Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) - Family - Nairaland
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| Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 7:02am On Apr 16, 2016 |
Hello every woman, girl, lady out there. This is a thread where you can voice out your inner thoughts without being judged. I will be selecting topics that we are scared of talking about because we will be judged, or laughed at or insulted. Men, please you are welcomed to contribute. Today's hot topic is "when you are attracted to /dating a married man" |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by emeraldoe(f): 7:11am On Apr 16, 2016 |
Booking space |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by bukatyne(f): 8:34am On Apr 16, 2016 |
emeraldoe: |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 11:55am On Apr 16, 2016 |
Indulging in a relationship with married men is confusing, but almost all the experiences that come with it feel the same. And it always starts with the same feelings of confusion, hesitation and attraction. And women, by nature are completely helpless in such circumstances.We love helping people we like out of troubling situations. And admit it, you’d love a man who’s a mess, if he likes you. When a married man fancies you, you’re elated. But when he looks towards you for emotional support and love, the same things his own wife, apparently, doesn’t provide him, you end up falling in love, more with his emotional affairs rather than anything else. It is not a planned event, you just wanted to support, to listen to him, advise him on how to make it work. Ist, it is a harmless date, where he laments about his finances, his wife's naggs, then phone calls follow just to check up, movies to release tensions and to thank you for being helpful, and in all these, he forgets his family turmoil. All you start talking about is the good times both of you share every day. And then, one fine day, just before hanging up he says, “Sweetheart, if only I wasn’t married, I would be so in love with you. And frankly, I already am…” Pop goes the weasel. And so the journey takes another turn The little innocent doe in you (in most cases) braves itself up and walks curiously ahead. You’re flattered to know he loves you, no man who’s so sweet has ever told you something like that. You realize you love him too. But then, what’s the ending of the story? We all know how these things end. We battle with our mind on the morale implications, what God will say, how the society will react, your friends. He’s a married man, and you know you don’t want to fall, but he’s such an emotional wreck, and the most striking part of it all is, he’s totally in love with you. Apparently! Now, you warm up to him to shower him with happiness, and the next thing you know, you’re snogging him in hallways of movie theaters, fantacizing about him, lying to your loved ones to keep your dates with him, it gets harder. You are always with your phone, always jumping. You know what is right and wrong but you can't seem to let go. He is more caring than all your exs put together, you both understand each other and feel you belong together. How you wish he wasn't married, he is your soulmate. Beyond this point, there’s no looking back. You don’t care about his family or his wife. You just want this man. All for yourself. You’re dating a married man, and you want him all for yourself. The worst part of all this is that you’d never really want to be in this place, but somehow, you find yourself here. Lost, angry, annoyed and on the dark side. All of a sudden, you’re not just another nice girl. You’re the “other woman” who’s dating a married man. You’re marked from the rest of the world. You are a home wrecker. But it doesn’t matter to you, because you know this man loves you, and wants you more than he wants his own wife. That’s what we are made to believe anyways. 18 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 12:12pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
Below are the words of a dear friend who was in this messy situation "When I was involved with a married man, I felt terribly used. I hated myself for doing what I was doing, and yet, I couldn’t help myself. I was helplessly in love." That’s what happens to any woman who’s involved with a married man, because when you’re the “other woman” there are no weekends together, no family parties, no meeting friends, nothing. You are just a mysterious part of a married man’s life that surfaces when he packs his bag and tells his wife he’s travelling to another city. It’s insulting, especially when he says you mean so much to him, but that’s the life you have to accept. And it’s never a pretty sight. And every time you ask him to walk out of his relationship, it would just lead to frustrated tears. There is no way he’s ready to do that, even if your closet love goes on for a few years. It’s the same feeling every morning. You wake up feeling cheated, used and totally and miserably helpless. It’s a disgusting feeling to live with, trust me. Dating a married man is painful and demeaning. And at times, it can take years for you to accept the love of a genuine man you meet later in life. But all this is just the tip of the iceberg of problems when you have a relationship with married men. Please, note some of these words are not mine. For others, we meet a guy and he isn't wearing a ring and you are happy because he is