Good evening to both of you and kids.

I stumbled on both threads and i just want to anakyze based on information in both for a better relationship.

I pray you guys get together stronger.

This is the husband

freelance777: Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

Here is the wife's response:

treese: Hello you all. I am his wife.but I am indeed glad he came here to pour his heart out. He doesn't like communicating with me that much, once he is upset u dont wanna be around me. You will pity me, he treats me unfair, he removes his ring at will and says he had a bad day and so it his wedding ring that caused it. You can take a look tru my profile. You would see just a little of my complaints. But now i get where the problem is. Funny enough I didn't know he had this topic here already cos I am not much of a nairaland person so if he didn't make front topic I won't have seen it. And it was even God that drew my attention here cos even front topic I don't read that much. Very very glad I did. Now o am not a cheating wife and would never ever till I die cheat. I would rather walk away. You see d gentle man who put this topic down, he doesn't talk much to me. If anything goes wrong with us, I could be talking for 3mins he will just increase the volume of his phone and start playing music. He can agree how any times in a day I ask him why he hates me so much. Cos he acts as such. Let me analyse the instances that made him think am cheating. My EX who was the first man I probably ever loved. Myself and my husband has had plenty issues on exes his exes sef just disappeared completely like a year back. My ex probably called me and we had a very clean and open convo. I tot to myself this is wrong jor. So I told him, my ex called me and he has always bin calling which is true. But very clean convo. He has Like 3kids now and is happily married. The day i told my hubby my ex called me. He was just there like whatever, and I rem telling him that day you never get jealous of me. U should even ask me questions or something. If I keep talking without bin asked questions then something is wrong with me. God knows I felt hurt that he was neutral. And that night my husband decide to have phone intimacy with an old female friend to get back at me. I rem that Sunday Wen I saw it. I cried. I felt hurt d moment he said that's for Kipling in touch with ur ex. And i asked him why he didnt allow us talk about it immediately, sometimes thats all we need just talk to us and show u care, till date i always feel my husvand is t worrird ablut losing me, instead he pays me back. And i dont think it should that way, sometimes communicatikn is all u need and u would just find d truth in d detail. I cang coynt how many incriminatikng stiffs i have fpynd on his phone, me i cant kip quiet for too long i tell him sharp sharp and sometimes it isnt what i think, but if i decide to keep.quiet and pay him back i would only be hurting us more, so back to my ex, Then we went out, we spoke about it and it all got cleared, but I guess it didn't. Secondly he spoke about me removing my ring. Now this is me also.when I find out hubby always removes his ring often and blame it on bad days I join him. Right now none of us Is wearing a rjng; he as removed it again and thrown it away claiming another bad day and I joined in cos I don't undestand that ish again. Now the third case of cheating. He said o saved my ex's number yeah that's true and that becos I didn't want my husband to think otherwise cos I actually think he knows the guys number or have it saved somewhere. This guy is helping my lil brother gt a job with an oil firm. He is only helping.
When my husband saw this I felt so bad so so bad and I wish I had discussed it with him. But I tot he would pay me back painfully again so I decide to keep it away from him. The third blame is me cooking for a guy on the estate. The guy is a friend I met quiet alright. But God sees my heart I cooked it out of helping. His wife is overseas and d guy claimed to be broke, then also there was fuel scarcity he said he couldn't get fuel to buy. So he wanted me to help him with food. That faithful day, my husband's friend who also lives on the estate was home, my nanny and my two kids, so I asked him to give his opinion,and he said why not that the guy is an easy going person on the estate and for him to ask for food he must be In a bad state. We had some left over rice at home and I told hy nanny to go and give him. When my hubby came back that day I Had to find a way to explain to him. I wasnt too sure of his response, but to a certain extent d man i know and the way he has bin treating me I tot he will say no big deal. But I got otherwise instantly I knew I had messed up, but how to fix it became a problem. He has called my dad on this matter. That old man is another man I fear the most after God. Tho I was scared of wat he will do to me. But I was rather glad. Cos I wanted to be free and be trusted again. The matter on ground is something that I know can ruin my home but now that he as spoken I believe and hope he learns to trust me. Now I understand d reason for the mean treatments. He doesn't like visiting marriage counselors, so smtimes we end our matters and issues arguing and no resolution. Am saying it world wide now. I am not cheating on my husband. I love him than anything else in the world. Appreciate him and would always honour him. His changes and behaviour towards me recently sort of got me changing to, but now I see where it's all coming from. God bless u nairaland at least he spoke here. But seriously, dear Nairalander's you can't give concluding opinions on a journey of 3years based on 650 words. U don't av any idea wat we both av bin Tru to just conclude that he divorces a woman u know nothing about based on the short story u heard. I am a woman who would do anything g to keep her home. I took steps that I had no clue I would regret. Now he doesn't trust me no one knows how that feels. Even when I go out for business he picks d lie from d truth and this hasn't bin making me go what I deserve. I hope and pray God fixes this for me

