I may not be a good writer, but I decided to pen this piece, 'cause its making me loose my peace

Our Crazy world

Our's is a crazy world
We're loosing it daily oh Lord
We now care less about your word
We're indifferent to the warning of your rod

The father's laid down precepts
In totality we reject
Simplest of instructions we detest
All we're after is to impress

Ask Bruce Jener's the showbiz dummy
Once a daddy is now a mummy
With such feminine curves that makes men boiling
Good father this is no longer funny

Our Fathers tell tales of love at Sunset
The Characters were Romeo and Juliet
Our generation feels such idea is outdated
Romeos now prefer Rolands to Juliets

Politicians take us for a ride
Once in a leap year they come begging with Rice
Only to turn down the bright lights
And lead us into thick darkness of the night

Ours is a world so crazy
Our young men now are so lazy
Yet wanna party hard with pink ladies
Unmarried kids so proud to have babies

This poem is a deep down reflection
Of our innermost deceptions
We were so normal at inception
Now we've lost it at the risk eternal rejection

Deliver us from Evil!


(C) Copyright 2015. Ilesanmi I. S
Posted this on my facebook page

CC: None, just pained!, dunno if its FP worthy, if it is, Ishilove or Lalasticlala will do the needed

I am stunned.... Still appreciating the work...

Freemanan:
I am stunned.... Still appreciating the work...

Freeman thanks a lot

Please appreciate it, criticise and tell me where to improve on

One love

generaliy07:


Freeman thanks a lot

Please appreciate it, criticise and tell me where to improve on

One love

It is a piece with class written all over it.
It connects the past with our current societal misnomer and How it shows little for the future. It's highly didactic and full of detest for fanciful worldliness...
It is a piece that made use of Anaphoric repetition only found in the Shakespearan corridors of Literature. It makes poem physical concrete and pragmatic.

The flaws are obviously second to non. The poet persona made his intention known too easily. For chrissake this is Literature and not Mathematics, your message ought to be encrypted in poetic devices only to be uncovered by the appreciated few.... Lastly, the poem lacks music. Music here means audio Where onomatopoia, assonance, alliteration and rhythm. The poet is too serious and rigid, pun is lacking and sarcasm is scarce... It is Literature and not Astrophysics....

In a nutshell, I will rate this 60%.... That's a high if you ask those who I critique.... The writer deserve all the laudings he will get and works like this should greet my screen more often....

Bravo Leader....

Freemanan:


It is a piece with class written all over it.
It connects the past with our current societal misnomer and How it shows little for the future. It's highly didactic and full of detest for fanciful worldliness...
It is a piece that made use of Anaphoric repetition only found in the Shakespearan corridors of Literature. It makes poem physical concrete and pragmatic.

The flaws are obviously second to non. The poet persona made his intention known too easily. For chrissake this is Literature and not Mathematics, your message ought to be encrypted in poetic devices only to be uncovered by the appreciated few.... Lastly, the poem lacks music. Music here means audio Where onomatopoia, assonance, alliteration and rhythm. The poet is too serious and rigid, pun is lacking and sarcasm is scarce... It is Literature and not Astrophysics....

In a nutshell, I will rate this 60%.... That's a high if you ask those who I critique.... The writer deserve all the laudings he will get and works like this should greet my screen more often....

Bravo Leader....

I will surely work on these flaws, I'll try tagging you in subsequent posts, I'll always look forward to your opinion

Thanks for taking your time to do this, I doff my hat

Respect.

generaliy07:


I will surely work on these flaws, I'll try tagging you in subsequent posts, I'll always look forward to your opinion

Thanks for taking your time to do this, I doff my hat

Respect.

It is a mutual gesture Mate...
I will be honoured to critique subsequent works...
Gracias.