First Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'


The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Bob, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Bob had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Bob is dead!'



The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned! with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'


The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and
a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied,

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

The 3rd and 6th are my favs the rest are nice to

Too long but anyhow u try sha poster

nice one

Good jokes. Makes me

joke 3 and 6 makes me hahahaha

thanks poster.
u made ma d-a-y

;d

like it

lmao
more fls

Lol

[color=#990000][/color]hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,
so funny

Hahaaha. Ilove this jokes

isadk77:

Hahaaha. Ilove this jokes

kenny more jokes we need

i for like d 7th affair pass

u don dey spoil o

ahhhh!!finally a joke to make me laff keep it coming poster.

surprised keeny's got jokes even tho i'm eating and keeping a str8 face.

lysaa:

surprised keeny's got jokes even tho i'm eating and keeping a str8 face.

straight face indeed///

[center] [/center]
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

[center] [/center]
A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road.

They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"

Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."

She asks, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Hold its nose."


[center]About men and women [/center]
1. A man will pay for a item he wants. A woman will pay for a item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
and after marriage.


[center]NIGHT SHIFT [/center]
A man returned home
from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the Hot husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.

Later, he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.

"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We just made love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"

lol at the 4th and 6th affairs. I've read the other ones

Kenny_G:

straight face indeed///

but seriously. .

hilariousssss.
i nor fit shout ohhhh

Then shut up abi

3, 4, 5, 6 are very funny. But Kenny G, why your jokes dey dutty like this?

make i laugh for all, ahahahahahahah

@sutoboy: My brother, welcome to Nairaland, but na dutty joke you dey first read nii?

Him get choice?

KennyG

U de man!

He knows

Nice one dere, quite funny lmfao

*rolls eyes*