BRIDE SHARES HER EXPERIENCE OF WEDDING NIGHT SEX AS A VIRGIN. Bride of one year, Lola Akindele Busari made a vow to herself and God to reserve sex for marriage, but her experience of overcoming her fear of sex almost made her honeymoon a disaster. She is now calling for churches to institute real sex education for young women and would-be brides – a platform for open and honest talk that recognises sex as natural, beautiful, and a pleasurable part of marriage. She shared her story with BN , and the relevant parts are excerpted below. Losing my Virginity Now, it’s interesting that I can joke about intimacy. right now – because a year ago, when we got married, to be quite frank…I was in tears when I fully realised how painful it actually was to lose my virginity. It was not a laughing matter at the time AT ALL! And I don’t mean painful in the sense that I felt I was losing a piece of myself… far from it! And it wasn’t even the fact that it just physically REALLY hurt! The thing that ‘pained me’ the most was the fact that I was with the love of my life, we had just had the most beautiful wedding with all our friends and loved ones, dancing away and popping (non alcoholic) sparkling wine… and when it was time to now Pop The Cherry…I was too afraid! I felt as though I was not fulfilling my first wifely task. We had stayed at the spa hotel in which we got married for a couple of days before we flew off to the Dominican Republic (and not Barbados – private joke) for the honeymoon…and I felt so distraught that I was letting my husband down. On the night of the wedding, I was full of mixed emotions. I had finally gotten married! It was all I had ever dreamed about. I had been planning the big day since forever… It was so lovely and beautiful and my husband is the best thing that’s happened to me apart from Jesus…he waited for me and respected and adopted my views on having no premarital sex from the beginning – so WHY was it so difficult to Just Do It? ‘Nike’ lied! I wanted to…but just couldn’t. Vaseline at the Wedding I was very fortunate to have two married woman in my close circle of friends who gave me a lot of very useful advice, one of them even slipped me a small container of Vaseline whilst I was on the dance floor in my wedding dress, telling me I would need it for later that night. I was laughing at the time when she gave it to me. I was soon to find out (as mentioned earlier) that it was not a laughing matter at all! I was so lucky, as my wonderful husband is just the best because he was so patient and gentle. The key is to relax they say…well… according to numerous “How To…” tips on Google that is. I tried to…but I just kept hearing this voice saying…”You’re letting him down…You’re letting him down…He waited for you all these years and now that it’s time to do it you can’t!” It was horrible knowing that it felt like I could not go through with it. The pain, the anxiety, the fear of him being disappointed in me…there was no way I could relax! On top of that, I had heard a story about a young couple who had just recently gotten married and who had requested for an annulment of the marriage because of this very same situation. The wife felt as though she couldn’t go through with losing her virginity, no matter what they tried. What the Church Says & Reality At church, the message from the pulpit is always ‘save yourself for marriage’ – which is good…and it’s what I did. However, The Church seems to be producing batches of women who yes, may come to their married bed as virgins …but they are more or less left to their own devices after that. Old wives tales, advise from mothers and jokes about it from friends aren’t really enough to fully prepare you for what to expect. I guess everyone’s different and everyone’s first time will most certainly be different – but The Church should also have in place a platform (or a session included within their premarital counselling) whereby they’re not afraid to touch on the subject of the Wedding Night and how it’s different when marrying a virgin. It would be good to have some sort of dialogue in place between the future spouses regarding the importance of being gentle and patient or even perhaps certain positions that will help make it easier, such as propping a pillow under your pelvis (for the woman), which helps make your fist time go a lot more smoothly. (A technique I learnt from Google whilst on my honeymoon. For the first couple of days I would be like: Hold on! Let me quickly get the pillow first! Lol!) Thus couples can discuss these different methods beforehand, which should help better prepare them for their wedding night. However the most beautiful part of it all was remembering that God does not give us more than we can bear. He had blessed me with such a wonderful and caring husband and my hubby was so sweet and just kept telling me “It’s ok, don’t worry about anything… it will happen.” There’s no way I could imagine going through that process with someone who didn’t love me or who was just using me, as some women and even some teenage girls have to go through. I asked the Holy Spirit to open up everything that needed to be opened in order to make this happen and to give me the ability to stop over thinking everything and to just relax. To make light of the situation, my husband so lovingly reminded me that the children that we’re looking forward to having one day, are going to have to come through this avenue. We laughed… and laughed some more. It was good to be with someone who was so calm about the whole thing and that also helped to make everything easier. Something that is supposed to be a natural process of life, something that I hadn’t experienced in all of my 26 years, but was now ready to experience… was NOT going to be turned into something that would now try and steal my joy. Oh no honey! When I prayed, I prayed for Wisdom – wisdom for how to best deal with the situation and for the strength to bear the pain and to overcome it so that I could please my husband and so that we could both enjoy something that God himself had created for us to enjoy in marriage. NOTES; 1. Not all first times hurt for every woman. Some women do NOT experience any pain when they have sex for the very first time. 2. Vaseline is not the best lubricant for a woman. Only use petroleum jelly when you have no other option as it may affect the health of your vagina. If possible walk into your nearest pharmacy and ask for a sex lubricant. KY Jelly is usually the cheapest and most widely available brand. Some condom brands also have various options available. 3. Putting a pillow under your hips really does work, or you can learn to tilt your waist so you’re not horizontal on the bed. Also learn to move your waist to match your partner’s movements. That helps things along, and gives you more pleasure too. 4. You may not orgasm during your first sex or even for every sex after that, and you many never orgasm from penetrative sex, However, I think most women can orgasm if they and their partners want to. MouthAction and manual stimulation [fingering] are options as they provide the closest contact to most women’s most erogenous zone, your clitoris. And women, feel free to touch yourself, I mean your vagina, to find out what works for you. Sex experts, feel free to add other tidbits

