I decided to post this on nairaland because something in me tells me i will get the solution i need.
Am a newly married lady less than one year in marriage and below are what i go through with my man.
1) He's outing time is 9pm in d 9t and comes back 12, 1, or 2am as d case arises.
2) I get beaten often over small arguments
3) He doesn't fill me in on decisions. He does anything he likes at the end of the day, i'll hear it from outsiders.
4) He promises heaven and earth and at the end of the day, provides me with nothing.
5) When he has money he will turn his back away 4rm me, talks to me anyhow but when the money finishes, he will b at my beck n cal.
Am not happy anymore. All i do now is thinking. my job is on the line now because i cannot concentrate on it. i cry n pray to God everynight for help. How long can i bear dis? I need 2take a decision which will be done with ur contributions. . pls help me cos am loosing it. ur genuine advice will be highly appreciated.

Were you blind before you got married to him ? or were you in a rush to get married so you married a slowpoke hoping that he would change ?

You are a big fool. Just don't have any children yet.

dont be harsh naa

If she RUSHED INTO MARRIAGE, SHE WILL CERTAINLY RUSH OUT. Now, only god knows where you are rushing to?!

Let him BEAT UP WELL WELL. Enjoy!

Reminisce on your wedding day and remind yourself why you married him.


You are a Arrow, get a darn life. Get pregnant! Maybe he won't beat you anymore. Foolish girl.

chaircover:

Its better to be single and be alive than dead in the morgue with a wedding ring on your finger.

Quote of the day!


Now people need to STOP rushing into marriage.

hmmmm, Is this chic 4 real?Nairalanders Dont listen to this person who's just playing pranks with serious topics. I mean what kind of b**ch gets into that kind s**t and believes they'll 'find a solution on Nairaland'. Whateva d case such a person deserves a good beating.

Get a life. Miss Ago.

na wa oh
all these stories of bad/crumbling marriages.

its really scary.

@poster
how long did you two date/court?

I didn't rush into marriage. we dated 4 two years b4 deciding to accept him as a partner. During that time, he was d best thing dat ever happened to me. I was n am still good n loyal to him because i love him so much. He changed 2months after our marriage. Pls dont criticise me. i need advice that will make my home get better or rather make me feel better cos am really hurt. @benedictac tanx so much 4dat wonderful advice.@ pokasoka, pls take it easy on me ok? i didnt rush into marriage. tnk u

does he have a job or just d going out at 9pm and come bck at 2am thingy? how long were u dating b4 u married him.

benedictac:

@ Poster, I feel for u but dont pity u. Dont pity urself or allow anyone to pity u in this case or in any other.

Pls dont allow divorce or take any advice for it, it is never the best option. I will advice to bring Jesus into your life and home. I've learnt one thing in life and that is, You must make Jesus the head of your home and not a guest.

My dear, concentrate on your job, pray more often and leave the rest for God to solve. Then check on your characters and see if u are that virtuous woman the bible spoke about in Prov. 31. Be very patient at the end u will laugh and smile.


i know some of these advice will be difficult, but pls try and do them and u will see the results

1. when he comes back late dont ask him about his outing, just wellcome and give him food,

2. Avoid getting into agurment with him

3. tell him he is the best thing that has ever happened to you always.

3. learn to say you are sorry even if you are not at fault.

4. Swallow your anger to let peace reign.

I know many others will post to confuse pls dont be confused. Do what ever is right in the sight of God to keep your marriage.

If u could stand b4 your families, his families, friends and even enemies to say "I DO" then keep to your word.

the bible says "The wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one pulls it down with her own hands".

FAIL

The bolded point are ridiculous to say the least. He is not the best thing that happened to her when he is a complete idiot. Why should she lie about that. He needs to know that he is hurting her. He has NO RIGHT to go out and come as he pleases. He has to answer to her as she also does to him. Why should she treat her husband like he is mentally handicapped when he is not. The husband should even feel insulted by your suggestions. The man is an ass and he needs to know that. She needs to stop crying and let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated. When he goes and catches a disease and comes back home you will recommend prayer and fasting for a situation she could have avoided by simply refusing to have sex with his ass. We do not seize to have common sense because we are Christians.

Sorry that aint no marriage, that is slavery.
A real man will never beat his wife.
Get a job if you dont have one and take care of yourself and run for your dear life, else, it is only a 7 feet

poster i hope it's not too late to get an annulment on this nightmare that you are living. This dude is a repeat offender as in beating you not allowing you to make decisions that affect your family etc. i would run if i were you i wouldnt look back. Even if you never find a man to love you it would be better that living in the nightmare you call a marriage.

By the way how long did you date him before you married him? do you have brothers that can whoop his ass, does your father still have his shot gun? do you know how to dial 911

@Bendictac tnx so much. I have so many things going on tru my mind rite now. one minute, i will tink am married to someone else's husband, d next minute i will tink of running away without tellin anybody, d next one i will feel like getting myself involved wit a man dat wil value me. Mixed feelings. dats wat it is called. d worst part of it is dat i sacrificed all d suitors i had then 4rm my side in enugu state to go all d way to riverstate. should i just walk away?? OMG. Am trying to c how i can get happiness. Maybe i should just leave the country without anybodys knowledge. I want to b away 4rm him mayb dat will enable him kn my worth. Wait a minute, I got to tink out something real fast. Am loosing it pretty fast. Let me take some drugs now. hummmhh

AgoT:

