2016 FATHERS' SUNDAY CELEBRATION: CELEBRATING THE PILLARS OF OUR FAMILIES
Rev. Br. Kenneth Chigozie Alamezie, BSS
But for the sudden hellish attack of the killer Fulani Hell’smen at Nimbo, few weeks ago, which really prompted a diversion on this column, this article was in point of fact meant for the Sunday that marked this year’s Fathers’ Day celebration. Nevertheless, no time, they say, is late.
Father's Day is a celebration honoring our Dads and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. Words cannot sufficiently describe the role of fathers, as expected by us their children and gift of fatherhood in a society such as ours where violence, crime, and terror reigns supreme.
To this end, I wish to express here, in letters, my heartfelt appreciation to our fathers—by this I actually mean those who are truly fathers and not the cocky folks (sons of Cain, it appears) amongst them parading as such, as well as give my take on fatherhood as I perceive it. May God bless and keep our fathers.
You know, without our first father’s participation in God’s creation, I think this side of the planet could have remained uninhabited or rather inhabited by animals alone. Therefore, aside the gift of salvation, the other best thing that I believe could happen to any human being on earth is having a good father in their life. Indeed, nothing can match up to it. The experience is one that is simply out of this world. Ask those who are privileged to have it, and they will tell you better. Yet, on the other hand, the most horrible thing that could happen to any living soul is having a bad father in one’s life. Hmm! It is worse than death itself, yes! The experience is only next to living in Hell fire. I know you might want to ask if I had been to that godforsaken place before. Of course, NO is the answer; and by God’s grace I’ll never visit there any time after here. But we all know that Hell is considered the worst place to experience, and in this case I deem it the only fitting picture that can match up to having a bad father in one’s life.
In every family the father, as we know it, is the pillar of the house. This is no mere aphorism, as it is plain truth; and I don’t think any sensible folk would want to argue this out, either. Nevertheless, we cannot fail to acknowledge the reality that such is no longer the case in most families of today, as there are families now where you find that the father is nothing but mere figurehead—occupying the prestigious position but denying the responsibility associated with it. And experience has shown that in such families as we’ve just mentioned the very thought of a father as the pillar of the house easily provokes the children there to fury. The truth of what I’ve just said is not hidden. Yet those who are in doubt can as well go dig out the truth for themselves.
My experience on this so far tells me that there is urgent need for radical sensitization of the public, the youth not exclusive, as the male folks among them are also prospective fathers, regarding the very meaning, entailment of ‘fatherhood’. This in no small way will help to forestall foreseeable collapse of many a family/family values both at present and in future, secure the future of (and for) our children who themselves are at the receiving end of whatever be the consequences of bad parenting. Those who are truly fathers have a role to play in this regard. First, they should start this with their male children in their respective homes, imparting them with insightful teachings on fatherhood. The Church also has a huge role to play here. I think the CYON and CMO in every parish is a veritable tool for this. Series of seminars gearing towards achieving this end should be made to replace every sort of petty meetings/discussions, which often are summoned just for the sake of it. I believe this, if applied, will benefit the youth in two areas: first, it would help to bring balance to the obviously strong influence of the era on our youth, as well as prepare them for the inexplicable terrain of the marriage voyage. On the side of fathers, this could help the erring ones amongst to comprehend their God-given role in family life, and in consequence retrace their steps, and thereby save their homes from disintegration.
Wrong notion on modernism, which perceptibly is the mother of widespread whimsicality overriding in our 21st century era, has no doubt given rise to this blatant near-uncontainable rascality among today’s youth, the reason many modern marriages are nothing to write home about now. Cases abound, where sheer ignorance on the part of the male counterpart, on true definition cum comprehension of fatherhood, was chief instrument in wrecking the marriage dinghy. This we cannot claim is not telling on us, as it is clearly putting the future of our children and coming generations on the brink.
For me, I see it that the strength of any society can be weighed by the character of the fathers there, while, on the other hand, you can as well accurately predict the future of any society by the character of its youth; meaning that our dads have more than 50% role to play in shaping our future. This should not be seen as trying to come hard on our dads, no; rather my focus here is on how to convey this message as critical, sensitive, and crucial as it is, to this very important people in our lives. Well, for want of time and space, I shall go straight to give my view on fatherhood.
Although some of our contemporary fathers are everything but what fatherhood and the name ‘father’ truly represent --the reason we see many cracks on the walls of many a marriage today-- yet that doesn't negate the very fact that Fatherhood in itself, if well understood, is a blessing, an honor, a precious gift of a sort that deserves deep appreciation.
And this gift, to those it's given, deserves to be seen as an opportunity, a veritable one indeed, to cooperate with God in his beautiful work cum role of shepherding humanity. Also, it ought to be received with joy; utilized with extreme carefulness and every sense of love and gratitude to the Eternal Father.

