THE SESQUIPEDALIAN LAWYER. (NON FICTION)

- www.facebook.com/LEGALAide



You've neither used nor seen the word 'courtsick' before now, right?
Well, that could be because it's fresh out of my 'laboratory'.

COURTSICK; ‹adj› /kɔːt sɪk/
experiencing a longing for the court during a period of absence from it.

I do sit in court, listening to counsel, even when I do not have a case in court - a great way to learn, I suppose.
So, some days ago, I walked into a courtroom which was literally brimming with lawyers. I took a minute to 'study' the cause list - a contrivance that helps me determine what kind of matters are before the court and whether staying in that court would be worthwhile.
The court was already chock-full of lawyers so I managed to bag a seat somewhere at the back. Almost immediately, the judge stepped in, and we were all on our feet in deference to the court.

You must have seen a couple of legal movies ( the last one I saw before writing this was the 2016 movie: The Whole Truth, starring Keanu Reeves) and have observed that the actors (lawyers in the movies) who are oft feisty, do not spend time in court before their cases are called.
It's only a movie you know.
In real life, we do spend give or take, five hours in court idling away, before our cases are called.

No sooner had we resumed our seats than the first case was called.
Counsel announced their appearances, and, after that, we did not expect the drama that followed.

It was a little after nine. The courtroom was a bit drafty so I volunteered to shut some of the windows within my reach to keep the draft out.

The defence counsel was on his feet. He informed the court that he had a motion he wanted to move, so, without further ado, he began to perorate:

( THE FOLLOWING ARE NO EXAGGERATIONS. LISTEN TO COUNSEL AS HE MOVES HIS MOTION! )


COUNSEL: My Lord, it is my desire to proceed to move this motion subject of course to My Lord's benevolence and magnanimity.

JUDGE: (nods)

COUNSEL: Without mincing words, before Your Lordship is a motion on notice dated the 2nd day of November 2015 and filed on the 9th day of May 2016. The said motion is hitherto brought in consonance with Order 44 Rule 4 of the Rules of this esteemed court and under the immanent powers of this court.

JUDGE: (pauses, looks at counsel, resumes writing)

COUNSEL: My Lord, our prayers are visible on the face of the motion paper and as such, we do not intend to inundate the court with much work.

JUDGE: (Puts on a derisive smile)

COUNSEL: (Now beaming with braggadocio) My Lord, we have equally juxtaposed our motion with our written address, wherein we, without equivocation, distilled several issues and argued same seriatim and we hereby adopt same as our argument in support of our motion and implore My Lord to graciously peruse same and uphold the cause of justice by granting our prayers as contained herein.

JUDGE: You see, counsel, you're not addressing the court like a lawyer - and it is obvious you need to start learning how to do so. The court is not a political forum or some kind of gathering for fun. All those otiose lines and gibberish are not meant for the court. You seem to have abandoned the affidavit in support of your motion because you preferred to entertain the court. Counsel, you must have realised that this is not a moot court where law students are at liberty to use words as they choose.
Counsel may wish to readopt his written address - I do not have any thing on record!

THE END

Lol.
Visit my signature.
Let's hear your opinion on this.

Lol! The lead counsel must have been inspired by hon. Patrick Obahiagbon. . However, I didn't see anything wrong in what he said...to me, the lead counsel is well articulated in presenting his case ...the judge self baddoo

PHC1stBorn:
Lol! The lead counsel must have been inspired by hon. Patrick Obahiagbon.

Honestly.
He said something worse, but I just can't remember all of 'em.

The Judge will be like; does this small boy want me to use dictionary right inside here to fully understand what he is talking about? Na lie, hey! Boy, go school go dey do that thing. Case close.

nnachukz:
The Judge will be like; does this small boy want me to use dictionary right inside here to fully understand what he is talking about? Na lie, hey! Boy, go school go dey do that thing. Case close.

Lol. Shame just dey catch lawyers inside court on his behalf.

I bet my man does nt has anything reasonable to present,so he resorted to big grammars......the judge be 'guyoyo' self

oldfoolnigger:
I bet my man does nt has anything reasonable to present,so he resorted to big grammars......the judge be 'guyoyo' self

....speaking in a very strong Igbo intonation sef

nnachukz:
The Judge will be like; does this small boy want me to use dictionary right inside here to fully understand what he is talking about? Na lie, hey! Boy, go school go dey do that thing. Case close.

As in ehhh

lolzzzzzz

TreasuredLeidy:
lolzzzzzz

Lol

Lalasticlala happy Sunday

very funny

am sure d look on his face wen d judge shut him down will be priceless






op

y u no take pinshures

Fidelismaria:



very funny

am sure d look on his face wen d judge shut him down will be priceless






op

y u no take pinshures

Take pinshures for inside court?
Lol.

