guy just pretend say money no dey as e dey b4...whenever shes about to leave give her quarter of the tinz u use2give her be it money or whatever...she go run.

How close is your house to your MIL's? I guess you are within the same vicinity.

Do you live in your own house or a rented apartment? if its a rented apartment i will suggest you relocate maybe to a far away place. Though this might not be convenient for you considering some other factors including your place of work (probably your house is close to your office now) and maybe this may solve your problem to an extent.

If she lives far away and she still visits often, that is getting out of hand then and from my side case closed.

Please never tell it to her face (your MIL) and never get anyone to talk to her except her daughter. The best you could do is for her daughter to take turn of visiting her every other day or every other weekend.

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

Relocate very very very very very very very very, FAR AWAY!!!!

My dear brother, pray seriously about this and then call a meeting between the three of you and discuss it. Let the two of them know your mind that you are not enjoying your home and all you are going through. Discuss it in love but with a firm resolution on when she can visit and maintain your stand.

This is your home and this is your life. If they refuse to accept your terms. Leave the house for them anytime she is around and careless about your wife, pretend to neglect her and she will see the handwriting on the wall. She must be pulled to your side in one way or the other for you to enjoy your home and your wife. Reduce your closeness with your wife and let them see that you are not always comfortable when she around.

It is well, no condition is permanent. It will be over soon.

big bros, the solution is simple but i'm worried you might not be able to implement it.

STOP NEGOTIATING WITH YOUR WIFE.

Lay down the law and stop being so "nice". Next time mama visits, take her out with your wife and make sure they have a nice time, then tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate the intrusion any longer because you did not leave your Fathers house to come and be under someone else's parents.

You are a man. You are the commander of your home. Act like it.

The woman must leave u alone jor, make she go sit for her house and stop d fake missing

jackie35:



I hope she or her daughter is reading this right up ............ bet you, she will change from now onward.

Says who? Change ko, buhari ni.

dynamite11:


I have talked to my wife over and over about not been comfortable with her mom showing up every time and she will always tell me the words I WILL TALK TO HER. I have talked to my father inlaw and he feels bad for me, he told me there is nothing he can do because hey are divorced and he has talked to his daughter so many times but I think this woman knows how to play her cards when it comes to her daughters heart and sense.

Invite your mother too. Believe me, your mums presence will make her uncomfortable.

Pray and hope she 'kicks -the-bucket' soon

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

Mr Dynamite11 what is wrong with you, them JAZZ you? You better speak your mind now before you wake up one day, find out say you just dey pack your personal effects abandon your house and family to board a train bound for nowhere.

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

Mehn, cant stop laughin for the 3rd option....bros u ar jus xo xo badass.lol

Bros Am Also Married And My Mother Inlaw Is D Opposite Of Urs...See U Just Have To Face Her And Tell Her Politely That U Need Ur Privacy...At Least She Can Be Visiting Once In Two Month...Or Instead Let Ur Wife Go And Visit Her Instead...U Are The Head Not The Tail Bros..Fight For Ur Right And Home

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

Try to change, be hostile if u can't change normally, first of all do u take alcohol? if yes drink three bottles of gulder, try to be high before throwing them out of or house, I know introverts are shy naturally, so I understand were u are coming from, people don't appreciate quiet people

I pray i don't encounter this when i get married.i love my privacy and i would love to have some private moment with my future wife where we can delibrate on whole lot of stuff affecting our day to day life..

dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

Then man up and tell her. If she dares come uninvited again, do something very embarrassing including locking her out. The truth is that your MIL sees herself as the head of your home and the ealier you wrestle your family from her grip the better. As for your wife, do not bother about her. If you draw the battle line, she will choose you over her mum. She might not be comfortable with her mum's behaviour but having gotten used to her domineering lifestyle might be afraid to call her to order but silently wishing you will. Please define the boundaries of your home and defend it.

OP I feel your pains. I would suggest that you arrange a business trade for your MIL and get her busy and I am sure she won't have the time visiting you always. Make sure it is the kind of trade she loves. Discuss with your wife first about it.

Is your wife feeding u or paying all the bills
Otherwise be a man. Put your foot down . Don't allow the woman on when she comes calling again. The worst case is that your wife will leave you

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

i am surprised that a man will be complaining about his motherland...for a start you did not marry both and therefore she has no right over you.look the earlier you take control over your household the better for you.
it is a shame that a woman you fully paid for is giving you nightmare...my friend do the needful by sending both your wife and motherinlaw packing...there are so many girls out there.in davido's voice no be by force to go dubai.

Ehnnnn! No one is asking this op to pray and fast for 40 days ... #surprised @comment.

When it happened to me, after series of sit downs with my wife and no progress, I simply moved over to a friend's place.. I didn't even inform my wife. Immediately I closed from work on a Friday, I went to my friend's house (Bachelor). They were all looking for me, I didn't even pick their calls, until my mom called me and I explained to her. I think she told my wife and she came to my office to look for me on Monday. Without any form of quarrel I calmly told my wife that I have decided to move on since I cannot marry her and her mother and its obvious she cannot talk to her mom. Because sincerely I didn't have any reason to talk to the mother to avoid any issue of disrespect. I told her I was trying to put some money together to get an apartment of my own and start all over again.

After long quarrel through the week she called me that my MIL in not coming over this weekend that I should please come back home. I waited till Monday after work and I went back home and I don't know what she eventually told her mom and I didn't ask till today except when we had our second child. my MIL no dey come anyhow.

It was a drastic trick I used if it had backfired. It created a strain in our relationship but I think I am better for it.

Amazing answer and or solution. Invite your mum over and see the end to your worries.

God bless my fellow nairalanders!

