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College Pranks (a Compendium Of Teenage Shenanigans) by talk2ahmed(m): 5:23pm On Sep 18, 2009 |
PREFACE The early days of our lives were most times so interesting that the thoughts of one’s teenage life fires some nostalgia of feelings that make you smile in mock or amusement of the sheepishness, juvenile activism or inexperience with which errors were made, the things which informed certain youth actions or behavioral tendencies of students due to their background. College pranks is a collection of those nutty days of innocence, marked by the tricks that made boys/girls what they are or what they later become in life. Many jump into quick conclusion or an unhealthy generalization about children. In so far as your home will not be the only school of your child or children, the psychology of the student next door must be available to every growing child or even parents. Parents want their wards to be great, the school may not be enough, the society, exposure, and wishes of the teenage guys must be put in proper perspective for the betterment of our future Teens. Enjoy it! ***** I'll appreciate criticism and corrections, u cud xtracool me on 08039423011 or mail me on contactahmednow@yahoo.com. Thumbs for the 'firsters'(read, first posters) START HERE , 1. Ladies’ HIDEOUT In school then we were in SS2. We usually go into the toilet at closing hour, lock–up and apply our facials (mascara, lip-gloss, powder and stuffs). There was this day my friend Teju wanted to deal with the ladies. They numbered 6 in the toilet doing their thing when Teju locked them up with a padlock and jeez! On empty stomachs they savoured the urine laden stench for hours. They were all mute for some time thinking the stern-small-bodied vice Principal who patrols the whole blocks would have done that. Patiently waiting and believing that he will soon be gone. But no! It was Teju. What sort of feelings didn’t they experience? Cold, ennui, shame, lust, pity, boredom, confusion, and nausea…deprivation as though a gang locked up behind bars after a conviction of felony. And another munite, numbness arising from the barrage of different moods that harassed them impenitently. You won’t believe that it was around 10:40pm at night that they got reprieve from a security staff that came to their rescue. Sergeant Dominic-that’s his name; he was a 5 ft 8’ tall man with broad shoulders, distinct bump on the right cheek and piercing pairs of eyes. He unlocked the padlock and looked at every one of them, speechless and transfixed in astonishment. And what happened to Teju? Nothing, they were neither bold to report him nor were they sure of the next trick he had up sleeves if they went ahead to report. In anyway, they had no sure evidence against him. It was a fierce experience. Also at about 12:15 am one day while in SS1, Teju had taken a permanent marker and he scribbled the devil’s number on everyone’s left hand…so adept that none woke up, although some had their sleep a little disturbed. I ensured Teju slept before I dozed-off and as everyone woke up, there was serious panic in Prince Kaka Hall(our hostel then)….even Teju had it on, of course he wrote it on himself and myself too. “666…!”. I didn’t panic because I knew it was Teju’s blueprint, but I enjoyed watching almost everyone confused to their bone marrows. , 2. Senior PANGOLO Back then in school our senior colleagues were brutish; they did all sort of things to prove their superiority. There was this generally lanky guy; lousy in speech and notorious for ridiculing lecturers. He punished me one day he sent me out of school to get some contra(items that were disallowed for use within the college) which I declined because it was against school regulations. He took it hard at me and does just anything to spite me to press home his irritation. I was in JSS2 Gold, we had Gold, Silver, Diamond and Platinum Classes then. So what could I do to this ruffian? I thought, we finished our exams and were preparing to leave school. This senior student stays by the window side directly facing M-Wing (where he can get a good glimpse of entry and exit of junior students). A night before our departure for the term, I got a big MILO tin and stuffed it with excrement …. What for! One dastard action that would remain in the minds of many of us then at Cosmos Academy, Agodi for a very long time. This was how the acronym ‘Senior Pangolo’ gained usage in the speech of students up till this day. While everyone was asleep, I dropped it at the senior’s window side which was positioned directly above his head, I made sure no one saw me. At 20 minutes past midnight I leaped, tiptoed and got to the wing. A day before that night which was a Wednesday I had gone to puncture the unit supplying electricity to that block. After dropping the stocked tin carefully at the window, I used a stick to drop its content over and hey! Pangolo must have received a baptism of shit. I leaped back avoiding the light and shielding my shadow. I slipped into my coverlet and zoom… I slept off. The confusion that rented the hostel air was unimaginable and it took close to an hour before this Pangolo guy and his friends came to the reality of a heavy joke played on them. I laughed last. There