They have a teenage daughter, 12 years old. She is very smart (academically), topping her class and in several US national exams at the 90 percentile. But that is where it ends. Attitudinally she would be at the 40 percentile. She is disrespectful to her parents and her teachers. She is naïve about life and how difficult it can be to go far in life with an attitude that puts other people off. She is talkative (show off) and disruptive, always drawing attention to herself.

Here are some additional details about the kid:

American Born
Facially cute
Never been to Nigeria
Only daughter
First of three children
Parents are upper middle-class and practically dot on her as an only daughter
She is provided with virtually anything she asks for. This has led to some level of vanity in her lifestyle.
Both parents suggest that they have had reasons to exhibit pride at some point in their lives - for different reasons - but never allowed that get into their heads. They hope her undesirable attitude is not an inherent thing, but one borne out of the biological life stage she is in now.

Please advise!!! How can the parents help her from self-destructing? As you may know, physical discipline (flogging, etc) is out of the question. This is America, not Nigeria.

Send her back to naija

Nemeka:
Send her back to naija

Nice idea that will make her see life from a different perspective.

I don't think flogging is out of the question. The parents spared the rod too long and now they cannot even bring it up as a solution. Parents who spank their kids from tender as a corrective measure (not abuse) still do it, be it in Antarctica or Faroe Island. It does not matter.

They should not attempt to hold back certain privileges they shower on her if they were not using this method prior, this will only push her to seek such outside.

Spiritually, prayer will help.
Physically, bringing her back to Nigeria will be a start. A change of environment and another view of life coupled with wisdom can work. Perhaps let her complete secondary education in Nigeria.

Nemeka:
Send her back to naija

What if in Nigeria she's taken advantage off (e.g., raped, kidnapped, etc) which could happen due to several reasons such as (I) the general insecurity in Nigeria (2) the fact that she would immediately be different from other kids around her (with her American accent, etc) and (3) her attitude of always showing off and drawing attention to herself? I am sure the parents don't want to do something that they would eventually regret.

Pls send her back to nigeria... In 48hrs she will learn respect

Smallville10:
Pls send her back to nigeria... In 48hrs she will learn respect

What if in Nigeria she's taken advantage off (e.g., raped, kidnapped, etc) which could happen due to several reasons such as (I) the general insecurity in Nigeria (2) the fact that she would immediately be different from other kids around her (with her American accent, etc) and (3) her attitude of always showing off and drawing attention to herself? I am sure the parents don't want to do something that they would eventually regret.

omongbatim:
They have a teenage daughter, 12 years old. She is very smart (academically), topping her class and in several US national exams at the 90 percentile. But that is where it ends. Attitudinally she would be at the 40 percentile. She is disobedient to her parents and her teachers. She is naïve about life and how hard it is to go far in life with an attitude that puts other people off. She is talkative (show off) and disruptive, always drawing attention to herself.

Here are some additional details about the kid:

American Born
Facially cute
Never been to Nigeria
Only daughter
First of three children
Parents are upper middle-class and practically dot on her as an only daughter
She is provided with virtually anything she asks for. This has led to some level of vanity in her lifestyle.
Both parents suggest that they have had reasons to exhibit pride at some point in their lives - for different reasons - but never allowed that get into their heads. They hope her undesirable attitude is not an inherent thing, but one borne out of the biological life stage she is in now.

Please advise!!! How can the parents help her from self-destructing? As you may know, physical discipline (flogging, etc) is out of the question. This is America, not Nigeria.

Take her to Nigeria and flog her there

omongbatim:


What if in Nigeria she's taken advantage off (e.g., raped, kidnapped, etc) which could happen due to several reasons such as (I) the general insecurity in Nigeria (2) the fact that she would immediately be different from other kids around her (with her American accent, etc) and (3) her attitude of always showing off and drawing attention to herself? I am sure the parents don't want to do something that they would eventually regret.

There are still very good high schools, with boarding facilities, in Nigeria where security is water tight. I think that doing her high school education in Nigeria will help a great deal. What you need to do is to look out for one that will suite her. A strict missionary school will not be out of place. She can go to the US on vacations.

omongbatim:


What if in Nigeria she's taken advantage off (e.g., raped, kidnapped, etc) which could happen due to several reasons such as (I) the general insecurity in Nigeria (2) the fact that she would immediately be different from other kids around her (with her American accent, etc) and (3) her attitude of always showing off and drawing attention to herself? I am sure the parents don't want to do something that they would eventually regret.

Trump and Clinton are being accused of something worse and they are still gunning for the most powerful post in the whole world, their crime wasn't committed in Nigeria. Rapist and murderers/kidnappers are everywhere. Detroit and Chicago is topping the list now as worlds's murder capital and they are not Nigerian cities
What am I saying? Naija suits this girl until she cries for mercy and write a letter of undertaking with police, vigilante and army join.

omongbatim:
They have a teenage daughter, 12 years old. She is very smart (academically), topping her class and in several US national exams at the 90 percentile. But that is where it ends. Attitudinally she would be at the 40 percentile. She is disrespectful to her parents and her teachers. She is naïve about life and how difficult it can be to go far in life with an attitude that puts other people off. She is talkative (show off) and disruptive, always drawing attention to herself.

