I need i am a married woman of over ten years(10yrs). But recently i have been unhappy. It all happened that my hubby lost his job in 2010 and he was given some money from his employer(severance package) but he was not pay his gratuity which was suppose to be paid because he was ask to go on redundancy. He took his employer to the National industrial court and since then he finished all the money with him so all the responsibilities fell back on me because i am a working woman but a mother of three(3) with my first child in a reputable secondary school. He got a new job and also won the court case against his employer and he was paid his money but i noticed that his attitude changed imagine my hubby still expect me to go ahead with the responsibilities. As i am now if i am ask to go by my employer then i don't have any savings to fall back on. I am servicing a loan already but my problem now is that i need a candid and mature advice coupled with the fact that i have health challenges which i have been spending on and i can't even over stretched myself. Pls house i need a mature but not bashing because i have seen my husband that think i am a fool. He even mention it that he has to save his own income pls what can i do because i don't want my children to suffer at all because they are at the receiving end. I am indebted to a lot of people which i intend start paying with my salaries without removing anytin from except my transport but he has failed to get us foodstuff at home and i can't be looking at my kids in hunger. Pls help me house.

Hope u didn't treat him like a leper when he was struggling? People don't just change without a reason.

Talk to him (afterall you are partners) and try to work out ur family finances with him.

Talk to your husband calmly, without screaming and finger pointing! Tell him all ur feelings and fears and listen to him too. Try to understand his point of view, so u'll know how to respond. See ur husband as ur team mate and not a rival, so u two can handle the situation

I think the above listed advice is worth trying out prayerfully. Cheers and all the best...

he has either borrowed money that he needs to pay back without u knowing, or he is trying to be an ass.

the only advice to give is to talk to him .

blaise26abj:
Hope u didn't treat him like a leper when he was struggling? People don't just change without a reason.

Talk to him (afterall you are partners) and try to work out ur family finances with him.

Even if she did. . .

Does that justify him not feeding his own children?


A man should be sensible to his responsibilities . . . whether he has a working wife or not!

Personally, I think he trying so hard to build his already depleted finances and must be doing some crazy savings, I think he feels insecure with his current finances thus is looking to get back his financial status by keeping his money and shunning responsibilities, but he is obviously approaching the issue in a wrong way and needs to be told so in a very mature conversation.

You absolutely did the right thing by supporting your husband and the family when the chips were down, he might not show it now, but every sane man is proud of a very supportive wife, but it's sad he now expects such to be permanent, can I ask this question? Before he got retrenched was there a sharing formula for the bills acurred between both of u? Or was he primarily responsible for taking care of the bills? If there was a sharing formula tell him you would appreciate if you both went back to the formula depending on his current income and if he was primarily responsible in the past then you can assure him you are open to sharing the responsibilities in a fair shared ration.

You alluded this is a recent change as you have been happy previously, so I would expect you hold a mature conversation with him where you openly express your frustrations with shouldering all the responsibilities without support from him, tell him the consequences of his actions and how it is affecting your finances, if afterwards he remains indifferent, you have to stop and I mean totally stop taking care of certain bills like school fees and house rents, the kids are not just your kids they belong to both of you, if you keep taking care of those bills you are making him comfortable and encouraging him.

Start saving, as little as it is.. I can't overemphasize this point, start funding an emergency account and also settling all your debts as they would haunt you for a long time if you don't and then you loose credibility with your creditors.

If this issue is handled maturely with the courage to remain resilient I believe he would come around and realize the quest to rebuild his finances is hurting his wife and family.

If possible please keep this issue Inhouse between you and your husband for now..

op talk sit ur hubby down and talk to him. know the best time to bring up the issue. you shouldn't be the one to carry the whole family responsibility. you hubby should carry more while u carry less except his salary is nothing to write home about. secondly as a woman u should have a back up (savings) yes! i am married too my dear so u should try ur best to save money coz u never can tell what may happen tomorrow. just pray about the whole situation plz.

Roland17:
Personally, I think he trying so hard to build his already depleted finances and must be doing some crazy savings, I think he feels insecure with his current finances thus is looking to get back his financial status by keeping his money and shunning responsibilities, but he is obviously approaching the issue in a wrong way and needs to be told so in a very mature conversation.

You absolutely did the right thing by supporting your husband and the family when the chips were down, he might not show it now, but every sane man is proud of a very supportive wife, but it's sad he now expects such to be permanent, can I ask this question? Before he got retrenched was there a sharing formula for the bills acurred between both of u? Or was he primarily responsible for taking care of the bills? If there was a sharing formula tell him you would appreciate if you both went back to the formula depending on his current income and if he was primarily responsible in the past then you can assure him you are open to sharing the responsibilities in a fair shared ration.

You alluded this is a recent change as you have been happy previously, so I would expect you hold a mature conversation with him where you openly express your frustrations with shouldering all the responsibilities without support from him, tell him the consequences of his actions and how it is affecting your finances, if afterwards he remains indifferent, you have to stop and I mean totally stop taking care of certain bills like school fees and house rents, the kids are not just your kids they belong to both of you, if you keep taking care of those bills you are making him comfortable and encouraging him.

Start saving, as little as it is.. I can't overemphasize this point, start funding an emergency account and also settling all your debts as they would haunt you for a long time if you don't and then you loose credibility with your creditors.

If this issue is handled maturely with the courage to remain resilient I believe he would come around and realize the quest to rebuild his finances is hurting his wife and family.

