Lagos Traffic, I hail you sir
CMS to Ikeja, only four hours
None can fathom how you perfected this art
Not even Fashola and his band of technocrats

Military sirens render music to thy ears
Honking motor horns only the baseline instrument
Flooding perspiration from our brows merely thy interest whet
You go out of your way to make of men beasts of burden

All of your agents strategically located
A dodgy pothole here, the eveready LASTMA there
Not forgetting of course your very favourite
The faithful twenty Naira roadblock a.k.a stop and search

I even hear you've mastered black magic
Conjuring the rains coincident to rush hour unfailingly.
They say your juju can also take control of a molue engine
Always in the cruelest corner to breakdown you lead it

Lagos Traffic, you're nothing short of a superstar
Everyone recounts the impact you've had on their lives
Without due consideration to you, no event can be planned
As far as I can tell, you're the master of our time

You've even made a profound mark on my social life
That quiet chick in customercare that I always liked,
She's asked about squatting a while in my flat
Most times I just hitch a ride to work with perfect strangers

Your efforts at a greener city have not gone unnoticed
We now opt out of our SUVs to take part in jumping buses
Even your massive roll-out of jobs is worthy of applause
Poverty alleviation for those who choose to beg, hawk or rob

Lagos Traffic, you keep me company on these dangerous streets
Wherever I turn, you never fail to be there already
In vain I tried to bypass you through Epe
For behold at Ikorodu Junction you patiently awaited

Abeg jare, you're getting too possessive for my liking
Always following when I dare go out the office
Checking out which chick I spend lunch hour with
For the times I'm out the house, you're just another momsie

You play gooseberry on all of my dates
Like a chaperone keeping all my excesses curtailed
You're the catalyst ensuring I make of time no waste
I reach for the lips before you decide it's too late

At night I relive the pains of an outing with you.
The ache in every joint from hours spent in a curve
An irregular tan evident of sitting one-sided to the sun
A handful of Made-In-China toys that my nieces don't want

I thank you sir, for the lessons I've learnt
The virtue of awaking early as four a.m,
The discipline to cut down on my daily dose of CNN
And the patience of keeping my temper back home at ten

But too much familiarity is never a good thing
Absence makes the heart fonder, presence's a bitch
We do love you, but why not make us miss you a bit
Please sir, take a break till the Fourth Mainland Bridge

These Okadas now disrespect you with death defying gimmicks
Though I see you havent' spared them fatal injuries
And this Stubborn Lagos government and their heretic BRT
But crossing that yellow line Lagos dirvers can't resist

All I ask is just a little time off your schedule so hectic
Just a small holiday maybe till New Years' eve
You must be tired sir, why not take you a trip?
You'r cousin in New York I hear is having a feat

Lagos Traffic, I'm undoubtedly your biggest fan
There's not a thing I do without you on my mind
Not an excuse I need that in you I cannot find
So not even you can keep me too busy to appreciate that

This is definitely the FUNNIEST thing i'v read on NL. 2GB

reallly good, lagos traffic na woo o

Thanks people, you won't believe I wrote it while in traffic. Typing on my phone. Thanks y'all, but watch out for "Farewell Las Gidi".