Definition of argument according to Shiv Khera is a yelling contest between two people trying to prove who is right rather than what is right.
Let me tell you the truth, there is no way you can win an argument with an argumentative friend, and when you try to forcefully, you are going to lose your friendship. Just like two people trying to control the steering, there is obviously going to be an accident.
The best way to deal with an argumentative friend is to DISCUSS with him and not argue. But what are the differences between a discussion and an argument? How do you know you are arguing and not discussing.
-an argument throw heat, discussion throw light.
-an argument stems from ego and closed mind, discussion comes from an open mind.
-an argument is the exchange of ignorance, discussion is the exchange of knowledge.
-An argument is the expression of temper, but discussion is the expression of logic.
-An argument tries to prove who is right, discussion tries to prove what is right.
In other to deal with him, let him
-state his side without interrupting.
-let him blow steam
-don't try to prove wrong on every point
-never let him drag you to his level
- treat him well with with courtesy and respect, that will confuse him
-give a patient hearing.
-do not fight back or retaliate, that would confuse him because he was expecting a fight.
-do not expect an apology. For some people find it difficult to apologize even when they make mistake.
-do not make issue out of petty matter. Discussion entails not only saying the right thing but also leaving unsaid what need to be said. An ordinary man should know how to talk, a wise man should know when to talk.
Children should learn the art of speaking up and not talking back, as adult we should learn the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable. The way a person handles an argument reflects their upbringing. I learnt a long time ago, never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and besides, the pig likes it.
When discussing with him, be open minded, dont be dragged into an argument, dont interrupt, listen to his point of view before giving yours, ask questions to clarify, dont exaggerate, be enthusiastic in convincing not forceful, be willing to yield, withdraw when needed without hurting his pride, use soft word in hard argument rather than hard words in soft arguments.
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant friend in an argument. During a discussion, it may be a good idea to use phrases such as: "it appears to me that..." "i may be wrong...". Another way to deal with him is by feigning ignorance and ask questions like "why do you feel that way?"
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