1.Steal more than your tenth generation can possibly spend, there are lots of witches and wizards in Nigeria, if you steal small amounts like 10 million naira, a single agbana can finish it in a couple of days, so steal beyond what the Nigeria Association of Professional Witches (NAPW) can overturn, steal till you can steal no more!, when you’ve stolen well enough, witches will no longer disturb youat night, since the witches and Wizards association will endorse you for elections, steal oh man, steal!

STEP 2. When caught, tell the whole worldyou are sick, and need a medical attention, such that anyone who calls you to court will be considered to be persecuting you E.g Madam Cici, the Luxurious-hospital-roomspace SixMonth-prisoner, a recent example is the yellow sisi, Madam “ALI the SINner”,if you mention Ali’son or mama Petrol, you’re strictly on your own

STEP 3. It will surely involve money and documents, try Arson, burn the burn-ableThis step explains why strange fire falls from heaven, the Elijah way, and burn only departments being investigated, in public officesIt also explains how a local government officer steals salary of workers and burns a few notesto present to the government andpeople, haba, habatically!

Step 4. Try the tribal sentiment, let your tribes men know that you’re being persecuted for being one ofthem, even if you never benefited them in anyway while in power, this works!, some idiotic morons will go all over the social media to chant your name, some will even go the extra mile to carry placards, it surely takes slow pokes to be ruled by fools!

STEP 5. If the above step fails, Change political affiliation, start supporting the government of theday (I heard with one hear that a certain serial Jumpist is about to jump again, and he has started by hailing the present Ceaser, smh)

STEP 6 Buy the word “integrity” away from the Justice department’s thesaurus, it helps, oiling a few palms, lawyers and judges alike, will do the magic, If the Nigerian judge shall set you free, YOU SHALL BE FREE INDEED, but there’s a warning, If you feel like relaxing or going on holidays, make sure its Tinapa or ikogosi, don’t go to London o, Metro police people are bad belles, ask Ibori

STEP 7 Try plea bargain, If you’ve stolen 20 naira, giving back 1 naira to the government wouldn’t be too much, will it? Since you’ll still invest part of the rest in future election bids of the incumbent, give, as it has been ‘given’ unto you, pay your tithe and you’ll not be tight, ahahaha.

STEP 8. Go to Church/Mosque and do thanksgiving, call the same gullible people whose collective wealth you’ve stolen, whose Children’s education lies fallow inyour Swiss account, give them some Aso ebi, they’ll celebrate with you, even the scriptures says we should celebrate with those who are rejoicing, isn’t it?

STEP 9. As a bank manager, plot with robbers to rob your bank branch, when those robbers still 10m, tell the world that 500m was stolen..... My dear, once u do this, I tell u, even the people whose monies u stole will be celebrating u!

Abi no be Nigeria we day??

nacapido!

Humanly there is no hope for naija. What you said is the truth. May God help us.

OP, u too much!!