ireneblush:
even up till now it's still like a dream to me. the wedding is on 18th

Tell your parents first before telling your sister.

Benita27:
Possibly.
Secondly, no matter how much he hides this part of him from your sis, for the fact that he could attempt this with you means the guy has zero moral values and if your sis is sensitive enough she'll find out his escapades with other ladies. Since no one will believe you then it's best you ignore him. Good thing you didn't give in to his temptations.

The bold is very important. If she had given in to that Illegal advances , That would have been a permanent Stigma.

@op , Dont ever visit them again . Besides, I wonder why A man would still develop interest in another woman when His Lover already have all the feminine features desired in a woman. it boils down to greed OJUKOKORO .

Ishilove:

Tell your parents first before telling your sister.

Ishilove , Trust me its easier said than done regarding her telling her parent . there is a possibility of accusing her of trying to ruin Her Sisters Marriage , Where is the Evidence ?

Humans are creatures that sometimes allow Emotions to override logic . But if she has a tactical approach of telling this information , I support her telling their parent.

If you're debating telling your sister then the question is "what is your relationship with her like? What kind of person is she? Is she rational?" Would she think you seduced her fiance? Would she believe you are lying?

This story is like the movies, I expect a man like this would make the househelp his bedmate too. What if he brings your sister HIV through his wandering? Could you live with yourself afterwards? Or does your sister already suspect/know he's a philanderer and you just don't want to be the one to confirm it Or does your sister just want him as a sperm donor she can kick out later if she finds out he's cheating? In which case maybe it makes no difference whether you tell her or not at this point?

Assuming you and your sis have a normal, loving relationship and her plan is to live happily ever after in holy matrimony, the right thing to do is to tell the owner of the matter - your sister and no one else, not even your parents. If she is old enough to pursue marriage, I daresay she is old enough to decide what to do. Whether she leaves or stays should be her decision, not yours and not your parents. What if you tell them and they convince her to stay against her better judgement because the guy comes to feign repentance and they want to avoid the "disgrace" of a cancelled wedding date? What if you don't tell, the guy goes to tell her you tried to seduce him or what if he keeps trying to sleep with you even after the wedding?

Some peeps saying she should tell the sister. Or she should have screamed. Am not sure u guys were really in love with whomever u are with. Sorry am coming in harsh but it's true.
Look at this scenario, op sister has had bad lucks in her relationships with men before. This guy is the only guy that looks perfect in her eyes. Everyone loves him. Her sister is inlove! And about to get married in 3weeks time. Date, venue ,invitation cards have been given out. Event planners and caterers have already some money. But the bottom line is her sister is getting married to an angel who has made her forget about her painful exs.
It's not easy telling such a lady her fiance, the man she's inlove with is a flirt or wants to rape her. Everyone will see her as the black sheep and make think she's jealous of her sister.
We women don't listen when we are about to get married.. It takes the grace of God.

She should just avoid the husband to be.. Avoid getting close to him or even antigen. Of contact just be aborted.

Let her sister find out who she's marrying by herself.. Orelse it's pure waste of time telling her.
Who knows the husband might change after many years of marriage and become a good guy.
Who knows?
Let them marry jare.. If not the sister will hate her forever



My bosom friend introduced me to her fiance. Very cute guy with a good job and he's a single dad with 2kids. The guy comes from a state of origin where most men belittle lazy wives and men in that region wants to marry a quiet humble wife that will one day become Like alakija. It's a pride for the men. Unknown to this type of men, it's hard to change a woman. If a woman is laid back just accept her like that. If she's hardworking, accept her like that too. So my friend is laid back and the husband realised he couldn't change her, thinking insulting her everyday will make her change but alas hes just worsening the whole scenario. Lol

She then asked me one day after crying and complaining about the huge mistake she made marrying the man. She said but Alexis, my husband is from your state. Is that how men behave there? I sighed, looked at her tear filled eyes and I nod my head sadly and i said yes.
She screamed why didn't u say something that this marriage won't work when I introduced u guys! You know my kind of person, but why didn't u give me a hint about him!
I say ha! Me ke? What do u expect me to say? Both of u look happy together. And u were about getting married to him. What will I say that u will listen? U won't listen jare. Instead u will say am jealous of u. Abi I lie?
She sighed and said its true... So abeg babes, let's leave matter jare, just manage him and try understand him and by God's grace he will allow u breathe in peace in your home.. That's all I can say. Cause I won't advice u to divorce.
She then asked the husband's children why didn't they warn her their dad is so heartless lol.. She said the children said, their dad warned them to always keep shut around her and nobody should dare be close to her or say a word to her.. If not the eldest of the 2kids said, she was feeling sorry for her when she was dating her dad. Lol. But she can't say a word or warn her against her dad orelse her dad will beat hell out of her. Lol
She raised her hand on her head and said ye! She has entered.
God forgive me

So hope u guys can see?

