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In as much as I know that some parents can be poisonous you will only hurt your relationship with your daughter by interfering in her relationship with her mother. Your daughter is 13 so I can see why being around her mother might mean more to her now. She is a teenager and has many questions that she might not feel comfortable coming to you or your wife with. She needs her mother more than ever now. Since you pretty much raised her you need not worry too much that she will turn into a jezebel overnight.

My advice is this: Sit ur daughter down and ask her why she ran away. Listen to your daughter's reasons instead of pressuming her mother is the cause of her running away.

From what i see u care for ur child greatly and thats wonderful. Its nice to hear of a responsible man who takes care of his family. Ur concerns about your daughter spending time with her mother may be legit, but a girl needs her mother and if u try to separate them ur daughter will hate u for it in the long run. she wont understand that u were just looking out for her. U need to make a deal with them (ur ex and ur child). u could tell them that since u'll support her she should live with u but be free to go and visit her mom on weekends/holidays AT HER MOM'S HOUSE. Having them supervised is cruel.

Another very important thing is this- a girl generally wont run away unless she's desperately unhappy. Do u yell at her too much? order her around? how does ur wife treat her in ur presence and absence? does she feel there's no one she can talk to in ur house (lonely)? the answers to these questions need to come from ur daughter.

@ Lips +

Thanks for your advice,I waited for hours yesterday to see both of them at their family house. She promise coming but till now I did not see her. I have send her a text message " Hello Lola,I am still waiting for you to discuss about your daughter issues. I am not oppose to her seeing you or even staying with you. Her future is my major concern,the better her future the glory for both of us. " (thats the contents of my msg) she is yet to reply I dont know what she is up to. I think I will give her this whole week. I will find time to see her by weekend if she made herself available. If she dont want to,maybe I will seek professional advice from the Social welfare dept. Thanks everyone, I am missing my baby.

ok. that text was nice. just be patient for now and the next time you try to make a move remember that good communication is the key (don't forget to communicate with ur daughter as well). try not to sound controlling or demanding. even if ur ex starts shouting or behaving inappropriately(women can b like that) YOU must keep a cool head. Do it for ur daughter cuz the cooler u appear the more she'll want to b with u. yelling can scare her away.

bear in mind that this situation might take a while to resolve. ur ex might bring up the fact that u were only letting her see her daughter in ur mum's place, and thats an issue u might have to humble urself and appologise for. But be patient and hopefully things will end up for the best. God always helps the patient ones with pure intentions. I wish u all the best.

@ lips

Thanks once again,thatz what everyone is saying that I should do everything for my daughter sake,if i can be nursing for seven years. I should not allow her "destroy" my good plan for the girl. I will be patient and prayerful too. Thanks

It is sad that the child is torn btw 2 parents.
You need to sit and have a chat with the MOm and let her know why you think she is a bad influence to the child and have a chat with the daughter as well, but please, never tell the child that the mother is no good.

but please, never tell the child that the mother is no good.

i agree, in due course she will know all she needs to know. don't bad mouth your ex or allow your wife to do same in front of her
even if the woman committed adultry let it not me smeared on your daughter's face. when she has more sense she will use her own mouth to ask her mother questions. that information as bad as it is will not be enough to break the bond between mother and daughter. why do i say this? i was friends with sisters whose mother left their dad while they were still very young. The marriage appeared to be a very difficult one with a man who she claimed was difficult to live with and please. There was no way on earth he would have allowed her take her children so she decided to make the painful decision to leave them in his capable hands and move on with her life while she was still young. All their lives the dad and step mother kept saying things like ''wicked child,wicked children that's how you will abandon your child just like your mother, she didn't like you''  etc
Those words were constantly with them and deflated the self esteem of one of them. She was a lovely child with zero self esteem and issues too deep.

Allowing them have time in the presence of your mother is clearly wrong. She neeeds to spend time with her mother maybe on some weekends or short holidays(for the maintime until you grow more confident) i doubt the mistakes she made in her earlier marriage should be enough to disqualify her from her natural skills as a mother. She might have committed adultry but that does not mean she does not love her daughter.
when she gets back speak with love and sternly to her. she must know it is wrong to run away from home and it would not be tolerated. let her grow in an atmosphere of love thus being able to trust and confide in you and indeed her stepmother (hopefully )

Finally prayers and more prayers (that should handle a stubborn ex) when your words cant do much let prayers pave the way for you.
All the best

@ touchmeder

Thanks so much,your words full of wisdom.