Fatherhood is a call within a call--a sensitive but richly rewarding vocation within the marriage vocation. It is somewhat an invitation to participate in the redemptive work of Christ, the Redeemer! Really, it is an honor from the Father to the sons of men, equally his sons.
Noteworthy is the fact that this call belongs to sons and not to slaves. It is a task that only men who have matured in the heart undertake, and not for cocky boys.

Fatherhood in the deep sense of it entails more than the usual thought of: a young man going into marriage with a girl, simply because the former's age is ripe for it, and making babies merely for the sake of it. No! I believe it goes beyond that. In fact, such an idea, as spurious and misguiding as it is, should be disregarded, discarded and thrown into the gutters, or better still buried in the deep mud.
You may agree with me that it’s not every man with overblown muscles, some rough bushes on the face, and perhaps a heavy pocket is ripe for marriage, let alone making a good father. Though we cannot dismiss the very fact that any Dick and Harry, as is evident today in our society, can well trick any loose girl of his or her choice and status into marriage, put her in family way, and that way father a child. Of course, fatherhood as we shall see here demands and involves more than this.

Fatherhood as a call involves lifelong learning, adjustment, and commitment, positive mental attitude to every issue within and outside the family circle.
More importantly is the fact that it demands death to self and ego; maturity in mind and heart, deep and total comprehension of family life and the call to fatherhood; selfless living and giving, radical visionary attitude/mentality, profound, consistent attention to God and the family, listening ears, observing eyes and understanding mind, purposeful living, mutual respect and love, limitless tolerance and forgiving spirit, authoritative personality ( that is leadership by example) and not autocratic ruler-ship attitude.
Above all, it involves relentless pursuit of peace, love and steady family prayer life.

A good father is a shepherd and never a king!
He is a priest of the family and never a taskmaster.
He is a teacher and never an inspector.
His shepherd's rod is meant to guide to life and not to strike to death.
His priestly authority empowers his hands and tongue to bless daily his children, and not to curse or provoke them to anger!
His shepherd's hands are there to caress his wife and children with godly love and care, and not to beat the hell out of them at every slightest provocation!
His shepherd's shoes are meant to leave his children a good and lasting footprint to follow, and not to mislead them into error!
Equally, his shepherd's clothes should impress on the young and enthusiastic minds of his children the kind of legacy expected of them to keep. That’s what they are meant for!
But sadly, the 21st century kind of fatherhood is one lacking in almost all the above listed virtues, thus the broken homes and acerbic relationships overwhelming us now. The rise in marriages between boys and girls is really telling on us, no doubt. There is this huge difference between men and boys, women and girls. While the former represents people of mature mind, good sense of judgment and understanding, the latter rather represents those still swimming with the current and being carried along by it. Being immature in mind and unstable at heart, they cannot withstand the pressure associated with the marriage commitment, hence their volatile tendency which always result in divorce and breakups!
As we celebrate our fathers in this year's Fathering Sunday celebration, I wish to use this medium to ask them to please dispose themselves to the true spirit of the celebration, so as to truly make good its meaning. And to those fathers in government who are but petty thieves, may they receive the grace of repentance and be ashamed of their shameful conduct in handling public funds. Also, to fathers practicing all kinds of atrocities in church, whether as clergymen or otherwise, may they come to their senses and retrace their steps, as a stitch in time saves nine.
I'd also like to call on all fathers, and prospective fathers as well, to learn the true way of fatherhood from our relationship with the Eternal Father. God bless us!
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