Dear Nairalanders,

I am so frustrated now that the wife I married is not what I expect her to be, we share totally different values and reasoning. As regards this terrible differences, I resorted to creating this thread, because am not even sure if I am to be blamed to this, or maybe am trying my best to make things work and my wife is not just listening and trying to succumb and submit according to what I believe is the right way to do things and handle life. I am the t

My marriage is 4yrs old now with 2 kids, I have at a point in my life decided to file for divorce for irreconcilable differences,but because of the kids, I couldnt make that move. We have so much differences which is making the life of the both of us miserable, but I will make an exemplary fact just for you guys to get a scope of what the problem is. Her mother is late, even before I met her, only a dad and 4 siblings. I for one is without a dad, and also having a mum. Now the problem here is that when we first got married, I was really surprised about the fact that she never wanted my mother to come around even once in a while to visit her grand-daughter;s, there was at a time when she made a clear and fearless remark that " Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job? I felt so bad and even disrespected to see my wife make such remark against my mother that has done no harm but to come and visit and leave in peace. This life ehn, its a pot of hot beans like falz said, I am 100% sure that even with the sightliest of flaws that a mother would have, I see no reason why a wife would despise the mother of her husband. My wife I would say does not really like her, and I cannot find a factual reason to see the reason why. Its sad that I wished she had a terrible MIL then maybe she would realize that my mum is a saint.

To cut the long story shot, I was born into a family of 4, and to be sincere I am the only one that is really taking of my mother @70 yrs old already. The other's apart from the first who still would do more if she has dont do nada. Infact mum is trying to move into a new place, and money to set up the room to taste has only been funded by me the last and the first born, yet my wife is secretly not happy about it. She keeps making comparison about how my mother is my number 1 over her which is really hearth-wrecking to hear. When it is 100% obvious that my family is my number 1 priority in every aspect. I have used a Toyota car for 9 years, still using, I have in 4 years of marriage bought two modern Toyota for my wife.Whereas I have not presented even a 1999 camry to my mother who has never owned a car for 70 years of her life. I even Set up a business for her that literally brings only 15% of her income to support the family which is once in a while. My brother and sisters, I swear on my life that I am very responsible, I do almost everything that has to do with the family, and I am proud of it, even friends and family applaud me just to let you guys be sure that it aint like am being irresponsible at home while impacting friends and families life.


On a sad note for what happened today which finally led me here. Her father informed us a week ahead about marking his bday, and that he was going to mark @ his residence. We all planned, got aso ebi and stuff. The birthday held today, so I had instructed them to leave yesterday beforehand so she can at least be present to help with chores and preparation while I had stay back to monitor some workers at where my mother was moving to. Plan was to leave early this morning so I can make it up before program of the bday starts. I was able to make it up, and everything went splendid and it was a great bday. On getting home, my wife brought up the issue of feeling bad that I had to arrange for an uber cab to pick them up when we had two cars at home bla bla bla, and that if I respected his father that I would have scarified leaving with them that Sunday. I replied saying, I explained everything to you before I executed my plans. #1, I will never allow you drive long distance alone, and never will I since the children would be with her. #2, if you go with one car, and am coming over with the second car the next day, it would be senseless to be coming back home with 2 the two card. So I was gonna higher uber to drop them off, take 1 of the car down there, and then we come back home with that same car, and she concurred. Only to surprise me that her father is not being taken seriously thats why I didnt sleep over from Sunday. I am a man for heavens sake, even if I didnt have anything to do and I decide I just want to be in my house and attend the occasion promptly the next day, crime has not been committed. But she so took that has an offense and made a serious mess out of that irrelevant ranting.


I am sorry for the long story, though am fed up with these differences, and its also obvious that she is playing my family, your family game, which to me is unfair. The father have never visited us official ever since we got married, maybe only once. I never had issues with that.She claims because the man is far away, so what? I nor dey complain oo, but she complains and make remark on things that are obviously not to be questioned. Now my resolution is dissolving the marriage because I can see that she isnt really change, and I also cannot live with a woman that shares a different value and ideology as I do, which always lead to disagreement and bitter and hard words. Nairalanders, but is it worth it? Marriage to me oo, in my own definition based on my situation is a BIG TRAP. Singles, please court your wife well, use your six sense to decipher who she really in order to match compatibility, that even when there is issue, its always easy to resolve because you guys understand and reason accordingly and not otherwise. God bless us all.

