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For Freelance777 And Treese - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by radicalove(f): 11:43am On Jul 14, 2015
To Treese, you should never have gotten yourself pregnant for a man that does not love you, let alone getting married to him. Amaka's law of Relationship states that "It is better for a man to love a woman more than the way she loves him, not the other way round"
Love is not by force and you can not force him to love you. I understand how you feel my Treese, the only crime you committed was LOVING A MAN THAT DOES NOT LOVE YOU. You have virtually done everything just to win his love, but it is not working.
How can a man tell you not to give him problems on your wedding day and you still went ahead with the wedding, believe you me, if I were in your shoes, my answer to the question "Will you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband to love and to Cherish till death do you part?" would have been a "NO NO NO and NO, let the heavens fall if it wants to. What nonsense?
Who knows? You might have been a lot happier being a single mother, instead of living 3 years of your life trying to please an undeserving man.

5 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by OluwaChinenyenwa: 11:47am On Jul 14, 2015
Kimoni:


Treese, pls let me apologize for quoting you on this thread.

Buka, all the issues you highlighted above are mere symptoms, the real issue persist.

The bolded is the main issue in my opinion. Freelance is feeling trapped in this marriage and he doesn't seem to love his wife anymore or maybe he never did like her gutfeel has rightly told her. When you are being forced to live with someone you don't love, everything the person does will irritate you, laughing or smiling with the person becomes an impossible task. I am only wondering why it took him several months and after the birth of 2 kids for him to realize he is not with the right person. Maybe he actually thought the love would grow sha.

I don't even know how to advise them cuz where there is no love in one partner, where do you start dishing your advice from?

Their issue reminds me of Prince Charles and Lady Di. I only pray they don't end up divorced like the royal couple.
This right here should also be noted!!
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by GHoJes: 1:06pm On Jul 14, 2015
If it was treese' account only, i also would have thought her husband does not totally love her.

Freelance still feel something for treese, something i would have love to trully ascertain. His posts closely looked at, exposed an insecure man scared of losing his wife to her ex. He says but for the kids, he would have walked out but i know a man who threat his wife as poorly as he does would not use that excuse if he doesnt feel anything for her especially with the seeming adulterous wife's acts taunting him, his tone was that of a man scared and for the first time he considered counseling in his heart which made him voiced out his fears by asking if it really works.

When he paid back his wife for speaking with her ex, it was out of jealousy of a man who cared even enough to further find out the mission of the ex by insecurely impersonating the wife. Yet he lied when the wife asked if he doesnt get jealous, because of his fat ego.

Treese took enough already, freelance pushed her to the path she took. Freelance has a big ego that dosent let him express or communicate his feelings, i also think his childhood contributed too. I wish i could see freelance' love language from his posts but treese's is that of physical touch and she is not getting it from her hubby. Its is in her posts, naggings to her husband, even the ex said it with the lack of hugs etc

Treese want to make it work, freelance admitted same for his kids sake atleast but they are not understanding each other because they are not speaking the right language. They will make it if they know and speak to each other their love languages as a first step to their problem solving.

4 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by Nitefury: 2:08pm On Jul 14, 2015
treese:
You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.

She said this
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by zeb04(f): 3:08pm On Jul 14, 2015
who ended marriage?

when you bring problems to social media,you must be ready to accept the hard truth.

marriage ended when you started giving sex through the back door even though you bled afterwards.
in fact reading your story, it ended before it began.

4 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by emmatok(m): 5:35pm On Jul 14, 2015
radicalove:
To Treese, you should never have gotten yourself pregnant for a man that does not love you, let alone getting married to him. Amaka's law of Relationship states that "It is better for a man to love a woman more than the way she loves him, not the other way round"
Love is not by force and you can not force him to love you. I understand how you feel my Treese, the only crime you committed was LOVING A MAN THAT DOES NOT LOVE YOU. You have virtually done everything just to win his love, but it is not working.
How can a man tell you not to give him problems on your wedding day and you still went ahead with the wedding, believe you me, if I were in your shoes, my answer to the question "Will you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband to love and to Cherish till death do you part?" would have been a "NO NO NO and NO, let the heavens fall if it wants to. What nonsense?
Who knows? You might have been a lot happier being a single mother, instead of living 3 years of your life trying to please an undeserving man.


