My name is Allen. I don’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy because the issues of the heart are the most difficult issues to deal with especially when you are married.
How do you know the right woman to marry and how well can you know a woman before you get married to her? How sure are you that she has told you all that needs to be known about her before you say I do? More and more questions keep popping up as I narrate my story.
People say men don’t cry and I tell you that is a big fallacy. Real men cry not because they are weak but because they thought they knew better. This is my story
Before I start, I would like to state here that what you are about to read happened to a gentle Nigerian in the UK. I have a very good job and make over 80000 USD annually. Remember this as you analyse my actions over the years
We met in a church in 2009 while I was studying in London. She was also a student as at then. I was playing drums for a church while she sang for the same choir. We ended up falling in love and it was epic because she was the first woman I had ever given my whole heart to flat on the ground. I later discovered she had been in prison for about 3 years for drugs smuggling into the UK. It never deterred me from loving her. I saw potentials in her and it made me love her the more. We connected pretty well and nothing in the world mattered to us. Later that year she got pregnant and we had a girl child in 2010 who is now 6 years old. While we were still dating I got to realise that my wife was 7 years older myself. It still felt good to love her.
A week after our daughter was born, I had to return to Nigeria so I cloud do my internship with my company that sponsored my 3 years’ program in the UK. She insisted I stayed back but I refused so I could finish my program and take proper care of her and our child. She reluctantly agreed and I left. After 9 months of being away, I was meant to return so I had to renew my visa but was refused on some mysterious circumstances. I could not come back to the UK as at when I was supposed to. This made my woman to grow heavy bitterness and hatred towards me which eventually led to her going with another man. Nothing I said made any sense to her because she said she waited and I was out there chasing other girls in Nigeria. This she claimed to get from my chats on Facebook. I let her be so she made her choice and did all what felt right with this guy and not long after then she came back begging me that she is sorry that the guy in question was just deceiving her so I took her back because she said she did not sleep with him. In 2012 I was back to the UK after being away for a year and a half. She moved houses and was living with a guy who had another female flat mate. According to her there was nothing between her and this new guy then so I believed her. We continued our relationship from where it was in 2010 July. Later that year, she confessed that she slept with that guy on three occasions or so. I was bitter but just had to let it go since we were not married yet.

I was able to round off my schooling in July 2012 and was offered employment in my company back in Nigeria. Before now we were owing some money here and there as my student allowance wasn’t able to sustain us though I did part time jobs here and there. The debts where all cleared as I started my job. My wife demanded to pursue her master’s degree and I agreed to it though I was the one sponsoring it. I was going to work for 4 months and return for 3 months. So I was always away.
We eventually got married in 2013 and it was a classical wedding that almost broke my bank account. Her wedding gown was over a 1000 pounds. The wedding was attended by our friends and a few family members from her side. Non from mine because my mother had to attend a burial of her foster mother who died at 110 years of age. My mother gave me the go ahead to do the
wedding in her absence. I was very happy that I eventually married my wife. I guess she was happy too.
Our marriage like every other marriage had its ups and downs. In 2014 during one of my returns, I discovered that my wife was in touch with one of her ex’s and they had a very high sexual content chat over a long period of time. I confronted her and she said she was sorry for what she did. That it was when we had a disagreement over the phone that she started to talk with him. I let it go. Now around this time, she was planning to visit Nigeria for her brothers wedding. I told her to see this guy in question while in Lagos and she agreed to that. She spent a week in Nigeria and came back. I asked her about her joueney and where she spent her nights while in lagos. She said her sisters husband rented a hotel for because she wasn’t in a very good place with her sister. She told mee this over the phone while in Lagos. When she came back, I told her I called her sisters husband and to thank him for the hotel he payed for her but he said he did not pay for any hotel. I then said so tell me where you slept that night. At tis point she started crying that she was at her ex’s house but nothing happened. I said oh really? That’s very good. This marriage is over from this day. Then she begged me from heaven to earth and swore by all names that she did not sleep with this guy. We eventually got passed that one as well.