Did I just do that?


Choiii!!!

Hmm 2plenty ,patiently waiting for those literature studnt to read and gv me summary!!

Why do we take this virginity of a thing too serious, to me it is not a measure of decency. I don't understand the fuss about it.

Ok

Mtcheeeeeeeww, rubbish. Sex, virgins are overrated.

Seyibabalola:
BRIDE SHARES HER EXPERIENCE OF WEDDING NIGHT SEX AS A VIRGIN.
Bride of one year, Lola Akindele Busari made a
vow to herself and God to reserve sex for
marriage, but her experience of overcoming
her fear of sex almost made her honeymoon a
disaster.
She is now calling for churches to institute
real sex education for young women and
would-be brides – a platform for open and
honest talk that recognises sex as natural,
beautiful, and a pleasurable part of marriage.
She shared her story with BN , and the relevant
parts are excerpted below.
Losing my Virginity
Now, it’s interesting that I can joke about
intimacy. right now – because a year ago,
when we got married, to be quite frank…I
was in tears when I fully realised how
painful it actually was to lose my virginity.
It was not a laughing matter at the time AT
ALL! And I don’t mean painful in the sense
that I felt I was losing a piece of myself…
far from it!
And it wasn’t even the fact that it just
physically REALLY hurt! The thing that
‘pained me’ the most was the fact that I
was with the love of my life, we had just
had the most beautiful wedding with all our
friends and loved ones, dancing away and
popping (non alcoholic) sparkling wine…
and when it was time to now Pop The
Cherry…I was too afraid! I felt as though I
was not fulfilling my first wifely task.
We had stayed at the spa hotel in which we
got married for a couple of days before we
flew off to the Dominican Republic (and not
Barbados – private joke) for the
honeymoon…and I felt so distraught that I
was letting my husband down. On the night
of the wedding, I was full of mixed
emotions. I had finally gotten married! It
was all I had ever dreamed about.
I had been planning the big day since
forever… It was so lovely and beautiful and
my husband is the best thing that’s
happened to me apart from Jesus…he
waited for me and respected and adopted
my views on having no premarital sex from
the beginning – so WHY was it so difficult
to Just Do It? ‘Nike’ lied! I wanted to…but
just couldn’t.
Vaseline at the Wedding
I was very fortunate to have two married
woman in my close circle of friends who
gave me a lot of very useful advice, one of
them even slipped me a small container of
Vaseline whilst I was on the dance floor in
my wedding dress, telling me I would need
it for later that night. I was laughing at the
time when she gave it to me. I was soon to
find out (as mentioned earlier) that it was
not a laughing matter at all! I was so lucky,
as my wonderful husband is just the best
because he was so patient and gentle.
The key is to relax they say…well…
according to numerous “How To…” tips on
Google that is. I tried to…but I just kept
hearing this voice saying…”You’re letting
him down…You’re letting him down…He
waited for you all these years and now that
it’s time to do it you can’t!” It was horrible
knowing that it felt like I could not go
through with it.
The pain, the anxiety, the fear of him being
disappointed in me…there was no way I
could relax! On top of that, I had heard a
story about a young couple who had just
recently gotten married and who had
requested for an annulment of the marriage
because of this very same situation. The
wife felt as though she couldn’t go through
with losing her virginity, no matter what
they tried.
What the Church Says & Reality
At church, the message from the pulpit is
always ‘save yourself for marriage’ – which is
good…and it’s what I did. However, The
Church seems to be producing batches of
women who yes, may come to their married
