An EB reader sent this... Your honest opinion counts…

My husband and I have practically been together for 6 years, we started dating in the university. We got married about a year ago. I currently have a job that does not pay that much, my husband also works but doesn’t earn that much as well. We live a comfortable life and always pray to achieve more.

I applied for a job before I got married, was called for an interview some months later and was told they will get back to me. I had to put it behind me after I did not hear from them for a while.

I recently received a call from the company that I have been granted the job offer and was told to start in two months’ time. I couldn’t say No because I was so excited, the salary triples what I earn presently but the sad part is, I have to resume in a different state far from where I currently reside.

I know this is a big opportunity for me and my husband and at the same time, I do not want to live separately from him.

Even if my husband says I should go for it to make me happy and then we would work something out.

Do you think it’s healthy for our marriage?

source: www.esther.com.ng

Sista abeg carry ur two legs run go work the new workan if u dnt want it, abeg recommend me to dem dat I am ur broda.

Your job, your marriage, your cross

Well, it's not that healthy. Nevertheless, the key word here is 'the fear of God'. If both of u are governed by the fear of God, there's really nth to worry about. If ur husband stays abroad & u are here the key word will guide him right. The next point is maturity, effective communication, mutual trust, understanding, sincerity, honesty, respect, above all deep luv & affection. I wish u a happy marriage.

If you say the job comes with a fat pay-cheque and your hubby's job doesn't pay much,I'll say he should resign and move with you.
It can work if both of you work for each other anyway.
I don't like young couples living apart.

I can only stay in a long distance marriage if my husband is in another country(which will probably be temporary). .. we can't be in the same country and live separately. ..one person has to move..

Job will always come but true love (assuming your husband is) is hard to come by....

It's a matter of choice! Your family or your job! For me, family first.... one person has to move, we must live together! !

In my own view it takes the grace of god, discipline, and trust to make it work, but if possible u guys av to reduce the distance as much as possible cos things will be more complicated when kids starts coming in

That in my own opinion is not wise tho....

Hmm. It can work o, but requires a lot of work. Money is not everything. U have to calculate the overall cost, be very objective when measuring the pros and cons. And you guys should do it together.

1. What plans do you have for regular visits, either on his side or yours? Apart from the fact that you guys need time together as a new couple, if you guys plan to go into baby-making soon, the distance can make things tricky. U guys need to work out how regularly visits will occur, and who goes where.

2. Find out exactly what work entails. Is it the kind of job where you get confirmed within one year? Is there a possibility of working out a transfer to your base after a while? That's a plus. On the other hand, will u be stressed on the job? Working late? Find out. Cos nothing breeds suspicion faster than u coming home by 8pm and crashing out due to exhaustion, and hubby tries and tries unsuccessfully to reach you via phone. U get the picture?

3. Just know that if you move, most of the work of keeping your relationship alive will be on your head. It's the truth. Basically, you are managing 2 households. And it can get lonely especially if you have no prior experience of living alone or you don't have any support system in the new town. How do u guys hope to manage that situation. It can also be hectic, esp once kids start coming. Doing school run, hospital visits, etc in addition to work can be stressful, and you can end up even resenting hubby for not being there. It's irrational, but it does happen.

So, all in all, a lot to think about. Goodluck on your decision.

You said it all. Thanks...

KelvinKelt:
Well, it's not that healthy. Nevertheless, the key word here is 'the fear of God'. If both of u are governed by the fear of God, there's really nth to worry about. If ur husband stays abroad & u are here the key word will guide him right. The next point is maturity, effective communication, mutual trust, understanding, sincerity, honesty, respect, above all deep luv & affection. I wish u a happy marriage.

Yea, but it is not that easy. You know how hard it is to get a job, most men also have ego. He might not want to stay at home while his wife goes to work pending when he gets a job.

thorpido:
If you say the job comes with a fat pay-cheque and your hubby's job doesn't pay much,I'll say he should resign and move with you.
It can work if both of you work for each other anyway.
I don't like young couples living apart.

Yeah, I agree with you. Family should come first...

PresVA:
I can only stay in a long distance marriage if my husband is in another country(which will probably be temporary). .. we can't be in the same country and live separately. ..one person has to move..

Job will always come but true love (assuming your husband is) is hard to come by....

It's a matter of choice! Your family or your job! For me, family first.... one person has to move, we must live together! !

Very detailed rational breakdown. This should really help... Thanks...

nenyibabs:
Hmm. It can work o, but requires a lot of work. Money is not everything. U have to calculate the overall cost, be very objective when measuring the pros and cons. And you guys should do it together.