Now fast forward to 2015, I met this little boy in church who plays bass guitar so we became close and I took him as a younger brother since he was new in the country and even my kid brother was older than him so it felt right to advise and guide him through stuffs and school as he was a masters student and I introduced him to my wife. Biggest mistake I ever made. Little did I know that this boy was sent from hell. As usual, I went away to sea. Now we had a chat group on WhatsApp for the choir. I started noticing that my wife was always chatting with this boy on this group so I called her attention to it that its not right what she is doing because she is married and who knows what they will be discussing in private if they have the boldness to discuss this in the open. I also told her never to drop him off at home because he is not her friend but an acquaintance of mine. She agreed to what I said so I was calm. She later told me that she got an xmas gift for him which I frowned at. All these did not stop her.
At a point close to my coming, she told me that she wants to go out of the marriage that she doesn’t love me anymore that she wants to divorce. I said wao really? Ok no worries but just relax and we will talk things through when am back home. Prior to this time, she just got a well-paid job after waiting for years after her masters. Now it was very stressful for her combining work and taking care of our daughter who now attends a private primary school where I pay over 8000 pounds (2.8million naira) a year. My daughters school had a mid-term break and it became difficult for my wife to combine child care and work. So it was affecting her psyche which resulted to her having an accident while coming back from work one evening. This made her to call this demonic boy for help as she claimed he was the only saint alive to help her out. When she told me about the accident, she picked a fight with me saying am the cause of the accident.
I was some days away from coming home as I was in Malaysia while all these was happening. I told her I was going to give her a surprise this time that I will come unannounced. She objected to this and insisted that I let her know when am coming. I left Malaysia to Lagos spent the night in Lagos and she called that night which was a Saturday saying she will be going clubbing with her gil friend but I said she should not go. She refused and went anyway. Another big mistake on her part. I spent a day in Lagos and headed for Abuja to start making my way to the UK when the stupid Nigerian Immigration said I must have a return ticket before they allow me board the plane which was about to depart. I could not but the ticket from myside so I called my wife that am at the airport about to come but am facing this challenge so can she buy me a ticket so I can board. This resulted to a big fight from here side. Reasons being I did not tell her I was coming so should face my issues alone. I succeeded in reserving a return flight and they allowed me to fly.

all of these happened and you still with her? what oda signs are u waitin for to let u knw that this woman is a serial cheat, and has no regards for the sanctity of marriage . the biggest mistake u made is going ahead with the marriage, after u saw she was the loose kind of woman who flirts around at the slightest opportunity...

#grabs stool, peppered ponmo and fayrouz

On reaching UK, I went straight to my daughter’s school to see her. She was happy to see me. I took the keys and went home. Later came back to pick her up. As we discussed, I asked her what has been happening while I was away. She said that this satanic boy has been spending the night in our house about 5 times or so. I asked her if she is sure and she said very sure. That he has. I said ok. I then sent my wife a message saying I now know why she didn’t want me to surprise her. She started a fight with me again and did not return home to work that night and never told me where she slept. She said she will not come home till weekend. This was Tuesday. So I pleaded with her that I haven’t seen her since this year and I have travelled three continents for four days just to come home and she doesn’t want to see me? I felt bitter but held on. Now on Wednesday I logged in to her Gmail and got a notification for an expensive hotel reservation she had booked for two and dinner at 8pm. I shook my head and called her that who is she lodging in the hotel with? She said no one that it’s just her. I then went ahead to invite that boy to my house round about the time of the dinner just to confirm that he wasn’t the one she was planning to lodge with. While he was in my house, my wife drove down to the house and acted out a script. My wife asked me what the boy was doing in my house. I said I called him to thank him for assisting them while I was away. She said why did I not dish out the anger I had when I heard that he slept in my house? I kept calm. He left and me and my wife dropped him off as we were going to the hotel he had booked. I knelt down and apologised to her for not telling her I was coming home. My wife made me give this demon a 100 pounds that he was broke and he used his money to take taxi when he came to carry my daughter from school