Here is treese on another thread:

treese: Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

Waiting for your comments @bukatyne I know you are typing.

I am ggoing to apologise in advance that i will be harsh and say it exactly how i see it

Thoughts:

@freelance777:

1. You are very venegful. Here are examples...
a. when you saw she was contacting her ex, you decided to sex chat a female friend of yours to get back at her. No accusations or dialogue....

b. you waited till you had issues as regards sex (good/bad) before you told her in disdain that you do not enjoy it because she is lax (even when she thought it was good). Such talk is not what you fling in the heat of disagreements.... you sit down and lovingly discuss it especially as she has told you about it pre-marriage. She even went far to give you anal?


2. You do not admit faults. examples:
a. See the thread you opened; one would have thought you were saint freelance777; you never told us you retaliated when you saw her convo with her ex.


3. You were malicious. examples:
a. Throwing of tantrums around the house when there were issues
b. All the 'i saw the text and said nothing' etc.
c. Your removing of ring whenever there are issues and your wedding ring caused it i.e. your wife caused your troubles even at work? Man, that 's super duper mean!

4. You both do not communicate and are clearly not on the same page.

Deducted this from your wife's posts.

@treese...

I am also going to apologize in advance because i am going to be harsh

1) You are a super duper unwise wife. That was the first thing that came to my mind. Examples:
a. Your ex called you and you turned him to agony uncle. Of all the people in your life to complain to your husband about, it is your ex (whom you loved so much... why didn't you marry him?)
b. You saw a guy in the estate and exchanged number bla bla... Do you think you are still single to be mingling anyhow? Do you know what it means to be married? ( I do not even encourage giving of numbers out (single or married) or you think this is desperate housewives sneario? Or babes do you want to change careers to estate management?
c. He asked you to cook for him? Haba! Madam!! are you a also caterer or his wife have no relatives? If his family thinks he needed help, won't they have organized such for him?
d. You did not protect your home.

2. You are not trustworthy
a. Storing ex's number with code?
b. Developing a kind of relationship that the 'estate agent' is ready to shag you when you are ready? He was not even afraid to have such convo with you
c. Why did you ask your husband if he was okay with you cooking after you have done it?
d. You removed your ring in the glove compartment because he doesn't wear his? Did you ever tell him? Why do I find it strange that you did not let him know you were paying him back? I would understand if you boboed him and removed the ring @ home and wore it when you were out of the home. What were you thinking?

3. You are not on the same page with your hubby and communicate on a different wavelength
Did you ever communicate your hurts to him? You thought he enjoyed the sex? How? Was he pretending?


4. You are not emotionally matured. You do not think through the consequences of your actions...
a. Storing ex's number with gibberish
b. Playing mind games with hubby etc
C. Doing anal? Heard of diseases

I deducted all these from your hubby's posts

Time2Smile:
Waiting for your comments @bukatyne I know you are typing.

Done

Solution:

freelance777:

1. Learn the art of thrashing issues as they come. You saw her ex chats; Sit her down and ask what they meant etc. Marriage is not a game; you don't like A, B, C... voice out immediately. You having a ready contact to sex text with speaks volumes.

2. Learn the art of communication... sex is not good etc, create an avenue and discuss as lovers, as someone who cherish and love.

3. Learn to admit your faults broda, ask for forgiveness when wrong and forgive when apologized to

4. Do away completely with malice and hardness of heart. Your wife gave you anal because she wanted to spice things yet you threw it in her face.