LEGALAide:


Take pinshures for inside court?
Lol.

my bad


dont dey take pinshures inside court ni


u shud av correct me na instead of laffin

Fidelismaria:



my bad

dont dey take pinshures inside court ni

u shud av correct me na instead of laffin

Not when the court is sitting (when the judge is around)

Very funny

The Judge was a bit harsh, in my opinion. Nothing wrong with lightening the Court's atmosphere. Some other judge will react differently to this lawyer.

Well, sha it's always good to study a Juddge's temperament.

Tyviv:
Very funny

No be small.

mylora:
The Judge was a bit harsh, in my opinion. Nothing wrong with lightening the Court's atmosphere. Some other judge will react differently to this lawyer.

Well, sha it's always good to study a Juddge's temperament.

Well...

mylora:
The Judge was a bit harsh, in my opinion. Nothing wrong with lightening the Court's atmosphere. Some other judge will react differently to this lawyer.

Well, sha it's always good to study a Juddge's temperament.

I do not think the judge was harsh. Some judges may even do worse things if you 'misconduct' yourself in court!

He was on course na

DuBLINGreenb:
He was on course na

On course ke. Lol. Moot court lawyering.

LEGALAide:


On course ke. Lol.
Moot court lawyering.

I will become a judge and let this guy talk, he has been gathering words let him display.

DuBLINGreenb:

I will become a judge and let this guy talk, he has been gathering words let him display.

Lol. Issorite.

cc: (mention someone)

LEGALAide:


....speaking in a very strong Igbo intonation sef

This really got me laffin

I just dey imagine how the dude go dey pronounce the words .... That is enough to make one laf

LEGALAide:
THE SESQUIPEDALIAN LAWYER. (NON FICTION)

- www.facebook.com/LEGALAide



You've neither used nor seen the word 'courtsick' before now, right?
Well, that could be because it's fresh out of my 'laboratory'.

COURTSICK; ‹adj› /kɔːt sɪk/
experiencing a longing for the court during a period of absence from it.

I do sit in court, listening to counsel, even when I do not have a case in court - a great way to learn, I suppose.
So, some days ago, I walked into a courtroom which was literally brimming with lawyers. I took a minute to 'study' the cause list - a contrivance that helps me determine what kind of matters are before the court and whether staying in that court would be worthwhile.
The court was already chock-full of lawyers so I managed to bag a seat somewhere at the back. Almost immediately, the judge stepped in, and we were all on our feet in deference to the court.

You must have seen a couple of legal movies ( the last one I saw before writing this was the 2016 movie: The Whole Truth, starring Keanu Reeves) and have observed that the actors (lawyers in the movies) who are oft feisty, do not spend time in court before their cases are called.
It's only a movie you know.
In real life, we do spend give or take, five hours in court idling away, before our cases are called.

No sooner had we resumed our seats than the first case was called.
Counsel announced their appearances, and, after that, we did not expect the drama that followed.

It was a little after nine. The courtroom was a bit drafty so I volunteered to shut some of the windows within my reach to keep the draft out.

The defence counsel was on his feet. He informed the court that he had a motion he wanted to move, so, without further ado, he began to perorate:

( THE FOLLOWING ARE NO EXAGGERATIONS. LISTEN TO COUNSEL AS HE MOVES HIS MOTION! )


COUNSEL: My Lord, it is my desire to proceed to move this motion subject of course to My Lord's benevolence and magnanimity.

JUDGE: (nods)

COUNSEL: Without mincing words, before Your Lordship is a motion on notice dated the 2nd day of November 2015 and filed on the 9th day of May 2016. The said motion is hitherto brought in consonance with Order 44 Rule 4 of the Rules of this esteemed court and under the immanent powers of this court.

JUDGE: (pauses, looks at counsel, resumes writing)

COUNSEL: My Lord, our prayers are visible on the face of the motion paper and as such, we do not intend to inundate the court with much work.

JUDGE: (Puts on a derisive smile)

COUNSEL: (Now beaming with braggadocio) My Lord, we have equally juxtaposed our motion with our written address, wherein we, without equivocation, distilled several issues and argued same seriatim and we hereby adopt same as our argument in support of our motion and implore My Lord to graciously peruse same and uphold the cause of justice by granting our prayers as contained herein.

JUDGE: You see, counsel, you're not addressing the court like a lawyer - and it is obvious you need to start learning how to do so. The court is not a political forum or some kind of gathering for fun. All those otiose lines and gibberish are not meant for the court. You seem to have abandoned the affidavit in support of your motion because you preferred to entertain the court. Counsel, you must have realised that this is not a moot court where law students are at liberty to use words as they choose.
Counsel may wish to readopt his written address - I do not have any thing on record!

THE END

I was expecting to see big grammars as u ve said but dey re day to day words used by lawyers just dat der was a lil bit derivation from d conservative court language. ...just infinitesimal just because he omitted his affidavit in support of his motion on notice made d judge pounce on him nd d judge is very friendly u cant even go far wit sum judges who I womt name

lol