NLs,
My childhood friend has a big dilemma (true story oh!!).

He is married to a very beautiful woman, who is an absolutely great mum (2 lovely well brought up kids), performs culinary wonders in the kitchen and from all accounts is a bombshell in bed.

The last one is the source of the current trouble. She is such a bombshell in bed, that others have 'tasted' the fruit (not including me oh!!!) and my poor friend caught her a couple of times while they were in naija.

He so loves this woman, that even with all this he forgave her and relocated to Holland with her about 2 years ago. His hope was that this would be a chance to start afresh.

However, he learned on a routine visit to their family doctor that she had an abortion about 2 months ago. My pal was away at the time, and she had lied that he approved.

He has confronted her, and she claims it was for health reasons.
However, rumour has it that it was because the pregnancy was for a 'white-man' who she babysits for, especially as the man's wife has confirmed that her husband confessed to the affair.

My pal is so devastated, that i fear he may do something careless. i am usually one with sound advise, but this one pass me oh!!!!!

Wetin im suppose do here, where all the laws will favour the woman? (some people have suggested he 'tricks' her to naija and abandons her there).

Ugwumba:

NLs,
My childhood friend has a big dilemma (true story oh!!).

He is married to a very beautiful woman, who is an absolutely great mum (2 lovely well brought up kids), performs culinary wonders in the kitchen and from all accounts is a bombshell in bed.

The last one is the source of the current trouble. She is such a bombshell in bed, that others have 'tasted' the fruit (not including me oh!!!) and my poor friend caught her a couple of times while they were in naija.

He so loves this woman, that even with all this he forgave her and relocated to Holland with her about 2 years ago. His hope was that this would be a chance to start afresh.

However, he learned on a routine visit to their family doctor that she had an abortion about 2 months ago. My pal was away at the time, and she had lied that he approved.

He has confronted her, and she claims it was for health reasons.
However, rumour has it that it was because the pregnancy was for a 'white-man' who she babysits for, especially as the man's wife has confirmed that her husband confessed to the affair.

My pal is so devastated, that i fear he may do something careless. i am usually one with sound advise, but this one pass me oh!!!!!

Wetin im suppose do here, where all the laws will favour the woman? (some people have suggested he 'tricks' her to naija and abandons her there).

Your pal is the most patient man on earth!!!. Men like him are very very scarce on earth!!.

as everyone said, ur pal patient oh. Pack her kaya and send her ass back to Naija. (thats if its true sha).

Hey, this is one hell of a topic to discuss.
first, he should consider the cost of any action he wants to take. It will be nice if he can trick her to naija and abandon her in naija but what about the kids? If they all come to naija with the kids and he decides to abandon her here, what will be the fate of his kids? The law certainly does not favour him there but if he is sure of the welfare of his kids here, he should trick her to naija and abandon her here.
He must do something otherwise she would kill him when she has found a suitable partner and she perceive him as standing on her way. The most dangerous thing is: being married to an adulterous woman.
Ya guy better be wise before that moda fucker sends him to early grave.

Update - currently my friend has moved out of the house (not by force, but says he can no longer stand the sight of the woman).

She called me to find out where he is and since i do not actually know where he sleeps, could not help.

She needed some money (the oyibo woman wey she dey babysit for don drive am) and i have had to part with some. Not sure this was right, but did so for the sake of the kids.

My fear be say, make dem no come accuse me oh (my hands dey clean), as i can't tell my pal that i gave her money. na the children i dey pity for all this wahala.

PS - i think my friend don craze, as for the first time in his life, im confess say im go sleep with oyibo prostitute. Can't see a way thru this pain oh!!

the only option is for him to divorce that woman , make him put love aside because for his own piece of mind he has to do that!

as per his children how old are they?, like you said the law don't favor him,if he can send her back to naija let him do that,

if not file for a divorce and live his life , no need to maga but to put everything in perspective

kids are 6 and 9.