just what you have been praying for. You dance to the altar with a fat envelop thanking God. He is a God sent, attentive, showers you with gifts(married men can shaa give gift for africa). You fall in love only to get the shock of your life, you are the other woman. You are mad, furious but funny you still go back to him. You hate yourself but your heart and maybe your body will always betray you. Ladies out there, is anyone of us in this situation, come and share how you feel, how it started, do you want to get out? Together we all can work towards that. Please remember we are NOT here to judge, no one is without sin but we are here to support, encourage and talk about our deepest feelings. Let's get started 2 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by itstpia8: 3:15pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
Wow, long epistles again on top married men?  2 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 3:32pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
No sane lady has any excuse for dating a married man...under no circumstances at all. forget all he tells you about his 'bad' wife...my wife is boring...my wife can't do this, can't do that. Women...we are our greatest enemy ....why will you be intimate friends with a married man?? instead of using a long spoon to dine with the devil....why not flee away from him He made a vow with another woman...why will you be the reason for a broken home?? why would you let innocent kids suffer?? Even when a married man asks you for a relationship, why don't you put yourself in the woman's shoe...and reject his over...at least if the man isn't sensible.... A cousin of mine got married last weekend and I didn't attend cos she was the 'other' woman...I told her point blank that she's evil...she was shocked cos we are quite close but what's bad is bad...her mum called me after and I told her the same.. You can't build your own happiness on another woman's sorrow...it will come crashing like a pack of cards right before your very eyes... .#modified# 23 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 4:33pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
Hernyolar: Well said..... 3 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 4:42pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
Hernyolar: Dearie, I get your point, I totally do. That is the reason why I created this thread, where women can come and talk freely and find solutions to get out of their messy situations. Most of them hate what they are doing and want to get out of it. Like your cousin, maybe you could have used another approach to get through to her, maybe it wouldn't have gotten to the selfish stage where she doesn't care about who she hurts just to be with the man. Maybe she wouldn't have married the man. Love is like a web, it clouds your sense of judgement. So let's not be the judge, let's just hope we are able to get through to someone out there to put an end to it before it reaches "the selfish phase". I appreciate your insight and please hang around for more hot topics every saturday. 3 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 6:04pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
Harmonyemerald: My dear...nothing justifies that action of falling in love with a married man/woman....maybe cos I've been a victim of the 'hey hun...she's just a friend' thing. ... like what I told my cousin...she'll always be the spare tyre and funny enough she's beginning to feel the heat. May God help us all. 1 Like |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 7:54pm On Apr 16, 2016 |
@ hernyolar. I hear you sis, that is why I created this thread. Believe me, some people are in the mess and want to get out but feel trapped and helpless. Nobody planned for such things, it starts off innocently and before we know it, a family's unity is @ stake. Now can we find ways for these sisters to get out of this mess and avoid being called a home wrecker. Come on, ladies, air your views, experiences and let's profer solutions on ways to get out of this messy trap for those of us inside. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Ginaz(f): 3:52pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
I WON'T and CANNOT and will NEVER date a MARRIED man. Full stop! |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by HaneefahRN(f): 4:16pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
I don't just understand why any single lady would choose out of her myriads of admirers to go out with a married man. To me, it's just insane. Don't even go near before you start stupid tales of 'I love him', 'I don't care if the wife dies as long as I have him' , 'I feel used and I want him all for me' and all other balderdash. I think it's just plain selfishness and covetousness, put yourself in the other woman's shoes, if you were that woman would you be happy knowing your husband is busy frolicking with some other woman outside? And they get so clingy wanting to reap where they didn't sow. I don't play nice with married men, sorry. They come about trying to paint their wives in bad light so as to have their way, it is up to you as a morally upright person to know better. But some ladies would even be the ones to throw themselves at married men. You want to build your happiness round someone else's sorrow. See let me just stop here. 7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by byvan03: 4:17pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
