1. If life gives you lemons, just make lemonade from it, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
2. I guess I will have to name my kids Ctrl, Alt, and Delete. That way, if they muck up I will hit them all at once.
3. Never argue with a fool, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with the experience.
4. Dear alcohol, we made a deal where you were to make me smarter, funnier, and a better dancer. I already saw the video and so we need to talk.
5. A successful man is the one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is the one who is lucky to get such a man. 6. You need to stay in shape. My grandmother began walking 5 miles a day when she was 60 years, now, she is 97 and we do not know where the hell she is.
7. If I am to choose between two evils, I always pick the one that I have never tried before.
8. I am not clumsy, the floor just hates me, tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall just loves getting on my way.
9. On my first time to understand about oral contraception, I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no!
10. Chemicals are not bad. In the absence of hydrogen or oxygen, for instance, there is no way water would have become a vital ingredient in beer.
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