A wife beater is a man who beats up his wife, who is physically violent against her, who
abuses her. Men who hit their girlfriends or
constantly put them down – abuse starts out
first as just words – think the same way. So
do women who do the same to men.

Here are some things people think about wife
beaters. None of these are true, at least not for most of them:

* They had a bad childhood.
* They have a hard time controlling their anger.
* They are sick in the head .
* They drink too much .
* They do drugs.
* They come from a poor family.
* They hate women or have had bad experiences with them.
* They hold in their feelings too much.
* They have a hard time at work or in some other part of their life.
* They have a weak conscience .

Clearly some wife beaters do drugs or drink
too much or whatever but it has little to do with why they beat their wives . If they stop drinking, for example, they would still beat
their wives, though maybe not as much.

The root of their violence comes from how they think of themselves and their wives. They think of their wives as:
* Someone to control .
* Someone to possess.
* Someone whose duty it is to serve him – whenever and however he wants.
* Someone who is not as good as he is.
* Someone he can disrespect .

It does not come from how they view women
generally or even from a weak sense of right
and wrong. You can tell that because very few of them beat their mothers or sisters or would even dream of it. Wife beaters do not love their wives . What they call love others call control and
possession. Even their jealousy – and some act
extremely jealous – does not stem from love
but from a sense of ownership: she is mine, so
no one else can have her. Keep that in mind! The same goes for respect. The hitting and the
constant put-downs comes from a lack of respect. Much of what they say to their wives makes
them sound angry or even not right in the
head. But you cannot take everything they say
at face value: they lie and make up stuff just to throw her off balance. Like when they say
she is seeing other men. They beat their wives because they can get
away with it, because it is how they have learned to control their wives to get what they want . Because what they want matters so much more than what their wives want.