Barristter07:


Ishilove , Trust me its easier said than done regarding her telling her parent . there is a possibility of accusing her of trying to ruin Her Sisters Marriage , Where is the Evidence ?

Humans are creatures that sometimes allow Emotions to override logic . But if she has a tactical approach of telling this information , I support her telling their parent.

Although you are right their parents know them better than us and may react differently from your conjecture,

With my siblings, I focus on what is for their own good and tell them. They will be angry at first, but they know I won't tell lies when it comes to them. With time they will face the real culprit and exit. I prefer the same. No one, I repeat, no one is allowed to mess with my siblings. Not even my parents. So you can be sure we will all fight the person.

Even if I was married for 25yrs and he did such to my siblings and they tell me, I will walk. If they tell my parents instead of coming to me, then me and that sibling will have a bigger problem.

Your spouse's siblings should be like your own siblings. You should love them like your own blood. And vice versa. If he can attempt to sleep with his own blood, then that guy will rape his girl children. He's not just mentally healthy and he lacks the ability to understand boundaries. Trust me this applies to every aspect of his life, your sister's desperation has made her ignore the signs. Tell her, if she decides to stay, she will carry her own cross and bear her own pain till she runs for her life eventually.

@Op

Amongst the advises given here which have you taken so far?

MMotimo:
If you're debating telling your sister then the question is "what is your relationship with her like? What kind of person is she? Is she rational?" Would she think you seduced her fiance? Would she believe you are lying?

This story is like the movies, I expect a man like this would make the househelp his bedmate too. What if he brings your sister HIV through his wandering? Could you live with yourself afterwards? Or does your sister already suspect/know he's a philanderer and you just don't want to be the one to confirm it Or does your sister just want him as a sperm donor she can kick out later if she finds out he's cheating? In which case maybe it makes no difference whether you tell her or not at this point?

Assuming you and your sis have a normal, loving relationship and her plan is to live happily ever after in holy matrimony, the right thing to do is to tell the owner of the matter - your sister and no one else, not even your parents. If she is old enough to pursue marriage, I daresay she is old enough to decide what to do. Whether she leaves or stays should be her decision, not yours and not your parents. What if you tell them and they convince her to stay against her better judgement because the guy comes to feign repentance and they want to avoid the "disgrace" of a cancelled wedding date? What if you don't tell, the guy goes to tell her you tried to seduce him or what if he keeps trying to sleep with you even after the wedding?

I have a very good relationship with my sister, we discuss so many things freely, she's 3years older than me. please can you tell me how to start the conversation if you are in my shoes. just tell me how I will explain it to her. Note she's hypertensive. am waiting to hear from you, I need to free my mind.

ireneblush:
I have a very good relationship with my sister, we discuss so many things freely, she's 3years older than me. please can you tell me how to start the conversation if you are in my shoes. just tell me how I will explain it to her. Note she's hypertensive. am waiting to hear from you, I need to free my mind.

Dammit Irene, not your sister...talk to your parents..I'm getting angry with you now....she is hypertensive...well, she might get worse if she finds out the kind of person her fiance turned husband is later on...the earlier the better...you are wasting time!

Mznaett:
@Op

Amongst the advises given here which have you taken so far?

i have been crying like am stupid. My SIS is hypertensive,she has had a relationship of 7years crash two months to the wedding. I just don't want to be the carrier of bad news. just last week my elder brother asked me if am a lesbian. I just want to remove my mind.

ireneblush:
I have a very good relationship with my sister, we discuss so many things freely, she's 3years older than me. please can you tell me how to start the conversation if you are in my shoes. just tell me how I will explain it to her. Note she's hypertensive. am waiting to hear from you, I need to free my mind.