Seriously I have no solutions for this unusually dim breed of women, let me just spread a mat. 3 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by tenderlyme(f): 6:29pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
am in a relatnship wit a guy whom i strongly believe has anoda babe, i knw dis because he hardly ever spends his dime on me/buy me anytin/do anytin dat makes u feel o dis guy doesn't hv much bt he is making an effort to show he knows my needs hmmmmm!!!Pls dnt get me wrong here i work bt i jst feel dat if u can't tk kia of me now as ur gf hw den wld u tk care of me as ur wife?its only wen he wnt to play indoor football he can even buy u a jet dat very min&wen i confront him he already has a million&1 reasons already lined out y he can't tk kia of u at d moment i feel like am d available¬ d desired chick&am walking out of it because some pple never knw d value of wat dey hv till its lost. Pls critics/insults/advice are all welcomed because meself i no do again na wetin?shey i no try? 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 7:11pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
tenderlyme: My dear, the most important is realising that you are worth more than you are getting. And that's a step in the right direction sweetheart. Once we accept the truth, the rest of the journey is easy. So sweetheart, there is a man for every woman. And if the man in your life isn't making you feel like the most important thing in the world, then let him go. Its hard, sometimes you want to call, but don't call. Delete his number, delete him from bbm, facebook, just take that step in the right direction. Pray more and you will meet somebody worthy of your love. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Tundeiab(m): 7:19pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
I had a discussion with a young lady who was fund of hurling insults at single ladies who get involved with married men. She so much hated the idea just as posters above have showed. She met a married man she couldn't help but fall in love with. Moral of my story, don't think you are perfect and infallible. No body is above errors! Just pray that you don't come across temptations that are above your control. 21 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 11:40am On Apr 23, 2016 |
Hello lovelies, thank you all for the contribution on our last hot topic. AM sure a lot of women got some positive insights on how to get out of a messy situation. Our today's topic when a lady gets friend-zoned by a guy she wishes to be her man. Ladies, are you surprised? Well there is no denial. I have ALMOST been friend-zoned,but as a sharp babe, I escaped. Every lady has had her moment or her almost moment. Share your stories. Have you ever been friend-zoned? What should someone who is friend-zoned do? Should she tell the man or ceize being his friends. Advise us. What do we ladies do wrong to get friend-zoned? Am off to an owambe, hopefully I will get my own mr right.......... Lol, just kidding but its always nice meeting new cute dudes Oya, let's go there |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 10:48am On Apr 24, 2016 |
There is this guy i met at a seminar/workshop. one thing lead to the other, we started gisting , laughing like old friends. we exchanged contacts and the friendship blossomed, truth be told i had a crush on him, and i guess he felt same too. He will always compliment me on how i am. I thought we will become an item. but alas! dude likes me as a sister and buddy. lol. but the confusing part was when i told him a friend introduced me to a guy and we are dating, he sounded down and unhappy.Hia!! oginikwa, you won't date me. have seen who to date you are not happy. There was a strain in our friendship. When the relationship with my ex packed up, i told him about it. he started getting close again. For me, am gonna run as fast as my legs can carry me , i won't allow anyone to play candy crush with my emotions again. 15 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 12:50pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Adaobi12: Dear Queen, you are pretty in and out. some men need green light to ask a woman out, some are so blinded by shyness not to see. if you are feeling this guy and you think he is attracted to you, babe use style and tell him. you guys can be talking and u will jokingly tell him that you crushed on him or he is the type of man you thought u cud date. just be free and flirt with words with him.you will be surprised. queens what do you think? |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 1:05pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Harmonyemerald:I think have given him enough cues long before now. I now treat him like a buddy. no more no less. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by pinkiberry(m): 2:39pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