Oga abeg i deh find work o.......tanx

youngest85:
Oga abeg i deh find work o.......tanx

You don make sense for your mind o....smh.

youngest85:
Oga abeg i deh find work o.......tanx

It sucks to think that...this kid contested for mr nairaland with this mindset..

SMH

Oh oh oh oh Op ,


You ignored the signs from the begining!
You caused it.

My symparthy goes to your kids!now i understand the adages that says....when two Elephant fights...it's the grass that suffers it.

Op like i said ....you caused it.

Reading.

ahnie:



It sucks to think that...this kid contested for mr nairaland with this mindset..

SMH

Madam Elozino, are u a winsh(witch) or hw did u knw i contested 4 mr NL?

The fact is that marriage is over rated
in Nigeria

I pity those who believes in for better or for worse

. .. were you guys compatible
when you were dating or she was posted to
you like a parcels,.....bcs you must have
discovered your in comparability during
your courtship



when love is blind then marriage becomes
an eye opener...if you're not happy in your
marriage it means you're living with a stranger


if you marry a woman who does not make you
happy alcohol becomes your best friend, you
will be spending most of your time at bear parlour
in order to allow your nemesis to sleep off before
you sneak in into your house it's no longer a home


such men does not live long. ..l won't say you
must divorce her bcs l didn't match make you in the first place


By the way we only listen to your own story
maybe your wife could have a better version
of events

I salute your endurance, if all you wrote here is the truth..

some women are just impossible to please. she knows you love your family, that's why she's blackmailing you emotionally.

take to feed her with her own pills..don't act like a weakling,if she bad mouth your family, please do same when opportunity presents itself..

I have learnt that dealing with woman is a full time job that needs seriousness, and hard stand.

Only one side of the story? Let us hear from Madam before we pass judgement

Two of you should go for couples Counselling. Don't dissolve the marriage yet. Divorce should be the last option and only on the grounds of infidelity or intense physical and emotional abuse and not because of mere quarrels and disagreements. That's marriage for you. It's never a smooth sail unless you two work towards making it easier. Trust me when I tell u that some couples have it worse and yet they are still together. U can overcome too

Mr Babztemmy aka mouthcuffed, your wife was here earlier.

You guys should try and resolve your marital issues offline. Let peace reign. Call a truce. Tell her what you want, and also try and compromise on what she needs. She wants you to be more affectionate towards her, do that. She wants to be able to put her hands in your pocket without you getting angry, she wants you to be her gisting partner, and to tell her things you are going to do like buying a car for your mother without even hinting her isn't such a good idea. She wants you to be less rigid.

At the same time, let her know you can be all these and more if she could only place your mother on the same pedestal you hold her, let her know you can be there for her emotionally if only she takes your mother as hers, and cares for her as she would her father.
Let her know you don't like to be called 'ode' but honey, sweetheart, love of my life.
Let her know you want to be woken up every morning with a good morning darling.

Its a give and take situation.
You need to LISTEN to her concerns and not just be dismissive. They may not make sense to you, or may sound stupid, or even not real, but to her they seem legitimate enough.
Call a truce in your home, not by arguing but discussing calmly like adults telling each other your expectations, and the disappointments you've both faced with each other.
Stop saying hurtful words that she wasn't your choice of a partner if not that you wanted to do right by your children (when you guys argue).
Words are like eggs, once spoken or broken they can't be taken back or put back together. They will forever ring the the ears of your wife.
I'm not trying to remove your wife from all this, because I know she's equally a troublemaker looking for trouble where there's none. She needs to take a deep breath, and be more accommodating towards her MIL. Life isn't so difficult unless we make it so.