Because she is hypertensive, the issue has to be handled even more delicately but all the more reason why she needs to know because it would be worse for her to find out after the wedding. Most people with well managed high blood pressure (on regular, effective medication) will not drop dead because of bad news. I'm not sure how bad her blood pressure is and since I expect you both to be young ladies, I will presume that her BP is well managed. My comments below are based on that presumption. If it is not well managed, then I would recommend, against my better judgment, that you inform your parents.

When delivering bad news, I try to set the expectation, eg " Something really bad happened. I have to tell you because you are my sister, I love you, and if the tables were turned, I would expect you to do the same." Most people automatically think the worst so the actual news is not as earth shattering as it would ordinarily sound.

Narrate the incident to her and immediately make it clear that you will support whatever decision she decides on - leave or stay. It is very important to make sure she understands this is all about her, not about you. Your informing her is not to exact revenge on the guy. You are telling her because she deserves to know and because you would expect the same from her if the tables were turned.

You should emphasize that you are not asking her to stay or leave, that is her decision alone. It cannot be a shared burden because you will still go on to live your own life. Let it not be that if she leaves, God forbid, 10 years down the road, there would be bitterness because "you chased away her fiance and here you are, enjoying your own husband and kids" That is why it's so important she takes responsibility for whatever she decides because she cannot come back and lay it on you in the future.

Bottomline is women marry cheating men everyday, he's not the first and he won't be the last. She may weigh the pros and cons and decide to go ahead with the wedding - that is her perogative and you'll have to respect her decision while managing your own relationship with the guy. The important thing is you did the right thing.

From your account, the guy was pretty decent. Maybe he was intoxicated, desperate, just demonstrating bad judgement. . . . and maybe not. Frankly, I don't think any excuse is good enough you probably agree with me but it's still not your place to decide what happens now. If she decides to keep him, let her know she can trust you not to tell another soul, respect her privacy and dignity. That way, she's not wondering who else knows and that is not playing into her decision. Because of the 7 year old relationship in the past, she might be more accommodating of this behavior, be prepared for that.

If, after everything you tell her, she insists on getting your advice on what to do; do some serious soul searching and tell her what you would do if you were her in every sense (health, age, prospects, set wedding date, past relationships, looks, etc).

Lastly, have no guilt about this situation. It is not your fault the guy forgot his commitment and behaved like a billy goat, the hypertension is not your fault, the 7 year relationship is not your fault, expecting decent behavior from an inlaw-to-be is not unreasonable. You are only playing the hand you have been dealt. For the kind of relationship you have with your sister, you owe it to her to at least notify her.

MMotimo:


Because she is hypertensive, the issue has to be handled even more delicately but all the more reason why she needs to know because it would be worse for her to find out after the wedding. Most people with well managed high blood pressure (on regular, effective medication) will not drop dead because of bad news. I'm not sure how bad her blood pressure is and since I expect you both to be young ladies, I will presume that her BP is well managed. My comments below are based on that presumption. If it is not well managed, then I would recommend, against my better judgment, that you inform your parents.

When delivering bad news, I try to set the expectation, eg " Something really bad happened. I have to tell you because you are my sister, I love you, and if the tables were turned, I would expect you to do the same." Most people automatically think the worst so the actual news is not as earth shattering as it would ordinarily sound.

Narrate the incident to her and immediately make it clear that you will support whatever decision she decides on - leave or stay. It is very important to make sure she understands this is all about her, not about you. Your informing her is not to exact revenge on the guy. You are telling her because she deserves to know and because you would expect the same from her if the tables were turned.

You should emphasize that you are not asking her to stay or leave, that is her decision alone. It cannot be a shared burden because you will still go on to live your own life. Let it not be that if she leaves, God forbid, 10 years down the road, there would be bitterness because "you chased away her fiance and here you are, enjoying your own husband and kids" That is why it's so important she takes responsibility for whatever she decides because she cannot come back and lay it on you in the future.

Bottomline is women marry cheating men everyday, he's not the first and he won't be the last. She may weigh the pros and cons and decide to go ahead with the wedding - that is her perogative and you'll have to respect her decision while managing your own relationship with the guy. The important thing is you did the right thing.

From your account, the guy was pretty decent. Maybe he was intoxicated, desperate, just demonstrating bad judgement. . . . and maybe not. Frankly, I don't think any excuse is good enough you probably agree with me but it's still not your place to decide what happens now. If she decides to keep him, let her know she can trust you not to tell another soul, respect her privacy and dignity. That way, she's not wondering who else knows and that is not playing into her decision. Because of the 7 year old relationship in the past, she might be more accommodating of this behavior, be prepared for that.

