I have a friend who's mum abandoned them when they were still children..This friend of mine has 3 other siblings and they are four in number all guys..According to him because of some financial challenge the father had at some point during the marriage,the mother who was doing well in a restaurant business set up by the father to help her catering career abandoned the father and d four kidsfor other men when he was passing through some financial challenge at some point in the marriage..This my frien was just 10 years and he was the third child,while their eldest was just 15 years old..They went back severally begging with their father begging their mother to come back home all to no avail she refused bluntly..After 5 years of waiting for God to touch this womans heart to return to her matrimonial home,she never did all they later heard was that she was pregnant for another man who wasn't even married to her..This discouraged their father completely and then he began to pray for another wife,The mother of this my friend never for one day through out all the years contributed a penny after she left to their education or well being..She never even called to keep in touch with them all those years..Fast forward to now my friend who was 10 years then is now 26 years now,all them grown up,working and doing their thing in life..Suddenly this woman who dumped them all these years shows up and is trying to warm her way into their hearts again..But funny enough these grown men don't want to be associated with her again..Note when dis happened their father single handedly trained all of them alongside support of his new wife up to the university level and they are now all graduates..What would you do in this situation if you we're in the shoes of my guy..Would u accept this woman back who doesn't even till today have an atom of remorse for all she has done rather giving excuses to justify her evil deeds and still hates on the father..pls matured contribution pls!!

Hmmmm

your mother is your mother, whether she ran away, left you or whatever, she still remains your mother. as they were too young to understand, there may have been many issues as to why she left, that they dont know about. at the end of the day, its their choices and if they want to be bitter, then they certainly can, but it sure wont help their family one bit.
everyone makes mistakes (if mistake there was), and everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE! as they say:"to err is human, to forgive is divine"

You will accept her, you will never get over the fact that she left you, but life has to move on, she is still your mom

my mum left my sis when she was 2 and I was 3.fasforward my dad got broke when I was 17 and I enter street doing conductor from ikorodu to okijo.
my mum came at 17 and was just calling from abroad and leaving us in relatives houses while we were accused daily of stealing.tho she came at the right time we needed her.


at the time we were seeking God's favour in paying our school fees for university.as far as she is back the mother is sorry

MRBrownJ:
your mother is your mother, whether she ran away, left you or whatever, she still remains your mother. as they were too young to understand, there may have been many issues as to why she left, that they dont know about. at the end of the day, its their choices and if they want to be bitter, then they certainly can, but it sure wont help their family one bit.
everyone makes mistakes (if mistake there was), and everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE! as they say:"to err is human, to forgive is divine"

no forgive her so you don't go to he'll but not let her back in your life nd mother hood goes beyond bringing a child into the world it's a mother's job to make sacrifices for your kids nd when you don't do that you are not worthy of been in their lives shikena

forgive her but give her space dont let her into your life she's just here to enjoy what you guys have forgive her so you don't go to hell but give her space. take care dear nd let no one use de excuse of she's your mother to manipulate you guys.

Jimdonnet:
my mum left my sis when she was 2 and I was 3.fasforward my dad got broke when I was 17 and I enter street doing conductor from ikorodu to okijo.
my mum came at 17 and was just calling from abroad and leaving us in relatives houses while we were accused daily of stealing.tho she came at the right time we needed her.


at the time we were seeking God's favour in paying our school fees for university.as far as she is back the mother is sorry

most times the are not sorry De come back because there other plans failed them it's well jooy

Forgive and keep your distance, people don't really change, they only advance.

MRBrownJ:
your mother is your mother, whether she ran away, left you or whatever, she still remains your mother. as they were too young to understand, there may have been many issues as to why she left, that they dont know about. at the end of the day, its their choices and if they want to be bitter, then they certainly can, but it sure wont help their family one bit.
everyone makes mistakes (if mistake there was), and everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE! as they say:"to err is human, to forgive is divine"

MR Brown my man, "your mother is not your mother o".

The sentiment we attach to motherhood is mostly earned after birth. Anyone can incubate a baby.

