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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) (22844 Views)
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Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by sacostyles(m): 12:29pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
1, 11 nd 19 are my fav |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Lanretoye(m): 12:29pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Hilarious but factual. 'If you get caught by any chance, do not allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle promptly), and if they don’t agree, pretend that you are calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay ten times more than what was demanded." Ifu enter their yard ehn?,you are on your own. |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by cecegorz(m): 12:31pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
5p1naz: You probably need to see a Psychiatrist bro. Only you? Haba! I'll assume you never went to driving school, though. Your Agidi driving skill is the problem here. |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by lusen(m): 12:31pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
lagos driving. 5 Likes
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Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by dubbiskelly(m): 12:33pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Driving in lagos dey sweet die, walahi. I almost knocked one guy down when he was crossing the zebra roadmajestically.The guy shouted nd jumped to safety asking if I didn't see the zebra crossing, na I'm I ask am whether him na zebra. Over here in the UK, driving no dey sweet, with all d speed limits and all, Kai! I miss lekki road. 2 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by ajepako(f): 12:33pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
You forgot to mention Keke NAPEP Avoid them too because they have a standing pact with death, especially in traffic on Ozumba Mbadiwe Road, Ahmadu Bello, and flyover Bonny Camp... Choi....and if you are pregnant and board a marwa in VI..sorriment! 2 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nobody: 12:33pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
This just made my day |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by akpanikpe(m): 12:33pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Ohh boy, Jst thinking about the mad trific am gonna go through wen I close dis eve. So crazy doing dis traffic race thing. @ traffic officials I drove one (lastma) yesterday into ikeja military cantonment yesterday from maryland turning |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by cecegorz(m): 12:35pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Wale112:Hahahaaa. Hope you know Nigeria will soon acquire Ghana as an offshore state. With the increasing poverty and IMF refusing to lend you guys feeding money, it won't be long. We'll always be our brothers keeper 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nobody: 12:35pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
U know u don't know how crazy you ar until u live lagos to another town Everything u thought was normal. Was totally insane trust me I got to know this when I moved down to abuja When i talk every body could tell I was from logos when I walk When I laff when I woo a girl when I party when I dance anything at all mhnn lagos is a land of beasts well thank god I av adjusted to abj corporate hustle 5 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by TMILewin: 12:38pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
29) When you hit someone don't stop to check speed off as fast as you can for your own safety, report to a nearby confirm police station asap. 30) horn when greeting your neighbours failure to do so can be counted as bad manners. 31) if you are without valid document and also approaching a police check point horn also and make sure you package their N50.. It never fail to work. Good luck to all lagos drivers and remember its not by your expertise that you haven't killed someone with your car its only God that saveth #Jesus take the wheel |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Wale112(m): 12:40pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
cecegorz: see what EBA and generator fumes has caused? |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Mishydoo(m): 12:40pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
HAHAHAHAHA....NEARLY CHOCKED ON THIS DODO LUNCH! LAGOS IS BY FAR THE NOISIEST PLACE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...EVERY1 SHOUTING EVEN FOR NOTHING.HAD TO POLITELY TELL A LADY MAKIN CALL BY MY SIDE DAT SHE WAS SHOUTING AND BATHIN ME WITH SALIVA...NXT THING I SAW,CAME HOME WITH A TORN SHIRT! 7 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Zara09(f): 12:44pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Lol@25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!!* How can you keep driving even with a flat tyre abi na die dy hungry the person |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Dcmg(m): 12:45pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Lol In Aba everything is negotiable.In the words of a policeman;"one-way is 200 naira" Aba is quite similar to lagos,there are no rules If you aren't living in lagos or aba,then you are living pretty Cool. |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nobody: 12:46pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
This is hilarious....this op must be a saheed osupa fan danfo driver. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by beejayphako(m): 12:51pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by escavros: 1:01pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Oh my goodness "when in doubt accelerate" This totally cracked my up.... Lol |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nakarey(m): 1:03pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Totally enjoyed this...coming to lagos soon..@op u just raised my anxiety level...omo can't wait to hit lasgidi...I don tire 4 dis cool and boring ABJ life |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nobody: 1:08pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
I have seen a very fine man clothed in a nice suit (probably a banker) head to the back of his car & retrieved his wheel spanner and tried to smash the head of a danfo driver because of broken side mirrow 2 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by babadem2much(m): 1:09pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
HORN WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY, CHAI!!! horn whenyou hear any horning sound this op get swagg but itz a fact |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by sisisioge: 1:11pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
omg! This is sooooooo correct about Lagos driving situation... Funny on paper but never in reality Eko oni baaje o |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by wisdomguy4u(m): 1:18pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
OMG! This is so funny. I wonder why did not laugh |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by KingBish(f): 1:18pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
ROTFL. I've never been to Lagos but the person that wrote this has successfully convinced me that there's no sane driver in Lasgidi 2 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by SwingzProsper(m): 1:18pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
RushHoursTraffic z jz xo xo cwatzie n insane.. U tuk yur bath sm mins afta 4am.. Reachn bus stop.. Whr d rush z alreadi underway sm mins to or afta 6am... Kai Lagos O'ni baje.. Hustle Bustle.. Errthing.. Js2survive!! |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by html14java(f): 1:18pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
1. When in doubt, accelerate! 2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA) 3. If you get caught by any chance, do not allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle promptly), and if they don’t agree, pretend that you are calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay ten times more than what was demanded. 4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date). 5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise. 6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque. 7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have no brakes. 8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25 years. Show some respect. You would notice I omitted “Private car owners” (popularly called ‘my car’). It is intentional. They are in a class of their own. Best advice: ASSUME THE NEXT PERSON IS INSANE (don’t be deceived by the tie and suit). And in cases of confrontation, please proceed to deal with such situations as you are inspired 9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car. 10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest, you may say! 11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week). 12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The okada riders are the experts in this area. 13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole Saturday at the panel beater’s place. Morning rush hours 14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first). 15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’. 16. When asking for directions, always ask at least three people. Lagosians always claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to. 17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hours. 18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them. 19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos. 20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”. 21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra. 22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty. 23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary. 24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution. 25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!! HORNING IN LAGOS Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous maneouvre. ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off. ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake. ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you. Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you. ‘Horn’ when turning into a road. ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road. ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette. ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about. ‘Horn’ when you’re happy. ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car. Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!!!!! I cnt fit laff again o. |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by SwingzProsper(m): 1:21pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Nakarey:... Seeeee ds one.. U dy ABJ U no dy hapi.. Oya come n u'l run bk afta js 3days.. #cntWithstandTheFIERCEintensityOfStayingInLagos.. I swr Down m serz 1 Like |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Mariojane(f): 1:28pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
hilarious indeed |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by SirAweezy(m): 1:32pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
Seriously lagos is crazy.. But this what makes it more fun... #Ilovemylasgidi |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Onegai(f): 1:39pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
GBAGAAUN: Totally true. Just attempt to walk under Ojuelegba bridge, if a trailer or danfo doesn't fall on your head, consider yourself blessed. I remember being in the middle of the express and turning on my side navigator to change lane. Omo see insults! "you can't drive you confused us why are you putting on light to change lane, na only you get light" 5 Likes |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by laserjet: 1:43pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
obicute007: Lolzz....true |
Re: 25 Hilarious Rules For Driving In Lagos (Rules of Engagement) by Nakarey(m): 1:45pm On Mar 18, 2015 |
SwingzProsper: Lol..bro na dat kind hustle and bustle I need right now! A place to keep me busy all tru...plus dis driving issue ehnn e go sweet die.. "Horn when u are happy"..lol |
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