.

An interesting proposition but human nature will not allow such to happen. We are too possessive and too prone to addiction and self destruction.