Here are some additional details about the kid:

American Born
Facially cute
Never been to Nigeria
Only daughter
First of three children
Parents are upper middle-class and practically dot on her as an only daughter
She is provided with virtually anything she asks for. This has led to some level of vanity in her lifestyle.
Both parents suggest that they have had reasons to exhibit pride at some point in their lives - for different reasons - but never allowed that get into their heads. They hope her undesirable attitude is not an inherent thing, but one borne out of the biological life stage she is in now.

Please advise!!! How can the parents help her from self-destructing? As you may know, physical discipline (flogging, etc) is out of the question. This is America, not Nigeria.

The best thing they can ever do to that child now is bring her to Nigeria and let her learn a new way of life before it gets out of hand. Let the child do her secondary school education in Nigeria.

Nemeka:
Send her back to naija

Nothing teaches a man maturity faster than the breaking of ones spirit. The total environment change will shatter her reality and bring her sense back.

send her back to naija. it happened to my Aunts son. when my sister visited US, she noticed the boys behaviour was so bad. She advised my aunt to send her back to naija if she doesnt want to lose her son. It was painful for my aunt because he was her only child. but they brought him back. he did js1 to js3 in Enugu. he was floged very well. they used to call him Americana then in his school because of his accent. he has gone back to US and behaves very sensibly now.

they should send her to naija for 3 yrs make she come suffer and taste the other side of life, with that she will be wiser in llife.

omongbatim:
They have a teenage daughter, 12 years old. She is very smart (academically), topping her class and in several US national exams at the 90 percentile. But that is where it ends. Attitudinally she would be at the 40 percentile. She is disrespectful to her parents and her teachers. She is naïve about life and how difficult it can be to go far in life with an attitude that puts other people off. She is talkative (show off) and disruptive, always drawing attention to herself.

Here are some additional details about the kid:

American Born
Facially cute
Never been to Nigeria
Only daughter
First of three children
Parents are upper middle-class and practically dot on her as an only daughter
She is provided with virtually anything she asks for. This has led to some level of vanity in her lifestyle.
Both parents suggest that they have had reasons to exhibit pride at some point in their lives - for different reasons - but never allowed that get into their heads. They hope her undesirable attitude is not an inherent thing, but one borne out of the biological life stage she is in now.

Please advise!!! How can the parents help her from self-destructing? As you may know, physical discipline (flogging, etc) is out of the question. This is America, not Nigeria.

send her back to Naija let's work on her the African way

TheArchangel:
Trump and Clinton are being accused of something worse and they are still gunning for the most powerful post in the whole world, their crime wasn't committed in Nigeria. Rapist and murderers/kidnappers are everywhere. Detroit and Chicago is topping the list now as worlds's murder capital and they are not Nigerian cities
What am I saying? Naija suits this girl until she cries for mercy and write a letter of undertaking with police, vigilante and army join.

You are very funny. Undertaking not to do what?

THERE are children in Nigeria behaving like she does and perhaps worse than she is so the issue of sending her to Nigeria isnt necessarily going to curb her excesses.
All i see is a teenager, displaying teenage tendencies....and whilst Nigerian cultures may frown at it, i feel, a child who is doing well academically and the parents are doing averagely okay; should consider therapy/counselling for their child.

Also consider grounding the child/take away certain privileges/instill curfew etc....it works

OP,send her to Nigeria and enrol her into a Catholic boarding school somewhere in a rural area where she will have no access to most of the pleasures of life. Keep her there for one full year and hand her over to a strict Reverend sister where she will be spending her holidays for that period

No bi person go tell am to behave well.

Nemeka:
Send her back to naija

very good send to Nigeria and make her stay with a very strict relative

She is only 12 you know. She might as well grow out of it (talking from my experience) except the disrespect part.
Maybe her parents should create a reward- punishment system. For example reduce her allowances if she behaves badly and reward her for behaving good. Overall just be patient and talk to her. Part of growing up is being rebellious and immature at some point especially when turning to a teen.

Lastly every child is different, sending her to Nigeria may or may not work. I think her parents should know her well enough to know what may work for her.

Dem don spoil the pike finish,una won remedy abi?..stop pampering her,even if she comes first in the whole USA;ust say good job,finish,make she go sitdown!!...the problem with some parents is that they allow kids to sass them a lot before they get brain,be firm and strict!!...but if una wo give am beta brain..bring her home....the reason is that some strict measures that we go give am here won't be tolerated abroad...bring her home now!!!!!..then we will start from there..selah