is this other case of one guy whose name is a little hazy now. He told his friends that he could do "Touch and Follow" after collecting money, he gave him something like a Key-holder ring glued to a cowrie. "Touch and Follow" was some sort of talismanic devise in which its user gives a command and the mark simply follows. That he should slap the girl’s ass with it. The Guy just went to one pretty big girl that had boyfriends in senior class. He slapped the girl twice on the ass. Thereafter, the girl turned and beat him up with reckless abandon. Grin! Grin! Grin! She also went to report to a female teacher after beating the guy seriously for several minutes, the guy confessed that he was testing “Touch and follow”. The case worsened as it became the sensation in school then, reported to the disciplinary unit, the school catechist…everyone especially female teachers took serious interest in the case. |
Re: College Pranks (a Compendium Of Teenage Shenanigans) by talk2ahmed(m): 5:35pm On Sep 18, 2009 |
NO. 2 CONTINUES, The girl’s boyfriend and his friends beat up the guy and the "medicine man" seriously, tying both of them back-to-back and asking them to run….It was simply inconceivable. In the hostel they were asked to fill the gutter with water or draw a car and push it to start. They got really sore after the bad show. , 3. The Evil that MEN do…. “Hey! Which class?”. Three! I said with some deadpan audacity while shielding my real status and displeasure of being sent on unnecessary errands as SS3 boys are wont to. But the guy figured it out. “You are a nincompoop!” he cursed so you are in JSS3 and you are saying Three as though we were mates! “But I said three-I actually meant JSS3, you misconstrued me”. I defended. “…I say you be buffoon and na malu be your oldman. Go and get me water to drink!” I smiled wryly and dashed quickly for the water as if wanting to be obedient. I collected some water from the Tap behind the dome and on seeing a trace of urine path coming from the rear of the leaky walls of female toilet, I scooped some and dropped like 3 drops of jaundiced urine (yellow urine; the sight of which nauseates). “Here is it” I said with some humility. The wonk thanked me and said I should take some first because he hardly trusts any junior student. I told him it was needless and that I got it from the dome tap which was the healthiest then as it was recently installed. Many pipes in the school were diseased conduits as rust and fractures characterized it…water flowing is hardly clear let alone clean. That was in 1994 and the school was just six (6) months to its 49th year anniversary, most of its structures needed salvaging repairs and maintenance. With a ferocious voice he yelled “I say drink first!” As I attempted to pick the cup, he rushed at me as if he knew the content of my mind. I had wanted to throw the cup’s content away to feign my interpretation of what he requested. By his command I was interpreting it as “Go get the water again”. Of course because I wasn’t mad enough to drink the coloured water. And before I could hear ‘jack’ he forced the mixture into my mouth. The only thing I could recall now is that I was admitted for days in the school clinic before I was transferred to OXFORD CLINIC near the state gulf club due to dysentery, purging and a convoluted appalling condition which I find hard to describe medically. I missed my 3rd term exams and I almost repeat that class. The evil that men do no longer lives after them, if lives with them. And what about smuggling Laboratory equipments, Chemicals, reagents, and test tubes just because I wanted to become another Boyle's, Charles, Isaac Newton! , SINS of desire Desire and passion are feelings that can hardly go once initiated. Desire can make a man continue to crave for that which is his object of lust for decades or so long as he breathes. In my fourth year in secondary school one funny incident occurred. Once students get to the fourth year they are separated into four classes viz ; Sciences, Art, Technical, Management. In each of these classes there is mixing of sexes. We were paired because of the general belief that pairing makes students more attentive, more studious and generally composed. I was in management class (business related courses, accounting, economics etc where taught). Kame Danielson was my sit mate, he was an average student and I liked him because he had a fine accent. On row three column seven was seated Betty (a brief, chubby and light-skinned lady) and Dave Fredrick a chubby but tall son of a renowned bishop and he is kru by tribe. My college, Quintessence High school, in Zwedru was one of the leading institutions in Liberia. One day while in Commerce Class, the teacher was going round the class as he explained some rudiments of international trade and the GDP evaluation of different nations. Betty and Dave were lost in lust as the devoured the pages of an X-rated 418 hard-paper back book. Catastrophe struck when the teacher sighted both of them non-attentive, carried away and engrossed in something else. As he went round, he dipped his hand into it and eureka! A text book of anomie was found. Confusion gripped the entire 37 students in class because the penalty culture then was to deal with the whole