Sh!t

sanelynutz:
Dear Nairalanders,
I am so frustrated now that the wife I married is not what I expect her to be, we share totally different values and reasoning. As regards this terrible differences, I resorted to creating this thread, because am not even sure if I am to be blamed to this, or maybe am trying my best to make things work and my wife is not just listening and trying to succumb and submit according to what I believe is the right way to do things and handle life. I am the t
My marriage is 4yrs old now with 2 kids, I have at a point in my life decided to file for divorce for irreconcilable differences,but because of the kids, I couldnt make that move. We have so much differences which is making the life of the both of us miserable, but I will make an exemplary fact just for you guys to get a scope of what the problem is. Her mother is late, even before I met her, only a dad and 4 siblings. I for one is without a dad, and also having a mum. Now the problem here is that when we first got married, I was really surprised about the fact that she never wanted my mother to come around even once in a while to visit her grand-daughter;s, there was at a time when she made a clear and fearless remark that " Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job? I felt so bad and even disrespected to see my wife make such remark against my mother that has done no harm but to come and visit and leave in peace. This life ehn, its a pot of hot beans like falz said, I am 100% sure that even with the sightliest of flaws that a mother would have, I see no reason why a wife would despise the mother of her husband. My wife I would say does not really like her, and I cannot find a factual reason to see the reason why. Its sad that I wished she had a terrible MIL then maybe she would realize that my mum is a saint.
To cut the long story shot, I was born into a family of 4, and to be sincere I am the only one that is really taking of my mother @70 yrs old already. The other's apart from the first who still would do more if she has dont do nada. Infact mum is trying to move into a new place, and money to set up the room to taste has only been funded by me the last and the first born, yet my wife is secretly not happy about it. She keeps making comparison about how my mother is my number 1 over her which is really hearth-wrecking to hear. When it is 100% obvious that my family is my number 1 priority in every aspect. I have used a Toyota car for 9 years, still using, I have in 4 years of marriage bought two modern Toyota for my wife.Whereas I have not presented even a 1999 camry to my mother who has never owned a car for 70 years of her life. I even Set up a business for her that literally brings only 15% of her income to support the family which is once in a while. My brother and sisters, I swear on my life that I am very responsible, I do almost everything that has to do with the family, and I am proud of it, even friends and family applaud me just to let you guys be sure that it aint like am being irresponsible at home while impacting friends and families life.
On a sad note for what happened today which finally led me here. Her father informed us a week ahead about marking his bday, and that he was going to mark @ his residence. We all planned, got aso ebi and stuff. The birthday held today, so I had instructed them to leave yesterday beforehand so she can at least be present to help with chores and preparation while I had stay back to monitor some workers at where my mother was moving to. Plan was to leave early this morning so I can make it up before program of the bday starts. I was able to make it up, and everything went splendid and it was a great bday. On getting home, my wife brought up the issue of feeling bad that I had to arrange for an uber cab to pick them up when we had two cars at home bla bla bla, and that if I respected his father that I would have scarified leaving with them that Sunday. I replied saying, I explained everything to you before I executed my plans. #1, I will never allow you drive long distance alone, and never will I since the children would be with her. #2, if you go with one car, and am coming over with the second car the next day, it would be senseless to be coming back home with 2 the two card. So I was gonna higher uber to drop them off, take 1 of the car down there, and then we come back home with that same car, and she concurred. Only to surprise me that her father is not being taken seriously thats why I didnt sleep over from Sunday. I am a man for heavens sake, even if I didnt have anything to do and I decide I just want to be in my house and attend the occasion promptly the next day, crime has not been committed. But she so took that has an offense and made a serious mess out of that irrelevant ranting.
I am sorry for the long story, though am fed up with these differences, and its also obvious that she is playing my family, your family game, which to me is unfair. The father have never visited us official ever since we got married, maybe only once. I never had issues with that.She claims because the man is far away, so what? I nor dey complain oo, but she complains and make remark on things that are obviously not to be questioned. Now my resolution is dissolving the marriage because I can see that she isnt really change, and I also cannot live with a woman that shares a different value and ideology as I do, which always lead to disagreement and bitter and hard words. Nairalanders, but is it worth it? Marriage to me oo, in my own definition based on my situation is a BIG TRAP. Singles, please court your wife well, use your six sense to decipher who she really in order to match compatibility, that even when there is issue, its always easy to resolve because you guys understand and reason accordingly and not otherwise. God bless us all.

@ OP, going by your version of events, it's quite obvious your wife is immature and has a lot to learn. I also fully empathise with you and understand your frustrations but in a situation like this, one just has to be cool-headed, calm, and adopt a logical approach for resolving issues - which is what you've been so far, so kudos to you.
Additionally, I honestly can't fault your responses / actions.

