I was asked by an interviewer after mentioning I can't fly with Bellview airline. . .ENJOY!!!

Don't ever fly BELLVIEW! why, ? well,


My intention was to travel to the United Kingdom to spend my holiday of 2 weeks with my sister and her family and maybe, do a spot of shopping and some other stuff.

I began with phone calls to some travel agent and their responses were all similar. They told me Virgin and B.A were fully booked (by the very rich or timely, I suppose) and my options were limited to Arik, Qatar and Bellview.

I had to choose and I chose bellview (if it because they were cheap I wouldn't feel so cheated). Arik was not available for the dates I wanted to travel and I didn't like Qatar's idea of stopping over somewhere in the Middle East for a couple of hours,

so my major reason was that Bellview would take me straight to London.

Scene 1:

Murtala Mohammed Airport.

I arrived at the airport at 6a.m and the queue was already about 100 human beings long.
I finally checked in around 8.50a.m and there were still another 100 or more people behind me to check in for a 9.05 flight. We all waited and boarded the aircraft, finally, at 11.30 a.m, The plane is full of surprises.

We were about to board and I suddenly noticed the plane had "euromediterranean" inscribed on it.

Lady behind me: S’cuse me. Please may I see your ticket? I think I'm getting on the wrong plane. My ticket says Bellview.

Me: I don't know o. I’m really confused.
Airhostess: Yes, come, come. It eeez Bellview. (In Indian accent)

Me: (soliloquizing): Her uniform is red and green. I thought Bellview colours were sky blue and white. Anyway make I sha reach London in one piece.

Me: My seat number is 23A please (I had specifically asked for a window seat).

Airhostess: Don’t worreee, Madam. It eez free seating. You can sit any where you like (no first class or business class).

Me: Oh ok (now more confused).

One woman almost went crazy.

Woman: Look here. How can you tell me it is free sitting when I have 6 children, all under the age of 12? We are a family we should sit together. Look at our boarding passes. They are numbered serially (in a flawless British accent). Shuo! Na whish kain mumu flight attendant be dis wan o! (In Waffi accent)

Me: Laff wan kill me! I just could not suppress the giggles.

Airhostess: Sorry, Madam.

More surprises.

Public Address system comes on.

Pilot: Good morning ladies and gentlemen (in Middle Eastern accent).
You are welcome aboard Egypt Air……………. (5 seconds pause) and Bellview Airlines (In a louder voice) flight 328 to London Heathrow, bla, bla, bla…….

Please listen while we take you through the safety procedure, bla, bla, bla…….
Before take of, an air freshener would be sprayed to neutralize any odours.

Please cover your nose and mouth In case you are sensitive to the chemicals (I swear to God he said that) shortly after take-off we will show you a movie from our selection, to keep you entertained.

So, they sprayed the things, we took off nicely and they started the movie (Marley and Me, Jennifer Anniston). Alas, there was no audio.

Me: Excuse me. My earphones not working

Airhost (lol): Our engineers are worrrking on eet. There’s sound is not coming up.
(Please I need to describe him. He was bald with large eyes and his English sounded a lot like Arabic. Yeah, that’s it)

1 Woman: Iro lon pa o! ko ni sise(Yoruba for; he’s lying. It won’t work)

Me: I didn’t know it was general. I thought it was my earphones.

The audio never came up.

So I had to imagine what Jennifer was saying. I had to imagine what Marley was saying too, but luckily he didn’t say much. Marley’s a dog!

I also had to imagine;
- Why the blankets gave off a horrible smell.
- Why the flight attendants had Air Italy on their badges.
- Why people opened the toilets and shut them again running back to their seats (some screaming)
- Why the flight attendants kept going to and from the toilet holding a big teapot(no, I didn’t drink any tea thanks)
- Why my window wouldn’t shut and the sun was burning my skin off
- Why lot of people were fanning themselves
- Why the people seated by the toilet looked so angry and were holding their noses.

The flight felt a lot longer than 5-6 hours. I thought my Swatch stopped working, but then Swatches don’t do that. Only some other watches do. When we eventually landed in London the time was 5.45 p.m and the landing was just as good as the take-off.

