I’m sure you’ve probably come across one of those people who always brag about their ability not to fall in love and them having a stone heart and blablabla. Well I am one of those people, I pride myself in the fact that no matter how hot or lovely a girl is I can NEVER catch feelings for her. I might like the babe or be physically attracted but to catch feelings...mba, that’s not in my dictionary. Well all that changed when I got to Kaduna.


Being a male youth corper in another state the aim is always to explore the spices(girls) the land has to offer, and being posted to the north I was quite sad cuz I assumed all the girls in the north are dead, and to an extent that’s true. Almost every weekend I go on dates with different babes in Kaduna hoping to find one that I can manage, it’s either they cant speak good English(i cant be dating someone who kills people with her grammer), or they are too local, or they repeat clothes, or something sha. The last straw was with one 19 year old Yoruba Hausa chick I invited on a date, it was obvious this girl liked me but her shyness was on another level. There’s the cute kinda shyness and there’s the ‘WTF is this bitch’s problem’ kinda shy. After going on the horrible date with the stupid 19 year old I decided to call it quits, I’m not one to settle for a random babe all in the name of having a girl friend. I decided to just stick to being single, so far I’ve been single and it’s been working out fine. Then that night I decided to do my usual round of stalking random people(babes) on Instagram and stumbled across the account of one random hausa looking babe. I mistakenly liked one of her old pictures and so as not to seem like a stalker I just liked 3 other random pictures and told her to follow back.


And then she did, I was surprised. Then the holy spirit ministered to me and told me to DM her and I did and in less than 5 minutes she gave me the line all boys in the dm zone pray to hear ‘’Im not feeling this dm, this is my number lets chat on whatsapp”. I was like TF just happened, that was damn fast but who am I to complain. To cut the long story short in less than 30 minutes her and I agreed that we would hang out the next day in any venue of my choosing. I was fucking surprised, to confirm this babe wasn’t a guy in disguise I called her number and I heard a girls voice with abutty hausa accent. Twas then I relaxed.


Fast forward to the next day which was the D day I was indifferent. I assumed this would be another random date that would end in a disaster, I went through her instagram pictures again and rated her looks 5/10. I didn’t expect much from the date, I just hoped to use her to kill my boredom. I went to the bar(not beer parlour) we agreed to meet at exactly 5pm and chose one coded dark corner(just incase) and waited. As usual she came late (typical naija babe), she called 20 minutes later and said she had gotten to the place and was about to enter, lo and behold I saw a tall FUCKING HOT chick with a smile that could melt the heart of a thousand men. Her instagram pics lied, she was a Solid 8. I don’t recall ever falling for a dark skinned babe but for me to call a babe with the same skin colour as Lupita whatever her surname is Hot then trust me, she’s a fucking 8. I became nervous and started Hyperventilating then I reminded myself “Ope, You’re a Lagos boy who has dated Americans and Britons, why the Bleep are you scared over a darkskinned Hausa girl, calm the Bleep down and comport yourself” and I did exactly that. I comported myself, went over and hugged her, offered her a sit and we started chatting. Her English was flawless with the butty hausa intonation, her dressing was poise and she had light make up on so I know I wasn’t being catfished. She was skinny, just the way I liked, had curves in the right places and tall enough for me to kiss while standing without bending my head. Apparently I was falling, I don’t know if we were flirting or having a deep conversation but I knew with every minute that passed I was falling for this babe. Like me she also loved travelling and was into an online business, what a match made in heaven. Ope was in love, I’d smile to myself and she’d ask why I was smiling. I was smiling thanking God for finally sending me EXACTLY the kinda girl I wanted, I would have preferred if she was igbo and light skinned but fuvk it, darkskinned Hausa was good enough for me.


Then it happened, Devil decided to pour sand in my Garri. I don’t know what happened but she sha mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and my whole world started to crumble. WHY? Who did I offend, why didn’t she tell me this while we were chatting on the phone. Anyways the mood changed on my side, I became quiet. The battle was lost, it was fun while it lasted. Then I remembered that I’m not a quitter, this was the first toosh butty Lagos standard babe I’ve seen in Kaduna since I’ve been here for two month, when next would I see another girl that would meet this babes standard. So I went back to normal and continued chatting and I insisted that I wanted to see her again and she suggested we saw upper week, my face changed. Why upper week, I didn’t hide my displeasure so she said maybe we saw the next day and I was elated. It was time to leave and I escorted her out of the bar and gave her a hug. When I got home we spoke on the Phone and had another nice conversation, then I teased her about coming late and she did something, she laughed and jokingly said “why would you be angry I cam late, not like you’re my bf or we are dating, we are just friends nah, friends don’t get angry with each other”, at that moment I could feel my soul leave my body. So this is the famous Friendzone everyone has been talking about. I just smiled and quickly changed the topic.


I want to use this medium to apologise to any girl I’ve offended in the past, this isn’t a joking stuff anymore. I feel maybe I used someone and the person carried my name to a babalawo or maybe I once jilted an ogbanje and she reported me to her people. I swear I’m sorry for what I did, I’ve changed my ways, Please nullify whatever you did to me because I’m not finding it funny anymore. Or you know what, FUVK you. I’ll go to MFM church this Sunday, there’s nothing 7 days dry fasting cant solve.

DISCLAIMER: This article eez jurst a jorking sturvs, for all you know it could be a pigment of my imagination. Don’t take it too seriously.

www.Opeyemifamakin..com

Lol!!! Cool.....

Bros...kudos. you were able to keep me down till I finish your post. Jokes apart, I advise you to write more stuffs...probably a novel. you're quite good!

wow..dis is good writing..i always get bored reading dis kinda stuff,but dis one kept me engrossed..nyc write up....dat friend zone part got me laffin

This is great. Please, we need more fun, fictional or true life stories from you.

Dats cool

nice but too short cos I was expecting a long narrative write up with lots of intrigue and suspense broken down into episodes.