freecocoa:
There's always the other person's side to a story, but if your wife is giving you ultimatums and saying she's getting a boyfriend, then she's either crazy or you aren't saying exactly what happened.

LynnPetra:
She wants to get a boyfriend Ke?
Are you sure you are not cheating?
Just wondering the audacity to tell a husband that she is going to get a S e x partner.
Still wondering the correlation between the trouble ET home with getting a boyfriend though. Somebody isn't saying the truth.

Goldenboy007:
How successful are you being the breadwinner? I am not asking who the man of the house is but how much of the finances do you pick up? Is she contributing ? Has your economic power reduced ? How many kids do you have ? Answer these truthfully and I will know what to say.

Dyt:
Do you mean your wife borrowed clothes to wear?

NotOfThis:
Based on your posts in this thread, you seem like a calm, gentleman. Kudos to you for not cheating on her and not wanting to either.

It's a disrespectful to you that she goes against your simple wishes in the home, like not having her friend sleeping over w/o first discussing it with you. I can see why it would make you feel bad when you tell her not to do something only for her to turn around to do the opposite. Sometimes people will treat you a certain way b/c they know they can get away with it, it's as simple as that.

If all these started recently then there's a reason behind it. Try and communicate with her. Your silent treatment isn't a bad idea for cooling off when you feel angry but don't overdo it by going for hours or days w/o talking to each other like husband and wife.


.

Richy4:
Bro you are out of courtship and honeymoon.....what you are into now is marriage. I took time to read what you have written and to be honest with you, that's what basically scares me in Marriage..

Those characters you mentioned has always been there but you chose to look at it through rose coloured glasses..And you act like you missed it from the beginning ..Some people are prone to be selfish in life but you caught a bigger fish that has stubbornness garnished to it...

I like the fact that you do not want a broken home..All you need is keep the communication going,be patient and try create an atmosphere at home that will be conducive for the kids...Shouting matches should be done at close door....not in front of kids..

kimbra:
I feel her stubbornness in not telling you before agreeing to her friend spending days in your house is simply because you also keep things to yourself. So she says to herself "He thinks he could do anything without consulting me and get away with it".

Since you know you have a problem, why not try in dealing with it first. She said she wants you back the way you were before, you would have to make out time to have a peaceful dialogue with her were voices won't be raised at each other and she'll tell you what she expects of you.

There's an underlying tone to her stubbornness you'll need to find out.

nairalandbuzz:


To the stubborn part, I got to know after marriage that it is in the blood but I have tried to put mine under reins as an Ondo boy. But nevertheless, I still manage the stubborn part and love her for whom she is... I just need her to know her place... to stop denying my orders requests. Really, she is a great wife and she tries a lot at home but the surrendering part is where I would like her to work on... I have tried conveying the message but I noticed that if you complain, she flares up.... even when her friends came visiting one time and one of them complained about how she did something, she was so annoyed and I was like... they might be making sense even if it is nonsense... So ...


You mentioned I should deal with mine? The only I believe I have to deal with is this silent treatment which gets triggered by her actions... now please ask me again

nairalandbuzz:


Thanks... So I should keep the communication going while I pass through this from time to time?

sexymoma:
Nonsense!!
it's obvious she knows your weak point emotionally
"You don't talk"
bros make i advice you, anytime she shouts, shout back at her, fear go grip am.. walai she go cry that day "My husband has never shouted at me" Hyme 77, House wives hyme book.
show her the other part of you which i know you have, buh you are jos reserving it.
this lady needs to be put in place, imagine telling you she'll find another man
who wan marray after 2.. she s not serious, single lady sef norver see man
inshrt, i'll tell you she needs to be handled with an iron hand.
It's obvious she s acting like a boss in the marriage, make her understand you guys are in it together.
abi dem march make una ni?

Richy4:



Bro you mentioned that you do not want a broken home. so the deal will be

<<Keep reminding her of what danger she is putting your marriage and relationship through..That's what I meant by communication...She was not supposed to bring a female friend home..A predator husband might capitalize on that.. But she's so lucky she got you..

You sound to me like a good guy and any good reader could notice a write up written straight from the heart....There's something called cross bearing....and it is unfortunate that what you have to bear is a stubborn wife....I am not gonna mention selfish because a lot of people both men and women got that character...they only think about me and myself....

I am not a believer of involving third party but if you feel that you should, then her mother or an elderly person you noticed she had some regard and respect can help.....But there are certain things you can bear...If you feel that you can't bro, life is too short...Get a cool off period from the marriage for a while so that both of you can rethink...