1. What plans do you have for regular visits, either on his side or yours? Apart from the fact that you guys need time together as a new couple, if you guys plan to go into baby-making soon, the distance can make things tricky. U guys need to work out how regularly visits will occur, and who goes where.

2. Find out exactly what work entails. Is it the kind of job where you get confirmed within one year? Is there a possibility of working out a transfer to your base after a while? That's a plus. On the other hand, will u be stressed on the job? Working late? Find out. Cos nothing breeds suspicion faster than u coming home by 8pm and crashing out due to exhaustion, and hubby tries and tries unsuccessfully to reach you via phone. U get the picture?

3. Just know that if you move, most of the work of keeping your relationship alive will be on your head. It's the truth. Basically, you are managing 2 households. And it can get lonely especially if you have no prior experience of living alone or you don't have any support system in the new town. How do u guys hope to manage that situation. It can also be hectic, esp once kids start coming. Doing school run, hospital visits, etc in addition to work can be stressful, and you can end up even resenting hubby for not being there. It's irrational, but it does happen.

So, all in all, a lot to think about. Goodluck on your decision.

Lol

Cutehector:
Sista abeg carry ur two legs run go work the new workan if u dnt want it, abeg recommend me to dem dat I am ur broda.

Esthersblog:
Yea, but it is not that easy. You know how hard it is to get a job, most men also have ego. He might not want to stay at home while his wife goes to work pending when he gets a job.

Yes,things are tough jobwise but like i said if they work for each other in marriage,it wouldn't be a problem.
She should take the job and they may observe a trial period of some months to see how it goes.They should be together within a short time.

one chance

Take the job.
Since your husband is willing to support you, communicate with him how best you guys can arrange to start living together in the shortest time possible.
If he has to start looking for another job in the new area where you are going, that would be better. But not something to be jumped into as you need to test your new environment first to see if the worth uprooting your family for.
If you give a trial period and consider it worth it, then he can make the move to join you.

You guys will need to survive somehow and if you're not making enough to get by now that it's just both of you, how will you cater for a kid?
This might be the opportunity y'all have been waiting for.
He could even get a better paying job in the new area. You never know until you try.

Goodluck.

The woman might get any relationship going in the other state.women are not reliable in other words they are dogs.

My two cents

Depends on what is the starting salary that is being tripled
3 times 40K is 120K
3 times 150 is 450K
Remember that you have to run 2 homes which in its own can be expensive
2 lots of rent, Nepa bills, transport cost etc
You also have to factor in transport costs to visit each other

Then on top of all of that you have to think about the stresses of living apart
I personally dont like couples living apart
Some of the benefits and expectations of marriage is companionship, affection, touch, lovemaking, bonding etc
LDR make this difficult.

tearoses:
Depends on what is the starting salary that is being tripled
3 times 40K is 120K
3 times 150 is 450K
Remember that you have to run 2 homes which in its own can be expensive
2 lots of rent, Nepa bills, transport cost etc
You also have to factor in transport costs to visit each other

Then on top of all of that you have to think about the stresses of living apart
I personally dont like couples living apart
Some of the benefits and expectations of marriage is companionship, affection, touch, lovemaking, bonding etc
LDR make this difficult.

I agree

@Esthersblog:

1. Also, is the state viable? If the job goes south or an emergency happens e.g. MTN, can she get another one sharply? Is her field marketable?

2. Is the job in a stable industry? Oil and Gas now is

3. Is the husband's skills marketable? Can he get another one quick?

This is very true. I totally agree, the expenses gets doubled and distance strains relationships/marriage with time, even without noticing it.

tearoses:
Depends on what is the starting salary that is being tripled
3 times 40K is 120K
3 times 150 is 450K
Remember that you have to run 2 homes which in its own can be expensive
2 lots of rent, Nepa bills, transport cost etc
You also have to factor in transport costs to visit each other

Then on top of all of that you have to think about the stresses of living apart
I personally dont like couples living apart
Some of the benefits and expectations of marriage is companionship, affection, touch, lovemaking, bonding etc
LDR make this difficult.

Hmmmm.... I couldn't even give a perfect solution to this situation because there are a lot of restraining factors surrounding it. The job in not in the oil and sector and even though the industry is not as it used to be... In Nigeria, even if your skills are marketable, the jobs are very few and most pay peanuts... People hold on to the ones they already have, pending when they can get another better offer.

bukatyne:


I agree

@Esthersblog:

1. Also, is the state viable? If the job goes south or an emergency happens e.g. MTN, can she get another one sharply? Is her field marketable?

2. Is the job in a stable industry? Oil and Gas now is

3. Is the husband's skills marketable? Can he get another one quick?