That same Thursday, my wife delayed in coming home so I called her and she said she was picking up a dress from River island. Then her phone dialled my number and I was now hearing her talking to someone at the background. She did not know that she had called me. I listened and cut the call then called back and she picked up. I asked her who she was with and she said that it was the demonic boy. I got upset and spoke with him on phone that whatever he has with my wife should stop. This nonsense ha to stop. The next day, I requested to see the boy in city centre. He agreed to come. When we met I told him a story of how men have lost their lives for messing about with people’s wives. I said my wife has told me all that has happened while I was away so he should come out clean now. Then he started that when all these things started he never wanted to be a part of it that my wife was the one who called him one day that she wants to drink and asked if he could come share with her. He came and she demanded that he kiss her but he turned down the offer that he can’t do something like that to me. He left that day and she invited again and he came and they then kissed. I now asked him point blank if he slept with my wife and he stopped. I stood up and gave him a dirty slap which made him to run away. I then took his phone and he ran away. Went ahead to report to the police that he was assaulted and that I stole his phone. I was able to retrieve all the messages they had been sending to each other. I called my wife who was still at work why she could do such a thing to me after all these years we had built together. She did not come home that day so I got my pastor involved. It was my pastor who eventually went to this boy’s house to bring my wife home. She insisted that she will do it again and again that I have hurt her over years so she doesn’t regret what she has done. I called her father to inform him that am no longer marrying his daughter anymore. Called my own people as well and her friends just to shame her. On the following Monday, she lost her job and when she got back home she said I am the one that made her to lose her job because I said that she shouldn’t let the blessings of God become a curse in her life. She got really upset and went out of the house again. My pastor called her to come back but she refused and went to the boy’s house to sleep. According to her while she was sleeping the boy had sex with her although she was asleep but she didn’t stop him. When she got home she started crying heavily that
she doesn’t know what is wrong with her. Now I have parked my bags to leave but what becomes of my very pretty and intelligent daughter’s future?? I said ok let me try and fix this even if its for my daughter’s sake. So I stayed.
We started going for one council to the other in different churches. My pastor asked her to delete his number and block him on Facebook. She saved his number with a woman’s name on two occasions and opened another Facebook account. Now this not a physical thing anymore and my daughter’s life is at stake if I opt out. While we were discussing about her shameful affair, I asked her if they did it on our bed, she said no but in the room and there are many positions of sex that doesn’t require the bed and that the first night they had it was the Saturday when she went to the club and they were drunk and her stupid female friend was in the sitting room when she and this boy went into the room (how sickening is that)? I got mad and was about to leave when she gave me a dirty slap. This made me to get mad and I beat her mercilessly to the extent that the neighbours called the police after they could not get access to my house as it was locked. The police arrested me and charged me with assault. I now have a court case that I have to spend 800 pounds to get a lawyer.
Now my reason for staying put is because I believe in the biblical precepts of marriage which is for better for worst. Though the bible still says that if a woman commits adultery, the man is free to go out. Number two, what becomes the fate of my daughter since I can’t take her back to naija till she is 18 and can come by herself. I know what broken homes do to children especially girls and I love my daughter so much that I can’t imagine that happening to her ever. Because I know very well that my wife will fail woefully in life when I go out of her life. Now cutting communications with this boy is been a battle. I wanted to go African in handling the boy but God spoke to me not to. So my dear NLs this is my story. Very painful I must say but am taking conscious efforts to heal and I have forgiven her not because of he but because of me.

the gods of whatever village you are from have tied your brains and balls to a very strong and tall tree in the gardens of foolishness and stupidity.

you are NOT a man.

you better kiss your daughter good bye and look for a nice deep river to jump with a heavy block tied to that neck that holds your empty head.

Wao lookatyew enduring, wearing red boxers and black singlet to keep your marriage. Knowing that divorce is a sin.

Mah Niggur

OP I must commend your desire to hold your marriage together in consideration for your child but you have to know when enough is enough.
What do you think your child is learning from all that? That is okay to disrespect her husband?
I almost stopped reading when you said you knelt down to apologize to her for not calling her before returning home. A home that belongs to both of you and not her alone? Dude come on man.
You even gave the boy money. gosh.

You case is identical to a woman who's made to serve her husband's mistress and apologize to him for cheating.

See happiness in life depends on knowing how much bullshyte you can swallow.
Except maybe you were cheating too on those your foreign trips hence your perpetual endurance on her own cheating.