Ugwumba:

kids are 6 and 9.

i know its gon be hard on the kids but is there anything like shared custody,paying child support et al in Holland, if he goes down the divorce road that is what his kids would have to go through!

the only other option is for him to stay with his adulterous wife , which i know no man wants,

these are hard knocks i must say!

ikamefa:

i know its gon be hard on the kids but is there anything like shared custody,paying child support et al in Holland, if he goes down the divorce road that is what his kids would have to go through!

the only other option is for him to stay with his adulterous wife , which i know no man wants,

these are hard knocks i must say!

divorce ke!! my friend does not have the liver for this. if u talk with am small, him go keep quiet, then after sometime e go just shudder come talk say 'but i still love this b*tch*.

the woman don take 'down-below' tie my friend oh!!!

ok then im get no other choice/ chose/chosen " " but to stay with her abi? since he loves his wife

i don talk am, the thing wey koko below go cause? hummmmmmmmmmmmmm !

Drive that woman away before she gives him some STD.
How can you stay married to a slut? Like what is so good about the sex?
Anyway sha, maybe the guy ain't that good with his business and woman has to make up for it with external oko.

U-G-W-U-M-B-A R u sure the story is TRUE

@ TOPIC

SEND hER bAcK 2 nIgErIa

Your friend should forgive her and buy her lots of intimacy gadgets. Also, if the woman loves sex that much, let her have it!

"Forget about divorce. If she's still a good mother and if she still respects you as a husband, keep trying."

Seun:

Your friend should forgive her and buy her lots of intimacy gadgets. Also, if the woman loves sex that much, let her have it!

And what would you know about intimacy gadgets? (you sly fox)

@topic,
your friend needs to take a bathe between the sea and the river. Something is amiss.

My bad. I was trying to be funny but I'm also serious.
What's the guarantee that the next woman you meet will be faithful to you?
How do you know whether the reason she's single is not because she also cheated on her husband?

If one is not being abused outrightly in a relationship, forgiveness is a possibility, especially with children involved.

But he wont ever be happy. And another thing, how is that not disreaspect In my book if a spouse can outrightly cheat on their wife/ hiusband, there is no form of respect here. He even caught her red handed a couple of times. She does not deserve a man like that, and he must really love her to keep putting up with her shyt. That is so horrible b/c kids are involved, i really feel for the guy. The wife is dispicable.

tell the person to repent or he/she will suffer

But he won't ever be happy.

If they can mend the relationship, they would be happy. Maybe they just need more sex .

And another thing, how is that not disrespect?

I think disrespect is when you don't even bother to hide your fling from your spouse, because you don't care.

Seun, I've observed with disgust that u are some kind of women freak. Is there anything any woman would do that will seem wrong to you? If you are trying to get affirmation from women by trying to impress them with ur nice-talk you are very wrong. Be real man. How can you say he shouldn't divorce her and rather should buy intimacy gadgets for her?? Anyway I seriuosly think Ugwumba's friend is weakling and his slutty wife realises that. My advice is: Be a man for once and Divorce her. Being good in bed doesnt guarantee you a woman's love. Whatever happens to 'nymphomaniac women'. She might never stop so its your choice either you endure or you run. The children in qustion might not even be his. I would never wish this on anyone.

if he thinks he can forgive her then he should go ahead afterall men too expect their wives to "understand"if they were caught cheating, however if he knows he cnt handle it he shd get rid of her legally before he does somthin evrybody will regret, alas my frend theres nothing new under the sun dont make ur self miserable following advice ,jst do what works for you,, marriage is a journey towards forever take it one day at a time

Nothing shreds the heart of a beloved into a zillion pieces like a cheating spouse
The woman is just a nymph and she ought to be made to realize that theres more to life than hopping beds.
he shld lure her back home and leave her without the children in the village(not city) sure she will continue with her whoredom but it will be a matter of time before the wrath of Karma visits her except she repents._{some women sef}

Of what use is this union when there is constant infidelity? This guy knows what to do

exatly.
and seun, i see u quoted me on the never be happy part. you tell me exactly how they will be happy when the wife constantly cheats? even if he does forgive her, im sure that will be something constantly on his mind whenver they are to be intament with eachother. that is such a burden no one should have to carry, he should let her go.

