My name is Fara’a and if you are reading my letter, I presume I am dead. I never meant take my life but I did. All I wanted was to be a young, happy girl and may be grow to be a successful lawyer.

So I happily trekked a long distance to a local village school. You see my parent were poor and never supported female education, but I don’t mind, school was free and we had no uniform. After school I hurried home to complete my own share of farm work or I will be whipped or banned from going to back school. (A RISK I WASN’T READY FOR).

You see, Baba was my problem he insisted that none of his female children would have basic education, life was better for him farming millets and corns, while my mother was obedient, reserved and quiet and so was my father’s other wives. We lived the farm, breathe its soils and eat its produce. I was called a lazy child because I could not do as much as my siblings and step siblings could. My mum loved me and never cared what I was called, she had a daughter who was educated, I was my mother’s little angel and to Baba a waste of strength. Kina tunanin kinfi sauran yan uwanki ne? Kar ki damu zaki yi aure ba da dade wa ba (You think you are better than the rest of your siblings? Don’t worry you will be married off soon). The first time I heard I those words it pierced me like a dagger.

Marriage may not look that bad I thought to myself. My sisters were married and they brought goodies along with them when they visit so I wasn’t scared of my father’s threats. With time, I could read as well as speak little English, I was nicked named Baturiya (female expatriate) and I was popular.

At 14 I had a promising future, at least I thought I had one. After primary school, I graduated as the best student and was awarded a scholarship by our local council to attend the Girls Government Secondary School (GGSS) Funtua. I happily ran home without stopping. Screaming on top of my voice, I shared the good news to my entire family except my father who wasn’t home at that time. Ni ce zanje babbar makaranta (I can’t believe am going to secondary school). I kept repeating the same words over and over again, while I waited my father’s return.

Baba ya dawo (daddy is back), Baba oyoyo Baba oyoyo (songs the children sang when my father returns home).I jumped to my feet, ran and welcomed him. He was happy when he saw me, so I thought he must have heard about the scholarship. We sat down under the old doruwa (locust bean) tree in the compound, while I told him about my scholarship. Bazai taba yuyuwa ba (that won’t be possible) he said in a hoax voice za ki yi aure, an riga biyan sadauki (you will be getting married and the dowry has being paid).For a few seconds I froze, then I became blind, deaf, and dumb, it was like my body system started to shut down one by one. Mai sa (why) I asked. Karki kara yimum Magana na riga na yanke hukunci (don’t you talk back at me, my decision is final). It’s a good thing you went to school if not, you won’t be getting married to a man as wealthy as Alhaji Aminu. The wedding is in a week time prepare yourself he yelled! All I could remember was waking up in my mother’s room

Alh Aminu was 55 years old and had 3 wives already. My father said he would take good care of me as he does to his other wives. I was to be married off to Alh Aminu as good will, my dad owed him a lot of money, Alhaji Aminu needs an educated wife and my marriage to him solves it all. Daddy forgot I was just a girl and not educated enough, primary school knowledge was no education. My fate was sealed. I pleaded with Baba to let me chose my groom if I was to marry, but it fell on deaf ears. I was lucky to be chosen by Alhaji Aminu and I will travel to big cities like Hadeija, Kano etc was what father said and cared about. He was soon to be the in-law to the wealthiest man in my tiny little village. I could hardly sleep, what do I know about a man’s world, I only recently started my period. I want to grow up at my pace and not forced to. No man’s bed can make me be a lawyer only the classroom can. Lying on my sleeping mat, all I can think of, is how happy I would be in death. I never meant to take my life, but I did.

(All fictional)

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Hmmmm