Onegai:
Wao lookatyew enduring, wearing red boxers and black singlet to keep your marriage. Knowing that divorce is a sin.

Mah Niggur

He even gave the boy money.
That part was very funny.

Mr C am sorry to inform you that your daughter is already from a Broken home. Your daughter is a Excuse for you to stay with her. You don't want to be a lone is the Problem you are having. If you Leave her you will meet someone else and have more children and you will love them the same, it not more because of the peace of mind.

Does divorce make both parties happier than they were in the marriage?
So when I leave her you guys think I will be happier?

It's pathetic but I feel I can scale through it God helping me. It might look stupid to everyone out there.

Captain Philip please divorce that woman before you die before your time, Your daughter will be fine.If you don't take time, you may end up losing your cool, or she losing her cool.Have you heard of crimes of passion? You better leave that woman!

CaptainPhilip:
Does divorce make both parties happier than they were in the marriage?
So when I leave her you guys think I will be happier?

It's pathetic but I feel I can scale through it God helping me. It might look stupid to everyone out there.

When you leave this particular woman m you will be happier!
She doesn't even listen to her pastors, and you think she will listen to you?
Oga, you made a very big mistake in marriage, now this is the best time to remedy it, else you may regret your/her next actions for the rest of your life.

My advice is to leave her alone and run as far as your legs will take you. Start looking for a wife, because that one wey you marry na better bad luck! Be careful ooooo, any woman that can cheat on the husband openly and without remorse m and still spend night time with the lover, can kill you! You my brother is a burden to her, now is the best time to take a bow run.

too lazy to finish reading the story

EggovinMma:
Captain Philip please divorce that woman before you die before your time, Your daughter will be fine.If you don't take time, you may end up losing your cool, or she losing her cool.Have you heard of crimes of passion? You better leave that woman!

thank you very much for your advice. i really appreciate.

CaptainPhilip:
Does divorce make both parties happier than they were in the marriage?
So when I leave her you guys think I will be happier?

It's pathetic but I feel I can scale through it God helping me. It might look stupid to everyone out there.

I really don't think this is the kind home you want your daughter to grow in. Most times, things like this cause more harm than good, my mom stayed with a cheating husband because of her "children", and it greatly affected I and my siblings. I am in my mid twenties now, and I am still trying to get over the effects of my home, God is helping me, although my brother wasn't as lucky. He got hit real bad, I wldnt want to go into details. And even my mom, who stayed back for her children has almost become a shadow of herself. I advice that you leave, try to get custody of your chilld, and give her the Godly upbringing and stable home she requires for her growth. May God lead and help you on the way to go.

You are not silly to me.
I agree with your rhetorical questions about your daughter.
But I think you have also exhausted your patience.
But permit me to also ask you to tell me your wife's side of the story.
I need to know why she said she would cheat over and over again.
There has to be a reason.
Though it may seem negligible but there must be a reason.
My advice will come from there...For now...hold your peace. Just keep it down bro!

Some women can be so discontented

My worry is that you might end up giving your kid to her. You don't want that. She is unfit to raise a girl child. Fight for your child even if you have to prove child abuse on her part. Start collating all the evidences, they might come in handy(recordings, text messages etc).

You may also end up giving her almost everything. I think you should see a lawyer first.

Best of luck!

GodnGold:
You are not silly to me.

I agree with your rhetorical questions about your daughter.

But I think you have also exhausted your patience.

But permit me to also ask you to tell me your wife's side of the story.

I need to know why she said she would cheat over and over again.

There has to be a reason.

Though it may seem negligible but there must be a reason.

My advice will come from there...For now...hold your peace.
Just keep it down bro!

According to her, she was just trying to cover her shame and felt like saying all what she said in a bid to hurt me because i had hurt her by going for over a year and leaving her and my daughter. But as it stands now i see her making positive steps towards restoration and listening to preaching of grace and restoration. even if i will leave her, i want to see her stable before i move so am sure my daughter will be fine. it does not look normal what she is doing and she agrees she needs help that if i leave her she might just die. bro so you see my deli ma?

