Can Anyone give me some advice on my rymes Yaw have seen me spit what should I work on

@ Kaydee thanks for your advice

OK here is my rymes tell me which ones you like da most and what I should work on then rate me overall as a rapper 1- 10 Thanks holla

@ metafuckas
Hoodloyalz crew real cats and real rappas
u know how we do jus killl cats and kill rappas
we some ill rappas not touch and feel rappas
want to talk junk ya fall victim to da steel clappa
Yaw whack cats aint tochin a soul
I burn yaw up im da furnace yaw da coal
u keep dissin but ya bullets keep missin
and u keep tryin and b u jus keep missin
Yea I be trippin yea B jus 9 clinchin
yea man im rich yea b jus dime pinchin
theres talk about us when theres talk of da game
u talkin bought us when u talkin bought fame
because I'm enflamed like one da devils gnomes
everythings burnin B except fpr my throne
we hold da crown its HoodLoyalz kingdom
Dey in da backgroung tryin to hide but i seenem
I'm a HooDloyalz soldier ready to brow dey brain
HLoyal Advocate man this crew is insane
If Rap was rome wed be ceasar
and if we talkin bought ice den id be a freezer
when we talkin bought hoes u know im da pleaser
and I sellin More albumns den drug dealers do reefer
This is hoodloyalz territory our domain
and so U know we gon reign longer den a hurricane






U Got Mo dots on u den a giraffe
take aim and spit more lines den a graph
Hold ya ears c yea u feel my wrath
Who won? now lets all do da math
I'm a algebric eqaution hes kindergarten addition
dese people is hatin tryin to take up on my mission
Dese people wishin dey could defeat
this man in adolescence that aint never been beat
I leave a hole in ya heart an evalastin impression
And i have u people fallin like da stocks in da depression
every thing I spit u know I spit literally
because B u know I got more cheese then freakin Italy
I undastand why u talkin why u be hatin me
because U know I got more dough then a bakery
and i Cant be fakin man I gotta spit real
got more Ice on my neck den in ya grill
and im so real im so ill wit a gun* hear gun cock in back ground*
I Got 99 problems but this Bit$$ aint one
* here gun shots*

@ Tianshie
U out like a dyin flame please u is da dyin flame
My spit put u out and cool down ya game
u started as a spark and now u jus ashes
I'm a forest fire and da rest is jus matches
U aint a match homey U is nothin
u da smallest flame in da game u jus fromtin
man u couldnt set A barn wit hay to flames
u couldnt burn toilet paper ya games to lame
couldnt melt a candle couldnt make it wax
when im meltin da mic and everyone who attacks
Man im so syk that dey callin me young pac
and yea u goin down like ya names young jok
it wont stop so don't sweat da tech
have pieces of u ever where like u a car in a wreck
Ive been In da game for ever ruled da world for a century
and I spit more bars then da state penetentury
im 6 inches away and im still out ya reach
because I keep da mic stainless like I washed it with bleach
I don't herem speakin I guess they plead the fifth
and he make more attempts to run then Emmit smith


Enough playin and enough of this sayin
time to start sprayin yea time to start slayin
I'm gettin laid ya girls legs im spreadin
and I got more cake then a mothafu$$in weddin
got more cheese then a motha fu$$in burger
people talk wit ease and ya c dey get murdered
don't play I get hoes every day
like da x and y axis deygo every way
okay and u fake gs tryin to faze me
keep on talkin u be pushin up daisys
wipe my feet on u like a rug step on u like a bug
I aint puttin words in ya mouth nah man jus slugs
I don't need a knife or a gat don't even need a pen
jus need my freestyles to guarantee a win