It's easy to blame the man for women's problems.

If you read Treese post on VJ lax, you will noticed how her various Ex, insulted and dumped her .

It's the hands of same Ex(married) she is now finding her comfort.

She wants to get married due to fear of neglect and the guy married her out of pity, not knowing her history.

2 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 5:54pm On Jul 14, 2015
Kimoni:


Treese, pls let me apologize for quoting you on this thread.

Buka, all the issues you highlighted above are mere symptoms, the real issue persist.

The bolded is the main issue in my opinion. Freelance is feeling trapped in this marriage and he doesn't seem to love his wife anymore or maybe he never did like her gutfeel has rightly told her. When you are being forced to live with someone you don't love, everything the person does will irritate you, laughing or smiling with the person becomes an impossible task. I am only wondering why it took him several months and after the birth of 2 kids for him to realize he is not with the right person. Maybe he actually thought the love would grow sha.

I don't even know how to advise them cuz where there is no love in one partner, where do you start dishing your advice from?

Their issue reminds me of Prince Charles and Lady Di. I only pray they don't end up divorced like the royal couple.

Hello Kimoni,

They both have their faults and interestingly, my earlier posts actually captures the full picture.
.
The husband is a hard man while the wife is emotionally immature.

The wife is not putting herself in the position to be loved; if she liked what she saw on social media, why didn't she start it? (Between, who judges the health of a marriage from the paparazzi on social media). She cooks for random friends, confide in her ex, is not trustworthy and she wonders why her husband doesn't display her pictures?(is it a metrics for happiness?) undecided

The husband might not love her and probably decided to marry her due to the pregnancy despite the lax privates (which is a plus aka responsibility) which she could have developed.

Marriage is a garden which couples water and nurture as it suits them not as it is dictated by 'society'

Re gut feeling: Why didn't this feeling come up before they got married or she got pregnant?

@Husband: The guy was obviously not ready for marriage when she got pregnant and also very vengeful.

If they can both go back to the foundation and have heart to heart discussions, they can salvage their relationship
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 5:56pm On Jul 14, 2015
Islie:



The marriage counselor has spoken gringrin

Thanks
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 5:58pm On Jul 14, 2015
DonTim1:
It takes real love and true friendship to marry som1 who got preggers for u out of wedlock.
Else you'll continually feel you deserve better and in worse case hate you spouse.

Feelance didn't marry his friend, the initial gra gra of love in tokyo has weared of / n prolly he has seen or expeienced a want/like lacking in wifey elsewhr hence all this.

Wife is also not matured enough mentally for marriage n yes dat dude freelance is still a wuss , not always taking respondsibility, how can you put a bad day at work on yor wife or ring? Just imagine employer with a bad start at home comes to work and fires employee claiming he/she was respondsible

That is hardness of heart right there.

The removal of the ring is a constant reminder he feels the wife/marriage is a failure
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 5:58pm On Jul 14, 2015
Time2Smile:
You are all right. I was captivated while reading their stories a few days ago. Both of them are guilty of crass immaturity, more so the wife. But I get the feeling there is only one person trying to make this marriage work which is the wife, treese. Most of the actions of the husband which seems immature are just the action of a man tired of his marriage. It takes two to tango, Please Mr Freelance777 you need to accept this woman, love her, cherish her, guide her and am sure she will change some of her immature behaviour.

True
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 5:59pm On Jul 14, 2015
MarvellousGod:
From all indications, they both tied the knot because the woman got pregnant out of wedlock... The man never really loved her going by all her posts... Imagine telling your wife on your wedding day not to give you trouble in your marriage, telling her that like twice.. On a wedding day that was supposed to be full of joy...
This amongst other hurtful words he told her.