5. Invest emotionally in your marriage

6. Be faithful

7. I apologize on behalf of your wife



treese:

1. Pray for the spirit of Wisdom

2. Grow up

3. Do away with ex, estate agent etc, and learn how to invest on your marriage. If you have issues, know the right people to go to. You do not need the extra baggage of people around you.

4. Think before acting amd stop hanky panky games. And stop the anal biko

5. You need to prove to your husband you are worthy of his trust and loyal to him. It is going to be very hard work however, you will get there.

6. Be virtuous

7. I apologize on behalf of your husband

God be with you both.

bukatyne:


Done

The marriage counselor has spoken

On ma way to d seminary, celibate life is d surest cum best

OREMUSSANCTUS:
On ma way to d seminary, celibate life is d surest cum best

With the right person, it is bliss.

bukatyne:


With the right person, it is bliss.

In as much as d lady fckued up so much, I wld still blame d man for behaving like a cvnt. He shldnt ve given d lady d opportunity to f up, every lady has dat potential cum tendency to misbehave, it only takes one careless move by a man to trigger her.
Thanks for ur help, I just hope dey blend soon.

OREMUSSANCTUS:

In as much as d lady fckued up so much, I wld still blame d man for behaving like a cvnt. He shldnt ve given d lady d opportunity to f up, every lady has dat potential cum tendency to misbehave, it only takes one careless move by a man to trigger her.
Thanks for ur help, I just hope dey blend soon.

@bold:

Not true

I hope all is well in their home

Ma'am I love you, chop kiss abeg



But honestly that woman should pray for wisdom , she really needs it and I smell childishness all over her words even her husband's too, revenge , always crying, fear haba!!

I concur.

Ride on bukatyne.

elantraceey:
Ma'am I love you, chop kiss abeg



But honestly that woman should pray for wisdom , she really needs it and I smell childishness all over her words even her husband's too, revenge , always crying, fear haba!!

Thanks

cococandy:
I concur.

Ride on bukatyne.

Ride on What?

Thanks

how can you blame the woman for not communicating....didnt you read her story.

these whole thing is very messed up. I cant even imagine having secx through the back door to please someone.

I know marriage takes away some things,I didnt know it takes away common sense too.

zeb04:
how can you blame the woman for not communicating....didnt you read her story.

these whole thing is very messed up. I cant even imagine having secx through the back door to please someone.

I know marriage takes away some things,I didnt know it takes away common sense too.

I did and I got it from there.

Hopefully, the wife will get her senses Back.

Thanks for reminding me about the anal.

Treese post :
Every woman loves a romantic guy, show me a woman who puts her husband's dp up ALL the time I would show u a woman is married to a man that makes her smile all the time. My husband isn't the romantic kind of guy but I don't think that's very true: Cos I rem 2yrs back he had flowers delivered to me far away in the United states and he was in naija. How he did I don't know, but it felt like a proposal, cos I didn't experience d "go on ur kneels will u marry me ish with him". I did a survey with my married friends on fb,instagram, and bb. And I see d way wives are bin celebrated by their husbands... so I ask myself, am I doing something wrong as a wife, or is my husband not just a happy man. I tried to talk with him. Cos he doesn't like to communicate much with me it didn't do much impact. I tried to develop sending romantic messgaes to him. It didn't work. I rem few days back, I sent him a message, I quote "is it okay to be crazy in love with you" and his response "lol, as long as u tread with care and caution cos someone like me if u love me to much it will make me care less and love you less... Till date that response is still my most embarrassing textmessage from him, when am not a girlfriend. I was thinking and planning we change environment, probably go out without d kids. But I know who am married to d I dea might even irritate him.
I can't touch his phones without his permission; he can strangle my neck for that reason. And if u ask him he says because I vowed never to touch his phone again he is saving my life from bin destroyed. Lmao.
I don't think he is happy, when he is angry with or we arguing over an issue u hear him say things like I should not av taken d child from u when u claimed u were pregnant: yes I got pregnant out of wedlock but I didn't force him to. So why so much hate...
I see d love in vogue and I ask myself where I av gone wrong that young couples like us av such boring marriage.
I have my weakness, I do in fact I av a lot, but if there is sincere love it can fix it in my opinion. I don't think it's about my weakness. I think there is more. I don't think there is any one else either...
When am down he doesn't notice, if I av something on my mind and I try to wear d mood.. am on my own. I understand he is so engrossed with work but still. Dear hubby only u know wat goes on in ur mind. Would av preferred better options. I have seen u defend ur mum on matters BTW us and I don't think u can ever defend me like that. I have seen u care for some of ur female friends nd Dat treatment is far from us. I one day asked my hubby y he doesn't check me out nd tell me wen I look good nd i recieve the comments from differebt men outside, he said it's normal. He said men admire other women nd might not admire their own wives. So much to say, this is just very little of how I feel.
We had an argument yesterday dat involved me mentioning my mum law before I knew it he reported me to my sister in law telling her everything I said. Till now I haven't recovered from d textmessage she sent. He reallt made me miss my late mum. I know I shouldn't av probably talked about his mum. But I tot couples av each other's back.
We av two lovely kids from this marriage. But if he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he never did.. i rem him telling me on our wedding day that i musnt give him problems oo, he said ot like twice and i rem telling him not to worry all will be well. But do men say that on their their wife on their weddind day? is it adviceable to continue, I don't encourage divorce but wat if it will mk him happy. I can't tell.. I love him very much but he doesn't love me Like I do nd he doesn't want me to push it, it irritates him like he said, And I don't want to force it.I want him to be happy, I can't ask him cos he doesn't like communicating with me, it doesn't always go down fine majority of the time. He doesn't believe in marriage counselor or shrink........ so!! "Very confused state of mind"