Compared to what a true mother does, birthing is merely 1%.

If I were to be in their shoes, Titanic don sail tey tey.

Answer?
Yes, I will accept her back.
No need to keep hurting.

fexyrich:
I have a friend who's mum abandoned them when they were still children..This friend of mine has 3 other siblings and they are four in number all guys..According to him because of some financial challenge the father had at some point during the marriage,the mother who was doing well in a restaurant business set up by the father to help her catering career abandoned the father and d four kidsfor other men when he was passing through some financial challenge at some point in the marriage..This my frien was just 10 years and he was the third child,while their eldest was just 15 years old..They went back severally begging with their father begging their mother to come back home all to no avail she refused bluntly..After 5 years of waiting for God to touch this womans heart to return to her matrimonial home,she never did all they later heard was that she was pregnant for another man who wasn't even married to her..This discouraged their father completely and then he began to pray for another wife,The mother of this my friend never for one day through out all the years contributed a penny after she left to their education or well being..She never even called to keep in touch with them all those years..Fast forward to now my friend who was 10 years then is now 26 years now,all them grown up,working and doing their thing in life..Suddenly this woman who dumped them all these years shows up and is trying to warm her way into their hearts again..But funny enough these grown men don't want to be associated with her again..Note when dis happened their father single handedly trained all of them alongside support of his new wife up to the university level and they are now all graduates..What would you do in this situation if you we're in the shoes of my guy..Would u accept this woman back who doesn't even till today have an atom of remorse for all she has done rather giving excuses to justify her evil deeds and still hates on the father..pls matured contribution pls!!

No, do not accept her!. I cannot imagine a mother doing this. She must have a heart of stone or maybe she is a witch. Let her feel the consequences of her actions

BuddhaPalm:


MR Brown my man, "your mother is not your mother o".

The sentiment we attach to motherhood is mostly earned after birth. Anyone can incubate a baby.

Compared to what a true mother does, birthing is merely 1%.

If I were to be in their shoes, Titanic don sail tey tey.

bro, anyone can make a mistake, you MUST/SHOULD give your mother a chance, no matter how she acted in the past. i mean, the mother of this thread cared for her kids for at least 15yrs before something happened between this couple, are you saying that this is "nothing"? are you going to dismiss the 15yrs of great work she did because of that "error"? at least she must be heard and given a chance to tell HER side of the story, because what we have now is only daddy's version of what happened.

and YES, whatever she did/does, she will remain your biological mother

Relate with her as the woman that gave birth to you. But give honor to your true parents who sacrificed and stood by you to become who you are. Your father and step mum. You don't owe the woman that gave birth to you anything other than courtesy. And that is it. Not everyone that gives birth is a mother or father. Let her go and continue relationship with all the people she abandoned you all for.

The only time I support reconciliation is if a mother gives up her children for adoption in a safe environment because she could not cater for them. Which in turn provides them with a good chance at a good future. But the idi*ots that abandon their kids in the gutter or for man when they can take care of them cannot ever get my support or sympathy.

All these ones saying forgive don't know the pain and anguish!

MRBrownJ:


bro, anyone can make a mistake, you MUST/SHOULD give your mother a chance, no matter how she acted in the past. i mean, the mother of this thread cared for her kids for at least 15yrs before something happened between this couple, are you saying that this is "nothing"? are you going to dismiss the 15yrs of great work she did because of that "error"? at least she must be heard and given a chance to tell HER side of the story, because what we have now is only daddy's version of what happened.

and YES, whatever she did/does, she will remain your biological mother

Fair enough you are right people always deserve a second chance. But there are some things you do that there is no coming back from. OP said he remembers going with his father to beg her to come back but she refused. I can just imagine what that would have done to him.