You're accusing your wife of infidelity when you're sex chatting with female friends... You question her for not using her wedding ring when you don't wear yours at all? If wedding ring was such a big issue to you, then why don't you wear yours?
I'm not trying to say marriage is do me I do you but man you're not a saint..

Then the woman is so naive, running to ex for succour... nawa ooo. You need to wise up and do away with those men biko.. you have your husband at home.

That said, I think your marriage can be salvaged if you both learn to communicate well, you lack that openness husband and wife should possess.. I mean that togetherness and free mindedness. .
You should also learn to be wise with words, anger doesn't give you the liberty to say hurtful words to your partner. Words said can never be taken back, learn to control yourself..
And yeah, BOTH of you have to be involved for things to work again.....

All the best, I really wish your marriage can come back alive and better smiley

Nice analysis Buka

Thanks

I hope all becomes well with them
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by babygirlfl: 6:34pm On Jul 14, 2015
Well done bukatyne
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by oweniwe(m): 6:42pm On Jul 14, 2015
See all these people throwing blames and advicing lile say dem holy pass.

Like a man who flirts with other girls blamimg d wife for flirting or a beer guzzling father advicing his son not to drink beer.

All of una wey dey form adviser.... una get una own palava too.

if I were any of d couple, I won't take anything said here with a pinch of salt cos I kno most of d folks here will do worse if in d wife's situation ..... imagine dem saying she for no do backdoor.... if she no gree do backdoor and husband go out go cheat, na d same ppl go still blame her for not being caring.

for d husband, I go just say, women are hard to understand. if u giv den too much freedom, they will start to misbehave, if u control dem with heavy hand, they will cry out dat u are a dictator ...... I will say, assume you are a teacher, treat ur wife like you would do ur favorite student.

daz all
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by peedeeasobie(m): 6:45pm On Jul 14, 2015
Mutendiwashe:


Marriage is for better for worse, if cooking for for a guy who is helping your brother-in-law get a job will even make you consider parting ways with her it means you got married blindfolded.
The wife instead of cooking for the guy could have just taken groceries to help the guy and maybe have someone else cook for him just to show her appreciation. Sometimes your kindness can be seen for something else by others, always make sure you do things that will not cause your partner to mistrust you.







With due respect Ma, ur analysis is one sided!

Whether the man is helping her brother to get a job or to become president is completely immaterial!

She is a married woman! Cooking for a man is an act of intimacy! Its a thing of pride for most men!
Taking groceries to him? As per what? The appreciation she should show is "thank you" period!

She was wrong in that!

Like the OP said, the both of them are immature!
They are both insincere to each other!
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by bukatyne(f): 9:03pm On Jul 14, 2015
babygirlfl:
Well done bukatyne

Thanks dear kiss

1 Like

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by radicalove(f): 9:36pm On Jul 14, 2015
emmatok:



It's easy to blame the man for women's problems.

If you read Treese post on VJ lax, you will noticed how her various Ex, insulted and dumped her .

It's the same Ex(married) she is now finding her comfort.

She wants to get married due to far of neglect and the guy married her out of pity, not knowing her history.
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by Mutendiwashe(f): 5:26am On Jul 15, 2015
peedeeasobie:





With due respect Ma, ur analysis is one sided!

Whether the man is helping her brother to get a job or to become president is completely immaterial!

She is a married woman! Cooking for a man is an act of intimacy! Its a thing of pride for most men!
Taking groceries to him? As per what? The appreciation she should show is "thank you" period!

She was wrong in that!

Like the OP said, the both of them are immature!
They are both insincere to each other!

Cooking is an act of intimacy and taking off a wedding ring every time you have non-marital related issues is an act of what?

i will not shoot myself dead because you decided to read my comment with a biased mind. Thats on you. I already said she could have given a small grocery for someone to go cook for him instead just to show appreciation. You clearly shut your eyes and skipped that part.

