Shaaira Fillah
“STRIKE”
January 15, 2016
6:28 pm

I entered the room while he was in rukooh. I was about to get disappointed because he did not wait for me so we could pray together, when I remembered that I was in my period. So instead, I just walked pass him and sat on the bed adjacent to where he was.

I started reciting dhikr as a substitute for my missed Salah. Initially, I was merely saying every word of remembrance normally. My lips moved in haste as my silent voice came out. My sight was focused on my thumb gliding on the folds of my fingers. I was trying though to recite each dhikr sincerely. I closed my eyes to think of everything Allah azzawajal bestowed upon me - all the blessings, grace, mercy, guidance, even challenges and tribulations until I can no longer think of anything.

Then I opened my eyes.

Astagfirullah. I uttered quite a little bit loud. How could I miss thanking Allah for this very special priceless gift He granted me?

I shook my head in disappointment and started with new sets of dhikr. But this time, as I glide my thumb from one finger fold to another, I was looking at him. I was looking at my very special priceless gift. I was looking at my habibi.

SubhanAllah, SubhanAllah, SubhanAllah ... Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah ... Allahu Akbar ...

I cant help but curve my lips. I dont know what I have done for Allah to bless me with this man. He is every Muslimah's ideal husband. Yes, we've been married for only a few weeks now but subhanAllah! He already met all my checklist for a habibi and went even beyond that.

But that also makes me think if I ever met his checklist. I mean. I am just an ordinary Muslimah. We were strangers so he doesnt know me. Why did he even me marry me at the first place? Did he expected too much because I was a niqabi? Did I fail him? Is he now in regret and disappointed? Am I not good enough for him? Coz really, he is too much for me but still Allah destined him for me. Is he happy about us being together or has he already been applying his sabar at full force since day one?

I dont know.
Really, I have no idea.

We've been together for weeks but until now, it feels like we are still strangers. Yes, we pray together, we prayed Sunnah during our first night, he wakes me up for fajr when I'm still asleep. But that's all. He never showed signs of affection. He never even looked at me in the eyes. I actually couldnt still feel that I am married now. Am I lacking something? Why does he act that way? Shouldnt he be that way?

Or am I just asking for too much? Why am I just seeing the dunya part of being married? Being sweet, clingy and all? Why couldnt I just see him as completing half of my deen? Astagfirullah! He leads me in prayer! He wakes me up for fajr! He helps me strive for Jannah! He makes me pray for Jannah! How couldnt I be contented with that?

Astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfirullah ... I continously asked for Allah's forgiveness for surely I have been so ungrateful. Astagfirullah!

I was already bowing and closing my eyes in repentance, close to crying when I felt a weight on the front part of the mattress where I was sitting. When I looked up, I saw him sitting infront of me. His knees just an inch away from mine. Oh. This is the first time he sat with me this close.

I was about to move backwards when he held my right hand. I immediately felt his warmth but since I was not used to a man holding my hand, I fidgeted for awhile. What is he doing? Did I do something wrong? I cant even find the voice to ask him. But then, I was reminded that he is my husband so I just let him hold it.

Then he started moving his thumb on the end my finger's joints.

That was when I realized that he was actually using my hand for dhikr.

I involuntarily grew pink with that thought as my hand kept calm in his. I did not know he has this sweet move. Yaa rabbi, I did not mean to reverse-psychology you but, are you granting me another gift now? Hmm strike one.

He was very much focus on his dhikr and with my hand too. So, I had the chance to look at him closely. It felt so wrong at first to look at him, sit with him, be held by him. His charisma is something a woman should lower his gaze at because if not, a woman would just end up falling inlove with him. I would just end up falling inlove with him.

Haram! Haram? Oh I just forgot that I am married to his man I love now. I know everything is Halal. I can stare at him all day and night. This man is mine, I naughtily thought.

But does he feel the same way too? I got worried again.
My mind was about to roam around fantasy land when I heard him spoke with his eyes close. "Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alameen. Alhamdulillah for this pious wife. Alhamdulillah for this gorgeous wife. Alhamdulillahi kathiiran for being the husband of this woman right infront of me. Yaa rabbi, bless our marriage. May we still be together until you welcome us in your Paradise. Allahumma ameen."