pls dont judge girls that date or onces dated a married man, most of us did It out of sheer ignorance. I met this guy,he was so nice,he asked me to be his girlfriend, one thing led to another,we started dating, before you'd know it, he engaged me and insist I wear the ring to school but unknown to me he was married. he rented a separate apartment where he stay with me and flirt. I never knew he was married one day a friend of his that came to visit him saw me one day with him and told me he was married with a kid and his wife is pregnant,I was so shocked, I felt like the ground should open and swallow me, my leg couldn't carry me, I felt so betrayed because I trusted him with all my heart . His friend revealed that to me because he was from my L.G.A, he couldn't watch him deceive his sister. Anyway I ended the relationship with the married man and since then we dont talk and I dont plan on having anything to do with him again. I really loved him but it took me a lot of courage and time to get over him. I cried every night, I curse him and wished I never met him. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by fromusa: 3:39pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
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| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by fromusa: 3:45pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
I love this topic and I believe I will geta good advice from the sisters here. I met this guy last year May when he was almost leaving the country, he is based abroad, since then we have been skyping and talking on phone every other day, we Have been talking marriage; of how he will pay my bride price when he comes back this year 2016, but something happened he postponed his coming back till late this same year. Before Easter someone introduced guy to me cos am in my 30's, so everyone is bringing marriageable guys to me whether they are worth it or not; I asked my boyfriend if he is serious about marriage when he come back, e asked me why I brought up the topic again after we have concluded and I told him cos my friends where asking me, that maybe they want to introduce someone to me, he became quiet, the next day , he sent me a text that he does not think I am the woman for him, that I should move on. This thing happened almost one month now, I have been texting and hoping he will change his mind, all to no avail, though I have stopped calling and blocked him on Facebook, my question is ; did I make a mistake in asking him again, did I act hastily by blocking him on Facebook and stop calling him, should I continue to call and text him even when he ignores him. Ps; I am really into this guy, and it pains me whenever he ignores me hence the blôcking and not calling him again and he is from a broken home and this made him skeptical about marriage. Thanks for reading this long epistle, hoping to get a good advice. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by pinkiberry(m): 3:59pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
@Fromusa your supposed boyfriend that base abroad doesn't love you as such. he overreacted because of a minor discussion you guys had. you are in your 30's and he dont expect you to wait for him while he may even be dating a white girl over there. Blocking him on fb I think is quite childish but the deed has been done so I will advice you to move on with the new guy and get to know him. if your Yankee bf loves you , he will come back, they always do. you didn't making a mistake in asking him that, if am in your shoes, I will do same. dont call him again, it makes you look desperate. Allow him to call you. you acted hastily by blocking him. 5 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Nobody: 4:31pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
fromusa:For one month you have begged, its time to move on. Have been there, have experienced such, though mine isn't about marriage. but someone that truly loves you won't allow you to plead for such a long time. Move on, show him you can do better without him. its hard, but a lady gat to do what a lady should do. save the little dignity you have left. 4 Likes |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by fromusa: 4:33pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
pinkiberry: Thanks, I may unblock him but have stopped calling him sha. Let him call if he wants if mot life goes on. I don't really like the new guy, his character seems shady so I am not even seeing him. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by fromusa: 4:34pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Adaobi12: Thanks dear. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by byvan03: 4:37pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Fromusa you did nothing wrong, you have a right to know his plans. I also think he is developing cold feet already before whatever you told him, a guy that wants to marry you will go right ahead and do just that. Please don't allow age box you into a corner and stop begging for doing nothing wrong. Better concentrate on the one you are seeing. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by fromusa: 4:39pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
byvan03: Thanks dear 1 Like |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by byvan03: 4:39pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Pinkiberry your case might be different but most of these girls know, most simply pretend they don't. |
| Re: Hot Topics- Everyday Woman (women Come And Talk About Your Deepest Fears) by Harmonyemerald(f): 4:56pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Adaobi12: Then maybe you are not attracted to him enough if u now treat him as a buddy. If you have a mad crush on someone who friend-zoned u, trust,you will be doing what is called mad flirting or. Even go as. Far as telling him how you feel 1 Like |
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