Na pidgin I go use take talk my mind. I just dey look time, dey wonder why my oga no wan make I leave office. Haba, 5 don nack and the bobo still dey yarn. Sigh, my mind no dey this place again, why this man no wan take the hint leave me make I waka pass ehn, why!

Na so we dey till time nack to 6, na bone i bone comot for office, this my oga no know say na danfo drivers and conductors I dey go jam for road. If you dey work for lekki wey dey Lagos, you go don know by now say from Monday to Friday, na tom and jerry be the name of the danfo game. Those dem drivers na die! Them fit make person wey dey hypertensive become megatensive! I no dey lie!!!

E take like 40 minutes before I manage squeeze myself with elbows and yabbing enter one rickity bus like that. The yellow for the body don change colour to blue, red and green. Only God know how the bus still dey standa for road sef, wetin concern me, I jeje siddon for the window side (Thank God), put my nose for the window make the smell wey dey inside the bus calm down. Na so my journey to Ota begin. From Lekki, I manage enter bus wey dey go Obalende, my mind no carry me stay dey wait for Oshodi direct.

One sit remain for the door side wey the conductor suppose siddon, but conductors no dey gree hear word, the conductor still dey shout OBALENDE! OBALENDE!! chai! There’s God o! Na so one fine sisi rush enter. I no fit laugh, the conductor blockos just dey romance the sisi face with style, I just turn my face back to the window, suppressing a smile. Na so we begin the waka.

The drivers and conductors wey dey Lagos island dey nice small sha, them no too dey look for person trouble. After the usual heavy traffic to obalende, na so I enter the bus wey dey go Oshodi. The bus driver and conductors still no dey that bad, them even dey funny sef, the conductor just dey crack yeye jokes one after the other. The true nightmare just dey load.

Time don dey reach 8pm, Lagos traffic na die I swear! From oshodi, na madness person don dey face small small. The bus driver and conductor suppose do like 2 years for Yaba left. Bus wey suppose carry like 35 people dey load 50! Haba, Lagos government don forget say this part of town still dey inside Lagos. Them package everybody like sardines before they begin to move. The smell of the bus no be from earth. One woman carry live chicken join sef, God, the thing no nice at all. Na so conductor and passenger begin yab themselves.

Werey, oloriburuku, iyalaya eh, oloshi…wetin this conductor no hear, all the passenger, minus me and a few sha just dey blast the conductor and driver with insults. Wetin concern those two, them don collect the money from us finish, the insults no dey enter their thick skulls. Vrooom bu bu vrooom, na so the engine dey sound and na so we take waka enter toll gate. Chai, toll gate, na there the real devils dey do danfo business dey.

9pm don nack finish, so na rush mode everybody dey. Even me ma, na OYO I dey. I put my civility inside my pant sharply. This place na mad jungle. Na so I dive inside one bus wey do mistake park dey call passenger. As the bus full finish, na so the wahala start. One passenger go do mistake comot N1,000 say e wan use pay t-fare of N50. Ko ni daa fun bababababababa iya eh, omo ole jati jati, shey e ri changi ni owo mi ni? Oshi, get gerra moto mi ja re! Driver! Ode yi gbe N1000, ni bo la wa ri changi?

I was thinking the driver will be more civilized, the man joined his conductor straight up! Ta ni yen? E bo le! Ole jati jati, you no see im head like tortoise wey wear cap? Obasanjo handsome pass you finish, get out of my bus jare! Stupid man. Chai, the man that was insulted is a Yoruba man like them as well, trust Yoruba people and their mouth. He didn’t take the insults likely at all! He fired back and this went on till my bus stop.

Whew! Sanity at last! With a pulsating head ache, I took the short trek to my house, ate my dinner, took a bath and promptly fell asleep, knowing full well that tomorrow will be a repeat performance.

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