SirVintageCock:
She is deliberately making you to forgo your silent treatment. You know....like making you crawl out of your woodwork. She knows what she is doing. Very calculative.

You are annoyed that you no longer have the upper hand... as she's gonna frustrate the silent treatment out of you.

nairalandbuzz:


Really, ain't annoyed I don't have upper Hand... Just know your place is the epistle I am trying to.sing into her ears

sexymoma:
Nonsense!!
it's obvious she knows your weak point emotionally
"You don't talk"
bros make i advice you, anytime she shouts, shout back at her, fear go grip am.. walai she go cry that day "My husband has never shouted at me" Hyme 77, House wives hyme book.
show her the other part of you which i know you have, buh you are jos reserving it.
this lady needs to be put in place, imagine telling you she'll find another man
who wan marray after 2.. she s not serious, single lady sef norver see man
inshrt, i'll tell you she needs to be handled with an iron hand.
It's obvious she s acting like a boss in the marriage, make her understand you guys are in it together.
abi dem march make una ni?

Ujoan:
I just can't handle a man with so many rules.

She's your wife for God's sakes, not your 12 YO daughter.

SirVintageCock:
and what's her place? You running her life like her father or boss or something?

Ujoan:
I just can't handle a man with so many rules.

She's your wife for God's sakes, not your 12 YO daughter.

Ioannes:
I'm ready to bet that somebody or some people are whispering in her ears, telling her what to do.

If this is the case then I'm afraid if she doesn't make an almost irreparable damage to her marriage she may not recover her sense.

Communication is key though. Remember you're both partners, so if you're tempted to use a tone of voice on her her that would be better suited for junior, then it'd be best to rephrase both your language and the attitude.

All in all, I don't want to believe that she wants to scatter her marriage.

Sit her down and have a heart to heart. Acknowledge your own shortcomings and let her know hers too.

Don't expect her to change overnight, but keep trying. Above all shower her with utmost love. If you're doing that already, well then increase the dosage.

All the best in your marriage.

Richy4:


I am just wondering what the rule was....He made a request that she should stop bringing female friends whom might be probably single to pass the night in their matrimonial home...was that the rule?

Or was it Please do not go to so and so place I am not comfortable with it..... was that what was so difficult to handle?
Doesn't relationship involve compromise and sacrifice?

Assuming he goes down with any of the ladies she has been bringing into the house due to the temptation and lack of self control some men got, most ladies will start writing an unprintable things about men but forgot that they were indeed the architect of their misfortune...Simple request was now a big rule to difficult to handle

nairalandbuzz:




What are these ones saying? Did you read my full post and replies at all?




See I have tried in making her change but as said earlier, she takes the advice from outside as #1 priority. One of her single colleagues told her one time that "You better sit up else I will collect your husband from you".

Its not the communication that is the issue, but what she will make out of it. I see through her waiting for me to tell her her mistakes which she already knew before hand... Imagine going since.morning, coming back and noticing your.husband is angry, are you not supposed to trace your steps back? But if the seats were to be exchanged, she will say I don't understand her... I am not reading her.... I should have done this... Done that

Well, I am thinking the best is to settle this and start living life as if she's not there so the end game that I so much fear won't catch up with me unexpectedly... It's time I pick up my double agent cloak and give her all she wants to hear while I keep my heart with all diligence and I expect her to do same because she is reading the posts. Painful but candid... We might be needing the break afterall

Ujoan:


I believe the lady is an adult and capable of making the right decisions for herself and her home. Did he give any reasons here why she shouldn't have friends over? Apart from the fact that he's just doesn't like the idea. It's her home too and she reserves the right to invite her guests whenever she likes, without having someone telling her not to.

Most people are not comfortable with what their spouses do, but they don't martial out rules and regulations, they present their case in a meaningful way and hope the other party reasons with them. The way I see it, I can go wherever I like, whenever I like, as far as it doesn't endanger my life and that of my family. If my spouse, for some reason thinks I shouldn't, then I need a good reason, thought out objectively. Not an order to cease and desist! And even then, I reserve the right to make my own choice, because I'm an ADULT who is not in PRISON!

Or do you think a lady should 'sacrific' her friends to Please husband? Is that what you would call 'compromise'? The real question here is, why does she have to? I understand i have to make sacrifices but not for something as harmless as this. It just isn't worth the attention the OP is demanding for it. This just shows he could be a bit controlling.

Also, if he sleeps with any of her friends because she invited them for a visit, then that's on him not her. I can't imagine telling my friends (single or married) not to come visiting because my husband 'banned' it. It's so degrading and belittling!

Marriage is a partnership and if truly your spouse is your partner, you'd find the idea that you have to give her 'directives' a bit odd.