Treese, pls let me apologize for quoting you on this thread.

Buka, all the issues you highlighted above are mere symptoms, the real issue persist.

The bolded is the main issue in my opinion. Freelance is feeling trapped in this marriage and he doesn't seem to love his wife anymore or maybe he never did like her gutfeel has rightly told her. When you are being forced to live with someone you don't love, everything the person does will irritate you, laughing or smiling with the person becomes an impossible task. I am only wondering why it took him several months and after the birth of 2 kids for him to realize he is not with the right person. Maybe he actually thought the love would grow sha.

I don't even know how to advise them cuz where there is no love in one partner, where do you start dishing your advice from?

Their issue reminds me of Prince Charles and Lady Di. I only pray they don't end up divorced like the royal couple.

You're right.

Kimoni:


Treese, pls let me apologize for quoting you on this thread.

Buka, all the issues you highlighted above are mere symptoms, the real issue persist.

The bolded is the main issue in my opinion. Freelance is feeling trapped in this marriage and he doesn't seem to love his wife anymore or maybe he never did like her gutfeel has rightly told her. When you are being forced to live with someone you don't love, everything the person does will irritate you, laughing or smiling with the person becomes an impossible task. I am only wondering why it took him several months and after the birth of 2 kids for him to realize he is not with the right person. Maybe he actually thought the love would grow sha.

I don't even know how to advise them cuz where there is no love in one partner, where do you start dishing your advice from?

Their issue reminds me of Prince Charles and Lady Di. I only pray they don't end up divorced like the royal couple.

It takes real love and true friendship to marry som1 who got preggers for u out of wedlock.
Else you'll continually feel you deserve better and in worse case hate you spouse.

Feelance didn't marry his friend, the initial gra gra of love in tokyo has weared of / n prolly he has seen or expeienced a want/like lacking in wifey elsewhr hence all this.

Wife is also not matured enough mentally for marriage n yes dat dude freelance is still a wuss , not always taking respondsibility, how can you put a bad day at work on yor wife or ring? Just imagine employer with a bad start at home comes to work and fires employee claiming he/she was respondsible

You are all right. I was captivated while reading their stories a few days ago. Both of them are guilty of crass immaturity, more so the wife. But I get the feeling there is only one person trying to make this marriage work which is the wife, treese. Most of the actions of the husband which seems immature are just the action of a man tired of his marriage. It takes two to tango, Please Mr Freelance777 you need to accept this woman, love her, cherish her, guide her and am sure she will change some of her immature behaviour.

From all indications, they both tied the knot because the woman got pregnant out of wedlock... The man never really loved her going by all her posts... Imagine telling your wife on your wedding day not to give you trouble in your marriage, telling her that like twice.. On a wedding day that was supposed to be full of joy...
This amongst other hurtful words he told her.