Why didn't she take her kids with her?. Fair enough, maybe the father used to beat her but I think OP would know about that. OP hear her out, forgive her to avoid bitterness in your heart, but keep her at arms length

Gbam.No matter what your mom did to your dad your mom is still your mom you cannot make my mom your mom

MRBrownJ:
your mother is your mother, whether she ran away, left you or whatever, she still remains your mother. as they were too young to understand, there may have been many issues as to why she left, that they dont know about. at the end of the day, its their choices and if they want to be bitter, then they certainly can, but it sure wont help their family one bit.
everyone makes mistakes (if mistake there was), and everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE! as they say:"to err is human, to forgive is divine"

My dear if only people where in those shoes they would realise its easier said than done..Do you know all the risks those kids passed thru while growing up..Even at some point would fall sick with no mother to take care of them?? If not for the wife their father married who stood by him to raise those kids it wouldn't have been too easy for the man alone..Dis woman never cared all those years.From primary even to the university level she was no where around to chestise,encourage,support or guide her children..It is very easy to forgive such woman just as the bible has askd us to but to accept such woman into their lives is where it is near impossible..The amazing thing is that there was no remorse from her at all,Rather trying to buy the children over and blackmail their dad in front of the children just to buy their favour..When dis guys werethough kids then but were fully aware of all that was happening befor she left..The only crime the man really commited was that as some point his business was challenged..And because her own business whic he himself opened for her was doing well she rather than standing by him dumped him and the kids and went to enjoy her life out there..My dear their accepting that woman back is really really difficult.

CallmeKola:
All these ones saying forgive don't know the pain and anguish!

fem29:

Fair enough you are right people always deserve a second chance. But there are some things you do that there is no coming back from. OP said he remembers going with his father to beg her to come back but she refused. I can just imagine what that would have done to him.Why didn't she take her kids with her?. Fair enough, maybe the father used to beat her but I think OP would know about that.

there are many UNDERSTANDABLE reasons why a mother would move away and let her kid "safely" with the father, rather than bring them in some unfit environment. maybe she wasnt emotionally/physically or financially fit to care for them NOR stay with this man, who knows? as i said, we dont have the full picture to judge/blame this woman.
obviously, we dont have the full story, and therefore cant "assume" what happened... but they have to understand that this is the past and, this is now the present and they have the future ahead of them to have some possible life together.

OP hear her out, forgive her to avoid bitterness in your heart, but keep her at arms length

what would be the point of the above?! the only way that bitterness (or rather that void/pain) is going to fade is if they have a genuine interaction

MRBrownJ:


there are many UNDERSTANDABLE reasons why a mother would move away and let her kid "safely" with the father, rather than bring them in some unfit environment. maybe she wasnt emotionally/physically or financially fit to care for them NOR stay with this man, who knows? as i said, we dont have the full picture to judge/blame this woman.
obviously, we dont have the full story, and therefore cant "assume" what happened... but they have to understand that this is the past and, this is now the present and they have the future ahead of them to have some possible life together.



what would be the point of the above?! the only way that bitterness (or rather that void/pain) is going to fade is if they have a genuine interaction

Hmm oP was 10 years old so I think he would have quite a good understanding of the whole scenario. Me I cannot think of any reason why you would stay away from your own children. Yes we all have our times we feel overwhelmed with bringing up our kids, but to abandon them totally?. From what he said, mum was richer than dad but she just left everything to do with them and ran off.

I'm not an advocate for staying in a marriage by fire by force, leave by all means but don't leave your children, have joint custody, kids need both mum and dad in their lives. For her to go off for about 15 years is absolutely disgusting. If it were me, I would find it hard to have anything to do with her as every time I see her I would remember what she did.

fem29:


Hmm oP was 10 years old so I think he would have quite a good understanding of the whole scenario. Me I cannot think of any reason why you would stay away from your own children. Yes we all have our times we feel overwhelmed with bringing up our kids, but to abandon them totally?. From what he said, mum was richer than dad but she just left everything to do with them and ran off.

I'm not an advocate for staying in a marriage by fire by force, leave by all means but don't leave your children, have joint custody, kids need both mum and dad in their lives. For her to go off for about 15 years is absolutely disgusting. If it were me, I would find it hard to have anything to do with her as every time I see her I would remember what she did.