CaptainPhilip:


According to her, she was just trying to cover her shame and felt like saying all what she said in a bid to hurt me because i had hurt her by going for over a year and leaving her and my daughter. But as it stands now i see her making positive steps towards restoration and listening to preaching of grace and restoration. even if i will leave her, i want to see her stable before i move so am sure my daughter will be fine. it does not look normal what she is doing and she agrees she needs help that if i leave her she might just die. bro so you see my deli ma?

There's more.

But being an ex con could do some things to ones psych.

Your marriage is not healthy.
Men leave their wives for longer years and still come back to meet their wives kampeing at home.

That's why I said there's more which you are not narrating.
Nevertheless,encourage her to change.
maybe this time it will be for good.

But I must warn you,do not take the slightest negative vibe for granted.

Be very observant.

Peace be with you.

OP be honest, what has been your own fault in all of these? This story get as e be.

U'r nt silly u'r a strongman u really want ur marriage to work.

Just yasef some space i pray things wll work 4gud 4u bro

Cap, you have made a wrong turn. You rushed into a relationship with her blindfolded by sentimental love. You swallowed all her lies like hot eba with egusi soup. You were naïve, trusting so easily, not reading between the lines of her actions, not asking yourself 'what if', refusing to read the signs which all contributed to your colossal and regretable mistake of tying the knot with her. Not all women are marriageable no matter their beauty or class or level of education. These are the outward things you went after instead of the character which brings peace of mind and lasts for a lifetime.

Sorry but your daughter is already a product of a broken home. Can't you still see the huge expanding cracks on the walls of your marital institution all coming to a point of crumbling? Gosh. What are you still waiting for? Do you want Jesus Christ to come down and tell you to leave before the walls come crashing down on you and your daughter?

Wish you well.

CaptainPhilip:


According to her, she was just trying to cover her shame and felt like saying all what she said in a bid to hurt me because i had hurt her by going for over a year and leaving her and my daughter. But as it stands now i see her making positive steps towards restoration and listening to preaching of grace and restoration. even if i will leave her, i want to see her stable before i move so am sure my daughter will be fine. it does not look normal what she is doing and she agrees she needs help that if i leave her she might just die. bro so you see my deli ma?

When will you learn that she is just using you? Do you know the heart of your wife? If you did, you wouldn't have married her in the first place.

Did you say you knelt and begged the lover and also gave him transport fare home?

Lolz, lord have mercy, I don't understand your tale.

Oga stop disturbing us with your unconditional love stories.
This is not love

OP, I don't mean to insult you but you deserve an award for being stupiid.

ur wife is a wh*re!! no offence

Oga sir! Remain with her o! Till she gives you HIV/AIDS. This is a glaring case of a woman wth no regard for the sanctity of marriage institution, u're still involvng your pastor, just wait, even the pastor no go fit kabash heal you sef. Lots of sham marriages abound. Walk away while you can now and while you're at it go get tested medically

Mehn is this some kind of movie? Original Sin comes to mind Jolie and Bandaras.

CPhilips you're tied by moral guilt of what becomes of your daughter right? The future is bright but only if you could see beyond that lady. Talking from experience, initiate the divorce worry less bout custody but the welfare of your daughter. Now if she can't provide good mother care, UK isn't bias in such issues so you'd be granted custody.

In all honesty you may think starting over is a bad move but my brother is just about the best for you now. Some records are not good to be kept and no matter how hard you try the picture of your wife screwing those guys will forever be in your memory, remember that she's not God fearing or repentant of her extra marital affairs. You've seen first hand that on the golden opportunity of having a job she's completely made you realize she's there for the comfort your money and name provides. Why on earth will a mother be mad at her husband or child during sch run? She doesn't care bout the child.

I think the mother of your child is DEAD! Move on and remember that were you in Nigeria with her, your family members would've seen you as a colossal nut job. Are you waiting to be poisoned or to come back home someday and have your head blown up by a trigger happy lover of your wife?

With your line of work you need a woman of virtue with sound discipline. I don't give a hoot to the 'it was cuz I felt lonely'

Certainly there's love out there, your real wife waiting to meet you.

Wish your daughter the best bro.