I'm a newbie here and also im not cos i have been reading many updates/thread from great writers.this story i wanna start comprises of fiction nt total fiction...correction & criticism is allowed,bt kindly remember im not a writer...oNe LOVe

page 1 my name is babalola hammed(babham in short)..my story,my life,it all begins on 12 the month of june in the year 1998..As all of you know what happen dat year,no need to do ayaba(branching)..as i was told the day was a controversial day for my parent&relative(s),doctors require for operation money but my papa got nothing,after running helter sketer he made it.operation ended,another discoveries follow..a cut on the baby(me)head,mother internal bleeding,father accident in d process..hmmm,no naming ceremony was conducted after 7day(according to yoruba tribe)dey jez gimme 5names.......fast forward to primary 1......ur comment is needed so as to continue the journey..oNe LOVe

Babham:
I'm a newbie here and also im not cos i have been reading many updates/thread from great writers.this story i wanna start comprises of fiction nt total fiction...correction & criticism is allowed,bt kindly remember im not a writer...oNe LOVe

NO COMMENT

Let me comment...

In my primary 1 days,i am the class captain because i got something upstair,i do have a frnd called john we are 5&6,i do sent him some errand,there is one girl in my class her name is tawa,she is head girl in our class i mean class monitress,tosin a classmate like the girl very well not knowing that i too like her...one day tosin wrote love letter and give me so that i help him to deliver it..i firstly read it"i love you"he is afraid to put his name,me as a sharp guy put my name nd send it to her,i ran away from class and hide at the back of the window outside,peeping at her reaction when she read the letter,as i noticed dat she had read the letter finish,she stand up and head to our aunty table,handing her the letter,i developed head attack that moment,i dont know how to enter the class again,when the bell was rang for go in,i think i shud jst run home bt i cant do that,as i enter the class,my eyes and aunty own are in contact and she jst laugh and she called me,my heart nw start to beat heavily..i don die

Dnt jst read and go..i need ur comment

I don loose interest...signing out

Hello, you may have a good story but how you write or present it matters a lot. From your short stories, I noticed the following:

1. The writing has a lot of grammatical errors
2. It is not properly punctuated and indented. (You are writing a story for others to read not chatting )
3. The way you construct your sentences needs improvement.

I am sure if you can work on these, more people will be interested in reading and commenting.

Although filled with errors,am loving it as raw as it is,so pls continue

Hmmm...i ll try to change but i ll like to add pidgin english to it....ONe LOVe

mikolam:
Hello, you may have a good story but how you write or present it matters a lot. From your short stories, I noticed the following:

1. The writing has a lot of grammatical errors
2. It is not properly punctuated and indented. (You are writing a story for others to read not chatting )
3. The way you construct your sentences needs improvement.

I am sure if you can work on these, more people will be interested in reading and commenting.

ur n6 2 comment is because of the phone am using

[size=8pt][/size][left][/left][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]I reach home in the afternoon thinking of how my day got spoilt because of my stupid act...my aunty a lady of 19yrs old abt 5ft tall flog me mercillesly infront of the whole pupil in my class,

following !!!!just work on ur grammar n update regularly

Im happy to see ur comments bt im new here i dnt knw hw to create paragraph when im typing nd my phone can jst contain 1024 words

continuation

.....the following day at school went smoothly on the assembly.. though i thought change of school which i cant discuss with my mother...as at that time my mother is the only that i usually tell what is going on in my mind....my father us a strict man though i thank God he is not a military man because he would have killed me since because of my misbehaviour...



........the day being Friday is the only thing that made me to be happy because its a work free day..my classmate usually bring football because their is much time for us to play till we are tired....

...i didn't play football that day due to the pain that I'm feeling in my buttock and my joints..i just sat down under a tree near the field in front of our class watching my mates that are playing football..i know they missed me because on Friday we usually play with primary two class..


...not long after the match had started...i saw tawa she is about to leave class..she was coming to where i am,i thought of running away but one part of me said i should wait while the other said i should run..i followed the first.so i stood where i am...


......she came to where i am and asked me if i have seen tosin today....i told her i have not...she looked worried..i asked her what make her to be worried?...she said i cant understand..she then said she is sorry about the letter issue..that its not her
gave it to,its her seatmate tobi that gave aunty...



....tobi is a my friend and neighbour my own house is behind hers...we go home together..even we usually eat together..i even told her that i want to marry tawa..what i heard from tawa got me angry..i left the playing ground to search for tobi...unfortunately for her i found her in the class..i checked our aunty seat she is not around so i move toward tobi and landed three super,hot,thunderous slap on her cheek..everybody in the turn to look at what just happened...that is when i too saw our aunty(class teacher)watching the movie ....


.......she called me.....i sensed danger..

death don come finally



..

to be continue

jeremie97:
following !!!!just work on ur grammar n update regularly

i am trying sir

princejenks:
Although filled with errors,am loving it as raw as it is,so pls continue

thanks bro i ll change

i knw it is short but more update tonite or tomoro

continuation

...i followed aunty to her sit..my aunty chair is placed at one corner of the class..we got to her sit and she asked me what transpired between us but i was unable to utter any word..when she asked tobi she said she too don't know why i slapped her...my aunty is infuriated and went for her cane to flogged me..unfortunately the bell rang for fellowship and my class is going to be used for fellowship that Friday..it means this aunty gonna mess me in front of all pupil after the fellowship..i thought...


....my aunty commanded me to be on my knee in front of the class so that every body will see me..pupil from different class had begin to gather in our class..tears started forming in my eyes..i feel like releasing the stored tear but i don't because am a big boy..suddenly my mother showed up from no where..it got me elated i rushed to her and hugged her tightly..i want to ask my mom what brought her to my school but i forgot about about the question because she was my saviour..my aunty has told her about the letter and how i slapped tobi without reason....me and my mom left school premises....


.....we got home in the evening because we firstly went to my mum friend place near my school...

Nice flow...












Check out on your M.A tho