If, after everything you tell her, she insists on getting your advice on what to do; do some serious soul searching and tell her what you would do if you were her in every sense (health, age, prospects, set wedding date, past relationships, looks, etc).

Lastly, have no guilt about this situation. It is not your fault the guy forgot his commitment and behaved like a billy goat, the hypertension is not your fault, the 7 year relationship is not your fault, expecting decent behavior from an inlaw-to-be is not unreasonable. You are only playing the hand you have been dealt. For the kind of relationship you have with your sister, you owe it to her to at least notify her.

Thank you.

You need to tell your sister about what happened.

ireneblush:
i have been crying like am stupid. My SIS is hypertensive,she has had a relationship of 7years crash two months to the wedding. I just don't want to be the carrier of bad news. just last week my elder brother asked me if am a lesbian. I just want to remove my mind.

If that's the case then avoid that man as much as you can.
What prompted him to ask you such question btw?

Hello people,just this evening I finally told my parents and my sister of the incident that occurred with my would be brother in law. Everyone was around so I decided to free my mind. At first my sister laughed and said I should stop talking.that April fool is past,but when they saw that I was serious, mom started crying,saying that I want to scatter my sister's wedding,that why do I hate men. Dad told me that am lying,they where all furious like am mad. So I called my brother in law to be,i put the call on speaker and asked him why he wanted to rape me. He went ahead saying stuffs like "am sorry, it was the devil,please forgive me" Everyone was surprised. well my parents told my sister that the ball is in her court, that they will support her in any decision she takes. I feel a burden lifted, but then again I feel so bad because I actually think my sister is expecting.

ireneblush:
Hello people,just this evening I finally told my parents and my sister of the incident that occurred with my would be brother in law. Everyone was around so I decided to free my mind. At first my sister laughed and said I should stop talking.that April fool is past,but when they saw that I was serious, mom started crying,saying that I want to scatter my sister's wedding,that why do I hate men. Dad told me that am lying,they where all furious like am mad. So I called my brother in law to be,i put the call on speaker and asked him why he wanted to rape me. He went ahead saying stuffs like "am sorry, it was the devil,please forgive me" Everyone was surprised. well my parents told my sister that the ball is in her court, that they will support her in any decision she takes. I feel a burden lifted, but then again I feel so bad because I actually think my sister is expecting.

You did the right thing. It's now up to her to do what is best for her. The thing is that brother in law will never try that nonsense with you again or anyone in your family if she decides to go along with the wedding. You people already know him for who he is. In fact he may even run away out of shame and guilt of being exposed. Some people are wolves in sheep clothing and only come to destroy and divide.

Op, you've done well by informing the people that need to know, especially your sister.
I understand its a difficult time for your family, but the truth needed to be told.
Its funny how your parents and your sister refused to face the truth, and all said you're a liar. Good thing you put the phone on speaker, and he also fell for it, because he probably would have denied if he knew others were listening in.
Expect your sister to see you as an enemy of progress over the next couple of months or years. They may even say you seduced him. This is normal for people who are too scared to see the truth even if its staring them in the face. But who knows, she may be truly grateful you let her know.
Just avoid their home for now, as I know the wedding will probably still go on. But at least everyone now knows the man's true nature , and no one will be in for any surprises.
When she gives birth, don't go and stay there saying you're going to help her. At the same time, try to be there for her. Call her, and encourage her. Let her know she has your support. It goes a long way when one knows one's family is always there.

ireneblush:
Hello people,just this evening I finally told my parents and my sister of the incident that occurred with my would be brother in law. Everyone was around so I decided to free my mind. At first my sister laughed and said I should stop talking.that April fool is past,but when they saw that I was serious, mom started crying,saying that I want to scatter my sister's wedding,that why do I hate men. Dad told me that am lying,they where all furious like am mad. So I called my brother in law to be,i put the call on speaker and asked him why he wanted to rape me. He went ahead saying stuffs like "am sorry, it was the devil,please forgive me"Everyone was surprised. well my parents told my sister that the ball is in her court, that they will support her in any decision she takes. I feel a burden lifted, but then again I feel so bad because I actually think my sister is expecting.

