My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. - Family - Nairaland
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| My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 9:56am On Jan 11, 2011 |
Ok so first of all,this isn't about me. I don't even date,much less sleep with people. The only way i'd get pregnant would be through an immaculate conception or something. So this isn't about me;it's really about my friend. She's not my best friend but we're pretty close,and a few days ago she told me something pretty major-that she was pregnant,and i don't really know how to handle it. We both finished sec school this year,oops,last year(i'm still getting used to 2011),we both made Jamb and Waec,we both got into the same Uni. It was supposed to be me and her all the way to final year. That was the plan,and now she just gets herself pregnant? She was asking me for advice. What the heck was i supposed to say? I couldn't tell her to get rid of it-Abortion goes against everything i believe in,who i am as a person. And am i supposed to tell her to keep it? We're just 17!(ok well i still have a few months to go,but you get the point). I knew she had a boyfriend and i was okay with that;i don't judge-just because i don't date doesn't mean someone else shouldn't. But this pregnancy thing is a whole different ball game. She said he was her first,and that it wasn't planned-she went to his place,they were making out,she got carried away and it just happened. I was so dissapointed and confused,and at this point,i don't even know what to do. I can't just ignore her,but i can't hold her hand when she gets an abortion either. Things are just really awkward between us-like her pregnancy is this big rock that's obstructing the flow of the river of our friendship. What should i do? P.s-Sorry for the long post. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by likeme(m): 11:55am On Jan 11, 2011 |
at age 17? Chei, that boyfriend is wicked o |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 12:07pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
likeme:He was her first and she said they only did it once. It wasn't planned. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by LordReed(m): 12:15pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
First off u need to get ur head around this matter and accept her in her present state just as u did wen she was just dating and u weren't. Now she's pregnant n u aren't but she still d human being u were friends with her pregnancy doesn't change that. Once u've done this d next part will be easier. Sit her down n tell her u still love her as ur friend n dat while u will neva advise her to get an abortion u will help her thorugh any decision she makes because as u know it is still her decision to make. Just as it was her's to make wen she was with her BF. Another thing u might help her with is telling her mum. I don't know wat kind of mum she has but most mum's I know afta 'raking' will calm down n get practical, so I say it is an option worth considering though I know she'll be absolutely scared of doing dat. PS: Hope ur dad didn't see this on ur phone lol |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 12:21pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@Lord Reed,her mom? Ke? Her mom's the type that will pack her things and tell her to go to the man who impregnated her. And my dad's staying away from my phone for now. . Hehe. . Imagine what he'd do if he found out i have a friend who's sooo bad she got preggers. . He knows her parents oh! He'd prolly report her. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Phate07(m): 12:35pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
She should keep the child and let the father be responsible for the child's upkeep. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 12:42pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Phate07:She doesn't even like kids. How could she possibly take care of one? Or are you saying she should have the baby and then give it to the boy? But what's gonna happen to school? |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by LordReed(m): 12:46pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Even if she does she'll still have to get practical. Anyways just help her all u can. Don't sweat it. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 12:51pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Lord_Reed:I shouldn't have to deal with this. I should be helping her with notes she didn't copy or a math problem she doesn't understand,or buying clothes for school,NOT dealing with a baby. I'm soooo angry with her! Even if she had to sleep with him,how could she not have protected herself in this day and age? How could she be so s.tupid? Aaargh! She hasn't told anybody,not her mom or her sister,just the boy. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by pinkylady1(f): 12:57pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
^^^^ and what is he saying?  |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Phate07(m): 12:59pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Well, its just that she has only two choices: either she gives birth or she aborts the child. And giving birth just seems to be the most morally acceptable option. Atreides: |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Phate07(m): 1:04pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
As for school, she can continue her education after giving birth. And she always donate the child to foster parents or even a motherless babies home. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by nikkyali(f): 1:06pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Friendship is not only about good t imes, if dis girl is ur bff den u have to get over ur issues and be there for her, because she is scared and desperate right now and she needs you right now |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by ekoboy: 1:12pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Don't make this your matter. Like someone adviced, she has to tell the mum. There is no easy way out of this, but if anybody has to be involved and advice her, it has to be her mum. Mums are the same, will help her (i.e after raking and crying for a few days), they are also good at hiding stuff from the Dad, so she rest assured her Dad would not have to know. So if you have to advise her, let her tell the mum. Meanwhile mum has a few options. like (1) make sure she stays in school for the last few months of her pregnancy, so nobody knows. Give birth to baby and give away. (2)Gently bring the daddy and get the boys family involved. (3) Look for a good hospital have abortion  . Well its not even in your place to advise,so no need for all these. Just make her tell her mum and go back to school. And also make sure you learn a lesson from this, because you are certainly going to have temptations. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by beebaybee(f): 1:16pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
she gats to keep d pregnancy, so nt let her get an abortion, dis mite be her only change to ever get a baby. end of!! |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 1:30pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
