How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by julianadada: 5:31am On Oct 23, 2016 |
Hello everyone, I have a toxic bullying adult child that all he does is to curse and threaten ,he is 37 years old and still lives with me and my husband, he has gone in and out of schools and does not have a form of tertiary education despite the fact that the father and I have, he hit his father about 2 different times before while living with us and still lives with us, he does not have any job, and does not want to get one, all he does is sells hemp and smoke too, My 2 other children are doing very well of very good professions and highly responsible, I wont say I've been an enabler,We raised his other siblings I think he just wants to be wayward and be influenced badly.I am in my sixties and just want to live the rest of my life in peace , the father has decided to leave him without any inheritance , I have noticed all he does is harass and threaten helpless people like the aged parents and younger children , good advice is highly appreciated 2 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by ghettowriter(m): 5:35am On Oct 23, 2016 |
Since I haven't came up with a good response yet, listen to what the Guys below me have to say. Edited: This is what I deduced from the comments below ¶ showing him more love and kindness. ¶Engaging him in a business. ¶ some one suggested getting a wife for him (military or takwando instructor) preferably. Lol ¶A user sugested you sit him down and use the power of soothing words to speak to him, hoping he have a change of heart. ¶Cutehector suggested you kick his dumb butt out of the house. ¶Another user still feels its time u throw him out even if it takes soldiers, and he shud write an undertaken not to harm any of you. He still reminded you to pray for him. ¶someone adviced that you get him a place ASAP then enroll him into rehab. And a lot of other such interesting ideas. Ma'am, sorry for your Son's misdemeanors and the sadness he had put your caring heart through. Nobody deserves such a disappointment from a child after training him from a baby to a man. Luckily, you have other children doing quite alright. My only contribution is to see a therapist or a counselor who have a better idea about this things before taking your final decisions, also talk to a good officer of the law. What He is suffring from is a parsonality disoder. From your complaint he seems to posses sociopathic behaviours. Follow this link for more information on that. http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/sociopath/sociopath-treatment-can-a-sociopath-change/ We pray your son gets his life and act together some how and realise his responsibilities as a Man. All the best. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Davash222(m): 5:57am On Oct 23, 2016 |
Well, I'm out of ideas recently.. Wait for the person Below me. |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 6:21am On Oct 23, 2016 |
[b]My guess was that he did not feel loved while growing up.... He was taunted by his father a lot as someone that will never matter in live and you as the step mum did basically next to nothing about that I guess..... and he felt his siblings was the ones that was loved....He saw his siblings as rivals, saw they were progressing and decide to give up.... hence he results to rebel and did not wanna do any thing for himself...that's the possible explanation that could result to him having the effrontery to do what he is doing.... Maybe showing him love and kindness will be the best therapy for him... I know that this is not an African thing.. we show our kind of love in a strange ways....If you feel that he is turning around a little, just ask him what he feel he can do in business wise..try to engage him in a conversation like he was normal just like the way u would do yours...it will be difficult but give it a go.... but I think u guys did not catch him early enough....The damage has been done except if he decide to hand himself to a therapist...Some people will tell you to pray.... but prayer without work is death.....Oh!, do not even think of bringing a wife to him thinking she will change him... that does not work much except if she is in military or a female Taekwondo instructor...[/b].  27 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by DickDastardly(m): 6:27am On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4:Useful 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 6:48am On Oct 23, 2016 |
There are underlying psychological issues, I think something went wrong during his formative years that made him become like this. Sit him down and talk to him, he might prove stubborn and walk out but try to do it when he is in a calm mood. Talk to him in a loving way don't shout at him. And try to reach his conscience, use words that you know would affect him or soften his heart am sure you know a few of the things he takes serious by now since you are his mother. Use them when appealing to him to change his ways. Goodluck. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by julianadada: 6:48am On Oct 23, 2016 |
@ richy4 he's my biological child, and we have tried to support him in all forms but he just wants to remain a bully .... is there any law enforcement agent that can handle him if he happens to lay hands on his father or anyone else? 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by julianadada: 6:52am On Oct 23, 2016 |
@ fellis Thanks for your kind words , this too we have tried but he seems worse if he feels he has an effect on us.... |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Cutehector(m): 7:05am On Oct 23, 2016 |
He shouldn't be living in ur house at the age of 37.. 19 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by eyinjuege: 7:52am On Oct 23, 2016 |
Its time you sent him out of the house. Get policemen or even soldiers to do that. Also, he must write an undertaking that no harm must befall you guys. He's a lost cause, some children are just born sociopaths. If you had noticed on time, maybe psychotherapy might have helped him. I doubt its your fault as a parent, so don't feel bad, a lot of families usually have that black sheep amongst them. Also make sure you have a will in place, with even video evidence saying how you want your property shared. He's bad news, and there comes a time in life when a man has got to save himself as nobody can do that. Its that point in his life now. Don't stop praying for him though, as who knows he may just decide to change on his own. 27 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by julianadada: 8:38am On Oct 23, 2016 |
@eyinjuege thank you , for your thoughtful advice, God bless you 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by napa: 8:56am On Oct 23, 2016 |
He needs to move out of your house ASAP. Rent a place for him and let him start leaving alone, at 37 he needs to learn to be more responsible and he can't achieve this if he's under your roof. Does he have a girlfriend, if not advice him to get, sometimes it helps. Don't blame yourself for his unruly behaviour, you trained him the same way you trained his successful siblings. He is solely responsible for the way he chooses to leave his life. Another assistance you can render is to enrol him in a rehabilitation home for a minimum of 6 months, hopefully he will change. He is no longer a kid so the idea of sitting him down and preaching to him whenever he misbehaves is out of it, get him arrested and locked up anytime he touches you or his father, don't allow him to kill you before your time because if he does he will continue to leave his life. Then pray ,pray and pray, there's no one God cannot change. It is well. 11 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by napa: 9:04am On Oct 23, 2016 |
