BUT... GOD, WHY?
'Why?! Why?!! Why?!!!' I cried profusely. 'But God...' I broke into sobs so intense that my heart ached sharply. Yes, I felt the physical pain but I still couldn't stop crying. The emotional pain I carried was much more overbearing. 'They were Christians, devout Christians. How could you have let this happen to them?' I had just lost my Mum and my elder sister to the cold hands of death. They were raped and shot by some touts. Just like that? Where was God when all this happened? Then I concluded with hot tears streaming down my teenage face, 'God doesn't care a bit about human race... Or He just doesn't exist!' That was the only explanation I could find. He must be only a mythic personality. 'There's no God!' I cried. I wept loudly as the reality of my losses hit me. I no longer had a family. Hepatitis had taken Dad away six years before. Now, my sweet mother and my only sibling were gone. The flowers in the garden behind the house that was once home to me seemed to mourn with me, for they looked pale, and their beauty had waned. 'I've lost everything,' I screamed, the wind blowing over me. 'There's no God!' I concluded as I looked up at the pregnant sky.

That was the beginning of my atheistic journey. I pursued scientific knowledge, and with the help of my foster parents got into medical college. I excelled so well that I was awarded a scholarship to complete my studies abroad. My dedication to the pursuit of knowledge is paying off, I thought to myself. I totally embraced scientific principles that opposed the theories in the Bible I believed in as a child. However, there were times when I encountered confusions. Some theories in Science seemed to contradict one another. As I studied more anatomy, I concluded that an intricately perfect design such as that of the human body couldn't have come as a result of chaos or disorder. 'It had to be the work of a master Artist. There has to be someone out there,' I admitted quite reluctantly. But then I chose to continue to believe and live as though He was nonexistent. 'What do I need an uncaring and insensitive God for anyway?'

So, I was abroad-in Ontario, Canada actually-studying more of Life Science and getting more and more antagonistic towards my Creator. I had many friends and a whole load of respect, thanks to my intellectual abilities. I kept on acquiring knowledge especially because I was an erudite reader. I read voraciously and had great understanding of scientific principles. But all the knowledge I acquired didn't fill the void in my soul. I tried even more to find relief in the books I read, books on different scopes of knowledge such as Medical Science, Literature, Philosophy, Psychology, and just anything bookish.

One summer evening, this tall lanky guy walked up to me as I relaxed outside my hostel within the compound of NorthWest University. He told me he had good news for me. But to my chagrin, he ended up preaching the gospel to me, telling me of Jesus and of His great love for me that made Him submit Himself to a most gruesome death. 'Another myth! I've heard that a thousand times,' I said in my heart. But I listened to him anyway. Maybe because I was always polite. But I was drawn to this young mulatto. Jeremy had this glow in his hazel eyes that seemed to draw me; he had the brightest smile too. He was a student just like me; he studied Petroleum Engineering. He became a close acquaintance and at any opportunity he got, told me of the love of a God I didn't want to believe in. He was always calm and seemed to understand that I had some deep-seated emotional problems I hadn't overcome. He sure was deeply concerned about me but tried not to get too close. He was a christian, and I a die-hard atheist. I understood. I wished to have him for a close friend though. One day, I asked him out on a date. He said in his usual calmness, 'All right. But, first of all, I want to ask that you read this book, and after that you talk to God. Just tell Him what's in your heart. When we meet again on our date, we'll discuss the outcome.'
'Well, okay. It's just a book after all,' I said as I reached for it. It was the gospel according to John in a little book.
'Deal?' he asked with a suppressed smile.
'Yay! I'm in,' I replied casually.
'Very good,' he said with glee in his voice. It was exciting to see him so cheerful.

The next day, behind the closed doors of my commodious and gorgeous room, I settled down to read the little book. For me, it was just one more book I could get busy with. Well, I enjoyed the literary devices, the figurative expressions and all that. I concluded it was a good book with interesting fables, some sort of amazing literary work. Then, it was time to talk to God, as requested by Jeremy. I started, 'God, do you really exist? If you do, and you're so powerful, then You're most uncaring and callous. You let bad things happen to good people...' After my emotional outburst, I immediately fell asleep.

I woke up a totally different person. I had had the realest dream ever. I had been to paradise. Yep, I saw Jesus. He spoke to me. He said, 'Kathy, why have you been avoiding me. I've been there all the while watching over you and helping you succeed. I love you. I care, Kathy.' Almost suddenly, I saw Dad, Mum and Gloria behind Him. They looked so happy, and were more alive than they were on earth. Their faces shone with the purest joy ever, beyond human comprehension. Heaven was even more real than earth. The indescribable beauty of Paradise, the tremendous peace and joy that saturated it... I didn't want to return to earth. As if Jesus heard my thoughts aloud, He said, 'You're not ready. You must go back to earth and live for me. You will fulfill My purpose for you. At the end of your life, you'll come here and be with Me for eternity.'

I couldn't wait for next week before telling Jeremy about my experience. I texted him just after I rededicated my life to God.

I graduated from medical school with very good grades and I'm currently practising as a christian doctor. I'm happily married to my love, Jeremy McDonalds and we have two lovely boys-Dan and Benjamin- together. So, here I am, years later living my life for the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine, whose ways are always the best. Life can't be any better. I'm looking forward to the day when I'd join my Master in paradise. Till then, I'll keep touching the lives of people around me.

Author's Note:
God loves you, yes, you. You're on His mind 24/7. Although things may seem to have gone haywire, rest in His love for you, knowing His thoughts towards you are indeed thoughts of peace, and not of evi...
Click on http://www.electaalen..co.id/2016/04/but-god-why_97.html?m=1 for more.