I can make it syk if I ryme or I hum
Homey I beat u like u was a fu$$in drum
I don't stop heart pains no I aint no tum
I jus start aches blow da brakes off this bum
Sink u like the titantic erybody trip and panic
because U still da second largest like u was the atlantic
Gettin all this money cats call me a billionaire
and yea im ridin dirty like my name was chamillionaire
I'm da sykest in da game and all u cats c why
call this man frodo because like peach hes nehi
I'm puttin u down mollify u like lotion
I spit so much man I could make a sixth ocean
my glock speak loud and proud so im a slaughter hoes
and I spray more then a motha Fu$$in water hose
Yea I be gettin all da hoes so dey call me J-Nice
and this man be grabbin more balls den Fu$$in J rice
I keep on blowin up like a supernova
and I got more venom den a fu$$in king cobra
when it comes to talkin homeboy im da husher
and I let my sh$$ burn like I was fu$$in usher
and when u lookin through my cell homey u gon get shook
because I got more digits in my contacts then a phone book
So u get head well bit$$ I get more head
and my game stay bigga then ya mothafu$$in forehead
feel u wit dread and i will feel u wit lead
feel da streets wit heat even till da beat bled
even ya seat said homey sit down
this cat got u beat wit da heat from motown
Me without a mic is like a beat without a snare
comin wit a flow so inventive and rare
I'm a freestylist and a poet off da top and a writer
either way I Have u passin da mic jus like a cipher
have u sayin no I don't want to go I'm through
haha now u witness what J-Nice da Lyrical Assasain can do


yo yo as soon as he wake up
this fool put on makeup
rippin cats poppin cats droppin cats who fake up
Who I take up anyone I please
and jus like a mouse homey all I want that cheese
don't u c homeboy im a g
been doin this Sh$$ $ince da age of three
Dont mess wit me I got a Lyrical sword
and I'm super bowl Mvp like hines ward
To all them bitches and all them freakin hatas man
I soar like jordan and get hoes like chamberlain
aint no playin b c aint no playin me
keep on talkin shit den u know im gon be sprayin b
haha weak bit$$ lil snitch paddy hoe
got ya girl im my crib have her sayin daddy o
sayin daddy slow because u do it so well
I stroke so mean man i make her shit swell
Yall can call me names like white bitch and cracker
but ya shit cost less den a kfc snacker
betta yet da wrapper u aint worth that bit
Ya mom cost a penny and she aint worth that shit
wastin time not worth da clit
tell her go to school and I might think about a hit


Call me mr. clean because im fresh like soap
and call me crack slanger because i always got that dope
no joke and I aint talkin bought no coke
I'm jus talkin bought pimpin ya kno im rippin I hope
and I'm da # 1 shampoo because im da best bet
think clear listen hear as I cruise like a jet
and keepem off so dey don't dirty da scene i set
hold up this soap opera that is dope aint ova yet
because ill freshen up da place like I was febreeze
a spray a spit and da company I will please
set da stage grab ya swords ready for war
ya lyrics betta be tight because da best whatll soar
What u here for u strapped wit a dagger
and we rock great swords that is longer den a ladder
and sharp as could be jus like a hornets stinger
a real bell ringer ready to fell any singer
who step in da midst of battle without some protection
so please get some lessons get strapped or be regrettin

Well ruff I think U good but U need to work on ya vocab a bit u r syker than u used to be ill say dat but if you r to get better u need to freestyle 24 - 7 and work on ya vocab

@ Tianshie Thanks bro I really think Ya rymes is hot too I dont wanna admit it I dont know bought ahyone else on ya squad no offense to them. but u is nice though

anyone else got advice. I really appreciate everyones advice drop some it ya got some

em good luck,thats also a good advice,don't you think

wassup tell me what I outta work on and if u hatin Den Ill battle u

You've got good flow and your punchlines are tight
If you made your Spits, based on a "subject Matter", you'd be gettin a record deal in to time, that's if you want one.

Yaw whack cats aint tochin a soul
I burn yaw up im da furnace yaw da coal
u keep dissin but ya bullets keep missin
and u keep tryin and b u jus keep missin
Yea I be trippin yea B jus 9 clinchin
yea man im rich yea b jus dime pinchin
theres talk about us when theres talk of da game
u talkin bought us when u talkin bought fame
because I'm enflamed like one da devils gnomes

These verses are tight, nice flow and a good imagination

yep, dblock said it all. If ya wanna rap about sum'thng else then you gottta have subject matter, u know like an underlining theme. Other than that, you've improved tremendously with ur battle rhymes. Thing is, battles are about you and ur opponent, ripping an mc to pieces. Heck ma previous battles are testimony to that. You spit it sick J, u just keep slaying and elevating.

aight yaw thanks appreciate da input