I guess you are staying in close proximity to your MIL that's why she visits like a pregnant woman going for antenatal. I suggest you move to somewhere faraway from your present location. It may hurt you, but it would save your marriage. When grandkids start coming, e go worse

dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

why not go on vacation with another Lady, where you will really have fun.

I am very sure by the time you return, you will be the begging your mother-ln-Law to stay such that you will have more time for that sweet vacation-Lady.

dynamite11

I feel you bro! I am also an introvert and it can be a pain fighting for your privacy (my MIL comes in everyday to help with the kids because her house is not far from mine).

People had really given you some advice and i will just add my lil cents.

1. Created a cocoon for yourself in your bedroom with another TV (subscribe for dual view). Infact, my PS4 is connected to the bedroom TV. Get your wife into your cocoon more often to discuss and bond while MIL can watch her TV and play with her grandson. Even my mother can't breach that space without me putting her in her space firmly.

2. Be firm with decision making within the house and do not be passive or abdicate such role. Consult with your wife where necessary but know that the final decision comes from you (No buck passing). Like the Dubai trip that you are planning, tell her that the trip is for your immediate family, don't be emotional about it and if she insists on coming then you will need to learn to travel alone or with your son so that mother and child can have all the time to themselves..(i love traveling alone though )

3. Be rude at times... Been gentle or an introvert should not be mistaken as weakness (Shouldn't be giving this advice). I am known to ask people to their face not to come to my house uninvited or tell them that i am not expecting them and close my gate (right from my secondary sch days). Nobody crashes in anyhow despite the fact that my wife's family and mine are like 5 mins away.

4. Learn to speak your mind and not bottle it up so that you will be able to talk without saying things that you will regret.

Prettiepearlz:
At last all powerful master, at least this complain is coming from a man and not a woman. I am surprised at the comments coming from our men, they aren't insulting him but if it's from a woman, this thread would have been filled with insults, now you can see that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Nobody wants his or her privacy being invaded. I just hope you guys here will comment this way if it's from a lady, but NO! It's a selfish world! A woman has to bear the pain.

@dynamite11, you know to achieve your aim, you might end up turning into a bad guy but for someone like me, I don't care. Since your wife isn't doing anything tangible about it, you have to put your foot down, you have to face her. Let her know that her presence is bugging you, you need your privacy, you need time to bond with your family and she isn't giving you that with her everyday and unnecessary visits. But if you can't do it, then you have to live with it.

Ps: Ikupakuti, come and see a guy complaining, let's see what you have to say about this now.

God bless you

afroxyz:
I guess you are staying in close proximity to your MIL that's why she visits like a pregnant woman going for antenatal. I suggest you move to somewhere faraway from your present location. It may hurt you, but it would save your marriage. When grandkids start coming, e go worse

I stay like 5 mins away from mine but i don't have time or the patience for people to butt into my affair!

9jatatafo:
OP I feel your pains. I would suggest that you arrange a business trade for your MIL and get her busy and I am sure she won't have the time visiting you always. Make sure it is the kind of trade she loves. Discuss with your wife first about it.

Meaning what? Is that a bribe or what? Hour should open a business for her so that she would not visit him? You sef reason am na

Guy man....its clear you are a loaded fellow...no yeye mother will like to come and sit with a family that's managing themselves for this buhari period......there's nothing u will say dat will not be mis interpreted as being hostile towards your wife's family...n because d woman and her goons dey see all these Kardashian lifestyle parole for ur crib...just form broke..nd I mean confirm flat broke...u go see say ur mother in law go waka sharp sharp go her own house..

Ops, dont mind me oh but i am going to be very frank. Your wife is not alone in this kind of attitude. a lot of wives and husband are like that. They simply refuse to grow and transit from the daughter/son to the wife/husband. They still have misplace loyalty and priorities.Drastic situations require drastic measures. I will advise you to, as a matter of urgency,start displaying the introvert in you to the fullest-even to your wife. Create a world within a world where even the wife will not be able to penetrate. Be elusive and unreadable. Communicate only when it is absolutely necessary, become very unaccomodating and if she ask you what the matter is , tell her 'nothing'. Go out alone, come home when you feel like...not necessarily keeping late nights but be so unpredictable and unreadable, so much that even your wife will notice so much changes in you. Also dry out the information mills by drying out the communication routes. Plan unexpected trips. Plan alone and create allowances for slight changes. You can call your wife in the night on Thursday that you have a trip to let say, calabar/paris the following morning but you dont know if she will be interested and do not sound as if you are hell bent on her going...If she says no, go ahead and act. when you are away, answer calls only when it is absolutely important...Create a wall. They will both adjust. If you dont do these things now, i pray you will not experience a fail marriage soonest. Men are not toys and no matter our level of maturity, we have limits...

Only your wife can help you and no one else.

Talk to her and let her understand your plight. Do everything loving to get her on your side. The following will begin to happen

1. Anytime her mum is planning to come over, your wife will inform you
2. She will be the one to ask you "what do we do?"
3. You pretend to not have an answer by asking back "what do we do?"
4. If whatever she suggests does not go down well, tell her she should tell her mum that you guys are spending the weekend away from the house with a family friend. Every weekend, always make excuses of not being around or busy with one activity or the other in advance
5. She gets tired and begin to get use to it gradually

You can stop it abruptly. it is a gradual process just like someone trying to stop smoking

dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

oga, with all this things you've written, i don't think you're ready to take the bull by the horn. For god sake, you're the man of the house and should be able to handle things the way you want them to be.

Introvert indeed! Ehn kúkú tell her to pack in idiot....... Tell ur wife, u are not comfortable with her mother visiting u.... Lobatan....... If she do orí kúnkùn, send her out with her shameless mother......... Jarae........ Shine Ur face.........