Wherever you got the idea that a married woman has to isolate every opposite sex friend she has simply because she changed her surname simply amazes me. If you intend on being more successful you will always need more connections and this includes making both male and female friends.

3 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by cococandy(f): 5:56am On Jul 15, 2015
By the way I think I saw somewhere in her post where she said she gave some leftover food to the nanny to give the dude because he said he was broke at the moment.

If that's true, I don't see the crime in that.

3 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by kreamidiva(f): 7:07am On Jul 15, 2015
Immaturity in marriage...
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by Kimoni: 8:26am On Jul 15, 2015
cococandy:
By the way I think I saw somewhere in her post where she said she gave some leftover food to the nanny to give the dude because he said he was broke at the moment.

If that's true, I don't see the crime in that.

You know, I have been restraining myself a lot from speaking further on this issue out of respect for the couple. But I don't understand why people are deliberately ignoring a significant part of what the lady has said or gone through. The hubby conveniently twisted the above to "cooking for him" and peeps have continued to drag her over this despite her explanation.

3 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by mizzochocinco: 8:35am On Jul 15, 2015
bukatyne:


Hello Kimoni,

They both have their faults and interestingly, my earlier posts actually captures the full picture.
.
The husband is a hard man while the wife is emotionally immature.

The wife is not putting herself in the position to be loved; if she liked what she saw on social media, why didn't she start it? (Between, who judges the health of a marriage from the paparazzi on social media). She cooks for random friends, confide in her ex, is not trustworthy and she wonders why her husband doesn't display her pictures?(is it a metrics for happiness?) undecided

The husband might not love her and probably decided to marry her due to the pregnancy despite the lax privates (which is a plus aka responsibility) which she could have developed.

Marriage is a garden which couples water and nurture as it suits them not as it is dictated by 'society'

Re gut feeling: Why didn't this feeling come up before they got married or she got pregnant?

@Husband: The guy was obviously not ready for marriage when she got pregnant and also very vengeful.

If they can both go back to the foundation and have heart to heart discussions, they can salvage their relationship

enlighten us on how a person can put herself in a position to be loved if her husband takes off his ring for virtually anything that upsets him even when its work related?

5 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by GHoJes: 12:40pm On Jul 15, 2015
The man is just trying to make the woman be scared and become more "submissive" with the ending of the marriage thing. He is will go back to her although his ego would wait for a few more begs afterall he must have noticed from his "wakabout" that not every woman can tolerate like his wife.

But freelance you are a manipulator. Freelance knows his wife visit nl, impersonated his wife and had proof that his wife did not cheat all the while his phone passworded. When he saw that he has been caught from his wife's reply to his version, his ego bloated again. I imagined him say how dare she?, she must pay (his usual weapon) and decided to trow the vj thing at his wife. He suddenly realised it is time to do it in a manner that will get back at her and make her feel threatened. I am not even convinced by his statement, he may even have twisted her history to get at her like he twisted the cooking story. Ego aside, if he checks his tool and skills well, he will know he has no right to point at his wife the way he did.

The worst of it all, is for treese to exclude herself and man but blame "non existent" people for her marriage end. She went into that marriage with low esteem, the marriage further reduced it to nothing, she knows but doesnt mind.

4 Likes

Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by efemenaslectura: 1:21pm On Jul 15, 2015
Bukky/bukatyne shocked shocked




ok.i reserve my comment shocked
Re: For Freelance777 And Treese by focus7: 2:41am On Jul 16, 2015
Op I respect your counsel, more wisdom and grace. To the man, he should please be fair to the lady and respect her emotions. A woman you have been with for year with 2kids and now you are suddenly coming up with bad sex on the accusation of a lax V, that's cruel, selfish, mean and inconsiderate. He should give that lady support to solve that lax V problem, in marriage one person problem should be all party problem. In conclusion, though I agree the woman has her loads of faults but I chose to take on the man, he has not been responsible enough as treating the lady fairly, I beg I am a married man as well and will not treat my wife with less sense of esteem.

1 Like

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