Anyway, so I don't spoil business for Bellview. If you enjoy suspense, adventure, bad odours, scary rides and emotional trauma, go ahead and fly Bellview after all, they are The Preferred Airline.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn

My coming back:

I had a very nice time, thanks to my sister, her husband, their two beautiful daughters and many other people who might be offended if I put their names here. I had fun and I rested. I had Ramadan, work and Akute -Lagos traffic on my mind. I had done my last minute shopping and said my bye-byes. I was packing my luggage when my phone rang and the following conversation ensued:

Person: Good evening. May I speak with passenger Olayinka, please? (Yoruba- British accent)

Me: Speaking.

Person: I’m sorry to inform you that your flight to Lagos has been cancelled……

Me: But I have to be at work on Monday (being my very hard working self, wink).

Person: Not to worry, madam. The flight has been rescheduled for Sunday evening, so you will
be in Lagos on Monday morning.

Me: Uh…., ok? (Confused)
Person: Thanks. Bye bye (hangs up).

So, I told my sis and we started deliberating. Could it be true? It’s never happened to me before (but I used to fly B.A and Virgin, and even Virgin Nigeria when it was in existence). I later decided it was one of my friends playing pranks (Bode, I actually thought it was you) and so I called the number back.

Me: Hello. You just called me.
Person: Is that Buki? bla bla bla……….
Me: No, this is Yinka. What is my surname?
Person: Hold on a second please. ….Is it Ademuyiwa? The flight has been canc……….
Me: What’s the flight number?
Person: B3 283
Me: Ok. Thanks (I hang up feeling dejected)

I discovered it was for real. Not a prank but gross inefficiency on the part of Bellview airlines. Anyway, my sister and her family were going to a party the next day, so, it would not be a boring wait. We had fun at the party and didn’t have to worry about the time or any journey to the airport.

Bellview Office

The next day, I packed again and we went to the shops to get chocolates (last minute shopping again. Yeah, for you guys. I’m fasting.). Once again, my phone rang and the number looked familiar. You guessed right! Bellview again.

Person: Please, is theees passenger Olayinka Adem…….? (Indian accent this time)
Me: Yes, what is it this time?
Person: I’m sorree to say that yourrr flight has been cancelled again. Shifted to tomorrow,
Monday night. Same time.
Me: What?!, You’re joking. I mean, I’ve to go to work. Do I get any compensation for
this?
Person: I’m sorry. I’m not Bellview staff. We were only paid to make the phonecalls(beep).
You can call their office to talk to their manager about compensation.
Me: Hello,helloo.

I’ve never felt like that before. What….! To get one’s heart broken twice in the space of 24hrs.
Anyway, we went back home with the chocolates and I start sending out text messages to my family, friends and associates……FLIGHT CANCELLED AGAIN. I DO NOT KNOW WHEN I AM COMING TO NIGERIA.
PLS START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB FOR ME.

I'm sorry Ben, I had to use your Id

Are we suppose to laff at this

how can u post a joke and still give ur self reply thats wrong

idleness + joblessness = tatafo

ha ha ha


That was actually very funny!


it's usually the farthest from funny when you are IN it. Terrible terrible, terrible!

funny though, ben where u get this?

BEN!!!!!!!!!! why did u do this to urself? abi u think say i no know say u go copy this from the front page? Thief! Ole! Barawo!

Me too I dey vex with naija service jare!

Ok! Me I get something to talk o!!!


Skye bank's got to be the WORST WORST WOOOOORRRRSSSTTTT bank ever in the history of the world! including togo, congo etc.

My cousin and I opened an accnt with these idiot in April, returned to london shortly afterwards. We called the bank manager and the officer in charge of our accnt, asked them abt buying dollars etc.
They said no probs, we told them that we're going to buy ticket and be there on a thursday, the idiots including a whole bank manager gave us his words.

Can anyone imagine? They didnt have it when we got there, they asked us to go to their head office, na so so waka we come dey wak o! story story!!!
I'm so pissed off! and all this nonsense after person don change the pounds oh! they say make I go uy from black market!!!!!


