40 Things Husbands Should Stop Doing.

Some down-to-earth, practical advice for men who want to step up to their responsibilities.

1. Stop acting like the battle is won in pursuing and getting to know your wife. Have fun together, just like you used to do before you walked down the aisle.

2. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, stop treating her like her work during the day is somehow less strenuous or less important than yours.

3. Stop coming home from work and plopping in front of the television for the night, leaving your wife to bear the responsibility for everything else going on in the home.

4. Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. Your wife would rather have you than a big house, nice car, etc.

5. Stop acting like you’re listening when you’re really watching TV.

6. Stop allowing the spiritual leadership of the family to default to your wife.

7. Stop being passive when it comes to disciplining and training your kids.

8. Stop saying you know and understand what your wife is saying or feeling when you haven’t even listened to what she has to say.

9. Stop being a closed book. Open up to your wife. Don’t be afraid to show emotion.

10. Stop allowing your role as leader in the home to be an excuse for selfish behavior. Don’t forget that a true leader also serves.

11. Stop dishonoring your wife by criticizing her in front of your children or in public.

12. When your wife irritates you, don’t answer right away. Instead count to 10 and remember that she is a gift from God.

13. Stop using your size and strength and anger to intimidate your wife and children.

14. Stop using the word “divorce” in your vocabulary.

15. Don’t shy away from difficult conversations with your wife.

16. Stop saying you’ll do something and then procrastinating.

17. Don’t purchase any major item without first discussing it with your wife.

18. Don't allow your eyes to linger on beautiful women who pass by. You can't help the first look; it's that second, longer look that you need to avoid. (And if your wife is with you, don’t lie to her and say you didn’t see that woman. Just admit you looked.)

19. Stop thinking, I know more than my wife. You and your wife will each have more knowledge than the other in certain areas.

20. Don’t assume you know what your wife is thinking. Ask her how she is feeling and why.

21. When your wife tells you about a problem she’s having, don’t immediately try to solve it. She may just need you to listen to her.

22. Stop the sarcasm. You may be trying to sound funny, but you’re only cutting down your wife.

23. Stop treating your wife like a child. Remember that God has given her a wealth of experience and information that you need.

24. Stop acting like God and trying to control your wife.

25. Stop pointing out her mistakes and asking for explanations. Doing these things can make her feel like a failure.

26. Never casually or disrespectfully talk to other guys about sex with your wife.

27. Stop telling your wife that she is supposed to “submit” to you. If she is not following you, that means you’re not leading her as Christ loves the church.

28. Stop feeding your sexual desires from any source other than your wife.

29. Don’t be alone with any woman who is not your wife or related to you.

30. Stop discussing deep-level issues with a woman who is not your wife or related to you.

31. Stop deceiving your wife about your finances.

32. Don’t look up old girlfriends on Facebook.

33. Stop putting a number on how often you should enjoy sexual intimacy.

34. Stop acting as if you have a GPS programmed into your brain. Before you go somewhere with your wife, get the right address and find out how to get there. If you are lost, don’t hesitate to get directions—from your smartphone map, even from a person.

35. Don’t make fun of your wife to other guys.

36. Don’t allow guy-only activities (like playing golf, basketball, etc.) to rob you of leisure time with your wife and kids.

37. Stop expecting your wife to do all the housework.

38. Stop saying, “Honey … can you get the kids to be quiet?” when the kids are being monsters. Get up and go quiet them down yourself!

Is there anything you’d like to add to the list?

Source: http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/husbands/40-things-husbands-should-stop-doing

So In essence I should just pack my load and leave my own house for her. That's the only way I can stop doing half of all these things you wrote up here

DaVinChiSam:
So In essence I should just pack my load and leave my own house for her. That's the only way I can stop doing half of all these things you wrote up here

40 cha?

4. Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. Your wife would rather have you than a big house, nice car, etc .

12. When your wife irritates you, don’t answer right away. Instead count to 10 and remember that she is a gift from God

.



In other words ignore her even though deep down you feel like

cococandy:
40 cha?

It's small na compared to the number of threads we see about what women should do and not do


Men, over to you

DaVinChiSam:
So In essence I should just pack my load and leave my own house for her. That's the only way I can stop doing half of all these things you wrote up here

lol... Then pick the one's you feel you can easily stop doing.
Besides, with God all things are possible

Nice one I like no 24, they should be more writeups like this for men, no be only women dey the marriage.

MarvellousGod:
It's small na compared to the number of threads we see about what women should do and not do


Men, over to you

This one dumbfounded even me.