This really is a sensitive issue on so many levels. . . .and for so many reasons as well. . .

I mean,. . . .first and foremost your daughter is still very much a minor. .  . .she needs as much stability as u as a parent is able to offer.

And sadly, it doesn't seem like she getting it at all. . . . .her education, Friends, and her state of mind generally!!

If she isn't comfortable wid yourself and ur current wife, for now why not u let her stay with her mother. . . .

It is her biological mother. . . u really don't stand anything to lose really. . .she still is and will always be ur daughter. . . .

just continue to make sure u are there for her in every and any way. . . .hopefully things will get much better wid time!!

Good Luck to U!!

A lot of the female posters here are speaking  immaturely and understandably so.
Most you have no children you're responsible for.
You all need to listen to this young man.

He had a wife who was fornicating around neglecting her 6 year old
The marriage breaks down and the ex wife marries a married man.
Which man in here will allow his 6 year old daughter now 13 to move in with a slutty ex wife?
And which woman in here will let her children move in with a man that did the same.
All I've been hearing is she's her mother,she's her mother,let the girl have a relationship with her mother.
Do we realize that some mothers are useless and are unfit mothers.
His instituting some sort of supervised visitation at his mothers house is a measure any responsible man would take to safeguard his daughter against a bad influence.The mother obviouly lacks good moral character.
I do not see anything wrong in this young man's actions
He has every right to be concerned about the welfare of his daughter,I commend him.
The girl is a teenager and she's only rebelling against the father's authority and naturally the permissive mother is a great alternative.

@ the poster,I believe you sit this young girl down and find out the source of her worries
The running away is just a symptom.Children are very smart and I'm certain she knows she can manipulate her hare brained mother better than a father who has her best intentions at heart.
You need a female family member to help
The girl needs to know that you love her and that she can trust you without being afraid of you.
You need to gain her confidence.
I wish you all the best

Osisi are you serious. What good would it do to hold back a child from seeing a parent because the parent was unfaithful. We are not talking about a criminal here. She is the child's mother and she should not have to come to her estranged ex mother in laws house for them to bond. I am sure by now the girl knows that they are keeping her away from her mother. If he decides to be a hard head about this it might come back to bite him n the butt. That is the truth. The woman is now married again so she too has moved on. Many unfaithful people raise chldren everyday. I have never heard where this was a reason to deny the parent access to a child.

Outstrip:

Osisi are you serious. What good would it do to hold back a child from seeing a parent because the parent was unfaithful. We are not talking about a criminal here. She is the child's mother and she should not have to come to her estranged ex mother in laws house for them to bond. I am sure by now the girl knows that they are keeping her away from her mother. If he decides to be a hard head about this it might come back to bite him n the butt. That is the truth. The woman is now married again so she too has moved on. Many unfaithful people raise chldren everyday. I have never heard where this was a reason to deny the parent access to a child.

I absolutely agree wid the bolded. . . . . . .if he continues to keep her from her mother she'll end up resenting him for life!!. . . .

Its a hard fact. . .I've seen it happen several time. . . . .and at that point it becomes almost impossible to salvage what left of the relationship. . .

(he'll be lucky to have any at all infact)

If truly she's rebelling against her fathers authority, there are several ways teenagers express it. . . . they become juvenile delinquents. . . .

For instance, she could start hanging out wid the wrong crowd, fall back on their grades immensely, start doing drugs, smoking and what have u. . . . .

But shes chosen to keep on going to her mother repeatedly to fill up A VOID, . . . , one that nothing else can occupy. . . . .

Its imperative that the OP, sits his daughter down and have a heart to heart wid her. . . .

find out why shes refused to stay wid him, and the new family. . . .

Hopefully it can be fixed. . .i mean if it couldn't be fixed when she was thirteen, i don't see how things can be corrected now that shes a teenager

All the same give it a try. . .  .but don't try to force the "issue". . . . .your daughter will always essentially be your DAUGHTER!!

Women are supposed to enjoy the love and intimacy of their children.
Children are the pride of the fathers and bonus for a job well done on the wife.

The understanding of the above will enable you take a proper decision.



Visit
http://wetindeyforum.com/index.php?topic=1154.0
husband,wife and children: the juicy portions

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I'll need the poster to comment more before I continue.