My eyes were almost on its fullshape because of what he just said. He just answered my question! Maa shaa Allah! He was actualy including me in his prayers too! He was actually praying for me! He was talking about me with Allah! He was even complimenting me with Allah! Maa shaa Allah! Strike two!

He opened his eyes to my overwhelmed face. He looked back at me and smiled. I grew red again and was about to bow my head in shyness when my forehead met his lips.

I was taken aback. Strike three! Strike four! Strike five! Yaa rabbi, that was ... strikeful! Now, this is too much! Is there still more?

He clasp our hands together for the very first time and raised them infront of my eyes. He smiled. “Perfect. We are really meant to be.”

“A-Ah.. H-habibi, d-do you need anything? A-are you sick? O-or?” I couldnt help but ask him. He is really changing so fast. I did not see that coming! He just turned the way I wanted him to treat me in a second!

He laughed at me. As in like out loud. I blushed heavily. I was intensely becoming embarassed. Is this the price I have to pay for asking too much?

He calmed down and smiled his sweetest at me. “Habibti, thanks for letting me borrow your hand for dhikr. I know you cant pray today but that doesnt mean we have to stop building our palace together in Jannah. And ...” he paused for awhile. “I know I have been distant this past few days but that doenst mean I dont care about you. In fact, I love you, I already love you fillah. It’s just that I thought you needed time to adjust. I know youve kept yourself pure all your life, Alhamdulillah for that, and living with a non-mahram is beyond your comfort zone.”

“B-but why? Why are saying all of these just now?”

“Well I think it’s the right time. Is it too early? Sor--” He was about to stand up and distant himself away from me again but I gripped his hand.

“No, habibi. Stay. Just ... Stay?” I requested.

He smiled and as he sat beside me this time, he kissed me on my forehead again. “Yes. I will. Until we are united with Allah Azzawajal in the Akhirah.”

https://m.facebook.com/shaairafillah/photos/a.537687003065046.1073741828.537674989732914/552980098202403/?type=3&source=48

daretodiffer:
This is the type of union I pray for . InshaAllah, MashaAllah
I like the way the wife reasoned. She is just like me.
cc maclatunji

IndianBwoy:
what in the name of

Seriously obsessed with religion these people. is this supposed to be like some i__mic por.n story

rexmania:
So you are a muslim also

Smellymouth:
Yes I am

Neyoor:



Allahu Akbar!


Happy to know you are a muslim

Smellymouth:

Salam Alaykum brother .

Yes, I am a muslim Alhamdulilah.


Jazzakallah kheir for the great work you all are doing in this forum.May Allah continually reward y'all..

:Walaykum salam waramotulah wabarakatuh


Ameen and you too bro.


So glad to know you are a muslim.



They way u were asking if the girl actually went to church the other day makes me think you are a xtian.


Love your signature sha

Neyoor:



:Walaykum salam waramotulah wabarakatuh


Ameen and you too bro.


So glad to know you are a muslim.



They way u were asking if the girl actually went to church the other day makes me think you are a xtian.


Love your signature sha

Smellymouth:

Bismallah Awaluhuwa Akhiruhu.
La ilaha illa Allah
Mohammadun Rasulu Allah

My mum is a christian, I spent my early yrs in a strict christian home ,
Ashokrulillah, I am still a servant of Allah!!
Allah Akbar

lexiconkabir:
How come? your dad not a practicing muslim?

Smellymouth:


He is

lexiconkabir:
thats great, but how come you grew up in a strict christian home?

Smellymouth:


He was a soldier, he was barely around. Back then, my mum attended Deeper Life Bible Church..

Now u know

lexiconkabir:
aiit sire, ALLAH Has made you be among the successful ones.

Smellymouth:


Bismallah Awaluhuwa Akhiruhu.

La ilaha illa Allah

Mohammadun Rasulu Allah


My mum is a christian, I spent my early yrs in a strict christian home ,

Ashokrulillah, I am still a servant of Allah!!

Allah Akbar

daretodiffer:

Rahimakallah..

ActOfWar:
I pray u better d girl in dz ur story Still on d quest of deducing ur real personality through ur posts though Be happy, girl.
Cc daretodiffer dare2differ

daretodiffer:
Thanks.

This is my real personality. It is part of who I am.

daretodiffer:
Thanks.

This is my real personality. It is part of who I am.