What nonsense! where is that done? a BANK refering u 2 the black market?!? Bloody imcompetent unfortunate excuse for a bank!!!

Ben, I wanted the thread to move dat's why I used your name abeg I don log out.

meekas:

BEN!!!!!!!!!! why did u do this to urself? abi u think say i no know say u go copy this from the front page? Thief! Ole! Barawo!

lol you be thief

And some one turned back and said they were respected in the banking sector!!

I couldnt believe my ears/eyes!Skye bank? what a typo!

What!!!! that excuse for a bank? If I was vindictive I'd really spoil market 4 those ppl o! they should thnk God.

Skye? even typing it leave a bad taste in my mouth!

Doesnt matter who posted this, fact is It did happen to someone . . .  That in itself is a JOKE.

@ Romsky
Which evidence? Go to the front page yaself now

The joke funny sha
romsky Ben na my biggest paddy

I don fufil my mission sha

@romsky
to show u say na tru i dey talk, na the proof be this:

The next morning, my sister, very kindly, went with me to Bellview’s office in Kilburn. We didn’t get to see their manager for the 45 minutes that we spent there (they made my sis late for work). They told us they would fly that night but they could not tell us the exact time for check-in or take-off. One nice supervisor (Mr. Olusakin, or so) endorsed my ticket and also tried to polish their already very tarnished image in his lovely Yoruba accent (not in the least influenced by working in London). My sis (a lawyer b.t.w) asked him if I would get any compensation (in her correct British phoneh) and it took him another 10 minutes to explain that I might not get any compensation. We had to leave before he finished, though, because we were sure that they wouldn’t pay for our parking ticket. My sis went to work and I, back to her house.

Scene 3
At the Airport
We got to the airport at 6.30.p.m to check in for a 9.45.p.m flight. The queue was “3 days long”. Saturday people, Sunday people and the original Monday people. My 7 year old niece said she’d never seen so many African people in one gathering. We were all in a dilemma. Some other passengers who didn’t get any phone call had been taken to a hotel by Bellview airlines only to be sent out later because Bellview didn’t pay.

I felt so sorry for a group of 80 children (and their care givers/teachers) who were visiting the U.K for the first time on excursion. We finally started to check-in around 8.00.p.m. The Saturday people (my category) first, then Sunday people and finally a handful of Monday people (in my opinion, they might have bribed their way through). I had dinner with my sis and family at one of the restaurants at Heathrow (they were really kind to stay with me through the whole ordeal). They went home wishing me luck and leaving me to my fate as, I walked through the boarding gate. The time was 9.30p.m.

All the passengers had come through the boarding gates by 12.p.m (yes, boarding took that long).
We couldn’t even eat nor do any shopping because all the duty-free shops had closed. We were subjected to compulsory socializing or compulsory sleep. I chose the option of talking to my self.

We finally boarded the aircraft at 2.42a.m (that was Tuesday). Same Egypt airplane, same cabin crew (not very good looking or maybe I was just tired). The food was good though (or maybe I was just very hungry, lol). I don’t want to scare you, but I think the flight was very bumpy, noisy (grinding sounds) and shaky.

Scene 4
Finally in 9j.
We finally landed in Nigeria at around 8.a.m on Tuesday morning. First thing I did was read a whole chapter of the Quran (I confess, a short one) to thank God for his mercies. Then, I called my boss.
Me: Good morning Sir. We just landed.
Oga: hmmmm. Ok. Welcome. You can go home
Me: (near tears). What sir? I’m fired?
Oga: (laughing) No, go home and rest. See you tomorrow.
Me: Thank you sir. God bless you
Oga: You’re welcome. Next time don’t fly Bellview o!

Little did I, know that the drama wasn’t over. One of their staff came to tell us” SORRY YOUR BAGS HAVE NOT ARRIVED, PLS COME ON WEDNESDAY”
Gotta go. I’m off to the airport to look for my luggage!

P.S. Do you think I should seek legal compensation from Bellview?

Thief abeg my time don finish