pinky lady:Well she said he was scared,and then he told her that he would stand by whatever decision she made. That sounds very nice and noble and everything,but he hasn't really committed to any course of action. She's looking for someone to tell her what to do,and i don't think i can be that person. She didn't ask for my advice before she started sleeping with someone(you should've seen the way she was saying she did it only once,as if once is not enough). She didn't ask for my advice before she went and got herself pregnant so i don't see why she should be asking my advice now. This shouldn't be my problem. She wants me to promise not to tell anyone. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by delicious1(m): 1:41pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Tricky situation. It might change your friendship with her forever-but still you need to be there for her, as much as you can. And also, for her sake you would need to involve an adult in this. Because if complications arise later on- you don't want to be in the eye of the storm. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by LordReed(m): 1:47pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Atreides: U are correct to say this, she got herself into this so she has to dig herself out but u got to b there for her no matter how angry u are. Tell her u are angry with her so dat she'll understand dat ur understanding is not an endorsement of her behaviour. u really can't promise not to tell anyone (u already are telling us lol) cos like some1 pointed out complications may arise n an adult may need to be informed. Girl just do ur best for ur friend. Those math notes will still be there if u gals handle this well. How old is the guy in question? He sounds young too. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 1:55pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@Lord_Reed,he's 19-ish. And yeah,i was really pissed off. I still am. Infact,when she told me i'm sure my jaw must've hit the floor. I kinda zoned out after that-we didn't really talk for a bit-i was still absorbing the whole thing. P.s-I've finished the first Dune book. Can i just say,i want to be a BG  They rock!!! |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by sirabbey(m): 2:11pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Hey Atreides, forget about being right or righteous for now and do the needful. stand by your friend. By Standing i mean offer practical help like discouraging abortion, encourage and perhaps follow her to break the news to her parents. The good news is that nobody get expelled from the university for getting pregnant (unlike in secondary school) so she can continue her education without interruption with your assistance in and out of class. Agreed your friend was naive and silly, but this is the opportunity to show how dependable a friend you are. Another Obama might be on the way, so treat your friend's pregnancy with some respect. Cheers. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by iice(f): 2:22pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Had the same experience with a friend. While i'm usually the 'bad girl' and her the 'good girl'. . .she went and got herself preggars. I was shocked at first but i quickly recovered. She didn't need my help, she just wanted me to know. We have a supportive group of friends, so we still love her and are there for her. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by 190: 2:24pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Atreides you really didnt have to defend yourself so much saying it waznt you, you really made it look you're trying 2 hide something you know,  there aint noting wrong in getting pregnant, people do it here all the tyme |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 2:31pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
190:When people make posts about their 'friends',a lot of other people usually think they're talking about themselves. I wanted to make it very clear that this wasn't about me because if people think it's about me then they wouldn't give me the kinda advice i wanted. iice:I know being a friend means being there and being supportive,and that's all well and good in theory,but in reality,it's verrydifferent/a lot harder. Besides no matter how good a friend i am,i don't think i can be supportive of abortion. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by 190: 2:37pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Atreides: Sorry to derail your post but if people knew u were the one in this case they would clearly have advised you more, Nway good luck to |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 2:46pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@190,if i'd left it at my friend,a lot of people would've automatically assumed it was me. Even after specifically clarifying the issue,some people still think it's me. I don't need advice on what to do about the pregnancy because i don't have a bun in my oven. I need advice on how to treat her,and how to get over my disappointment/confusion/anger with what's she's done and deal with the situation constructively. If you want to think it's me though,that's okay. You have my blessing. .  |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Nobody: 2:56pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Getting pregnant is not the end of the world.U need to come down from your moral highground and step into her shoes she is confused and needs support the deed is already done.Mistake already made. advice her to tell her mum and keep the baby.her parents can help raise it until she is capable.She may want to take the abortion way out but let her know it is the wrong way out. If she follows through with this advice the road ahead is going to be really rough (the shame,the embarrasment,the mistakeness of the situation and a host of other things) she needs your support. Remember friendship is not for only the good times but the bad times as well it"s going to test the true strength of your character. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by iice(f): 3:00pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Atreides: People make it harder than it is. We complicate things that should be easy. It's not being a 'good' friend or not (most people aren't even friends much less aiming for 'good'). It's being someone in another person's life. I didn't read through your other replies, but did you tell her your stand? If you did, it's up to her to make her final decision because it's her life and not yours. If it strains your relationship, it's your decision. . .it's simple. Anyway i believe people come and go in our lives. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by ifyalways(f): 4:22pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@OP,i hope by morrow u have gotten over ur anger . . .and disappointments. She has made choices for herself already by getting herself preggie,NOW,all you need do as a friend is to be there for her and stand by her through other decisions shes going to make. However,if u cant deal with her getting herself knocked-up,cant stand her anymore . . .Tell her and kill whats left of the relationship. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Nobody: 4:37pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@ OP I still don't know how your friend being pregnant affects you. Shebi na she go carry the pregnancy na? |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Atreides(f): 4:44pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
Ujujoan:It affects me because she wants me to tell her what to do. It affects me because she wants me to keep it a secret. It affects me because i have to see her mom very often and i don't know how to look her in the eye knowing what i know. It affects me because by getting knocked up she's destroyed an ideal. And mostly because as much as i want to shrug it off(afterall,it's her wahala),i have to deal with her. I can't just ignore her/cut her out. She's looking for someone to tell her what to do and i'm not going to do that-i don't want anybody blaming me or saying 'i did what you told me to do' later on. |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Knight1(m): 4:50pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@poster you and her should tell either of your mums, preferably yours so she can convey it gently to her friend (if they are that close), meanwhile she should be prepared to lose one yr in school. let her defer or something and then prolly give up the baby for adoption and continue with her life!!! btw you write really well, hope u arent going to waste that talent on medicine or engr  |
| Re: My Friend Just Got Pregnant, Things Are Really Awkward Between Us And I Don't Know How To Treat Her. by Busta(f): 4:58pm On Jan 11, 2011 |
@ Poster, Since u guys are pretty close, you ahve to be there for her and support her in whatever decision she makes but at the same time, you have to draw a line. Do not, I repeat do not raise the issue of her going for an abortion. If that's what she wants to do, let her make that decision and if she wants to keep the baby, let her make that decision as well and respect it . . .afterall, you were not there when they were macking each other. She shld have been more careful like u said earlier but hey, the deed is done. Personally, I am pro choice on abortion but let her make that decision for herself since that is the way she made her bed. |
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