10years.... she has been there 10 LONG years in that child's life, is that nothing?! if she was really unfit then why didnt she leave on day 1 ? i will assume that she tried to be with that man, AND the best mother she could possibly be, for 15 long years (oldest child was 15 when she left), and then she couldnt take it any longer.

she did NOT abandon her kids if she eft them in the "good" care of their father. maybe she was driven away, maybe she was threaten, maybe she was "forced" to leave, maybe she was blackmailed to leave, maybe she "had" to leave for her safety and theirs, maybe it was a question of life and death. i am just assuming here, instead of automatically label this woman unfit, after hearing 1 side of the story

MRBrownJ:


10years.... she has been there 10 LONG years in that child's life, is that nothing?! if she was really unfit then why didnt she leave on day 1 ? i will assume that she tried to be with that man, AND the best mother she could possibly be, for 15 long years (oldest child was 15 when she left), and then she couldnt take it any longer.

she did NOT abandon her kids if she eft them in the "good" care of their father. maybe she was driven away, maybe she was threaten, maybe she was "forced" to leave, maybe she was blackmailed to leave, maybe she "had" to leave for her safety and theirs, maybe it was a question of life and death. i am just assuming here, instead of automatically label this woman unfit, after hearing 1 side of the story

Maybe I just understand better because I know what it is to bring kids up alone. My husband is hardly ever around and I know the difference between when he is here and when he is not. It's bloody hard. It doesn't sound like she was chased away, as they went to beg her severally. I just think she wanted to live a life without encumberances. I am not saying I am better than her, anyone can do a shitty thing but I would know that I have to live with the consequences of my actions, not that I will run off , then come and beg small and all is forgiven and forgotten.

He should probably listen to her explanation.

Bro funny enough I know my friends father too well he is a perfect gentle man who cannot hurt a fly..His father for one day never laid a hand on his mother,I mean he never for once did dat.I believe she took advantage of his gentle nature to do whatever she liked..Infact to the extent that even the womans relatives and mother condemned her for her deeds and they all came back to apologise to my guys father for the evil their daughter did..Cos they know he is a good man.still she had no remorse till date..Me believes some women are possessed cos no woman with her right senses would do such

fem29:


Fair enough you are right people always deserve a second chance. But there are some things you do that there is no coming back from. OP said he remembers going with his father to beg her to come back but she refused. I can just imagine what that would have done to him.

Why didn't she take her kids with her?. Fair enough, maybe the father used to beat her but I think OP would know about that. OP hear her out, forgive her to avoid bitterness in your heart, but keep her at arms length

Thanks everyone for your sincere contributions..We have learnt a lot so far..Just tot to share this to give people an idea of what some people go through.Thanks a lot sincerely for your honest contributions..Maybe now I would talk to him in d direction of reconciling reconciling with their mum..But prior to creating this thread I honestly was in support of my friends bitterness cos I know what it was like all those years and suddenly from nowhere the woman shows up again probably co they have grown and started doing well.

fem29:


Maybe I just understand better because I know what it is to bring kids up alone. My husband is hardly ever around and I know the difference between when he is here and when he is not. It's bloody hard. It doesn't sound like she was chased away, as they went to beg her severally. I just think she wanted to live a life without encumberances. I am not saying I am better than her, anyone can do a shitty thing but I would know that I have to live with the consequences of my actions, not that I will run off , then come and beg small and all is forgiven and forgotten.

He should probably listen to her explanation.

as a father, i also feel that it is not right to do so, but these kids need to A) remain open minded and hear her side of the story before they can judge her and B) take a decision not solely based on them, but also their whole family (aka grandkids etc)
most people here are selfish and only think about themselves, and not about their immediate family. sometimes life isnt just about you, and you have to be the bigger person.

btw here is a simple answer that mama could give: i was married off too young, i was immature in my head, i couldnt cope, i was losing it and because i didnt want to hurt you guys with my inabilities, i had to leave in order to find myself and become a better person.... then life happened!

