The question parents need to ask themselves, Carter said, is, "Do we do things to make our children happy because they are happy when we provide them with an iPad to play with or an ice cream cone? Or do we teach them the skills that they need to lead happy, meaningful, fulfilling lives?"

One of the most important skills our kids need to learn to find a truer form of happiness is the ability to be resilient in the face of difficulty so they can find a way to "get back to their happy place when things inevitably go wrong," she said.

But too often, we modern-day parents want to do whatever we can to prevent our children from feeling discomfort and disappointment.

"I think that the parent who is really focused on helping their children be happy all the time is going to protect them from making mistakes and disappointment because disappointment seems like the opposite of happiness and gratification," said Carter, whose newest book is "The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work."

Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and founder of AhaParenting.com, said we can teach our kids these important skills even when they are toddlers. Think about when you have a very young child and they break a toy, how often is your first instinct to promise you'll buy the child a new one?

"When we say to the child 'Oh don't worry. We'll get you another one. Don't cry,' we're giving the child the message that there's something wrong with feelings, bad feelings, the kinds of feelings we think of as bad: sadness, grief, disappointment, fear," said Markham, whose newest book, which will be out in May, is "Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life."

"There are a lot of feelings that don't feel good to us, but if our goal is to make our child happy by stopping them from feeling those feelings, by preventing suffering ... we're giving our child the message that there's something wrong with half of the feelings that make us human," she added.

So when your son or daughter doesn't get the part in the school play they worked so hard to get, instead of trying to distract them from that disappointment, we should let them feel it, said Markham, who is also the author of "Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting."

"Instead of trying to cheer that child up initially, we could, as parents, honor that grief," she said, telling our kids something like this: "You loved that part. You thought you'd be perfect for it. I know, sweetie. I'm sorry. It's hard when we don't get what we want when we've worked hard to get it."

The child might cry a little and feel glum for a while, but the "next morning, they wake up, the sun is shining and life is still worth living, and not only that, they don't always get what they want, they learn, but they get something better. They get Mom and Dad who understand and who accept all of their feelings so they don't have to hide it when they're disappointed in life," she said.

Harming our kids trying to make them happy

The issue is a huge one for parents today, the experts I spoke with said.

Studies have found that so-called helicopter parents, the ones likely to do whatever they can to make their children happy, can be hurting their kids.

Helicopter parenting can lead to anxiety and depression in college students, and decreased feelings of autonomy and competence, according to a 2013 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies.

An investigation led by the University of Arizona found an exaggerated sense of entitlement and more doubt about being able to overcome challenges in adults who were overparented.

And just last month, a new study found that children whose parents overvalued them were more likely to develop narcissistic traits, such as superiority and entitlement.

Carter, the author of "The Sweet Spot," said well-educated and affluent kids are at higher risk for crippling depression and anxiety than they ever have been before.

"They are so stressed and so pressured, they do not know what makes them happy," she said. "They know what Mom and Dad want for them. They know what would make society happy. ... They know what everybody else expects for them. They do not know who they are or what they want."

Child and family psychologist Kristen Race, founder of Mindful Life, which provides brain-based solutions for families, schools and businesses to cope with today's stresses, points out how last year, an American Psychological Association survey found that when school was in session, teens were the most stressed group of people in America.

A big part of the problem is that connection, a core ingredient for happiness, is missing, said Race, author of "Mindful Parenting," which provides solutions for raising happy kids in today's chaotic world.

"We don't experience as much connection as we did a generation ago. We no longer live in multigenerational homes. We communicate differently, very much through screens or phones or texts and all of that really impacts our happiness," she said.

Race said people who have a lot of close relationships with friends and family experience a greater well-being and personal happiness. They are also less likely to experience sadness, loneliness and low self-esteem.

"When we're well-connected and attached to our kids, they are more likely to share things with us, they're more likely to do what we ask them to do and they're just much more enjoyable to be around, so we have to be intentional about creating those connections," she said.

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