Serves them right Abi

cococandy:

This one dumbfounded even me.

Serves them right Abi

Yeaahhh!

Otuakodi!

Jamean:
Otuakodi!

What's the meaning?

Emasel:


What's the meaning?

it means FEMINIST

Jamean:


it means FEMINIST

Are you a comedian too?

Na wa o, make I kuku dey worship my wife be that.

Our women are really following the leadership of the men . More lists for men please and this time make it longer. I would like to see something like 500 things men need to do to keep their wife and 750 things men need to stop doing to prevent that hot dude from snatching their wife.

OP must be a joker.

‎
The title of the thread should be, 40 ways to turn your man into vegetable‎. Rubbish

If you can practise even half of this list to your wife, I swear you won't understand what happened in your marriage. You'll find yourself continually suspecting God of pulling a body switch on that wife of yours who disliked you and constantly fought you, changing her into an angel.

I'm a living witness to this. Le Husbs adopted some of these behavioural patterns listed above and I went from "I have called your parents and we need to get some lawyers to represent us in sorting out joint parental custody" to watching him anxiously, worried that he only ate bananas and cucumbers for dinner, dragging him to the mall to get him new jeans and nice clothes (my treat), buying him feather pillows just so he can get that Hotel feeling in the bedroom, wanting him constantly at home and thinking up ways to get around a newborn baby so he can get his "rations"

But yeah, you should ignore this. Oya, some young dude with no idea of Marriage should quickly knack one list titled "Ladies, kill yourself and deny thy Happiness and Peace of Mind Forever with these 200 Steps And MAYBE Your Husband Won't Cheat/Beat/Leave You"

go on...

I support this threads existence, just because there are about 1000 of the posts for women, so for once we should have one about men. OP nice one

Any man that can do all 40 is not a man.
bite me

MarvellousGod:
It's small na compared to the number of threads we see about what women should do and not do
Men, over to you

OK, I've got a few minutes this morning.

I must have missed the women threads, please point me to a few so we can analyse together, my bet is that its another laundry list of pop-psychology behavioural requirements like this one.

Interestingly threads like this pop up in the family section citing what husbands and men should do so as to have a happy marriage but in truth their purpose is to fortify the wife's position, irrespective of her condition, with minimal effort on her part. Men, the ever wandering creatures, must adhere to these lists in order to attain to marital bliss. Very clever.

I always find it hard not to comment on these types of threads. Take a look at some of the points.

Stop acting like the battle is won in pursuing and getting to know your wife. Really? The husband should forever be in Romeo-mode constantly wooing and courting the wife even if she has gained 120kg and lost her form to the rigours of childbirth and 'motherhood'. How?

Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. Your wife would rather have you than a big house, nice car, etc
We all know that in many cases this statement is an outright lie.

Stop pointing out her mistakes and asking for explanations. Doing these things can make her feel like a failure. Yes, the almighty precious feelings of the wife, she has to remain happy and feel like a million bucks even if she makes a costly or not so costly mistake. She has to remain haaapppy.

Stop putting a number on how often you should enjoy sexual intimacy. Oh no you shouldn't keep score guys, you know why? Being the Beta that she married she doesn't want you taking note of the almost certain decline that will happen in your marital sex life. You shouldn't notice the drop in sex while she achieves her objective which is securing your provisioning for herself, she never was into you in the first place, not really, not like you imagined. So don't keep records like this guy the SpreadSheet Guy (see this link http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/sex-spreadsheet-reddit/)

Never casually or disrespectfully talk to other guys about sex with your wife This is necessary because married men are in the habit of sharing salacious and disrespectful details of how they had sex with their own wives. Who does that?

Don’t be alone with any woman who is not your wife or related to you & Stop discussing deep-level issues with a woman who is not your wife or related to you.. Yup, don't. Because seduction. And you are a feral horn dog.

Don’t be afraid to show emotion. Thank you Carl Jung, because of you wives want to see their husbands cry and let it all out. This has helped increased the attraction wives have for their husbands. Eziokwu?

I could go on with this but I'll stop here. Y'all ladies should chill with these kinds of lists, guys now see the underlining motive behind it all and the truth is that they are produced from a position outside of men's interests.

