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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Get In And Laugh (1809 Views)
Check Out This Comedy And Laugh The Hell Out.. / World Best Funny Jokes - Read And Laugh / Funny Meme Come And Laugh Away Your Problems (no Ugly Girls Allowed) (2) (3) (4)
Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:04am On May 12, 2017 |
Below are collections of jokes to make you ''lol'' and crack your ribs add yours and let us make it lively I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”. The voice said “So what are you up to?”. I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”. From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”. The voice said, “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:07am On May 12, 2017 |
A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?"
"Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with
my younger brother, and he thinks we're
making sandwiches, so we have to have a
code. Cheese means faster and tomato
means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is
yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The
younger brother says, "Stop making
sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my
bed!" 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:09am On May 12, 2017 |
The class teacher asks students to name an
animal that begins with an E. One boy says:
“Elephant.” Then the teacher asks for an
animal that begins with a T. The same boys
says: “Two elephants.” The teacher sends
the boy out of the class for bad behaviuor.
After that she asks for an animal beginning
with M. The boy shouts from the other side
of the door: “Maybe an elephant!” 5 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:11am On May 12, 2017 |
Once my chinese friend was in the hospital.. before he died he said "something in chinese"''*******' And died.. i got really sad. So I decided to go to china and learn chinese. After 3 years of learning chinese.. turns out he told me to get my foot of the oxygen tube.. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:14am On May 12, 2017 |
2 years ago.. I stole a Lamborghini and drive
to castle gardens.. Then I killed 6 ppls for no
reason. Then I went to a club and triggered
a bomb and ran away.
Then I quit playing GTA.. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:15am On May 12, 2017 |
*1st daughter: "Dad, I am a lesbian".*
*Dad: "Oh okay !!"*
*2nd daughter: "I am a lesbian too..."*
*Dad: "Jesus Christ, does anyone in this
family love men?"*
*Son: "I do...".* 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:17am On May 12, 2017 |
A doctor asked a pregnant prostitute who
the father of her baby was. Her answer was:
Doctor, if you ate a can of beans, would you
know which one made you fart?... |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:20am On May 12, 2017 |
WHAT PART GOES FIRST
The Sunday School teacher was speaking to
her class one Sunday morning and she
asked the question, "When you die and go
to Heaven ... which part of your body goes
first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's
your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"
Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you
hold your hands together in front of you
and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!," the teacher
said.
Now, Little Johnny raised his hand and said,
"Teacher, I think it's your legs."
The teacher looked at him with the
strangest look on her face.
"Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be
your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into
Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other
night,
Mommy had her legs in the air and she was
shouting, 'God, I'm coming!'
And if Dad hadn't had her pinned down,
we'd a lost her for sure!!". 3 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:23am On May 12, 2017 |
3 WAYS To CATCH A TIGER. . .
1- Newton's Method = Allow the tiger to
catch you & catch the Tiger.
2- Einstein's Method = Chase the tiger until it
becomes tired, then catch it.
3- Police Method = Catch a cat and beat it
until it accepts its a tiger. 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:26am On May 12, 2017 |
I was in a job interview today. The
interviewing manager handed me his laptop
and said, "I want you to try and sell this to
me." So I put the laptop under my arm,
walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said,
"Bring it back here right now!" I said, "$200
and it's yours." |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:29am On May 12, 2017 |
Fat patient: Doctor, I desperately want to lose weight. Doctor: It's easy. Just keep shaking your head, left and right. Fat patient: All the time? Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food.. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:38am On May 12, 2017 |
Teacher : Why did you laugh? LeLe : I saw a strap of your bra. Teacher : Get out. No class for you for one week. Another boy laughs. Teacher : why did you laugh? Boy : I saw both straps. Teacher : Get out. No class for you for one month. She bends down to pick a chalk. Akpos started walking out of the class. Teacher: akpos! why are you walking out of my class? Akpos : With what i saw just now, i think my school days are over. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:40am On May 12, 2017 |
Today I went to the restaurant, the place
was full with couples, being Embarrassed to
be alone I took my phone and pretended to
call my friend and said, hi my friend your
husband is here with another woman
eating dinner, hmmmmm, you won't believe
10men walked out who are cheating... 2 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:44am On May 12, 2017 |
In class:
2 + 2 = 4 Homework: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8 Exam: John has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early. Calculate the mass of the sun. This is the main reason why i hate school |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:56am On May 12, 2017 |
Emeka was baptized and
dipped in water 3 times. At
the 3rd time the Pastor said:
"You are now baptized.