You know, sometimes life is the best experience. Your marriage is only 4 years old so there is a lot of room for improvement and your wife definitely has a lot to learn. What you're going through at the moment is that stage after the initial infectious / gra-gra love / rose tinted passionate love (abi "sha-kin" love lol) gradually erodes - not because you care for each other less, but because life, kids, real-life issues, etc have taken precedence. I'm not saying the spark is gone forever, no. It's just that it's been overtaken by reality.

What you need to do is have an open and honest chat with your wife. Communicate with her the way you've just communicated with us. Do this calmly and don't give in to the temptation of raising your voice in anger against her because I'm quite certain she may try turning this into a shouting match. If she interrupts you in mid-sentence, hold your horses and let her speak. Then tell her in a low tone, quiet but very determined voice that she's had her say and you need to have yours in all fairness and make sure you keep eye contact with her while saying this. If she tries averting, tell her to look at you. I mean it.

Get the conversation back on track and make her understand that you were brought up to be a responsible man. Explain to her that you have a duty of care to mama. Your dad is late and when your wife met you, you were looking after your mother and aren't going to abandon her simply because you got married. It's not your fault that apart from your youngest sibling, the others aren't doing much but does that mean you should neglect the elderly woman? Ask your wife what she wants you to do. Throw the ball back in her court and make sure she gives you a specific answer. You need to make it clear that there is no competition here. Responsibilities are responsibilities and must be met. To do otherwise shows you're irresponsible and uncaring.

You also need to let her know how you feel and right now, you aren't happy. Ask her what she wants and what her expectations are of the marriage. Listen to what she says. A lot of what you'll do next depends on her response.

I won't advise you to wave the "threat of separation" card in her face just yet because she sounds very young, has a lot to learn, and is probably being advised by poor advisers. Remember her mother is late, so whoever it is that she's looking up to for advice isn't doing a very good job at the moment. You just have to teach her and persevere.

Keep being kind and understanding towards her but don't shrink from your responsibilities to your mother either. You sound like a good man.

Don't worry, it'll get easier. We've all been through that and more. All the best.

The me & my husband only syndrome is a big threat to many families.

The reality remains that a man cannot abandon his family (parents especially) for any reason. Meanwhile, old age is not a disease, we will all get old some day. How we threat our parents and parent-in-laws will go a long way in shaping our wards. These kids may stay quite, but the reality is that they see and know everything, they are watching, and learning from the parents.

Maybe a brief info into your courtship will be better. Faulty courtship breeds faulty marriage....
Why does she need two cars?
Being nice as a man and loving husband should not stop you from being strict!
I hope she has a job?

sanelynutz:
Dear Nairalanders,
I am so frustrated now that the wife I married is not what I expect her to be, we share totally different values and reasoning. As regards this terrible differences, I resorted to creating this thread, because am not even sure if I am to be blamed to this, or maybe am trying my best to make things work and my wife is not just listening and trying to succumb and submit according to what I believe is the right way to do things and handle life. I am the t
.

[right][/right]

Oga i empathise with you. I can see you posted this in the wee hours of morning....shows how concerned you are.

It appears to be a MIL - DIL issue thats brewing.... You say your FIL has only visited once since you married (4 years ago). I am assuming your mother has visited more times than that? especially with your wife having 2 babies and no biological mother to assist her?

Is it possible that some things went down/happened during those visits between your wife and mum that makes your wife feel you put your mum's feelings/needs before hers?

You say you bought your wife 2 cars whilst you use one car? i find that hard to believe that your wife has 2 cars at her disposal yet you relegate her to the use of a taxi.

I would advise you take your wife away for a holiday, a weekend or a week, just the 2 of you to talk and trash issues out; to reconnect on a deeper level because clearly somebody is talking but somebody isnt listening

Marriage is a partnership and NOT a dictatorship. Just because you "feel" its right doesnt make it right. You cannot have 2 masters in one ship, true....however your leadership will be open to mutiny if you carry on with that mentality of I speak and everyone else should bow/not talk.
Infact, you need a new orientation and mindset. I imagine you started to write "i am the head" and stopped abi? Mr Buhari, kontinu oo


However if you believe divorce is the way forward; then by all means go ahead and start your divorce proceedings. Make sure you are not just throwing the word divorce around hoping that your wife will "fall into line" because she just might take you up on your offer.

"Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job?". That marriage would have been long over since... you can't just talk about my family like that.. not to talk of my mum whattttt wtf!

Anyway bros somuch has been invested in your marriage so I wouldn't advise for a separation. However, you can threaten her about the divorce to see if she is fed up too? This is where you know things are out of hand or not.

Another thing, I am not sure you instill the fear of God in your family, because if you as the head and the teacher of a home is not close to God.. you will never get it right with your marriage. It's not by going to church or mosque Sunday and Friday.

You really need to be close to God in other to lead and make your family happy. (don't let wify ranting get to you please you handle it better)

My advice, try all you can to still save your marriage please.

Since your wife is not cheating and she doesn't physically abuse you I can't advise you to get a divorce. Seat her down and let her know you mother gave you life and the next time she speak heal of your mother You will cease to love her (shakers) Sometimes it's better to Ignore such a woman than replying and adding fuel to the argument. Anytime she's talking about family this family that grab you key and go out. She's not sure where you are going so eventually she will stop such talk.

Op, from ur post i can see she is nag and fastidious.
And this two are addictions just like cigarate. She derives joy in doing them.
She needs serious prayer o.

SirAweezy:
"Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job?". That marriage would have been long over since... you can't just talk about my family like that.. not to talk of my mum whattttt wtf!

Anyway bros somuch has been invested in your marriage so I wouldn't advise for a separation. However, you can threaten her about the divorce to see if she is fed up too? This is where you know things are out of hand or not.

Another thing, I am not sure you instill the fear of God in your family, because if you as the head and the teacher of a home is not close to God.. you will never get it right with your marriage. It's not by going to church or mosque Sunday and Friday.

You really need to be close to God in other to lead and make your family happy. (don't let wify ranting get to you please you handle it better)

My advice, try all you can to still save your marriage please.

Thank you.

That bold statement in this post is the reason I decided not to comment, because what I would have typed as comment would have been very unusual of me.




That statement there is a gross insult and disrespect to the husband and everyone in his family.

Mba!

Just seen that your wife actually created not just one thread but several complaining about you, your mother, and everything under the sun.

I suggest you go read through her threads, then take yourselves to qualified marriage counsellors otherwise the non-stop blame game continues with no resolution.

Nland will not solve your problems. Get communicating with your wife and you both should make compromises. Endeavour to meet each other half way. Keep pride aside and you both should make sacrifices for the betterment of your union.

EfemenaXY:
Just seen that your wife actually created not just one thread but several complaining about you, your mother, and everything under the sun.

I suggest you go read through her threads, then take yourselves to qualified marriage counsellors otherwise the non-stop blame game continues with no resolution.

Nland will not solve your problems. Get communicating with your wife and you both should make compromises. Endeavour to meet each other half way. Keep pride aside and you both should make sacrifices for the betterment of your union.

Is his wife Babztemmy?

Your wife is very immature and insecure. Ignore her and do what's best for your mother.

Divorce should not be the option for NOW.

I advice you ignore most of her attitude and over look her comments and arguments.

The truth is that she's also fed up but she's just hanging on and managing the whole thing.

You should be more closer to God now than ever.

But you should alwys remember that certain things happen for a reason.
It will either break u or make u stronger...the choice is yours

Forgive my waxing lyrical bellow but I feel the urge to share to help others reading this post.


There are basic questions every couple should ask themselves before they get married. One of them is - what are our individual responsibilities to our individual families? Another is - what are our responsibilities to our partner's family? If these are not resolved BEFORE marriage, being Africans these questions are going to bite us in the rear end after marriage. It's inevitable.

I'll give an example with myself. I come from a home where atone time there were 24 of us living in the same house. I hated it. My lady on the other hand came from a close knit family- her mother and siblings only. Dad was polygamous and passed early. So I wanted a home for just myself, my lady and our kids ONLY. Not even a help. The missus on the other hand wanted to have her mum and siblings around as much as possible. In addition, my parents are the type that are always in charge - they ran their own businesses, ran multiple departments in church, are the heads of their respective families etc. Basically they have lived most of their lives in charge. So how do we balance all this?
We had this discussion months before we got married and we resolved thus
1. We will discuss everything concerning our folks before taking an discission.
2.For every issue concerning my family the final decission is mine. For her folks, final decision is hers.
3. We will always send cash to our parents monthly as much as we can manage. Money will always be sent in the name of Mr and Mrs LewsTherin
4. Anyone from either family is welcome but they must give advance notification and theycannot stay longer than a certain period. That period must be discussed and set before they even arrive.
5. While we are responsible to our extended families, we are primarily responsible to ourselves FIRST.