I really thank everyone that have contributed so far, now with all her attitude, I buried my ego and went to her place to discuss on what next, I believe she don't have the time to care for this innocent girl she is only interested in " at least I am the Mother" I have no reason to keep her daughter from her. I am only concern about her future. She want us to put her in the Boarding school,which I objected. Now the conclusion is that she should stay with her ,but she should assure me her outing will not affect her motherly role. I promise to do my best as I have being doing past 13 years. Why I said she don't have the time to take care of the girl is her long pause when I ask if she can really cope with her busy schedule,she just said let us put her in the Boarding School. Now the girl is missing school. I need to get fund to re-register her to her 3rd secondary school . She has no issue yet apart from our daughter,and I don't like going into her private life,with our last talk,I believe she is just full of regrets and believe the only way we can still be communicating is when she have enough access to the girl(not even bent on staying with her). She knows how much I love the girl. I dont want my daughter to feel I am avoiding her top see her mum, I only leave her there to make her happy. I believe,my talk,prayer and advice will go along way. And since she is growing too,she can feel any difference and eventually pick what is good for her(I pray it wont be late then). I do appreciate further advise. If it just ideal to leave her there and monitor her.

lannre:

I really thank everyone that have contributed so far, now with all her attitude, I buried my ego and went to her place to discuss on what next, I believe she don't have the time to care for this innocent girl she is only interested in " at least I am the Mother" I have no reason to keep her daughter from her. I am only concern about her future. She want us to put her in the Boarding school,which I objected. Now the conclusion is that she should stay with her ,but she should assure me her outing will not affect her motherly role. I promise to do my best as I have being doing past 13 years. Why I said she don't have the time to take care of the girl is her long pause when I ask if she can really cope with her busy schedule,she just said let us put her in the Boarding School. Now the girl is missing school. I need to get fund to re-register her to her 3rd secondary school . She has no issue yet apart from our daughter,and I don't like going into her private life,with our last talk,I believe she is just full of regrets and believe the only way we can still be communicating is when she have enough access to the girl(not even bent on staying with her). She knows how much I love the girl. I dont want my daughter to feel I am avoiding her top see her mum, I only leave her there to make her happy. I believe,my talk,prayer and advice will go along way. And since she is growing too,she can feel any difference and eventually pick what is good for her(I pray it wont be late then). I do appreciate further advise. If it just ideal to leave her there and monitor her.

It's impossible for me or anyone to give a sound advise without knowing the full picture.
Is this woman a bad mother?
By that I mean
does she have some bad habits that may endanger a child?

We divorced due to infidelity on her part. My fear is that the girl might learn part of her way of life,as she now bleached all her skin and looks more wild with her talk than before.

@ spikecylinder

why turn around,can you read the thread from the first post ! the word forbade is not there now-the word future is what I am talking about-in our last discussion I wrote here how we both agreed that the girl stay with her,she is with her now and the word forbade is out of the main issue.

lannre:

We divorced due to infidelity on her part. My fear is that the girl might learn part of her way of life,as she now bleached all her skin and looks more wild with her talk than before.

does she work?

does she run around with  men ?

is her home an open door for several men ?

is she concerned about the girl's wellbeing ?

Does she patronize babalawos and juju medicemen men?

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chaircover:

osisi like you, I'm a bit worried about the real motives of mum, especially as she want to cart the child off to boarding house, but I think the child will keep on running away until she has a chance to see her mums true colours herself.

The girl is 13.
She will not see her mothers true colors at 13.
If her mother is a bad influence,she will get influenced by her mother
simple.
You understand where I'm coming from because you have children just like I do.
I don't care about this mother,I don't know her
I care about this 13 year old and an obviously loving father from his writings.Most men after the breakdown of a marriage abandon the kids and move on but this man kept his daughter and now is worried about her.
People make a mistake of thinking that just because one is a mother they are entitled to their kids.
Why then do we have social workers snatching kids from parents and parents having ther parental rights terminated in western countries when kids are put in danger?
If for instance this mother left this child home alone while frolicking with men or brought several men in the house with her present,she's putting this kid in harm's way.
There are pathetic men that would rape 6 and 13 year old girls so this father's fears are in order.
This is a dangerous world especially for little girls
There's obviously more to this story,I wish them well.

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My Daughter Ran Away From Home

why she no go run, i dey sure say una don beat that girl tire.

:-x :-x

Stop bothering yourself, She'll come back herself. She's just out there to learn.

Virgo83:

Stop bothering yourself, She'll come back herself. She's just out there to learn.

70% have said that. I really thank everyone.