@eyinjuege, you nailed it. It is painful when a child chooses to be the black sheep of the family but as parents you need to make some firm decisions against that child at some point especially a man of 37 years, enough of the pampering and impunity. 12 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by julianadada: 10:50am On Oct 23, 2016 |
@napa thank you , he has a girlfriend but always maltreats her, yes, we pray for him,and continue to do so |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 11:21am On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada: [b]It is always easy to type and write someone else's kids off but the person doing that will never write his own off. just saying this because I saw someone that typed those words and I felt really bad.... there's no one that is a lost cause... miracle do happen. besides, those that studied therapy will be out of job if everyone should right their kids off..... He needs love from all of you black-sheep or not...I know that something went wrong along the line when he was a kid. assuming the root of the matter was uprooted at that time, it would not have degenerated to this...and I am sorry because I made a wide guess that you were the step mum because of the way you presented it.. The best you can do for him is to look for an accommodation for him, pay for 6months and remind him of his age... tell him that he is now a man and he should start up a family of his own.. that that was why you rented the place.... Just say and do what every normal mother will do for their children but do not feel he was a lost-cause....[/b] 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by AWONEYAN(m): 1:12pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
J E S U S is the answer!!! Address the root cause....the devil come not but to steal,kill and destroy,but I have come to give you life... 1. Don't give up on him, study Saul's conversion, He saw Christ himself and he can't deny it 2. Wrestle for his soul in prayers, you can't afford to loose one out of three to the devil. Deliverance prayer from the one holding him captive.....call on me I will answer I will show you great n mighty things which you do not know..... 3. Above all show him love, don't compare him with his siblings, appreciate the little good things he does and be his friend NB; Please don't use force, if you ask police to lock Him up. By the time he is released, you will be having anini ,godogbo,shina Rambo....e.t.c.. Nigerian system has no proper rehabilitation structure 7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 3:11pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4:Honestly I suspected the same thing. Julianadada are you his step mom or his biological mom? |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Ishilove: 3:23pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
ghettowriter: Davash222:. 11 Likes 1 Share
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| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by taryour(f): 4:53pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
this is a very serious one. God will guide you ma @ Op in taking the right step. |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by TroubleMaker47(m): 5:18pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
You and ur husband should kick him out. If not one day he would kill u out of frustration and probably kill himself! 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by jideprof: 5:20pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: female taekwondo instructor  1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:20pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
. |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by yomalex(m): 5:23pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
OP should be close to 70 so respect yourself while making your comments 21 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Galaxydon1(m): 5:23pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:he needs deliverance, take him to synagogue church of all nations |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by jideprof: 5:24pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada: using force at this stage will do no good ma. unless, you want to totally unleash the beast within. try love and talk to him regularly, cook him his favorite and share ideas with him. always consider his suggestions even if they're not helpful. (let him know he's part of a family that loves him). I hope this helps 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by slimthugchimee(m): 5:25pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
ghettowriter:see as you take waste ftc  2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Marvel1206: 5:25pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
It's high time he fends for himself.. Sorry to ask, is he mentally balanced? He is an adult, you need to tell him bluntly how you feel about him but i'm sure you must have exhausted all options before you came here for advice. Well he needs to leave your roof! |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:26pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada: Its simple have the police Area command in surulere make him sign an undertaking not to assualt any of you. Then have NDLEA take him through a drug rehab course, lastly, have Area F Ikeja DPO take him on a tour of all their cells and let him observe prisoner executions carried out there. Have an intervention: introduce him to people who have had to scrape their life from the gutter up. I was one, i was given up on as a youth, i had to turn my life around. When you have this intervention invite me i will gladly talk to him for you 11 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Henrypraise: 5:26pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: judging from wat I read from d original op, wat u said here is rubbish, n stop trying to make d aged woman feel bad or guilty. madam @ original op, pls pray n pray for d boy, be him ur son or not. continually show love tru a action n reaction approach, i.e any of his actions should be rewarded or punished. m guessing he still rely on u n ur husband for finance dat shud be a gud tool u can use. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Thebrightest(m): 5:26pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
I DON'T UNDERSIT |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Trojan2010: 5:32pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Ma you waited too late. Only him can save himself |
| Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by ammyluv2002(f): 5:33pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
This is tough, but I think you should start up a business of his choice, pay one year rent for a shop and accommodation and let him take responsibility of running the business. 1 Like 1 Share |
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