bed as virgins …but they are more or less left
to their own devices after that.
Old wives tales, advise from mothers and
jokes about it from friends aren’t really
enough to fully prepare you for what to expect.
I guess everyone’s different and everyone’s
first time will most certainly be different – but
The Church should also have in place a
platform (or a session included within their
premarital counselling) whereby they’re not
afraid to touch on the subject of the Wedding
Night and how it’s different when marrying a
virgin.
It would be good to have some sort of
dialogue in place between the future spouses
regarding the importance of being gentle and
patient or even perhaps certain positions that
will help make it easier, such as propping a
pillow under your pelvis (for the woman),
which helps make your fist time go a lot more
smoothly. (A technique I learnt from Google
whilst on my honeymoon. For the first couple
of days I would be like: Hold on! Let me
quickly get the pillow first! Lol!) Thus couples
can discuss these different methods
beforehand, which should help better prepare
them for their wedding night.
However the most beautiful part of it all was
remembering that God does not give us more
than we can bear. He had blessed me with
such a wonderful and caring husband and my
hubby was so sweet and just kept telling me
“It’s ok, don’t worry about anything… it will
happen.”
There’s no way I could imagine going through
that process with someone who didn’t love me
or who was just using me, as some women
and even some teenage girls have to go
through.
I asked the Holy Spirit to open up everything
that needed to be opened in order to make this
happen and to give me the ability to stop over
thinking everything and to just relax.
To make light of the situation, my husband so
lovingly reminded me that the children that
we’re looking forward to having one day, are
going to have to come through this avenue.
We laughed… and laughed some more.
It was good to be with someone who was so
calm about the whole thing and that also
helped to make everything easier. Something
that is supposed to be a natural process of
life, something that I hadn’t experienced in all
of my 26 years, but was now ready to
experience… was NOT going to be turned into
something that would now try and steal my
joy. Oh no honey! When I prayed, I prayed for
Wisdom – wisdom for how to best deal with
the situation and for the strength to bear the
pain and to overcome it so that I could please
my husband and so that we could both enjoy
something that God himself had created for us
to enjoy in marriage.
NOTES;
1. Not all first times hurt for every woman.
Some women do NOT experience any pain
when they have sex for the very first time.
2. Vaseline is not the best lubricant for a
woman. Only use petroleum jelly when you
have no other option as it may affect the
health of your vagina. If possible walk into
your nearest pharmacy and ask for a sex
lubricant. KY Jelly is usually the cheapest and
most widely available brand. Some condom
brands also have various options available.
3. Putting a pillow under your hips really does
work, or you can learn to tilt your waist so
you’re not horizontal on the bed. Also learn to
move your waist to match your partner’s
movements. That helps things along, and
gives you more pleasure too.
4. You may not orgasm during your first sex
or even for every sex after that, and you many
never orgasm from penetrative sex, However, I
think most women can orgasm if they and
their partners want to. MouthAction and manual
stimulation [fingering] are options as they
provide the closest contact to most women’s
most erogenous zone, your clitoris. And
women, feel free to touch yourself, I mean your
vagina, to find out what works for you.
Sex experts, feel free to add other tidbits