If possible please keep this issue Inhouse between you and your husband for now..

Well said.

@ edwife and others i really appreciate you all. I will do all this prayerfully but he is a member of this forum and i will be glad if he sees my post may be it will touch him that am dying in silence. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you all

Dammy68:
@ edwife and others i really appreciate you all. I will do all this prayerfully but he is a member of this forum and i will be glad if he sees my post may be it will touch him that am dying in silence. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you all

Sweetheart nothing is lost for now,table everything to him,document if you can every expense you make daily and let him know that it is killing you.Talk to him,he is your husband.

However if he still behaving the same way,my sister i won't deceive you,you are human and you need your sanity for the sake of the kids.
Stop,stop any another expense you think is not in your budget- do what you can and leave the rest.

The kids are both yours,he needs to contribute to their upkeep and well-being this include school fees,feeding and providing a roof over their head.

The fact that you are working is a plus and he needs to appreciate that he has a wife who share the family responsibilities.I know women who work but don't contribute to anything in the house except feeding.You are a good wife.

Goodluck and courage.

He use to be a wonderful person before he lost his job initially but i don't know what has actually gotten over him because i knew him as somebody that shoulders responsibilities but just like smbody said i think he is afraid of going back to his former status but it is hurting me seriously. Moreover he is not remorseful about his actions

Dammy68:
He use to be a wonderful person before he lost his job initially but i don't know what has actually gotten over him because i knew him as somebody that shoulders responsibilities but just like smbody said i think he is afraid of going back to his former status but it is hurting me seriously. Moreover he is not remorseful about his actions

During his trying times,how was your attitude towards him like...be truthful for once..because I know women will always twist the story to suite them....

Remember how he was reasonable towards you when he have enough,he did not remind you of how much he spend to make you feel less a human...he took his fate and provide for his family just as it the right thing to do...

Can you say the same for yourselves..let these words trouble your heart...you don't trample and play with a man ego...it disastrous...

Goodnight...

Shymexxx come o!
Another BLACK MAN wahala oooooooooh!

Madam, the problem in your family is more than what you wrote. There are other things you have not mentioned here. You need to go back to the foundation. Settle with your husband before talking about money. Very simple.

KanwuliaJara:
Shymexxx come o!
Another BLACK MAN wahala oooooooooh!

you cannot see it here.

dangotesmummy:
you cannot see it here.

Lai-Lai!!!!

KanwuliaJara:


Lai-Lai!!!!

by now you should know the kind of threads where it loiters or where you will find it

dangotesmummy:
by now you should know the kind of threads where it loiters or where you will find it

E don go 'lectures'!
London "night-school"!

KanwuliaJara:


E don go 'lectures'!
London "night-school"!

no wonder

Don't cook, don't pay school fees. Don't pay rent. When landlord kicks y'all out, your kids get sent home from school and hunger waya him he will sit up.

Daresh:
Don't cook, don't pay school fees. Don't pay rent. When landlord kicks y'all out, your kids get sent home from school and hunger waya him he will sit up.

Madam please be rational when you dish out advice. This is 10years marriage and a very responsible man when he was blessed, we don't know how much debt he incurred during his layoff. Yes he's handling it immaturely but you can't throw the baby with bath water.

No, I can't waka pass coz newlyweds come on these boards to seek experienced counsel.

Dammy68:
He use to be a wonderful person before he lost his job initially but i don't know what has actually gotten over him because i knew him as somebody that shoulders responsibilities but just like smbody said i think he is afraid of going back to his former status but it is hurting me seriously. Moreover he is not remorseful about his actions

There you go.

Madam you're not a kid in this game. You didn't marry a stranger and understand your man's mood. Call your husband and have a heart to heart with him. And please follow Ronald17's advice to have emergency savings.
God will see you through this difficult situation and bless your home.

Madam did you say hurtful words to his face when he was down?

Did you ever blame him for not saving enough when he lost his job?

When the. Chips were down for him....how did you treat him? What were you always saying him? Did you encourage him?

Anyway,you need to have a heart to heart talk with him. He shouldn't forget his primary responsibility as a husband and a father in respective of what happen before

Daresh:
Don't cook, don't pay school fees. Don't pay rent. When landlord kicks y'all out, your kids get sent home from school and hunger waya him he will sit up.

Is this from the anger classes

Meanwhile I still need the address of the specialist

Ewuro4:


Madam please be rational when you dish out advice. This is 10years marriage and a very responsible man when he was blessed, we don't know how much debt he incurred during his layoff. Yes he's handling it immaturely but you can't throw the baby with bath water.

No, I can't waka pass coz newlyweds come on these boards to seek experienced counsel.



There you go.

Madam you're not a kid in this game. You didn't marry a stranger and understand your man's mood. Call your husband and have a heart to heart with him. And please follow Ronald17's advice to have emergency savings.
God will see you through this difficult situation and bless your home.

Thats my own advice because thats exactly what I would do. She has incurred debts herself but cannot service them cos she's feeding his ass.

You can't afford to be suffering in silence so you need to have a heart to heart conversation with your hubby since he doesn't seem to care about your feelings.

I will also echo the advice that has been given on this thread about the importance of saving regardless of your fear of potential impact on the family.

You have to stand your ground on this one and if it involves having to move the kids to less expensive schools then please go ahead.

Don't push yourself into financial ruin just because you want to stay in your marriage.