@Bendictac tnx so much. I have so many things going on tru my mind rite now. one minute, i will tink am married to someone else's husband, d next minute i will tink of running away without tellin anybody, d next one i will feel like getting myself involved wit a man dat wil value me. Mixed feelings. dats wat it is called. d worst part of it is dat i sacrificed all d suitors i had then 4rm my side in enugu state to go all d way to riverstate. should i just walk away?? OMG. Am trying to c how i can get happiness. Maybe i should just leave the country without anybodys knowledge. I want to b away 4rm him mayb dat will enable him kn my worth. Wait a minute, I got to tink out something real fast. Am loosing it pretty fast. Let me take some drugs now. hummmhh

My dear, I feel your pain. I had to leave soemone i almost married because i saw these signs and it is still had becaause people think you can not stay or keep a man but i was lucky, your situation is more tricky. I disagree with Benedictac, its not your sole responsibility to keep the marriage going, and its not you who should take the blame for his failures. Please, while i wont advise you to get a divorce now, a trial seperation is not a bad idea, is there somewhere you can go for a while, where you can think for yourself without being judged? I am really uncomfortable with the beatings, there is no excuse for that. Be strong and say No to a bad situation, dont take the defeatest approach Benedictac is advising,in all his advise he is more concerned about you maintaining the staus quo and pleaeing a man who does not want your happiness, he never mentioned or advised you on your pain or feelings.you are a lovely woman to hold on for so long but you need to think about your safety and sanity now, believe me, see a lot of men around me who treat their wives like trash, use their money to get girls and they dont work, just hang around drinking and smoking because their wives work 9-5, take care of them and i asked one of them once why he treated his wife like that and he said its beacuse he knows his wife does not want to loose him. Please I would not advocate that any woman make her self the punching bag for any man with insecurities. Think about yourself and what you want, and please stop giving him money, he is your husband, he should love, care and provide for you, its not your resonsibility, that same guy told me that he doesnt givemoney for his family upkeep beuse he is used to his wife taking care of the bills including school fees for his kids so he uses his money to dress up, drive a nice car, which she bought or him and spends his money on champaign, dont let yourself be that woman, you deserve much more the defeatest

Do not worry, we are here with you and for you.

contact me at theidealman4u@gmail.com

This thread is a hoax!!!!

Reasons:

AgoT:

@Bendictac tnx so much. I have so many things going on tru my mind rite now. one minute, i will tink am married to someone else's husband, d next minute i will tink of running away without tellin anybody, d next one i will feel like getting myself involved wit a man dat wil value me. Mixed feelings. dats wat it is called. d worst part of it is dat i sacrificed all d suitors i had then 4rm my side in enugu state to go all d way to riverstate. should i just walk away?? OMG. Am trying to c how i can get happiness. Maybe i should just leave the country without anybodys knowledge. I want to b away 4rm him mayb dat will enable him kn my worth. Wait a minute, I got to tink out something real fast. Am loosing it pretty fast. Let me take some drugs now. hummmhh

The last bolded part really got me going! Love ur word usage and feel sorry for Benedictac who is dishing out all those archaic VIRTUOS woman advice.

After you have ur drugs and calmed down, think up something true to post.Ciao.

Marriage is important. NOW STOP GETTING MARRIED TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS.

Nezed:

This thread is a hoax!!!!

After you have your drugs and calmed down, think up something true to post.Ciao.

benedictac:

@ poster, u dont know what u want, a trial seperation is not a good idea. You might go only to come back to find another woman there. U can work it out if u really want to. it is only determination and prayers. u've made the mistake of marrying him abi? Do u still want to make the mistake of a trial seperation that could lead to divorce?.

Dont be deceived i am also married. Marriage is not bed of roses, even if it is a bed of roses it does have thorns. there are ups and downs in marraige. this is your down now face it well and figure it out now. If u are close to his family let them know what their son or brother is doing to u. this is africa and not yanky or Gand. Pls beware or u make the biggest mistake of your life. DONT SAY SOMEONE DIDNT WARN U!!!.

On this matter and u are sure what u posted is true and u really need to hear the truth call me on 07038974800

What kind of person are you, what do you think marriage is? So she should saty and die because her husband who beats her, psychologically abuses her may get another woman. God some people are sick and mean. I hope you give your sister the same advice, am sure you treat your wife any how because she is afraid you will get another woman.
Poster its up to you, if you stay in this horrible relationship and die he will still get another woman, its all about you now, your husband is not ready to be married.

my question is: why marry a devil ? Im certain that he had certain bad characteristics prior to marriage. she claims she dated him for 2 years . . unless love blinded her eye sight.

I believe she was pressured into marriage. When it comes to aging older women Nigerians have the "manage him mentality"

@ benedictac; I sorta agree with you. Hence, the PRE-MARITAL step is very, very, very important. Look very, very, very well before you leapsSince I take marriage seriously.

Too many women RUSH into marriage with the HOPE that the man will change and then, wahala go don start be that.

benedictac:

Aisha2, i pity u. pple like u dont stay in marriage and u are advising others to leave. is it by her seperating from her husband that will solve the problem?

Why would you pity me because am strong enough to say no to a bad man. I pity you, and the unfortunate woman you willl marry or are married too. The bible commands the man to love his wife like he loves himself and be willing to lay his life for her, now a man who will at the slightest reaction beat his wife and threaten her with anaother woman is not a christain man and a man who will encourage another man to do so is not a christain too, so you have all my pity. Sicko

benedictac:

Marriage is not the most important but necessary. Some rush into believing that they can handle their men when in, but it is not always like that. Pls for the singles think and pray well before enetering. Once there now way out if u are a christian.

benedictac:

Aisha dont be fast to quote without completing the verses: the bible also said in Eph. 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

I know your type, u are the type that wants to control men.

And i know your type too, Sick wife beater. You lazy, low self esteem, non working leach, not worthy to e called a man.
In this ae and time who will want to control anyone, when people are going to the moon, you are wrecking your small brain on wome who want to control me. You are not even worth a response, you have clearly shown how small and unutilized your brain is