Growing up under the tutelage of my strict Nigerian parent was the best gift I ever had from them. I am forever grateful to my mum and dad, they moulded me into the piece of art I am today. Nigerians and other Africans, mostly have this in common, our parents don’t spare the rod. I look back at my childhood and I still find some moments or things quite interesting-

Referring to adult females as aunties and every adult male, an uncle.

Since calling people older than you by their name is quite disrespectful, we all called older people “Uncle this” or “Aunty that”, that was how it was and we never questioned it. I had relatives my parent couldn’t explain in simple terms how they were related to us.
Uncle John’s great-grand dad and my great-grand mum used to grow cassava together the old days,
And I am like so?


In Nigeria, it takes a village to raise a kid.
Your parents are not the only one who hold the responsibility for your upbringing, there are always aunties, uncles, neighbours, church members, friends that will put you back on track when you misbehave. You could get spanked at any time by these same “Uncles” and “Aunties. One hand does not nurse a child.



Wearing a uniform outfit with your siblings.
My parents made sure we wore "anko" even though I hated it so much. There is always something to celebrate in Nigeria, and celebrations always go with new clothes. There comes that moment when you have to wear the same family outfit for an event, let say wedding. Special clothes are for special days, and you get to wear them only for these occasions.

Hardcore to the core
We don’t see our parent kiss or say I love you- Seeing your parent show their affection through ways like kissing is like waiting to witness Abu Shekau give his life to christ,, you rarely get to see such. You hardly see your dad telling your mum-I love you, or even when he does it comes out so starchy and dry, you might think he was giving an order, no emotions at all



Watching a movie and a sex/romantic scene comes up-
As a kid, those were the most awkward moments of my life (the other was sitting and listening to my parent as they give you a Sex Ed). You’re in the sitting room with your parents watching a movie, then a romantic sex scene appears on the screen, the look on my parents’ faces at such moment is just epic!

Dad’s special plate of honour.
My dad had this special plate my mum uses to dish his food, this plate belongs to him and him alone. You dare not touch it.



Surprising you parents, or trying to play a prank!
Mum, Dad Surprise, Surprise!
Don’t even try to surprise your African dad, or you might end up surprising yourself.



We always had a big family, there was always a relative that comes to visit, and some of this relative ended up not going back and becoming a family member.



What your parent says is final.
You don’t correct your parent, even when you know they’re wrong. Wrong is only what your parent call -wrong, as they are always right. If your parent says Yoruba is the language spoken in heaven, dude better you agree! 'cause that is it and not for you to argue upon.

He who dishes last, washes the pot’s rule.
As a kid then I always avoided dishing last, or sometimes I will leave a chunk of food in the pot just not to wash the pot, the rule is the last to finish the food in the pot washes the pot.



Let’s go to the market, we won’t take long!
African mums can bargain till it gets to your nerve, we can spend one hour trying to buy just a bowl of gari. I usually dodge going to the market with my mum, except we are going to get my Xmas shoes.
Mum: How much is a derica of gari?
Seller: 300 Naira Ma.
Mum: 300 Naira for this kind Gari? No oo, I will pay 150.
Seller: Madam, bag of Gari don cost now ok, ok bring 200 as you be customer.
Mum: No, no, it’s 150
Seller: Oya bring the 150 ma
Mum: E no gree 120 Naira?
Me:ಠ_ಠ



When a visitor who comes to your house gives you money.
Mayo Mayo, take this 50 Naira and get yourself something nice, ok?
Me: Thank you, Uncle.
Next moment, mum comes in after accompanying your uncle to his car, hey where is that 50 Naira Uncle Ben gave you. Bring it, I will keep it for you.
She collects a little cash from you to get something, and when you later ask her for it, she will be like- why should I pay you? , is it not from the money I give you. You want to rob Peter to pay Paul abi?

Thou shall not lie…

“As a child of God, you must not lie”, your parent will sound this into your tiny ears right from infant. Yes, you shouldn't lie!
Mummy can I follow you out to Uncle Ben’s place.
Mum: Yes, Oya go put on your shoes.
Next moment, you return to find out she’s long gone.
Is that a lie? Of course Not!a lie is only when they ask you -who broke the plate and you knowing that it’s you, still insists it’s your younger brother, then that’s a lie!

Saving the best for the last.
Till now I still eat my food and reserve the meat for the last which sometimes can be embarrassing, I don’t know who said it must be this way but that is just what our parent drilled into us; the meat must be eating after the food, period!

Will I raise my kids this same style? Of course, yes!
To my future kids*-What you've just read about my childhood was written by me at the age of 3. Yes 3, I was that good!

We always had a big family, there was always a relative that comes to visit, and some of this relative ended up not going back and becoming a family member.

When a visitor who comes to your house gives you money.
Mayo Mayo, take this 50 Naira and get yourself something nice, ok?
Me: Thank you, Uncle.
Next moment, mum comes in after accompanying your uncle to his car, hey where is that 50 Naira Uncle Ben gave you. Bring it, I will keep it for you.
She collects a little cash from you to get something, and when you later ask her for it, she will be like- why should I pay you? , is it not from the money I give you. You want to rob Peter to pay Paul abi?