class. So what is this book which we later code-named ‘K-book’? Was it more important than the commerce class or was it an encyclopaedic business manual? Both students were asked by the Admission Officer to come along with their parents the next day or forfeit their admission. They had brought shame to themselves, they had ridiculed my class, they had ridiculed the school as this news spread like wildfire through other colleges, and they had humiliated their parents who were both respected entrepreneurs and religious figures. Betty’s father was a senior member of the Divine Fire ministries in Monrovia. This became the subject of talk for months to come. A female trader once asked me “Are you from kuntishens” that was how best she could pronounce it. I answered in the affirmative and she said again “Commerce class?” I felt so embarrassed that I scampered away. If she had asked this question before the incident, I will proudly answer her questions and give her guidelines if her kids were to apply for studies at Quintessence. I felt really bad as I later realized that these censored materials were mostly from neighbouring francophone countries moral values were on the down. , 10. PLEASE DON’T EXPEL IT! Mrs Aderemi Oladosun was the wife of a business mogul in ikire. Like every Yoruba family they held education and learning in high value. That was the case of a mother in agony for her child’s reprehensible misconduct. She had come to plead for Isaac Aderemi for an offense unheard of in the precinct of ikire. Isaac was a master signature; he forges everything forgeable, he had good artistic skills…what he lacked in mathematics, he compensated for in con and debauchery. Isaac’s father was wealthy enough to afford just anything he needed, yet he never spoilt his kids with money or materials. He wanted them to be well behaved, disciplined and to know the value of hardwork. While some parents drop their wards in school, Mr. Aderemi would rather allow Isaac and his two daughters to trek down to school which was just few kilometers away from home. One fateful day, Ugo Ebube came to school with his father’s passbook. What for? We wondered aloud. Ugo had sought the help of the master signature the king of forgery-Isaac to debit his father’s account by N3000. This is good money considering the Naira-Dollar exchange rate and market value it had sixteen years ago. So Isaac went to work, like one used to bank transactions; carefully writing to request payment in the name of Mr. Ebube Emecheta C. Everything worked perfectly. At Equitorial Trust bank, Ikire they were attended to by middle aged man who assumed they had come on behalf of their father-the owner of the account. He also assumed the sums payable to them was likely to be their school fees. Both friends were putting on plastic wrist bands. And in seconds, it flashed through his mind. This was neither beginning of term nor midway into the term, when school fees are being paid. He peered into their eyes to retrieve answers “Are you sure, your dad asked you to make this withdrawal?” “Yes Sir!” they answered. The bank guy asked them to wait a little as he goes into a safer room he dialed Mr.Ebube for confirmation. It rang endlessly without anyone picking it. Seeing the calmness on Isaac and Ugo, he deduced that they could be sent by their parents-Boys in JSS3 were not too small to handle that in today’s Nigeria. It was after the money has been finally paid that a man moved into the banking hall with some action movie swiftness-he arrested them and asked the bank manager to come down …from the records his camera’s took, some facts were accessed. This camera was bad! Bad enough to record the minutest whispers that these boys made, their total eye-movement,gesticulation,facial expressions all point at one thing-Thieves or fraudsters. That was how the duo were caught and reprimanded in the school’s Bermuda house (a single door, double windowed tall building where school rogues and capital offenders were chastised). If their parents were not staying in Ikire I am almost sure the Principal will ensure they are put in police custody at least for some days. You will never believe a prison exist in a secondary school, but ours was a school with notorious elements , surrounded by more notorious ones like Scapel Academy, Fahrenheit College, Command secondary school and New Scholars International School. Two days later Mrs. Aderemi Oladosun wept endlessly in the principal’s office. She was thinly educated but whatever she couldn’t acquire in terms of education, she deemed it necessary for her children. As she pleaded, the phrase that gained much frequency was “Please sir! Don’t expel it!” “ Nitori olohun ! Please, his father will kill him! Don’t expel it”. “Please sir! Don’t expel it!” “ Nitori olohun ! Don’t expel it. What! Expel it or him? Comedy I inferred. Those of us bold enough to eavesdrop from the window at the eastern flank of the principal’s office could not help but laugh discretely. Her plea was accepted but Ugo who could not come with his parents was withdrawn from school to become an apprentice. I heard he now sells Automobile spare-parts in Nnewi, eastern Nigeria. ***** LET me hear u critique it b4 i post odas |
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