You're accusing your wife of infidelity when you're sex chatting with female friends... You question her for not using her wedding ring when you don't wear yours at all? If wedding ring was such a big issue to you, then why don't you wear yours?
I'm not trying to say marriage is do me I do you but man you're not a saint..

Then the woman is so naive, running to ex for succour... nawa ooo. You need to wise up and do away with those men biko.. you have your husband at home.

That said, I think your marriage can be salvaged if you both learn to communicate well, you lack that openness husband and wife should possess.. I mean that togetherness and free mindedness. .
You should also learn to be wise with words, anger doesn't give you the liberty to say hurtful words to your partner. Words said can never be taken back, learn to control yourself..
And yeah, BOTH of you have to be involved for things to work again.....

All the best, I really wish your marriage can come back alive and better

Nice analysis Buka

I hope they both read the thread.

if she really gave you anal then all her sins should be forgiven already.

Islie:



The marriage counselor has spoken

She did very well. I'm impressed!

I still think she has a coconut head though

Bukatyne did they both deactivate?

Are you in contact with the lady? I might have a solution for her. Kindly reply. Thanks.

I said it on freelancer's thread that marriage is for matured people and i was told i have a low self esteem

Marriage is for better for worse, if cooking for for a guy who is helping your brother-in-law get a job will even make you consider parting ways with her it means you got married blindfolded.
The wife instead of cooking for the guy could have just taken groceries to help the guy and maybe have someone else cook for him just to show her appreciation. Sometimes your kindness can be seen for something else by others, always make sure you do things that will not cause your partner to mistrust you.

So the husband was the one having sex chats with his ex and his guilt got him worried that his wife could be doing the same. I had a feeling thats really what was going on. Turns out thats the case.

If you are fighting over the most stupid things on the planet that can be fixed you will not survive those that actually cannot be changed.

If the wife can visit the doctor and maybe see what kind of exercises, medication or surgeries she can do to get her tightness back that could help their sex life. Sex has a special way of binding 2 people closer than ever.

The husband needs to grow up and stop acting like he is 5yrs old, leave that for your 2 children. You are the head of the family, leadership comes with responsibilities not headaches. Learn to communicate effectively with your wife. If she does something you dont like or appreciate you set boundaries that you both adhere to to keep your marriage. You married her for a reason. She is your partner not your enemy.

5minsmadness:
Bukatyne did they both deactivate?

Are you in contact with the lady? I might have a solution for her. Kindly reply. Thanks.

I don't know if they have deactivated

I am also not in contact with anyone of them

exactly

bukatyne:
@treese...

I am also going to apologize in advance because i am going to be harsh

1) You are a super duper unwise wife. That was the first thing that came to my mind. Examples:
a. Your ex called you and you turned him to agony uncle. Of all the people in your life to complain to your husband about, it is your ex (whom you loved so much... why didn't you marry him?)
b. You saw a guy in the estate and exchanged number bla bla... Do you think you are still single to be mingling anyhow? Do you know what it means to be married? ( I do not even encourage giving of numbers out (single or married) or you think this is desperate housewives sneario? Or babes do you want to change careers to estate management?
c. He asked you to cook for him? Haba! Madam!! are you a also caterer or his wife have no relatives? If his family thinks he needed help, won't they have organized such for him?
d. You did not protect your home.

2. You are not trustworthy
a. Storing ex's number with code?
b. Developing a kind of relationship that the 'estate agent' is ready to shag you when you are ready? He was not even afraid to have such convo with you
c. Why did you ask your husband if he was okay with you cooking after you have done it?
d. You removed your ring in the glove compartment because he doesn't wear his? Did you ever tell him? Why do I find it strange that you did not let him know you were paying him back? I would understand if you boboed him and removed the ring @ home and wore it when you were out of the home. What were you thinking?

3. You are not on the same page with your hubby and communicate on a different wavelength
Did you ever communicate your hurts to him? You thought he enjoyed the sex? How? Was he pretending?


4. You are not emotionally matured. You do not think through the consequences of your actions...
a. Storing ex's number with gibberish
b. Playing mind games with hubby etc
C. Doing anal? Heard of diseases

I deducted all these from your hubby's posts