@fexyrich
just because the father is "now" good, doesnt mean that their mother is automatically bad, have an open mind and listen to HER story, instead of being narrow minded about this issue.

Ok thanks for the advice.Quite taughtful!!Me thinks a woman is supposed to be a role model to her children..Even when the man is going astray which is more common the woman is usually there to pray for him and guide her children right..But amazingly the mother fled when the kids needed her the most and funny enug the kids were not too little not to see all that was happening around them..The height of it is having a baby with another man outside her matrimony which was what made their father to have a rethink and marry another wife..Its a very complex situation my brother.To me I believe the forgiveness is inevitable but she would not enjoy as much as what a mother who stood by her children all tru would enjoy..There should be a consequence to every action..Cos that bond btwn mother and son which exists among many mothers and their male children would not just be there.

MRBrownJ:


as a father, i also feel that it is not right to do so, but these kids need to A) remain open minded and hear her side of the story before they can judge her and B) take a decision not solely based on them, but also their whole family (aka grandkids etc)
most people here are selfish and only think about themselves, and not about their immediate family. sometimes life isnt just about you, and you have to be the bigger person.

btw here is a simple answer that mama could give: i was married off too young, i was immature in my head, i couldnt cope, i was losing it and because i didnt want to hurt you guys with my inabilities, i had to leave in order to find myself and become a better person.... then life happened!

@fexyrich
just because the father is "now" good, doesnt mean that their mother is automatically bad, have an open mind and listen to HER story, instead of being narrow minded about this issue.

fexyrich:
Ok thanks for the advice.Quite taughtful!!Me thinks a woman is supposed to be a role model to her children..

but she was for close to 15yrs?! how can you dismiss that so casually?

Even when the man is going astray which is more common the woman is usually there to pray for him and guide her children right..

its all about making sure that the kids are ok, whether with daddy or mummy... and in this instance, they were better off with daddy. i know gazillions of unfit mothers out there that are raising their kids even though they SHOULDNT. sometimes daddy is the best option.

But amazingly the mother fled when the kids needed her the most and funny enug the kids were not too little not to see all that was happening around them..The height of it is having a baby with another man outside her matrimony which was what made their father to have a rethink and marry another wife..

have an open mind and hear her side of the story before assuming that she "fled" or that she abandoned them willingly for greener pastures

Its a very complex situation my brother.To me I believe the forgiveness is inevitable but she would not enjoy as much as what a mother who stood by her children all tru would enjoy..There should be a consequence to every action..Cos that bond btwn mother and son which exists among many mothers and their male children would not just be there.

yes it is a complex situation with possible repercussions bigger than just these people here (think about what is best for the grandkids too). at this stage, this lady certainly doesnt want to be treated and cherished as a caring and loving mother (as if she never left), but she possibly only want to be part of their lives and share some kind of friendship 1st, and possibly a stronger bond later... depending on what happens. of course, she will never be able to erase what happened, and i doubt this is what she wants, but maybe to try to overlook it and enjoy the present in some ways.

Are. You a lawyer?? If your not I recommend you go read law as you would make a good counsel to a guilty offendant..BTW thanks for the advice you don't know how much of an impact your making in som1's life.Let's pray they overlook those flaws and give her a second chance..

MRBrownJ:


but she was for close to 15yrs?! how can you dismiss that so casually?



its all about making sure that the kids are ok, whether with daddy or mummy... and in this instance, they were better off with daddy. i know gazillions of unfit mothers out there that are raising their kids even though they SHOULDNT. sometimes daddy is the best option.



have an open mind and hear her side of the story before assuming that she "fled" or that she abandoned them willingly for greener pastures



yes it is a complex situation with possible repercussions bigger than just these people here (think about what is best for the grandkids too). at this stage, this lady certainly doesnt want to be treated and cherished as a caring and loving mother (as if she never left), but she possibly only want to be part of their lives and share some kind of friendship 1st, and possibly a stronger bond later... depending on what happens. of course, she will never be able to erase what happened, and i doubt this is what she wants, but maybe to try to overlook it and enjoy the present in some ways.