You are a new creation the old
one is gone. No more drinking of alcohol for
you. Your new name is
Jacob." Jacob went back home
and headed straight
for the fridge. He took a
Heineken,dipped it in water 3 times and
said:"You are
now a
new creation, the
old one is gone.
Your new name is Orange
Juice!!!.. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 12:57am On May 12, 2017 |
I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you
still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'.
What's the secret?" . OLD MAN: "I forgot her
name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask
her" |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:03am On May 12, 2017 |
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch." |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:08am On May 12, 2017 |
Teacher :how old is your father? kid:he's 6yrs Teacher :what. ..how& that possible? kid :he only became my father after I was born... (I want to adopt this kid ).. 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:10am On May 12, 2017 |
*In "Butabika Hospital" a journalist asks the
Doctor:* *How do you determine whether
to admit a mental patient or not to?* *Dr: "Well, we fill a bathtub with water and then give the patient;* (a). *a teaspoon,* (b). *a glass,* (c). *a bucket,* *and ask them to empty the bathtub."* *Journalist:* *"Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger."* *Dr: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!"* ........................................ 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:13am On May 12, 2017 |
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until . . . . the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral/Lessons: 1. Be kind to Animals. 2. Always keep your thoughts clean. 2 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:21am On May 12, 2017 |
My teachers asked me which one is heavier -
1 kg of iron ball or 1 kg of cotton ball. I told
him iron ball is heavier . But he didn't
agreed and told me both have same weight.
So I told him to hit me with 1 kg of cotton
ball and I will hit him with 1 kg of iron ball .
If both weights equal both will hurt equal .
My teacher left the job. 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:27am On May 12, 2017 |
Nigerian teachers will ask you to write an
essay about "A day you will never forget"
And later they will score you 05/40 as if they
were there that day
1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:31am On May 12, 2017 |
My Grandma took my cup of tea that i
mixed with codeine. Now she is taking selfie
with my calculator, so my parent are
thinking that its old age.
Should i tell them? |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:32am On May 12, 2017 |
CONFIDENCE is when a guy goes to the
medical store & asks for 20
condoms & he hears 2 girls behind him
giggling .... He turns around,
looks at them in the eyes and says, "Make it
22" !! |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:35am On May 12, 2017 |
An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined
with fruit trees.
One day he went there with a basket to get
fruits.
On reaching, he found some young ladies
swimming in the pond.
They went in deep water to shield
themselves n said: We wont come out until u
leave.
Old man: I'm not here to see u swim or to
get u out of the pond. I'm here just to feed
the Crocodile in the pond ! All the women
rushed Out. 2 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:41am On May 12, 2017 |
There was a commotion in Church when a
Pastor said " let's share grace". Sister Grace
flared up and shouted "Pastor! God punish u
eh...how can the whole Church share me?
Last night i couldn't handle you alone... and
now you want the whole Church to share
me! Pastor fainted |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:45am On May 12, 2017 |
Me: I want to marry you Her: do you smoke? Me: yes Her: how many packets of cigarettes do you smoke daily? Me: just one Her: how long have you been smoking? Me: for 25years now Her: what? A pack of cigarette costs 50cents, and since you've been smoking for 25years, it means you've spent $225,000 on cigarette, do you know that if you had been saving that amount everyday you could own a Lamborghini by now? Me: do you smoke? Her: No! Me: where's your Lamborghini? 1 Like |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:47am On May 12, 2017 |
A boy was in a taxi eating chocolate, then he
took another one. then a man next to him
said; Do u know that this will damage your
teeth, the boy replied;my grandfather lived
132 years; the man asked; was it because of
eating chocolate?; the boy replied: No , he
was always minding his own business...
2 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:53am On May 12, 2017 |
I once did a prank with my dad... One day he
was beating me so hard.. I fell down and
pretended to be dead.. He started crying
then I finished my drama and woke up.. He
started beating me again.. |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 1:57am On May 12, 2017 |
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My
husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am
the husband!'' 2 Likes |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 2:05am On May 12, 2017 |
A scientist is planning to make a br@ who will not show the n*pple of women when wet and stops the bre@st from bouncing when they are jogging do not panic guys we have killed the idiot... |
Re: Get In And Laugh by Punctual(m): 2:12am On May 12, 2017 |
At a wedding ceremony last Saturday, the
officiating minister asked if there was
anyone who had anything to say as regards
the union of the two...
Hell broke loose when a woman at the back
with a child started walking to the front
towards the couple, the church was dead
quiet and the bride fainted!
The minister asked whether she had
anything to say and she answered, "We
can't hear you at the back!" |
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