Been away for sometime from this post - an update.

My friend is currently making plans to move to Canada - BUT WITHOUT HIS WIFE & KIDS.

I have told him that running away from his family is not a solution. The wife has (as far as I know) behaved herself since the last incidence, but since the thing is public knowledge, my friend still (rightfully?) feels humiliated.

I have advised that relocation (with the family) is a good option for a new start, but considering that he has already tried this (in coming from Nigeria to the Netherlands ), there is no guarantee this will work.

@ Seun's thoughts coincide with mine - what is the guarantee that a new woman would be better. As I mentioned, apart from her weakness with sex, she is a super mum and wife.

Some friends have talked about 'sex-therapy', but neither them nor I know how and whether at all this wotks.

running from problems is like trying to outrun your shadow. is that even possible? and leave the children for who? her? he cant leave those children since it has been proven that he's the stable one. .

didnt he know her before they married?
anyway he has forgiven her severally and she has finally squandered all her second chances. its time to move on. he's scared of humiliation from people? yeah right! the only one who has been humiliated is her. there are too many women out there who will lay down their lives for their husbands and be faithful come hell or highwaters. why should one have to put up with such drastic drama i wonder?

This Ladys Doctor has a big mouth.
You cannot send a grown woman back to Nigeria he will Find her way back.
So this time he is annoyed becauseit was a white man.
I would like to ask a personal Question dont be annoyed.
Is it possible that the man your Friend is not so well off?
is it possible he was "trying" to be forgiving because of the extra mony she was bringing in.
Is it possible that now that she did it with a white man the sings were black and white on the wall.

Well all na hearsay from "concerned" third party. Sometimes you get what you "paid" for. Only the people involved know where the shoes are "pinching" them. So we cannot say or do anything about this matter. All I can say if everything that has a beginning has an end too. Goodluck to them both and Peace Out!

mamaput:

This Ladys Doctor has a big mouth.

i actually thought the same thing.
when a man or woman visits the family doctor alone, whatever transpires during that visit isnt supposed to be divulged to the spouse.its called confidentiality!
that is just by the way!!!

Hmm, hearsay's not good, at the best of times.

I think you should let your friend choose his own destiny - all you can do is be there for him as a friend, if he needs you. In the past, I've found it pays NOT to get involved in marital problems, even though you mean well.

They may settle things their own way, besides, you're going by what your friend's told you - I doubt you've personally caught his wife cheating? It's hard enough knowing for sure what goes on between a married couple, even if you share a house with them!

And, a word of advice, on NO account should you give her any money, for whatever reason, and I feel you should tell your friend that you have given her money in the past. It wouldn't help your friendship if he were to subsequently find out from another source.

@ ugwumba
  which one be yuor own sef . u come dey drink over dose panadol
4 anoda man headache.
There was this my uncle that had an errant philandering wife . when the elders in ma kindered intervened guess what he siad:

    ' i like her even if she is a prostitute , i don' want d one(wife ) men don't lust after cos
   i don't want that "place" to "rust"  '

.   ;Dthat kind of response generated a lot of problems btw him and the extended family but me, even back then young as i was, i saw some method in Uncle's madness
   after that the entire kindred left them to their fate and they realy weathered that storm & now they 've ben married 4 almost 8yrs. even my so called other no nosense Uncles na dem be like say their marrIage paper go soon enter court for divorce.

 so leave them make them settle their thing .

NO MORE CHLOROQUINE 4 ANODA MAN'S MALARIA HENCEFORTH!

'husband and wife matter na suffri suffri person dey put mouth"


ONE LOVE

NAIRALANDERS

Delta sister, that's funny!