culled from reddit.com ,im guilty of this too but I guess we all have to face the reality. I'm usually quite vocal about how i think of the
inefficiency of self-improvement forums and subs. It has little to do with the concept themselves, but rather the people who visit them. I have been active in self-improvement subs, and created some myself, for years now and these two mistakes can be huge problems. And most importantly: I have never seen a person who do these mistakes succeed. If you truly want to change, or help others, i urge you to read this and pay attention. And this is not me trying to be a dick. This is me trying to help you help others and yourselves. You should learn to recognize these questions, and call them and the OP
out on them so that you can actually have progress.
1: Asking for help
This one will require a bit if an explanation. What i am specifically talking about here is those who ask for undefined help. "How do i change my life" or "I don't want to be this way anymore" etc. These questions can even be so overwhelming that they poison an entire sub, and i openly forbid them on my own. Because of how contra-productive they are. These people are fed up with the way they are living their life. They want more. They want change. And that is why they come here.
However... they already know exactly what they need to do. If you have spent more than 1 week on the internet, or just 2 hours on a self-improvement forum, it's almost
unavoidable to already read about the solutions. Very few problems are actually unique. The thing that these questions do, is that they are asking for shortcuts. They are asking for "A better way" or "The quick fix." That is why they post these questions, despite
the fact that they most likely already know exactly which answers they will get. Also, a lot of these questions are already defeated in the title alone. You need to focus on the solutions, not the problems.
Just for example, how many posts here do not ask something along the lines of losing weight or getting fitter? Yet is there a single person with an internet access today who does not know how to do these things? These things are very, very simple. Not always easy, but simple. Yet people still ask about them. Why? Because they still hope for a quick fix. They hope that there is another way.
They want you to fix the problem for them. And you need to take that hope away from them and slap them hard in the face with the reality. There are no quick fixes. There are no shortcuts. Before they realize this, you can never help them because they will never listen.
And this applies to so many things, not just fitness. Social problems, school, work, hobbies, sex etc. How many success stories do not start with the words "I just stopped trying to come up with excuses and did it?" A good question is concrete and concise. For example, the difference between "How do i pass my exams?" and "How can i improve my study technique" is like night and day. One is trying to avoid the problem and looking
for shortcuts, and one has acknowledged what needs to be done and is trying to act on it.
In order to successfully change your life or someone elses, the person must first stop running and face his problems. They must be ready to take it on head on, and stop trying to find excuses.
2: Advancing too fast
This problem is a bit more lenient, but still destructive. A lot of people just try to go from 0-100 immediately. "I'm going to get in shape, so i threw away all candy, bought 50 kg of kale and is going to the gym every single
day" No. You will fail. Going cold-turkey on one thing is hard enough, go full ham on your entire life is not going to work. You need to realize this. And you must have patience. The reason 95% of all diets fail is not because
diets are flawed. It's because people go all in on them, expecting quick results and then collapse in a week. You have to take things one step at a time. If you, for example, want to get in shape then you start by replacing half your meals every second day with salad,
while jogging around the block 3 times a week, for example.
Trying to go all in immediately will just lead to hitting a wall and giving up. You must let it take the time it takes. First when you have one habit solid do you expand on it or add another one. You need to build a new life slowly. I often liken self-improvement with a river that you're
trying to redirect. If you just smack down a dam in the middle of it, the dam will break and you'll waste a bunch of money and energy. If you want to truly succeed in redirecting the stream, you need to first dig a bunch of
small streams to divert the water. Then you build a foundation. And you slowly and slowly change the direction of the water. Bad habits are like the river. They cannot be removed, they have to be replaced. Redirected. One by one. If you truly want to change, you must do this. Like with #1, you need to stop trying to find shortcuts and quick fixes. They are not there. You need to be patient, and slowly build your new life bit by bit. The change will be noticeable faster than you think, but never as fast as you would like it to. You need to accept this, truly, if you want to live the life your heart dreams for.