@apextitan, there really isnt any need to be sarcastic. r u married? if yes, i suppose u shld understand that while virtually no man can do everything on this list, if you can do even 15 out of the 40 things listed here very well, ur wife wld automatically turn to an angel. women are actually simpler than men give them credit for, i''m sure even the poster doesnt expect a man to do all 40 things, men will always be men, however there are some men that still give their wives' happiness top priority and this list is just to guide those who are interested in that.

moniyet:
@apextitan, there really isnt any need to be sarcastic. r u married? if yes, i suppose u shld understand that while virtually no man can do everything on this list, if you can do even 15 out of the 40 things listed here very well, ur wife wld automatically turn to an angel. women are actually simpler than men give them credit for, i''m sure even the poster doesnt expect a man to do all 40 things, men will always be men, however there are some men that still give their wives' happiness top priority and this list is just to guide those who are interested in that.

The list is not bad in its entirety but it contains many things that can lead to problems. Surely you have to admit that several of the points on that list are suspect if not completely outrageous like the one about pointing out her mistakes and asking for explanations. That's just wrong advice plain and simple.

Twist and turn as we may the realisation is spreading that men who make their wife's happiness a priority in marriage end up with results they never desired. Too many marriages are failing because men are following this approach and in doing so have allowed the particular things and behaviours that triggered attraction to falter.

Here's a challenge: show me the wife in real life who turned to 'an angel' as you put it after the husband spent his time placating, pleasing and being the dutiful husband as these kinds of list prescribe.

Apextitan, what do you think about this thread?

https://www.nairaland.com/1980592/tips-keeping-good-african-man

This type of thread above is why some women are saying this thread is a welcome development. Personally I think these lists are all nonsense as I believe people should do what works for them. However if men welcome the idea of women adhering to a list of things to do, perhaps they should have a list too that they have to adhere to.

babygirlfl:
Apextitan, what do you think about this thread?

https://www.nairaland.com/1980592/tips-keeping-good-african-man

This type of thread above is why some women are saying this thread is a welcome development. Personally I think these lists are all nonsense as I believe people should do what works for them. However if men welcome the idea of women adhering to a list of things to do, perhaps they should have a list too that they have to adhere to.

The formulation of lists is not a bad idea in itself, these days people want readily condensed ideas and ways to go about things and this is what lists set out to achieve. There is the danger, however, that certain important nuances may be lost in the process of compilations of points.

My grouse with this thread is not with the list per se but its contents. Several of the points are counteractive in regard to the interests of the husbands it sets out to engage. One senses the subtle, if not invisible promulgation of ideas that work against marital/relationship harmony- its only effect, like I said above, is to fortify the woman's position, whether the husband and his interests are worse off is not its concern.

The list in your link is another interesting one, from my cursory glance of that thread I can see it draws a strong reaction from the womenfolk and this board's feminists because it highlights points that go against what many women are being conditioned to expect and accept in relationships today.

By all means let people, men and women, come up with whatever lists they feel are necessary. The onus is on who the lists apply to to weigh and examine if it really does them any good.

babygirlfl:
Our women are really following the leadership of the men . More lists for men please and this time make it longer. I would like to see something like 500 things men need to do to keep their wife and 750 things men need to stop doing to prevent that hot dude from snatching their wife.

No be lie...na all those pple when dey get time read am I dey blame sha.. 40 abi 500 or 10,000 things to do to keep your wife no matter to me. If u like/love me stay if not go I can only show u love,tolerate you, be your friend, & be patient with you but don't test that last one tho.. asking me to read a whole journal of lessons on women will Never happen & I will always be ol skuul about when it comes to women we learn as we go from mistakes till u get right by it...can somebody pls show me where the thread on making good money everyday is sick & tired of these trivial issues..dont even know why am here...oh yes I remember now

runnazz:


No be lie...na all those pple when dey get time read am I dey blame sha.. 40 abi 500 or 10,000 things to do to keep your wife no matter to me. If u like/love me stay if not go I can only show u love,tolerate you, be your friend, & be patient with you but don't test that last one tho.. asking me to read a whole journal of lessons on women will Never happen & I will always be ol skuul about when it comes to women we learn as we go from mistakes till u get right by it...can somebody pls show me where the thread on making good money everyday is sick & tired of these trivial issues..dont even know why am here...oh yes I remember now

True talk. I am a believer of a couple learning and growing and not following any list, marriage journal or tradition. Oga please when you see the thread about making money and not the scam once please call me. . Enough of of all there irrelevant threads.

babygirlfl:
Our women are really following the leadership of the men . More lists for men please and this time make it longer. I would like to see something like 500 things men need to do to keep their wife and 750 things men need to stop doing to prevent that hot dude from snatching their wife.

Lmao!!