By discussing this and having a set plan from the start, we have never been put or put the other in a situation where someone now says "is it because it is your family?" Or any such trash.

My sermon is just to point out one thing. Solve your issues BEFORE marriage. It's much less painful. Don't assume someone will change after marriage. Marriage doesn't change nobody. It only fine tunes who they are.

@OP, pls I beg you in the name of God, don't let one marriage terminate your life, most of all this woman believe marriage is an avenue to frustrate a man, I understand all your insinuations, because my baby mama also insulted my mum in my presence, if you die today your kids will be alive, my advice to you is to first secure your life, think of the children and your family then if she is ready to cooperate or change all well and good, some woman do bring alot of hidden trouble to marriage why some are harvest of blessings, marriage issue is beyond love, brain and sense must be applied, talk to her and let her understand your plight let her know this is the time your mum can enjoy the fruit of her labour, but she should always understand you will forever lover her,dont let the children notice the differences because that's another issue, may God help every married men.

eyinjuege:
Mr Babztemmy aka mouthcuffed, your wife was here earlier.

You guys should try and resolve your marital issues offline. Let peace reign. Call a truce. Tell her what you want, and also try and compromise on what she needs. She wants you to be more affectionate towards her, do that. She wants to be able to put her hands in your pocket without you getting angry, she wants you to be her gisting partner, and to tell her things you are going to do like buying a car for your mother without even hinting her isn't such a good idea. She wants you to be less rigid.

At the same time, let her know you can be all these and more if she could only place your mother on the same pedestal you hold her, let her know you can be there for her emotionally if only she takes your mother as hers, and cares for her as she would her father.
Let her know you don't like to be called 'ode' but honey, sweetheart, love of my life.
Let her know you want to be woken up every morning with a good morning darling.

Its a give and take situation.
You need to LISTEN to her concerns and not just be dismissive. They may not make sense to you, or may sound stupid, or even not real, but to her they seem legitimate enough.
Call a truce in your home, not by arguing but discussing calmly like adults telling each other your expectations, and the disappointments you've both faced with each other.
Stop saying hurtful words that she wasn't your choice of a partner if not that you wanted to do right by your children (when you guys argue).
Words are like eggs, once spoken or broken they can't be taken back or put back together. They will forever ring the the ears of your wife.
I'm not trying to remove your wife from all this, because I know she's equally a troublemaker looking for trouble where there's none. She needs to take a deep breath, and be more accommodating towards her MIL. Life isn't so difficult unless we make it so.

Wow.
Very balanced view,Well said.
Following.

natasha:

[right][/right]
Oga i empathise with you. I can see you posted this in the wee hours of morning....shows how concerned you are.
It appears to be a MIL - DIL issue thats brewing.... You say your FIL has only visited once since you married (4 years ago). I am assuming your mother has visited more times than that? especially with your wife having 2 babies and no biological mother to assist her?
Is it possible that some things went down/happened during those visits between your wife and mum that makes your wife feel you put your mum's feelings/needs before hers?
You say you bought your wife 2 cars whilst you use one car? i find that hard to believe that your wife has 2 cars at her disposal yet you relegate her to the use of a taxi.

I would advise you take your wife away for a holiday, a weekend or a week, just the 2 of you to talk and trash issues out; to reconnect on a deeper level because clearly somebody is talking but somebody isnt listening
Marriage is a partnership and NOT a dictatorship. Just because you "feel" its right doesnt make it right. You cannot have 2 masters in one ship, true....however your leadership will be open to mutiny if you carry on with that mentality of I speak and everyone else should bow/not talk.
Infact, you need a new orientation and mindset. I imagine you started to write "i am the head" and stopped abi? Mr Buhari, kontinu oo
However if you believe divorce is the way forward; then by all means go ahead and start your divorce proceedings. Make sure you are not just throwing the word divorce around hoping that your wife will "fall into line" because she just might take you up on your offer.