I'm glad you've played your part well.
It's now left for your bigsis to decide on what to do

Please, inform your dad. They will start to observe him. He might have done that to someone close which you guys may not know. There is an adage that says "broken relationship is better than broken marriage". We should not force marriage. If you don't report now! that guy will do something worse. I hope you wontbregret later.
In your report you said he didnt even behaved as if something happened. If it was his first time, he would have called you to apologise that it was devil but for him not to have done that, hunnnnnn a bigger kasala is on the way. Go and write it down UNLESS you tell daddy. All the best.

Sorry I didn't even see that you have reported. Good decision. God bless you. You have saved your sister a lot of stress. Even if she goes ahead to marry the guy, she will know how to handle him. All the best.

ireneblush:
Hello people,just this evening I finally told my parents and my sister of the incident that occurred with my would be brother in law. Everyone was around so I decided to free my mind. At first my sister laughed and said I should stop talking.that April fool is past,but when they saw that I was serious, mom started crying,saying that I want to scatter my sister's wedding,that why do I hate men. Dad told me that am lying,they where all furious like am mad. So I called my brother in law to be,i put the call on speaker and asked him why he wanted to rape me. He went ahead saying stuffs like "am sorry, it was the devil,please forgive me" Everyone was surprised. well my parents told my sister that the ball is in her court, that they will support her in any decision she takes. I feel a burden lifted, but then again I feel so bad because I actually think my sister is expecting.

You did the right thing dear...don't regret anything...and please, if your sister decided to go ahead...try as much as possible to stay away from that home...he might still try to make a move in the future...either by lacing your drink or another way..just stay away.

ireneblush

Glad this worked out, you did right
To close this chapter I'd say delete your posts and ask mods to close this thread.
You wouldn't want others aside your nuclear family seeing this.

salsera:
ireneblush

Glad this worked out, you did right
To close this chapter I'd say delete your posts and ask mods to close this thread.
You wouldn't want others aside your nuclear family seeing this.

how can I delete my post? is it possible on Nl?

Sound like Nigerian movie .

Ireneblush
Go to all your posts, you will see a tab that says modify. Click it. Then delete what er you want and leave one letter e.g 'd' . Do that for all your posts. But posts that other people have quoted will still show.
Alternatively you can just deactivate that way no connection to your username.
Also you can ask a Mod to close the thread to comments. That way no further posts, Moderators can also remove posts if you let them know why..

salsera:
Ireneblush
Go to all your posts, you will see a tab that says modify. Click it. Then delete what er you want and leave one letter e.g 'd' . Do that for all your posts. But posts that other people have quoted will still show.
Alternatively you can just deactivate that way no connection to your username.
Also you can ask a Mod to close the thread to comments. That way no further posts, Moderators can also remove posts if you let them know why..

All right thanks

ireneblush:
All right thanks

Please don't delete your posts, this is so that people can learn from your experience. You can deactivate if you want but deleting your posts will not help others facing the same situation as yours.

salsera:
Ireneblush
Go to all your posts, you will see a tab that says modify. Click it. Then delete what er you want and leave one letter e.g 'd' . Do that for all your posts. But posts that other people have quoted will still show.
Alternatively you can just deactivate that way no connection to your username.
Also you can ask a Mod to close the thread to comments. That way no further posts, Moderators can also remove posts if you let them know why..

I don't understand why she should delete her post. It was informative. I was touched reading the whole post. I have never been so emotional.

Even as promiscuous as i am, I can never attempt to sleep my Fiance's sister. I rather go outside. It would surely result in him sleeping with his daughters in years to come, if he can look upon his Wife's sister with Lust.

I rarely comment on serious post, because i believe NL is for Jokes. But this post got me emotional.

ireneblush:
All right thanks

Please, don't delete your post. Please.

Your own duty is not to go there again. If he is responsible in all other areas, let it be for now. You might hav been dreaming. It might hav been d security man and not ur BIL. U dnt hav enough evidence to open d pandoras box. Confide in ur mom if u are sure u were not dreaming.

Chiquitq:
Your own duty is not to go there again. If he is responsible in all other areas, let it be for now. You might hav been dreaming. It might hav been d security man and not ur BIL. U dnt hav enough evidence to open d pandoras box. Confide in ur mom if u are sure u were not dreaming.

Jeez! you didn't have to insult me. you are actually implying that I have a medical condition of hallucination. And please next time critically read to comprehend a write-up and not just to comment. Anyways peace.