Good morning to everyone, especially Nigerian Americans. They need it most. Happy elections. Don't think I'm crazy for greeting you happy elections, in Nigeria we greet people about everything. You have to get used to this now because you are coming back home. So, Eku election.

I very much understand that you will soon be sent packing from there, so I have taken it upon myself to prepare you for the transition. You have just a little time left there, utilize that time to learn more about Nigeria that you are coming back to.

In Nigeria, we don't have light. Buy power bank while coming. Don't say I didn't tell you. Buy power Bank from there because the ones here are just like your marriages, they don't last. Buy a quality one from the abroad when coming. Also, make sure you charge your phone full before coming here. You should also save money for generator. Buy rechargeable lamps and plenty torchlight too.

Also, save enough money for subscription. There is no free WiFi here. For those of you that will be settling in Lokoja, Jidenna and Co, I'll advice you to buy a glo line. Their network is strong.

Save enough money for emergency transport. You will be deported to Nigeria and by the time you get to the airport, you will need to board a keke from the airport to the badagry refugee centre, from where your ancestors had been shipped to America before. Fuel don cost, transport don increase.

Do you eat moi moi? Learn it. In Nigeria you cannot sit down and order pizza anytime you want. The only order you can make is when you yell to the moi moi seller across the road to bring hot moi moi for you.

Learn proper home training. In Nigeria the only time the police will arrest your parents for hitting you is after you are dead already. And they will later settle the case as "a family affair". If you think you can come here to speak 'innit' for your parents, it's the neighbours that will help them beat you.

Are you a graduate? Doesn't matter. There is no job. Your American accent will not give you a job, except your father knows someone who knows another person that knows a politician, you won't have a job.

Dear American Lover Boy, akwa ibom girl will not go Dutch with you. As a matter of fact, no Naija girl will go Dutch with you. You have to prove your masculinity by paying for the date. No one is splitting the bills with you when you take a girl on a date.

Learn the Nigerian names of common products. No one will sell "sausage rolls" for you. If you can't call it the Nigerian name- "Gala", no one would have time for you. Noodles is "Indomie". Pasta is "spaghetti". All seasoning is "maggi".

Dear American girl, you cannot dress anyhow you like. Your neighbours will eye you. The random old woman in the market will hiss at you. The random lady in the bus will preach to you. The area boys will jeer you. You might want to report "harassment" to the police, they will arrest you for indecent dressing.

Dear lovers, in Nigeria we don't show public display of affection. You cannot be kissing your boyfriend under the rain. The old woman passing by will invoke thunder to strike the both of you.

These are some of the basic tips to help you adapt after you have been deported. More to come in the evening.

FROM ME............

Lol...funny write up

Lwkmd

Who told you that they'll be deported

hahhahhahahh

makydebbie:
Lol...funny write up

lol
thanks

CivilzedTyger:
Who told you that they'll be deported

Don't mind him, what they don't seem to understand is that only ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are the ones he CAN deport. And Canada will be their next option NOT Nigeria

lovelygurl:



Don't mind him, what they don't seem to understand is that only ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are the ones he CAN deport. And Canada will be their next option NOT Nigeria

pause??

ellacute45:


pause??

Ne, Freistunde

lovelygurl:


Ne, Freistunde

not doing anything here too

They asked me to look up a Website, I'm reading the Website and surfing through nairaland too

ellacute45:




not doing anything here too

They asked me to look up a Website, I'm reading the Website and surfing through nairaland too

Lool if they catch you ehn

lovelygurl:



Lool if they catch you ehn

I can't come and be bored na

ellacute45:


I can't come and be bored na

Sha be careful, don't let them catch u

lovelygurl:



Don't mind him, what they don't seem to understand is that only ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are the ones he CAN deport. And Canada will be their next option NOT Nigeria

The illegal immigrants are even sources of cheap labour

Lol

ItsMePuffPuff:
No. America already has a favorite cheap labor source ,Mexican immigrants/ illegals
And those big companies that outsource abroad were they can misuse another countries poor.
......America.....land of opportunity

we're saying the same thing, you mentioned illegals. So?

it's good

guys check my signature...
you can also join my WhatsApp group for more help and information..
https:///JLNP3Hr8RmWLmLEV5T8WUS

ItsMePuffPuff:
Generally.... usually the are Mexican illegals.
I think that's do to the fact we get so many Mexican illegals because they cross right over into the state of Texas because it borders Mexico.

I got you

You be correct guy..

ItsMePuffPuff:
Generally.... usually they are Mexican illegals.
I think that's do to the fact we get so many Mexican illegals because they cross right over into the state of Texas because it borders Mexico.

Yeah and California where I live, it is so many of them to the point that they are the majority and have taken California back. For those of you who didn't know, California and Texas use to be part of Mexico.
@ op, that write up was hilarious.

ItsMePuffPuff:
Yeah,California ,Texas and New Mexico used ta be part of Mexico
~~
And they don't hold California ,with Hollywood,orange county ,San Fransisco etc cuties fulla white folk
~~~
But they are many here in Texas, though they haven't "taken it back".

Arizona, Nevada also and Texas is huge, larger than alot of countries so I guess it will take alot for them to become the majority. California is big but not like Texas. I haven't met a Texan who wasn't inlove with Texas

ItsMePuffPuff:
Not a Texan,from Arkansas. Hi Were you from in the states?

I'm from Cali. When I was 13 years old I went to Little Rock, which was supposed to be for my whole summer vacation, I lasted 2 weeks (culture shock) . I hated it, I wasn't use to living in the country and getting up at 5am to pick okra, black eyed peas (nigerians call them beans) and corn. I was a city girl and did not like the farm/country life. I will remember that experience for the rest of my life. Now that I'm grown I think that I would enjoy that life style.

ItsMePuffPuff:
Woah,that was my life.
But I stayed outside a small town
I didn't have ta get up at 5am to pick my mama'a garden we did that later in the day
But I got up that early just ta make it 2 school.
The mosquitos were hell out there, I remember when I 1st moved to my city I was so happy ta be rid of them

You want country life and I wanted out of it.

We (the kids) had to get up early to pick the crops so that my uncle could sell them at the market early that morning, speaking of the market, that was the only excitement I had for the 2 weeks I was there because the neighbors were so far away.

Lord have mercy, how could I ever forget about those mosquitos, that was torture.

ItsMePuffPuff:
oh,he owned a farm. That's neat.

Yeah, he owned a small farm, about 3 acres, I think.