Read the write up well, he said he arranged for a taxi because he didn't want her driving a long distance alone with the kids and he also said since he was going to join them the next day, there was no point taking two cars to the event since they were all going to travel back home together. I don't think that is an issue, do you?


@sanely

sanelynutz:

I was really surprised about the fact that she never wanted my mother to come around even once in a while to visit her grand-daughter;s, there was at a time when she made a clear and fearless remark that " Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job?

@Op as much as I don't want to be judgemental but I can't help it but that bold words are very disrespectful words. Jeez! Why would she make such statement? That's too much. But Op please take away the divorce thought you have because I don't think it has gotten to that extent. You both need to go for counselling and you guys need communication. Talk to her, make her understand you wouldn't condone her insulting your mother for any reason on earth. You also watch the words you say to her, don't say hurtful words to her just because you're a man, don't make her feel like you did he a favour by marrying her (it's actually frustrating when you do) because nobody did anyone a favour. You both saw yourselves and decided to form a family so if you're having issues you guys should sit down together and talk it out. And also your Mum should visit but she shouldn't make it an everyday thing (I just hope nairaland guys won't eat me raw for this), there's a limit to everything, no one like his or her space being invaded. Give your Mum all the utmost respect and attention but don't neglect your wife and vice versa, you have to learn how to balance it. And if all you've written up there is true then your wife needs to grow up, she should stop comparing and she should stop seeing your Mum as her rival, don't try to threaten your wife with divorce because it might not end up working for you. Lastly in everything you do, think about the kids, do what is best for them. Good luck!
PS: Is babztemmy your wife?

Pls, Pls

Ladies in the house

I have a serious question to ask

And its related to you guys

Why is it that almost all issues in the family/marriages always revolve arround women - wives/mother in laws/ sister in laws ?

Why do women despise each other so much?

Why is everything competetion to them ?

Why would a wife want her spouse to forsake his parents/siblings just because he married her & would want him to use his entire life serving her family?

Why would a mother in law want to rule her son‘s(married) life for him?

I mean why are women so petty?

Why would a wife to be despise even a potential mother in law shes even yet to meet?

Why would she feel the mother in law wont like her?

I mean a wife cannot play the role of mother to her husband neither can a mother perform the duties of a wife to her son, why cant each just stick to her lane?

Pls what is cause/solution?

@prettiepearlz

His mum shouldnt visit whenever she likes ?

Not to invade her territory ?

And whose territory is it ?

Are they playing the same role in his life?

Is the mum a rival?

Can you propose that to her mum also?

Wont she become a mother in law one day?

Thats why you guys woes never end

You people seriously need to go and grow up

And get some sense while at it

@Op

Its all your fault

Your wife took you the way you presented your self to her

Your wife calling your mum a jobless to your face and you came running to NL for what to do?

I dont blame her one bit!

ikupakuti:
@prettiepearlz

His mum shouldnt visit whenever she likes ?

Not to invade her territory ?

And whose territory is it ?

Are they playing the same role in his life?

Is the mum a rival?

Can you propose that to her mum also?

Wont she become a mother in law one day?

Thats why you guys woes never end

You people seriously need to go and grow up

And get some sense while at it

@Op

Its all your fault

Your wife took you the way you presented your self to her

Your wife calling your mum a jobless to your face and you came running to NL for what to do?

I dont blame her one bit!

Can't you give your opinion without insults?
So because I said his mother should not make her visit an everyday thing, I don become a bad person? Where in my post did I say she shouldn't visit her son? I only said she shouldn't make the visit an everyday thing, I could remember a guy on Nairaland once complained about his MIL's frequent visits to his house so don't make it seem like a ladies thing, no one wants his/her privacy to be invaded all the time. No woman should stop her MIL from visiting her son's house, it's wrong but MIL shouldn't take things for granted too because there should be a limit to everything.
Read my post well and comprehend all I read, I already stated there that the wife shouldn't see her MIL as her rival and I told op never to neglect his mother and also not neglect his wife. I never supported any of her acts, I just commented on all sides. (go back to my comment and read through cos it seems you didn't read through, you only decided to pick my statement and make a big deal out of it). Don't pick on me!
Go read his wife's post too.