Radiant:

pain, why don't u go sort out your distressed n painful life?

That was mean. I was only trying to be helpful.

Besides, I mite be a lone ranger but I aint distressed.

helpful by advising that? you kiddin me right?

Sorry if I was mean

UPDATE (FINAL):

Good news guys, my wife moved back home. We went for counseling and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’m ashamed to say that this is the first time I’ve actually really listened to her. She was really hurting and talked about a lot of things. I just sat and listened, without trying to argue or interrupt – thanks to the things that I’ve learned so far from the books I had been reading. Whao, what can I say?? I guess I’ve been a really terrible husband. I was raised in a polygamous family and always thought some things were just normal, and eventhough I had become a Christian years ago, I still had the same mindset. On the other hand, my wife who was raised in a monogamous family and is a well grounded Christian couldn’t stand a lot of the things that I did. She would speak up, I would argue and shout her down, and the issue would be swept under the carpet. Oftentimes I would resort to lying and gimmicks just to avoid trouble – unfortunately I didn’t know that she noticed all of those. It didn’t even occur to me once that all of these things had affected her over the years. I must admit I’ve been really selfish. She told the counselor that she was much happier as a spinster, and that really really hurt my pride. Anyway, I’ve resolved to become a better husband and have enrolled the both of us in 2 programs targeted towards couples who want to improve their marriage and make it the best it can possibly be. We attended one this Saturday and it was very enlightening for me. We will be attending every month for the foreseeable future.

Also, like some of you advised, I’ve given her access to all of my email, IM, phone records etc, and have cut off all the close feminine ties – none of them is on my IM list or phone contacts anymore. I know all of this is just a start, and I still have to work hard to rebuild the trust – I guess that’ll take some time. Right now, I’m just happy to have her back and hold her in my arms again. With time I guess I’ll begin to see the sparkle in her eyes once again, and hear the sweet sound of her laughter and of course, see the wedding ring back on her finger (she’s still not wearing it, but then that’s probably the least of my problems right now – I’ve decided not to push it, just let her be as long as she’s mine).

Thanks to all you nairalanders that helped. In case any of you is interested, may I recommend these two books to you: “Complete Husband” by Lou Priolo and “One Flesh” by Bob Yandian. There is also a series of dvds titled “love and respect” by Emerson Eggrichs. They contain very interesting insights on the responsibilities of the man as the head of the home. This is my very first time of reading books and watching dvds relating to the subject of marriage and relationships – I’ve always thought that stuff was fluffy and for the ladies (no insults intended). But boy! Was I wrong!! Peace everyone!

I am absolutely happy for you.

i was jst tryin to say sumtin on why u nor give us situation report abt ur predicament b4 ur post came in Good for you sha if u like make u nor behave aft\er now make u go still dey error,if u jst Bleep up again she go wave.thanks to all the nairalanders wey contribute to this guy solutions.una too much

awwwwwwwwwwwww Bolarge, I'm so so happy for you. Your situation was really hurting me but Thank God for understanding and peace between you too. May God bless your wife for her change of mind. So happy men
Nairaland, I hail una. This is a good testimony!

Compatibility is very important and coming having a similar upbringing.

awwww, all's well that ends well. Remember to stay faithful. Enjoy the rest of your married life

I knew counseling would work.Thank God.Divorce is not a good thing!

Dude I wuld say u are d achitect of ur problem bt d basic truth is dt we are all human, no body I mean absolutely no body is above MISTAKE. I will also like you to know that she had forgiven u on several occassion which shows how much she loved u because love is something dt makes u compromise ur standard but u pushed her to d wall making her to fight back. It's very simply I believe she has family wit which you can plead wit to come to ur aid telling them wat u've done and making them to see beyond all reasonable doubt that u have learn from ur mistakes and u'll never go back to them. Also go to her physically plead with her to 4give u because of d child u both have and also promise her wit dt u'll never make the same mistake again, send her flowers, gift, text messages as a sign of repentance I believe dt wit all these she will 4give u. Good luck.

Koko they settled already its on same page with your comment!They gat counseled in church!

koko, dat matter has be done and dusted

@bolarge i'am really proud dat u and ur wife are happy couples now. I no i wasn't 1 of the people that really helped, but just wanna say that iam really sorry for wateva i said. Tha really taught me a lesson to watch my mouth, but i jus thought i should say sorry. May God bless u and ur households PC.

Guys I was unable to c d whole page, am happy for u man it's not easy to lose such a woman. Praise he da lord someboooody. Haleluyah

ehya u don turn highly spiritual.praise the lord somebody

interesting

@Bolarge55


I am so happy to hear of your update.

It is good that you opened your mind to your wrong doings against your wife and saw your self as being in your wifes shoes. Once you were able to do that, birth was given to you and your wife expereincing for the first time, what it means to be as one.

Take care and stay on the right path. You have a very good woman, when you first posted, I knew she was not going to leave you. She has always understood you, now it is time for you to show her that you understand her and move on in life.

Peace

Sincerely Sista

you men are all the same, trying to be right at all times .what a shame!!!!!!!!. what is it that you are going to do to your wife to prove your innocence.nothng
you messed up
even if she accepts you that trust will never be there again.
Advice: just repent

@Radiant if u have nothiong to say y dont u log ofgf

lol!
e reach to yawn she don tire!

@ prettysly the man is back wid his wife all is well now try readin b4 u rite!!!!!
ah ah

Izoneb, how u doing? 

Beautygal, that's why I yawned o 

Uche, leave me alone o. . . .I no b Lauryn 

You r damn rite u are not!
How is it going girl

I'm aight sweetie 

Hope u iz good too?

So u wan break a happy home abi! God no go gree

Yeah.I am doing good

Uche2nna:

So u wan break a happy home abi! God no go gree

Na so u deh quick fall?


My hand no deh o

Just warning you

Ok

dispicable, very dispicable, i cannot believe you let another woman say horrible things about ur wife, she deserves better!

Akina, grab your own husband tight. Bola is fine!