Hey, my name is Tunde and i love writing. If you got some time, please read this work and tell me what you think?

TITLE: NIGHT TIME AT NOON

Eyes have always been unkind to Lukmann and in his 32 years, 3 months on earth they have always stared at him the same way; with disdain or on lucky days, pity. ‘The mirror to the soul’, he likes to call them and it took him 32 long years to find a good soul, Lukmann thought, at least judging by the ‘mirrors’.

He looked at her again and her eyes shone brightly, radiating so much love that for a moment he felt it was all a dream. Lukmann couldn’t help feeling this way. If someone had told him just a couple of months ago that he would be in any relationship let alone a romantic one with Peace, he would have kicked his teeth in. But look at me now, he thought ecstatically, ‘holding hands with this beautiful enigma on a park bench and for the first time in my life, looking into someone’s eyes without being afraid of what I’ll see.
The cool lagoon breeze hit them in a rush and she moved closer, into the crook of his arm. Lukmann glanced casually to the left and noticed that the couple on the identical bench at the far end was in a warm embrace. Gaining some confidence from this, he put his arm around Peace and waited with bated breath for her reaction. He was soon rewarded with a sigh of contentment.

Several hours later as they walked towards the bus stop, Lukmann thought of the only question that was left unanswered since they started dating. The question was unanswered because it had never been asked but all that would soon change, he thought. He knew what he wanted to say; what he had to say. He must have rehearsed the lines over a million times but as they approached the traders’ stalls, a few meters away from the bus stop, he lost his cool, forgot the lines and just blurted out. ‘Will you marry me?’
Peace stopped dead in her tracks and he quickly looked away. He had heard his own words but could not recognize the voice that delivered them. It had suddenly acquired a funny, high pitch tone and for a moment he thought she would laugh, laugh out loud, laugh at him and put him in his place once and for all. Instead she squeezed his hand and said in that angelic voice of hers ‘yes’.

‘Yes! Yes!!’ He screamed to himself as he walked home after seeing her to her door. Yes to a life at last, a wife, a family, Lukmann thought. Oh, Peace! What a woman, my woman. He walked as tall as he could, considering his deformity because tonight for once in his life, he felt complete.

The four men crouched in the bushes, watching their quarry. Their hearts were beating fast, some faster than others no doubt. Nathaniel had had to threaten John, the youngest of the group before he had come with them today. He had tried to opt out at the last minute but Nat was having none of that, they had planned this together and there was no going back now. Nat could see the hunch back clearly now. He was walking directly towards them and seemed to be in high spirits today. If only he knew what lay ahead of him, Nat thought.

Lukmann hated the bushy footpath ahead with a passion but could not yet afford accommodation on the other side of town. He promised himself right there and then that he would work harder at his business and make enough money to move before the wedding. Peace must not endure any kind of hardship, he thought to himself, proudly.
At that precise moment, he felt rather than saw a movement and then pain followed as blows rained down on him. He was overpowered in seconds and his screams muffled with a rag. Lukmann knew exactly what was happening as his assailants dragged him away. He had been warned several times about ritualists’ love for hunch backs and knew instinctively from the first blow that his time had come.

As they bundled him into their waiting van, tears immediately welled in his eyes. Tears for Peace and a life that for the first time in 32 years actually seemed worth living.

Tunde,
this is really good. you clearly have talent and i loved the touch of letting the mystery of Lukmann's deformity come at the end. also love tragic love stories (got a little mean streak in me, and dislike 'lived happily ever after' endings).

good luck with your writing.

There`s no question about your talent. Best proof is that after reading the story I had tears in my eyes. The story was really touching

You really do have amazing talent. You should start looking for a publisher for your book, i think this is an excellent start and if the rest of it is anything like the beginning, you should make a decent profit from it.

props to you. i like the suspense about what was wrong with him and how you revealed it.

you definitely can write

really good piece

U have the feel of a writer and you command your audience!

good one but there is always room for improvement!

ahh, i love this story it's so beautiful. The way you portrayed the love between the couple, the guy's hunch back and his last thoughts were the least selfish thoughts i've ever heard in a long time. The ending was also perfect it creates various emotions while reading it.

I don't like sad stories. We have enough of those in real life.

Pls i beg u. Become a full time writer cos u are good. especially the way u revealed his hunch back. I hail u

When I read "sad story" I thought it was a failed romance story.

nice work though!

thumbs up

You are good. That's for sure. And you carry your readers along effortlessly. But since your story ends on a cliff hanger, don't let Lukman die. I agree with Seun. We have enough sadness in real life and home videos. Let something good come out of this, please.

But you ARE good.

Well done!
Maybe u should write an extended version of that story

I would like to know the end of the story if you have a concluded version of the story. Its hard to believe that its going to end this way without a FIGHT
YOU ARE GOOD! I hope this is not the end. Improve on yourself and don't hesitate to grab any opportunity no matter how small it may be. Write your story in a book, a newspaper, somewhere, anywhere. Just write and especially in the heart of your readers.

Double thumbs up, Ebert & Roeper


An elecrifying read, New York times

what a touching story!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a sorrowful end.well nice story from you, a talent you ve got keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!

Wen i saw Tunit i was thinkin of something different. Cool write up.

@ beyunce - hmmmmmmmn, what excactly were u thinking? or u wish ,

quite a story. but cat we write something with a happy ending. really dont like dulling stories.but hey, that wasnt a bad one ,more grease to your wrist,hope you give us one with an end that is intresting

hey people,
av been reading all da replies to my story so far and i'm so encouraged by what u guys av been saying.
Just wanna say THANK YOU to you all, really appreciate it. Oh, and yeah, beyunce, really, what were you thinking when you saw tunit (maybe u shld write a story bout it) am sure e'one would like to read it.
aiht peeps. tk care and one luv

Please continue the story my beloved brother and give it ahappy ending.

Show d broda love ya'll. No dulling

that is a nice story.keep it up ,the sky is just your begining.

adetunrayo:

that is a nice story.keep it up ,the sky is just your begining.

Thanx dearie

Will you marry me? You are so goood. DAMN!!!

Kudos.Well arranged and beautiful suspense.Suppose u should teach some boring Nollywood writers that skill is in built not acquired.
MUCH RESPECT.

manakins:

Kudos.Well arranged and beautiful suspense.Suppose u should teach some boring Nollywood writers that skill is in built not acquired.
MUCH RESPECT.

@manakins - Thanx for letting him know he writes better than Charles Novia, lol

Skill is acquired by constant practice. That is a fact of life that all winners know.

Others think it's magic. Ignorance is not bliss in this scenario, it's limiting.

Seun:

Skill is acquired by constant practice.

@Seun - I'll never agree with u. Some pple are born while others are made and it's always glaring and out in d obvious to c those that are really born. Being born 2 do something requires no skill cos u v all there is. Tell this to people like William Henry Gates (Bill Gates) or Ronaldinho and let me know of thier response. These are people who had parentage and indeed pedigree. If u would allow me 2 use d word pedigree 4 an individual these pple would use it ova and ova again.

Bill Gates founded Microsoft by designing what he had in his unified mind and u here sit atop ur ass telling me skill is acquired by constant practice,